Dream Womb
Back to reality

I'm enjoying my ride home on the commuter line. The shadow of Haris at lunch was still playing in the eyes. A shy man, but also an encouragement to me. Her friendly smile made me think how lucky the woman who was Haris' wife was.

Chants of songs from “Yura Yunita” Dunia Tipu-deceived slowly accompany my trip home. Yura's melodious voice had indeed become an opium to me. Then I imagined the face of Haris whose words had hypnotized me in our meeting earlier.

His wife would have rarely heard Haris speak a high tone, shouting, cursing, or even blatantly insinuating and speaking sarcasm to her.

Along the way, it feels like these lips always singleness every smile considering how Haris said while glancing at me. This heart warmed, then without me noticing I smiled to myself.

I don't think I've entered the yard. The smile suddenly disappeared, collapsing just like it was being forcibly taken from these lips.

I have returned to the real world, a world where I have to accept harsh words for mistakes that sometimes I myself am confused for feeling like I am doing nothing.

Maybe because I can't do anything about it, the husband I love now seems to hate me so much.

Although for a moment, but my meeting with Haris was beautiful. I think even to death I won't be able to forget it.

I entered the house and put my shoes in their place. I hurriedly opened the refrigerator to prepare the groceries after glancing towards the wall clock. Andre will be home soon.

Sure enough, Mas Andre arrived when I just lit the stove.

“Not ready for cooking?” asked Mas Andre while glancing at me towards the kitchen.

“Numbered, Mas. Wait a minute, yes.”

“What do you do all day until night so the dining table is still empty?”

My husband threw himself on the couch, his hand holding a cell phone. Not long after that he had already dissolved with that flat object in his hand.

“I just got home from check content, Mas.”

“Outhor again? Until when will you waste money to give to the obstetrician, Keisya? The money is my hard work! You see, until this hour I just came home to meet our needs, but you never want to stop wasting money on that damn doctor?”

My heart screamed at the words of Mas Andre who always counted money matters. Though she knew we were undergoing a pregnancy program which of course all this is not free.

I am not a woman who likes to waste money. This spicy phrase of Mas Andre really scratches my heart.

Wait, heart? Do I still have a heart? It seems that I have now become a living robot that does not need to put in the words of trash, which my husband always shed to demean his wife.

I must not listen to the bad words of Mas Andre that he always uttered to weaken this mentality. Now the one pictured in front of me was Haris who was eating while looking at me with his distinctive smile, a heart-shattering smile.

“Basic useless women! Husband tired of work, but until this hour dinner is also not ready. I tried to save-saving not eating out, it turns out until the house is empty, no food.”

“So women can not, anyway, useful little for husband? Left all day working, not at home even always go and reason to the obstetrician. Want to see when you keep coming to the doctor?”

Nah! I did not listen to those words, although in reality this ear could still clearly catch the insanity of my husband taking off his wife's regular check-ups to the gynecologist, to realize the dream of having a child who has been missed so far.

“The meal is ready, Mas,” said me while presenting chickpeas, egg balado, and fried tempe flour.

As usual, we enjoyed dinner in silence, especially me who didn't want to say a word. Because even if I speak, for Mas Andre it is nothing more than characters that fly uselessly.

The next day, I woke up to the sound of an alarm. The sound of the alarm can not be set more slowly. Its function was to wake up, but it also sparked the anger of Mas Andre.

“Sial! Can you please turn off the alarm? From now on, there is no need to wake up with an alarm. Be useful a little, at least for your husband.”

Justjust wonderful. Early in the morning I had a tantrum from the man I called my husband.

Never mind, no need to respond. After all, things like this are common.

As usual, my routine after waking up is to cook for breakfast, then have breakfast with Mas Andre. The man continued to look at his phone, his finger nimbly typing a series of letters that he sent to no matter who.

“Mas, today I want to meet with friends,” I said a little scared. Normally Andre wouldn't allow me to leave the house without him.

“What are you out spending time with useless activities? Unexplained friends. Better use your time to find income,” replied Mas Andre.

“I'm still running a pregnancy program, Mas, so can't work yet,” I said honestly.

“Always just like your excuse. Free, Keisya. It's been seven years you've been pacing back and forth to the obstetrician, where's the result? There ain't! There is precisely you spend our savings.”

I can only take a long breath. Words like that, I hear them almost every day. I can only be patient with Mas Andre, trying to understand him as the head of the family. Maybe he objected to the burden of our lives, even though we did not live a life of deprivation, and what I did was for the good of this household. However, still everything felt wrong in the eyes of Mas Andre.

“Keisya, frankly I am sometimes confused by the way you think. Your husband's tired of work, you're exhausted. You gave the money to an obstetrician who until now had no results. Why don't you try to work so you know out there it's a tough competition? So that you know and think twice when you will waste money.”

“Sorry Mas.”

That's all that comes out of my mouth. I was reluctant to defend myself and it felt useless to explain. Our heads are different.

“If you're stupid, yes, just stupid. For work, there may not be a company that will accept you. That's why I always remind you to save money that I've got, don't be so easy you give it to a doctor who is not a competitor, let alone seven years. You stupid or what, anyway? I still believe in doctors. It's obvious you can't have children, yes, just accept it, Keisya.”

Almost all these tears were shed, but all I could do was hold it back. 'You can't be weak, Keisya. You must be strong for yourself'. I imagined Haris telling me.