The Shadow Of Love
Expressions Feelings

I paced around in the room feeling unsettled. My thoughts are still about Risqi. I'm afraid if you scold Risqi with harsh words. 

Scroll the cell phone lying on the bed. No sign of incoming messages or calls. That means, Brother Risqi has not contacted me. 

My feelings are getting more and more unsettled. To be honest, I felt unprepared to be separated from Risqi's sister who was so sincere in love with me. Unknowingly my mouth grumbled. 

"If Kak Risqi did not make sense to meet the Father, we would have already left. Ah, Father too, why, anyway, use ngelarang all. Rich people usually care." 

As I was grumbling, Mom suddenly went into the room. Mom looked at me confused as she saw me pacing around in the room. 

"Why you?" ask Mom wonder. 

"Sir Risqi has returned?" Instead of answering, I threw back the question. 

"Still in front, talk to you," replied Mother who immediately made me run out. 

"Mr!" I cried when I arrived at the living room. 

The two men of different generations were compactly looking at me who wore anxious expressions. I saw Brother Risqi until he knitted his eyebrows together. 

"What?" ask the Father in his tone. 

"Don't talk weird to Risqi, sir!"

"What weird? Your people just send a message to Risqi, really!" The father moved, walking in past me who was still standing next to the wooden cabinet. 

Once you are no longer there, I immediately approached Risqi. I dropped my ass on the seat next to the man I called Big Brother. 

"What did you say?" many sue. 

"By what? Not saying anything, really!" He answered firmly. "Yep, leave now!" 

"Where to go?" I'm the one who suddenly Lola. 

"Watch the concert, go! Where else to go? Time to the guarantee." 

"God give me permission?" many doubt. 

"Can. Yuk, now before you change your mind." 

The two of us finally left for Kajen Square, where the event was held. Along the way I asked a lot what Kak Risqi and Bapak talked about. However, Risqi did not answer him. 

"Bad nyebelin, anyway! I want to know what you're talking about." I grumbled annoyed at the man who was riding this motorcycle. 

"When it's time, you'll know." 

"Wouldn't you keep your chat secret? You're not afraid that I'm dying of curiosity?" 

"Hust! If you don't talk, Deck!" 

I decided to shut up. Free also forced Risqi. He's the kind of guy that no one can easily force. His mother had even leaked out the properties of Risqi Kak that I did not know yet. 

Thirty minutes later we arrived at the venue. Time has shown at eight o'clock. We stopped in the parking lot to secure the vehicle we were carrying. 

Risqi's sister took me to the field. The place was already crowded by the spectators who had filled the front area of the stage. 

"We'll get a drink first, yuk!" Risqi's sister took me to look for a booze stand. 

Something is running in my heart. During the few months of getting to know and going with Risqi, I rarely saw Risqi drinking water. He always drinks ice, if not always tea in packs. 

"You want to go around first or go straight to the front of the stage, Dek?" asked Risqi asking for my opinion. 

"Free, Brother. Want to go around for a while as well" I replied briefly. 

Brother Risqi again took me to a slightly quiet place. We both stopped right under a big tree. When he was there, Risqi released his hand. 

He sat down under a shady tree. I also sat beside him. Enjoying a moment like this is our favorite. Even though we have no relationship. 

"Dad!" Risqi called out to me in a soft voice. 

"Yes" I replied, looking at him. Somehow I caught another expression on Kak Risqi's face this time. 

"How long have we known you, Dek?" tanyanya hesitated. Seen from his hand that plucked the grass in front of him. 

"Almost half a year, brother." I replied after a long time trying to remember the first time I met him.  "Why indeed?" many wonder. 

"How do you feel about your sister?" tanyanya who now dare to look at my face. 

"What feeling, brother?" tanyaku pretended not to understand the direction of the conversation. 

He turned his face away, his hands still playing with the grass in front of him. Suddenly the strange feeling came again. 

I am confused what to answer? If I answer my feelings are still the same as before, I'm afraid he'll leave me. But, if I express my feelings, even I am afraid that if one day our relationship ends he will also leave me. 

"Aren't you feeling the same way, sister?" He looked back at me, this time looking away. 

"Dad!" It seems like Risqi Brother really wants certainty from me tonight. But I'm not ready. 

"Sister, don't talk about feelings. You know that Farid and I broke up a few weeks ago." I'm trying to shift our conversation. 

"Sirties know. But you know that your sister loves you. Well, if you do, how's your brother feeling all this time, Dek?" 

"We'll just go ahead, brother. No need to affirm our relationship as what? What is clear is that we have a commitment to take care of each other" I replied as clearly as possible so that Risqi would understand. 

"So, you don't want to have the same clear status as big brother, Dek?" 

"Sister, please don't press me now, brother. I am comfortable with our relationship right now. I don't want to have us going out and one day we break up, we'll leave each other" I said firmly. 

"No promise won't leave you, Dek. But you also need reassurance" he said in a soft voice. 

I know Risqi was disappointed with my decision. But, I also do not want our relationship to be damaged if coupled with the status of dating. 

"What do you want to make sure? Is being with my brother not enough to make it clear that you are more valuable than anything to me?" 

"No need for a definitive answer about how you feel, Dek!" Now Risqi raised her voice a little. 

"If you keep pushing me like this, I'm going home, brother." I actually got up from sitting, then was about to step away. However, Brother Risqi held my wrist. 

"Don't go! Big brother promises not to talk about feelings anymore," he said with two teary eyes. 

If asked how I feel, I don't want to see Brother Risqi disappointed in me either. But I'm really not ready to start another relationship with someone else.

"Honestly I started to doubt my brother's sincerity. If indeed big brother is sincere, big brother will not force me to reciprocate my feelings. What's more, brother once said that brother wouldn't ask me to date."