The Shadow Of Love
A Visit to the Grave

As planned yesterday, early in the morning I picked up Mom to visit Kak Risqi's grave. Before that, I had time to buy roses and jasmine for nyekar to the tomb of someone who brought his affection for me to the lava. 

When I got there, my mother was waiting for me on the front porch of her house. The old woman immediately got up when she saw me stopping in the yard of the house. 

"Yes, we are just right away, yes," he said as he walked towards me. 

"Yes, Mom." I'm going to turn the motor back on. But Mom stopped him. 

"We're on foot. The path was faster," said Mother, I agreed. 

I'll get off the bike immediately. I did not forget to bring the flowers I had bought at the market. We also began to set foot into the tomb. 

"Mom, sorry, yeah." 

"Sorry why, Shay?" ask Mom wonder. 

"For me, Mom doesn't sell." 

"Oh. It's nothing, Shay. I also want to rest, too. I miss Risqi too, I haven't been there for a long time." 

"I also miss Risqi. But, last night she came to my dream, Mom." I told my dream to this old lady. 

"Ah, pleased. Risqi had never even come to mother's dream," Mother said in a weak tone. 

"Patience, yes, Mom. Brother Risqi said he never left us, really! He's always here" I said, holding my right chest. 

Mom immediately commented a smile, then nodded in understanding. "Risqi will never be replaced, Shay. He is always in our hearts" said the full mother. 

After passing the path for about ten minutes, we arrived in front of the tomb. You can stop the steps, before entering into a place that is the future home of every human being.

Mom reached for my hand that was dangling down, then grasped it gently. "Build our hearts, Shay!" 

"Yes, Mom." I'm nodding. 

We forced a step forward, entering the place that became Kak Risqi's last home. Just entering, my netra has already condensed. Memories with Risqi's sister returned to the mind. 

Despite the weight, I tried to keep walking with Mom. It was this old woman who guided my steps towards the navel that was at the very center. 

Our steps came to a halt when we saw the tombstone bearing the name of Risqi Adinata bin Abdul Razak. My chest was instantly congested when I first saw Kak Risqi's house now. 

Mother first knelt beside the tomb of Risqi. His hand touched the tombstone, then rubbed it several times. 

"Waalaikum hail" I replied in my heart.

"Ris, sorry, yeah. I haven't been here in a long time" Mother said as she continued to wipe the gravestone. 

I who now managed to control myself, finally knelt beside Mom. Tears have seeped. Not wanting my tears to weigh down Risqi, I hurriedly wiped those tears before falling on top of Kak Risqi's navel. 

"Hi, Brother. I came to my sister's house. I'm sorry that only now do I know about this," I said, forcing a smile, though it felt heavy. 

My hands began to sow the flowers I had bought for Risqi over the tomb. With a very sick heart, I continued to do the activity until it was finished. 

Mom touching my shoulder meant to calm my heart. I looked up, and then smiled a little. "The problem is strong, really, Mom," I said sure. 

"Mom knows, you're strong. Now let's get some money!" 

We both began chanting Surah Yasin and tahlil on the grave of Kak Risqi. While reading the scriptures, I wiped the tears from both corners of these eyes several times. 

When you are done, we also voice your heart over the grave of Risqi. Hope Risqi can hear your feelings for her. Many times I have expressed my love for her. 

"If time could be repeated, I would definitely accept my sister's proposal first, Brother. I'm sorry," I said in a sad tone. My voice has been hoarse from crying for too long. 

"Tasya, don't regret what happened. The new mother realized that Risqi's choice back then was indeed the best choice," Mother said which instantly stunned me. 

"Imagine me. If you and Risqi had been married, maybe now you have a widow status, right?" 

"Tasya wouldn't mind if he had to hold that title, ma'am. As long as I can accompany Risqi's sister to the end of her life." 

"But if that were to happen, Risqi would definitely feel like the most selfish human being on the face of this earth, Sya." 

"But even this way, I find it hard to be at peace with myself, Mom. Every night I am haunted by regret" I said along with the tears. 

"Mom knows, Shay. It's not easy. But Risqi also wants you to continue your life." 

"Come, Ma. I can still open my heart to other men. In fact, my whole heart has been taken away by Risqi," I said as I stared fixedly at the tomb board. 

"Don't do it, Shay. Risqi must be sad if you are glued to the same place. Risqi used to say, he will be happy if you get someone who can take care of you better than him," said Mother explained Kak Risqi before she died. 

"I'm not sure there will be anyone more sincere than Risqi to me, ma'am. All this time, my life has only been surrounded by selfish people who only think about themselves. If I may choose, I'd like to join Risqi's sister."