The Gema Shahadah Aisyah
The Road that Umar Chosen

Along the way home, accompanied by the hot sun Umar's mind increasingly felt wrinkled. His heart was sure to have chosen Aisyah especially after their meeting earlier. Even after they parted, the tremors were still there. A pleasant vibe that Umar had never felt before. What Umar thought about was how to tell Zaid his feelings and whether Aisyah could accept his feelings. Aisyah looks interested in Umar but Umar does not want to be too confident, Aisyah does not necessarily have the same feelings as him.

Umar did not immediately enter the gate, he stopped at the city park to smoke. Sheltering under a lush catapult tree makes it feel at home for a long time plus cigarette smoke that stifles the chest. Several times Umar breathed a heavy sigh, it turned out that love for creatures was so complicated. Maybe that's why Umar never fell in love.

After spending a cigarette, Umar got out of his chair and went back on his bike through the road to his residence.

Two of the santri opened the gate for Umar, thanking them for doing so without being asked. They were very understanding, suddenly something disturbed Umar's mind. Wasn't he born also to continue the boarding school even though Khalid now takes care of the students more. But Umar could not close his eyes and ignore them. He was born for it. Zaid must have thought about it before choosing a wife for Umar.

"What if Abah is disappointed?" Umar muttered to himself after getting off the bike and entering the house. Sweat drenched his back after driving under the hot sun.

"Some."

Umar stopped entering the room hearing Zaid's call, he approached his brother on the sofa in the middle room, not forgetting to kiss his back and palms.

"Why Bah?" Umar sat beside Zaid, he watched his serious face with curiosity.

"Ummi said lately you often daydream, Abah also saw yesterday you stayed a long time in the mosque, what is it?"

Umar was stunned to hear Zaid's question, he couldn't say there was nothing. Zaid would not believe it if Umar said that.

"Tell me." Zaid saw Umar's mouth open and then closed again as if hesitating to answer his question.

Umar gulped a few times, he had composed sentences all the way here but after meeting Zaid, the sentence disappeared instantly. Umar did not know where to start his sentence. He did not want to disappoint Zaid.

"Change" Umar's voice sounded trembling almost inaudibly. "Well, Umar was about to say something that would make Abah disappointed."

Zaid frowned, taking off the glasses that were almost always perched on his nose.

"Umar wants to cancel the matchmaking with Ning Hilya."

Zaid's face turned grim, his lips twitching with restraining emotions. Why suddenly want to cancel when before Umar himself said he would entrust everything to Zaid. It is impossible for them to cancel even though the wedding date has been determined.

"What's the reason?"

"Umar likes other girls."

After that, Zaid did not hear the answer, but the sound of a slap so loud. Umar fell to the floor, Zaid slapped a blow on Umar's cheek until the corner of his lips poured blood.

"What's up, Bah?" Maryam ran to hear a sound as Umar fell to the floor, trembling in panic at the sight of Umar looking down on the floor. "Why did Abah slap Umar, what's wrong Bah?"

Zaid nipped his forehead, he remained silent even though Maryam continued to flocked him with various questions. He also felt pain in the back of his hand as a result of hitting Umar too hard.

"I'm sorry Umar Bah." Umar held Zaid's leg down while Maryam kept asking what had happened to them.

Zaid turned his face reluctant to see Umar, he was very disappointed in the child. They planned the wedding so well. Not only Hilya, Umar will make Abizar and his entire family angry with the decision. They came from a distinguished family, how could Umar be rash in deciding something.

Maryam pulled Umar up and went to another room because he had no answer.

Now Maryam did not ask any more, she cleaned the wound on the corner of Umar's lips and applied medicine. Umar fell into Maryam's arms and cried.

Maryam patted Umar on the back to calm him down. Although he was 30 but Umar was still a child, he needed a mother's embrace. Mother is the most convenient place to shed tears besides the floor—where she prostrates.

"I'm sorry Umar, Ummi." Umar also apologized to Maryam because he would definitely make the ummi disappointed.

"Why should you apologize?" Mary asked softly.

"So Abah was very angry because Umar said he wanted to cancel my match with Ning Hilya."

Maryam was stunned, her hand that was on the back of Umar spontaneously fell.

Umar closed his eyes ready to receive the anger of the ummi as well. He said it, so there is no reason to be afraid. All this Umar must face.

But there was no anger that Umar heard, Maryam remained silent which actually made Umar more afraid.

