When I Choose Silence
1.Pov Carnation

Under every strong and independent woman, there will always be a heartbroken little girl who must learn how to get back up and never rely on anyone.

Between hoping but as if feeling sad when remembering my beloved daughter who could not get sincere happiness from the love of her parents.

My name is Carnations Arabella, out there people often say that I am a jolly girl, who can always comfort them when boredom strikes, but after arriving at my house which I had considered as the Hell of the World, my mood would drastically turn gloomy.

If my daughter had not been born in this world, perhaps I would rather disappear from the face of this earth, so that I would no longer feel what is called injury and endure what is hurt.

But I have to keep fighting and look good in front of my daughter, because the little girl is innocent, she knows nothing, she knows nothing, because everything that is happening right now starts with a mistake from myself.

Deep down, I wanted to rebel, as if I wanted to fight against a world that I thought was too cruel, but regret always came at the end.

Regrets where I was so young, my thinking was immature, until I finally made the biggest mistake that made me feel scared, feel so guilty, he said, because you can not forget the incident while still studying in High School.

Kalandra Sailendra, she is the name of my husband who has succeeded in torturing my mind and also my body, He is a CEO in a company owned by both parents.

He is known as a person who is competent, intelligent and kind to the people around him, and in fact it is so, because it is only with me that he seems to be another person, it was only with me that he became a selfish and hateful human being because of the one grudge he might carry to death.

Although at first I was surprised not maen, and did not think he would be like that, but finally I tried hard to accept it, if indeed it could make him satisfied when he saw I was miserable.

I don't want to run, I don't want to run or leave and I don't want to avoid this anymore, like when I was in High School.

Now all I accept whatever he will do to me, I choose to resign, or maybe God did predestine him to come into my life as a redeemer of my sins that I did not actually intentionally, or maybe God did not intend to, because I was also hurt at the time.

And now, only my daughter is the encouragement of my life, she is already five years old now, her name is Kanaya Putri Sailendra.

Fortunately, even though my husband hates me, but he doesn't hate Kanaya, he even loves her very much, which is why I still want to hang on with her. Although my race towards my husband seems to have faded and lost in the wind because of all his attitudes during these five years.

Just imagine that for five years, she seemed to think of me as a criminal, but I had to remain a creature to her as a wife.

About the birth income he never ignored it, he always fulfilled his responsibility as a husband by giving a lot without stingy about the material, and indeed for the matter of property I do not care, I do not care, because I'm also the only successor of my family's company.

But about the inner living, do not expect it will be like couples in general, if he needs an outlet or Oil in his body that may have been rusted in there, he just invited me. It was as he pleased to do so, as if without any love at all.

If the bird on his knees was on and wanted to whistle, he did not care what I was doing and where, as he pleased just take off my clothes or flap my skirt, whether it was in the corner of the room, or not, on a guest couch or even in the back garden, as long as the bird can come in and out happily in its cage.

Warming up? a satisfaction? getting a pleasure? or even to mende legitimately like other couples who can fly into the clouds after both get to the top of romance? owh. I did not dare to hope even for a moment.

During these five years we slept separately, I slept with Kanaya more, and she slept in another room in our house.

Kanaya is still a child, she doesn't know anything, if she misses her father for coming home the night after work overtime at the Office or working overtime at her woman's house, the next night Kanaya always asked us to sleep in three.

And Kalandra complied with her request, but when Kanaya was asleep, she would definitely move back to her room.

That's the habit, I don't care anymore, because maybe my heart is too sick when I remember it, so maybe my heart is bland now, like rice it is not sweet and fluffy anymore, eaten fresh but want to be thrown away was not stale.

I was almost like the rice in a magicom pot for three days and three nights, still warm outside but the taste in it would not be delicious anymore.

If you ask me why I have come this far, other than because Kanaya is also because of my two In-laws, they remained kind to me and Kalandra was always kind to me when they visited the house to see her beloved granddaughter, as if our household was harmonious and fine, she said, because I am the woman of choice of both Kalandra's parents.

My parents and Kalandra's parents were good friends from long ago, even our company also cooperated and mutually beneficial with each other, until our company is currently growing rapidly.

Maybe they wanted our company to be unbroken and decided to match the two of us.

At that time I was still hesitant, but Kalandra looked so sweet and sincere to tell me, to want to accept this matchmaking, because she also told me, that she had also liked me for a long time.

How happy my heart was at that time, it turned out that my love was welcome, I had admired him since I was in school and I think he knew that.

In the past, I used to take the Gang at my School to tease him, or just annoy him, but it was as if he had no taste for me.

I'm the curious type of person, other male students seem to be competing after me, but Kalandra always ignores me and makes me more curious.

And it turns out that behind all her rejection of my sweet attitude, there was another girl who had become a moor of her heart.

But Kalandra was so convincing to me that the incident was only a mass and only a mere monkey love that is common among teenagers high school children.

But it turns out that the fact that there is a SAH word between the two of us is...

"Anyelir, do you really believe that I married you because I love you?" When we had just entered the decorated laundry room so beautiful, Kalandra suddenly entered with her chatter that made me gasp in shock.

"What do you mean Kala? it's not you yourself saying that you've forgotten Jenny and want to knit love with me!" Though I just wanted to take a bath with seven flowers, so that my first night ritual was remembered all the time.

"Sad... Are you that stupid, do you think I'll easily forget the most meaningful person in my life, NOT AT ALL!"

But his words really felt pierced my heart, when I really loved him, from the first until this moment.

"Kaldara?" I was even at a loss for words and only tears knew how broken my heart was.

"Until then, I'll still love one girl, Jenny one!"

"Then why did you marry me!" I really want to know why he asked me to make me his wife.

"Because of you, Jenny's life is so chaotic, then will I just shut up when you have managed to snatch all her dreams, owh..of course you also have to feel the same way with her!"

"Do you just want revenge with me?" I asked my aunt who was trembling.

"At least, I won't let your life travel feel what it's called HAPPY!"

Those words were like a Bomb that exploded over my head and broke my heart to pieces.

"Okey, if it makes you and your woman satisfied, now leave me alone!" I could no longer think, at that time I just wanted to cry and express my own disappointment in the room.

"Look, I've reached my pocket deep enough to buy you with the word dowry, so of course I'll enjoy it first tonight!" He pushed me straight away until I fell on that soft bed violently.

"Don't Kala!" At that moment I started to feel scared, my body seemed to tremble because of his harsh treatment with me.

"What right do you have to forbid me, I am your legal husband!" Shouted with a face that seemed to be filled with hatred and he began to forcibly remove all my clothes and throw them in any direction, I found it difficult to reject him because he was like a demon from hell.

Jem!

In my sobs, I saw her smiling back then, as she might have managed to get my virginity that I had been guarding all along.

And finally he did his duty as a husband even without his love, maybe even his whole soul just embedded a hatred and the desire for revenge alone.

After the first night of the forced marriage, she confessed all her feelings, she took out all the junk from her heart all this time.

And right now, I've forgotten what happiness is, but I prefer SILENCE, just let him and his woman torment me, at least my sins can be reduced due to the crimes of both of them.

But I'm sure, God is all-seeing, God is all-just and God always knows when we should be happy.

Give a woman pain and she will turn it into strength. Give the woman chaos and she will create peace.

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