The Love I Don't Miss
Part 5 ( POV Calina Agasta 4 )

The night after the funeral procession ended, I decided to stay at Mama's house. I had 2 days off from the office at the time.

My mom and I shared our grief. Our eyes are swollen due to tears that are still often sliding when remembering the moments of our togetherness.

' Pa, your departure has made me lose someone who keeps me motivated to live my miserable life... '

"You've your husband's permission, haven't you?"

"Already, Ma.." answered me origin.

After all I thought Mas Zio would never care if I was home or not. All this time every time I welcome him home from work he'll be indifferent to me.

But I never thought, when the clock showed me seven o'clock at night, a car I knew so well, parked in front of the house.

"Mas Zio..?" call me not to believe.

Mas Zio got out of the car, and approached me and Mama who were sitting on the porch.

"Why didn't you tell me that Papa Rudi died?" mas Zio asked me as he reached out to me and extended a hand for me to experience and kiss. "Papa Raihan and Mama told me. So I'm coming home from work straight here!" Mas Zio continued along with peeping a glance at my forehead.

I almost fainted for him. Mas Zio's acting is really good. In front of Mama he looks so attentive and kind to me. We talk like we are a happy couple.

"Sorry Mum!" answer me then. My tongue was choked due to the tasteless kiss given by Mas Zio, making me unable to get out other sentences.

Leaving that day, returning to the present, tomorrow is one year of our marriage. During that time I never got a beautiful smile Zio Alfaro sincerely. All the smiles he ever put on me were fake smiles. A beautiful drama smile that she made.

Every day I can only breathe heavily. Trying to strengthen myself and believing that my heart will be fine.

After work, I invited Mereen to go to the Mall. I want to give you our first Anniversary gift.

"I don't think he'll appreciate your gift." said Mereen.

"Come on, Mer. pray I can get my husband's justice!" my whine was smirked, as we walked around on the third floor of the mall.

"Yes.iya.." Mereen sighed in annoyance.

Mereen, my outspoken best friend. If you don't like it, you say you don't like it. Like this marriage. From the beginning he did not like it. I am grateful, even so until this moment he is still my best shoulder. To share the grievances. He never left me alone in grief.

Unfortunately, until now, he was not married.

We continued walking, until I found a branded watch shop. I stopped right in front of the store, and Mereen stopped.

Given the amount of my savings, I think I can afford to buy men's watches there.

Although it does not need me, but since the beginning of marriage Mas Zio always gave me more than enough shopping money. He gave me money to spend on my salary at the office every month. So that my salary is always intact and I can save.

"It looks like the watch fits!" muttered.

Mereen let out a long sigh, "Calina..Calina... You forgot how she treated your birthday present a few months ago?"

I was silent, recalling that moment. Where he received my gift with his left hand. Glancing at ki at a glance, as if underestimating my gift.

Without saying anything, Mas Zio actually passed with the sound of a mobile phone ringing in his pants pocket. He did bring a gift box with a gold ribbon to his room.

But two days later when I cleaned his room, the box just looked up at the nightstand near the sofa.

The ribbon strap still looks intact and neat. That box has never been opened.

Until a month later the box remained intact, in the same place. Not shifted one bit.

' Is it possible that Mas Zio did not glance at this box in the slightest? '

I muttered at that time. And that birthday gift box, it's still in the same place until yesterday the day after tomorrow. When I cleaned his room.

"God!" hentak Mereen nudged my arm.

I took a deep breath while looking at my friend's face bland.

"Maybe this time it's accepted!" I said confidently. Wouldn't it be better to be confident than discouraged.

I pulled Mereen to enter the watch shop. Although Mereen looks very lazy.

"Bak, man's watch!" I said to the stall guard.

"Please, over there" he replied kindly.

I walked to the left side of the store. Where's the men's watches lined up there. There are many options for models with varying prices.

After comparing several times, I finally found one that I thought was perfect for my husband.

"Here you go, mbak!" I said to the officer who guards.

"Please pay there, brother!"

"OK!"

I pulled out Mereen's hand that had followed me to the cashier's desk.

"Three million four hundred and sixty thousand, Brother!" said the female cashier.

I took from my wallet that money, and handed it to the cashier. While waiting for the watch to be wrapped up, my prank spread my vision all over the store until outside the store.

Until my pair of neutrals caught the gesture I knew so well. A pair of fun-looking men and women pick out the ill-gotten clothes, in a special lingerie store opposite a watch shop.

My heart jolted, scratched by an invisible knife, leaving it scratched but bloodless. Got him hurt without me knowing how to treat him.

My body froze, silent a thousand languages. I should also have felt the feeling of shopping for illicit clothes with my husband. To then tease each other and continue to combine love. Expressing love through a relationship is more than just a statement.

But who gets a wife like me?

Never once felt a soft and sincere touch. Never once got the attention of a husband.

Sometimes this self dreams of being able to replace Naura. But seeing Mas Zio who continued to patiently follow Naura's steps, made my dreams melt unceremoniously.

Maybe I'll feel this forever. Pretend - pretend barren. And sincerely accept the scorn of anyone who thinks I am barren because a year of marriage never get pregnant. My eyes glazed - glass. As hard as my heart can hold so as not to glide freely.

The smile of the man in the store that now they perfect is really - really want me to get. Even if it was just one night.

' Lord...didn't you want me to be happy like Naura Azalea? Being loved by Mas Zio is so deep... '

' This heart is broken, Lord. Even though they are lawful husband and wife, still this self is destroyed... '

Innervish.

"Alright, Cal! don't look at it!" mereen's voice broke my daydream.

Along with Mereen's voice, my tears just slid. One drop that means how deep my wound is. I removed those useless tears.

"It!" Mereen handed me a small paper bag containing my ordered watch.

"Thanks!" my answer.

"Come on!" Mereen asked me to leave.

"Sick, Mer!" lirihku while walking like a daze.

"I know!" mereen answered, embracing me. Take me out of the booth.

"China!"

The voice of someone calling to me faintly - faintly I heard. I know whose voice it is. Should I look around and then feel the pain in my heart?

Nah! as a normal woman, I can't!

...🪴 Happy reading 🪴...