Umar took off his embrace and looked at Maryam. He looked into Maryam's teary eyes. Of course Maryam was disappointed. Perhaps that was the reason why Umar often daydreamed after the sermon procession with Hilya. That was also the reason Umar was reluctant to come along when they bought the offer. Umar also did not want to exchange phone numbers with Hilya. Mary never thought that far. He thought Umar was just ashamed of never interacting with women before.

"Let Ummi hear the reason first."

Umar was a little relieved because Maryam was not immediately angry and was willing to hear his explanation.

"Are you not sure of Hilya from the beginning?"

Umar nodded,"I think as time went on, I could accept Ning Hilya anyway she was a good girl of morals and religion, she said, she's the perfect girl to be a wife but I'm afraid can't make Ning Hilya happy with this marriage when I love other girls."

Maryam let out a heavy sigh, as if she knew the girl Umar liked. Maryam had known that even since Umar had not noticed it.

"Love isn't the only reason to get married."

"Umar knew Ummi, but Umar's whole life would only feel guilty towards Hilya for not being able to treat him well."

"Your feelings will soon disappear after marrying Hilya." Actually Maryam will always support whatever Umar's decision but the situation is now different. Why did Umar say this after they had determined the date of the wedding.

"No Ummi." Umar shook his head, for the first time he had a wish. He wanted to marry the girl he loved.

"Who's the girl?"

"Dad."

Maryam was right, Umar liked Aisha. Maryam knew that when Umar was so excited when he told her about Aisyah.

"Then why did you accept that match?"

"Actually at that time Umar had not realized Umar's feelings towards Aisha let alone he had not embraced Islam." Umar had no reason to refuse at the time. He was too late to realize his feelings.

"Now it is too late for Umar, Abah will be disappointed even with the Hilya family when our relationship is always good before this."

"It's not too late for Ummi, Umar hasn't married her yet."

Maryam let out a heavy sigh again, this concerns two families. Abizar is Zaid's best friend, their relationship will not be as good as it used to be if Umar cancels the match.

"Please go to Kyai Abizar's house by yourself and tell me what you mean." Zaid's voice again surprised Umar and Maryam.

"Well Bah, Umar will go." Umar got up from his seat, he put on his helmet and grabbed the key. Don't forget to thank Zaid and Mary.

Zaid was glued to where he stood for a while, he thought Umar would not dare to meet Abizar let alone say it would cancel their match. Umar was a shy man, unexpectedly he just left after Zaid said that.

*******

Umar did not know where the energy in his body from until he could go on his motorbike to Lumajang which was hundreds of kilometers away. He did not even change his clothes that were soaked in sweat but was now dry in the wind.

Umar paused for a while at the mosque when he heard the sound of the Ashar Adhan. He complained to Allah that if Aisha was his match, Allah would ease his path. Umar no longer thought about whether Aisha would accept him. After praying, Umar only needed to leave everything to the Owner of Destiny.

He continued his journey through the city of Jember which borders Lumajang. He arrived at the Al-Islam boarding school right when the adzan magrib reverberated from the cottage mosque.

Umar feels refreshed after ablution, the journey from Banyuwangi is quite draining, especially with a motorbike. He got the rear shaf because the santri already filled the front.

"Lho Gus Umar." A person who recognized Umar said hello when they both came out of the mosque. "When's it coming?"

"Kyai Abizar hasn't come out yet, let me take him to ndalem."

"It's okay, I'll just wait here."

"Don't Gus, Gus Umar's time is left outside."

"It's okay, Mommy." Umar widened his smile, he just wanted to meet Abizar and not need to be treated special.

"In the meantime, Gus Umar will also be part of the Al-Islam boarding school, so do not be too shy."

Umar just smiled, he will not be part of this cottage.

"Do I need to be with you?"

"Thank you but I can wait for Kyai here myself."

"Well then, I'll excuse Assalamualaikum."

"Mosur." Umar sat on the terrace of the mosque while looking at the santri passing in front of him. The life of the students is beautiful, they not only learn but also serve. They are so obedient to kyai and put adab first. Not only world science, they get more science here.

Umar also felt santri at Nurul Jadid, adolescence until graduating S2 and went to Shanghai to guide the converts there. There was not much that Umar guided, only 8 people but Umar was quite difficult because of language differences. However it gave him a valuable experience, it meant that he could guide Aisyah as his wife.

"Gus Umar."

The voice broke Umar's daydream, he looked up and found Hilya in front of him.

