The Shadow Of Love
Destruction of Hope

At first nothing was different from our relationship. Me and Brother Risqi kept behaving as usual, despite the slight awkwardness between us. I understand, what we are living today is not easy. But I'm really not ready to start a new relationship. 

Up to two months after the expression of that feeling, suddenly Kak Risqi's attitude was slightly different to mine. He is no longer as possessive as he used to be, he also rarely spends time with me, when I take him out he always has a reason to refuse. 

That certainly made me feel the fog. The fear of leaving me now fills my mind and heart. Every time I go home from work, I look alone in my room. It's quiet, that's how I feel now. Risqi has rarely replied to the short message I sent. 

"Sister, is this fast the sense of brother missing? I promised you I wouldn't leave me, right?" My hands shook as I wrote the message. When pressing the send button, a drop of clear liquid just escapes. 

I waited with a bad feeling. Hoping for Risqi Sudi to reply to my current message. However, for an hour there was no reply from him. 

Not getting any results, now I'm trying to see his social media account. My heart slipped when I saw him online. Immediately I sent a message through his social media so he would reply. 

The same message I sent him. However, moments after I sent the message, Risqi immediately went offline. 

My feelings grew increasingly uneasy when Brother Risqi had completely ignored me. Unknowingly, drop by drop the tears that seeped on the cheeks, now began to rush along with the destruction of all hope. 

Not wanting to give up so easily, I tried to reach him over the phone. But the result is the same. There was no response from Risqi. 

"I have to go to Risqi's house to make sure. Does he really intend to leave me?" 

The sadness I felt made me subconsciously close my eyes. Still on my stomach in bed, I started sleeping. In fact, even a trace of tears had not disappeared from both of my tapered cheeks. 

*****

The next day, I was really reckless to visit Risqi's house after coming home from school. When I got to the house, as usual Mother and Sister Risty always greeted me with a hug. 

Before saying my point of coming to this house, I decided to have a small conversation with Mom and Sister Risty. There's no way I'm directly asking them about Risqi, right?

For so long we chatted, there was something I thought was strange about these two women. Usually if I come, they will definitely discuss about Brother Risqi. But not for now. 

"Mom, where's Risqi?" I tried to be brave. 

I saw their facial expressions instantly changing anxiously as I asked for the whereabouts of Risqi. It seems they are trying to hide something from me. 

"Mom" call me soft. 

The old woman immediately grabbed my body into his arms. I can't see her face, but I can feel her crying. It was evident by a drop of water falling on my shoulder. 

"Sorry, yes, yes. Maafin Risqi," Mother said with a trembling voice. 

I'm increasingly convinced that something is wrong with Risqi. Otherwise, it might be possible for Mother to apologize on behalf of Risqi. 

Moments of hugging me tightly, Mom now let go of her warm embrace. I'm still busy wondering what's going on right now? Why are you crying? And why do you apologize on behalf of Risqi? There are so many questions in my head. 

"Why are you sorry?" 

"Assalamu'alaikum!"

"Waalaikum Salam" replied Mother, me, and Mbak Risty compact. 

He came with a hijab woman. From his face, it was possible that the age of the woman was the same as Kak Risqi. My nyaliku instantly shrieked when he saw how beautiful and graceful the woman who came with Risqi. 

"Sister!" I called Brother Risqi softly. 

"You're coming, Shay?" ask her with a flat tone. 

I forced these lips to smile as the woman sitting next to Mbak Risty looked at me. My eyes were stunned by the beauty of that woman. Now, I am starting to become self-conscious, maybe this woman is what makes Kak Risqi ignore me. 

"Who is he, brother?" I didn't answer, but threw a question at him. 

"Friends" he answered briefly. 

"Don't lie, brother!" 

"I just don't want to hurt you with honesty, Shay" he said softly. 

"It is better to be ill with honesty than to be guarded with lies, Brother!" 

Mother, Ms. Risty, and the woman were just listeners to our conversation this time. None of them made a sound. 

Risqi's brother was still silent. Brother Risqi's attitude this time made me even more aware. Maybe my guess is right. That woman is Risqi's current partner. 

"There is no need to answer if indeed Brother Risqi does not want to answer. I've more than understood now" I said with a bitter smile. 

Now I turn to the mother sitting next to me. The wrinkled hands, then I rubbed them a few times. I closed my eyes for a moment while breathing heavily. 

"Mommy doesn't have to apologize, Mom. There's nothing wrong here!" I kissed the back of those wrinkled hands lovingly. "Tasya go home first, yes, ma'am. Next time Tasya will come to see you, really." 

Mother did not answer with words. The old woman simply nodded with tears streaming down from both corners of her eyes. Now I intend to get up, but Mother still holds my hand tightly. 

"Mom, Tasya promised. Whatever the circumstances, Tasya also still considers mother as mother Tasya, really. Thank you for being so affectionate to Tasya" I said trying to strengthen my heart. 

Mom hasn't let me go. The old woman hugged me back very tightly. Maybe you are disappointed with what is happening right now. However, all options are in the hands of Risqi.

I can't demand anything either because there is no connection between me and Risqi. He is free to do anything according to the will of his heart. 

When Mom let me go, I immediately ran out of the simple house that used to feel warm. Now, I've lost everything. The care and love of Brother Risqi now belongs to someone else.

Along the way to the house, these tears would not stop. It just keeps on going along with the pain I feel.  I felt betrayed by Brother Risqi, the man who once promised never to leave me. 

"You lied, brother. You said you wouldn't leave me. But now what is the evidence? You quickly gave my position to another woman." My heart is completely broken this time. 

Since the betrayal committed by Risqi, I no longer want to be close to any man. Now I focus on my school until I graduate from High School. After graduation, I joined my brother to Sumatra Island. Leaving behind all the memories in my hometown to build a new life in the city of people. 

"From today, I was born as the new Tasya Kamila, Brother. I buried everything about us. My feelings, let me try to remove your tracks from my life. May you be happy." Before leaving, I took the time to send the message to Risqi.