The Shadow Of Love
Real Reason

My tears just escaped while recalling the memories with Kak Risqi. My settings cannot be separated from the red watch that I have been holding since two hours ago. It's been a long time since I've been in a past story with a man who used to be a protective figure for me. 

Now I started taking the watch off, putting it on my lap. My right hand began to reach for a pink paper. When I opened the paper, there was a beautiful hand-scrap. 

(Hi, Deck. Don't cry, baby! Brother please, don't shed your tears!) The writing had greeted my vision that was getting blurred due to my eyes having been filled with clear liquid. 

(Sorry, sorry brother, Deck! He was too cowardly to admit what happened back then. Brother knows, you must have hated big brother because of the woman you were carrying back then. Sorry, Deck. Maybe now there's no point brother explaining, it's all happening. One thing you must remember, until the last breath of brother, you are the only girl who managed to divert the world of brother. Don't tell me it's a molly, Dad! My brother tried to be honest.) My hands started to tremble as I read the string of words handwritten by Risqi. 

(Sister is grateful that you didn't receive your brother, Dek. That way my brother is not too heavy to play. Somehow if at that time we are made up, maybe the pain you feel will be more than that. Forgive the brother who chose to hide this disease. Brother is not strong if one day you cry in front of the body of your brother. That's why my sister decided not to tell you.) The sobbing began to stop me from reading every single word that Kak Risqi had written, I believe, he wrote this letter with trembling hands. It is evident from his slightly unkempt writing. 

(28 December 2015 became the day of the destruction of my brother. At that time, you had to swallow a bitter pill when you found out that there was a severe disease in your body. Brother has kidney failure, that's why you decided to make you hate your sister. Sorry, yes, Deck. Maybe you won't be easy to forgive brother. But, may you accept this fate, yes, Deck. Let brother bring this taste to the burrow. Bring this sincere love in long sleep sister. Brother will be waiting for you in heaven, Dek. I love you, more.) 

My hands were shaking violently, tears were not able to hold. I was crying in this room. The cry also made a loud sound. Not wanting Mom to hear my cry, I tried to smother my mouth so as not to make any noise. But what I did was too late. 

Mom went into the room where the door forgot I had the key. The old woman immediately panicked when she saw my miserable condition. Hands up to shoulders were shaking violently, eyes were reddening and the sound of a hiccup sounding was very poignant. 

"Tasya, what's wrong with you?" ask Mom worried. The woman came running to me. 

Immediately I hid the letter from Risqi. I tried to hide it so that Mom wouldn't know about our relationship that had deteriorated before I went to the other island. 

Mom looked at me confused. My crying has now stopped, but that hiccup has not disappeared. Without answering Mom's question, I entered into the arms of the woman who had given birth to me. Mother was no less tightly hugging and rubbing my back. 

"Why, Son? Try the story." Mother said as slow as possible to calm me down. 

Now I let go of Mom's warm embrace, then looked at Mom with a sweet look. The sadness was felt when he found out the real reason he left me. 

"Sister Risqi, Ma'am." My voice still shakes violently. 

"Risqi why?" ask Mom wonder. 

"Sister Risqi died, two years ago, ma'am." 

Mom was shocked. It seems like mother also just found out about Risqi's death. 

"Innalilahi wainailaihi. What did he die of, Sya?" ask Mom to demand an explanation from me. 

"Kidney failure," I replied with sobs that re-echoed. 

"Astagfirefull!" exclaimed Mother who also seemed to not believe the reality that happened. 

My mother hugged me tightly. It rubbed my back which started to shake again. Pain, yes, the pain is indeed more pronounced when knowing the real reason. 

"Why? Why is this brother hiding, brother?" my question is in my heart. "If you want to be honest with me, I will definitely try to take care of you until you recover. Even if not, we will carve out our beautiful memories before Brother is completely gone," my mind is full of regrets. 

*****

My eyes began to blink when I faintly heard the sound of Adzan reverberating. My hands rubbed my eyes for a brighter view. When looking at the clock on the wall of the room, it turns out that time has shown at half-four. 

I immediately got out of bed, and took a watch and a letter from Risqi. Put these things in the closet drawer. 

As soon as I finished storing the memento from Risqi, I walked out of the room and headed straight for the bathroom. Clean yourself up before you visit a simple house that used to be so comfortable for me. 

After cleaning myself and performing the ashar prayer, I immediately changed clothes with a more polite one. After being clean, I also came out of the room. From the back, she was chasing me who was about to leave the house. 

"Tasya!" exclaim Mom with a loud voice. I stopped my steps, then turned around. 

"What's up, Mom?" ask her. 

"Where are you going?" Mother asked back. 

"To Risqi's house, ma'am."

"What are you going to do there?" 

"I want to talk to Risqi's mother, Mom." 

"Well, are you close to her mother?" 

"Sir Risqi's mother already considers me like her son. So, I also wanted to meet him," I said explaining. 

"Oh. Yes, already then. Careful" said I. 

I nodded slowly, then took another step out of the house. Using a motorbike, I headed towards Risqi's house. Before getting there, it just happened to pass through the market. I also bought fruit as a hand for his mother, Risqi. 

Having got what I would make a gift, I went back on my way. A few moments later the self-driving motorbike reached the yard of Kak Risqi's house. The house looks empty. 

I got off after parking the motor on the porch of Risqi's house, then walked towards the door of the old brown house. Slowly knock on the door until someone heard a voice saying from inside. 

"Assynnya!" myrag. 

"Waalaikum salam." The door opened, revealing the body of a middle-aged woman who now looked slightly thin. 

"Mother" I said with a warm smile. 

"Tasya!"