"Assalamualaikum Gus." Hilya.

"Mosur." Umar replied, from where Hilya knew she was here.

"I was told Mas Riski that Gus Umar was here, why not come in?"

"I'm waiting for Kyai Abizar here."

"Let's wait at home."

Umar had no choice but to follow Hilya, he followed behind without saying anything. Umar felt more guilty after meeting Hilya but he still had to say it.

"Sir."

Hilya stopped hearing Umar calling her and turned around.

"I'll cancel our match."

Hilya was stunned, as she was electrocuted by the high voltage Hilya could not dwell on the spot where she stood. Why Umar suddenly wanted to cancel their match. They had agreed to continue. Or only Hilya agreed while Umar did not.

"What's the reason?" Hilya's voice sounded trembling, she held back her cries with all her might. His heart felt sliced, sore.

"I can't marry a girl I don't love."

Hilya sobbed, she could no longer hold back her crying let alone control herself.

Umar was about to say that Hilya deserved to marry the man who loved her, Hilya deserved a man who was much better than Umar. Hilya is a good girl who is contested by many men out there. But that sentence would only hurt Hilya more so Umar could only say that.

"Gus messing with me?"

"I apologize profusely but I have absolutely no intention of messing around with Ning Hilya, after thinking about it I could not hurt Ning Hilya more deeply should this matchmaking continue, I can't."

Seeing Umar's current appearance, he must be in a hurry to come here. Hilya turned her face away, did Umar not want her so much?

"Umar, let's go in." Amina appeared from behind the door. The conversation between Hilya and Umar had to stop afterwards. "Make tea for Umar." Her request.

Although shrouded in anger Hilya still obeyed his ummi orders making tea for Umar.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before coming." Umar sat cross-legged on a red carpet pad that stretched throughout the living room.

"It's okay, there must be something urgent because you suddenly came."

Hilya poured hot water on a glass that already contained two tablespoons of sugar and then dipped jasmine-scented tea. The smell of jasmine is always soothing when inhaling it deeply. But this time the scent did not succeed in comforting Hilya. Even to hold a tray it feels like Hilya can not afford.

Upon returning to the living room, Hilya finds that Abizar has returned from the mosque.

"Well, do you want some tea too?" Hilya placed the tea in front of Umar and two jars of cookies and dried wine.

"Not to." Reply Abizar.

Hilya was about to return to the kitchen but Aminah prevented him from hearing Umar's words any minute. It's gonna hurt even more.

Hilya thought everything would go smoothly after the sermon procession some time ago. One more step they will go to the temple but Umar suddenly wants to cancel it. Umar was Hilya's ideal husband type, he never thought of any other man except Umar. Hilya believed only Umar could be her husband, build a household and give birth to the sons of sholeh and sholehah. Now hope is extinct like dried leaves are falling and man cannot resist destiny. Hilya had no ability to do so.

"I'm sorry for coming unannounced." Umar only realized that he was still wearing the same clothes since this morning.

"That you called me earlier and said you'd come."

Umar did not expect that Zaid would call Abizar the stake of his arrival. Then did Zaid also tell the purpose of Umar coming here, it seems not because Abizar's expression looks calm.

"Something urgent you're about to say."

"True Kyai." This was very urgent for Umar because if he did not say it soon he might lose his courage.

"I'm about to undo my sermon with Ning Hilya."

Abizar and Aminah were shocked to hear Umar's words. They did not expect that the people would say that.

"I apologize profusely to Kyai and Nyai and Ning Hilya, I have absolutely no intention of messing around with Ning Hilya."

"What is Umar's reason?" Ask Aminah.

Umar kept his head down, it would be inappropriate if he told Aminah and Abizar the real reason.

"Say Umar." Urge Abizar again.

"Change," Hilya who had just lowered her head finally raised her voice, "Change, Ummi does not need to ask the reason for Gus Umar because Hilya already knows it."

"So you've known this before Hilya?" Aminah looked at Hilya, her eyes glazed over helplessly at Hilya's grief.

"This is also Hilya's fault because at that time Gus Umar did not want to continue our matchmaking but I insisted on continuing."

"It's entirely my fault." Timpal Umar. He again apologized to them many times even though it would not be able to treat Hilya's disappointment.

Hilya smiled bitterly, she did not care what Umar said. That won't change their situation. Umar would still cancel their proposal and marry another girl. Just imagine Hilya could not, he wanted to go far away where he did not hear the news of Umar.