Nyctophile
Two heads

Again and again the rain flushed this city, a city that he said was a city of heroes, a city that had a mascot of sharks and crocodiles.

My mind is getting messy, mother's conversation with me this afternoon, the more it destroys my entire brain, should God, I can't marry that man.

Should I go back out of this city, should I run away from all the things I don't want to face? oh God help me, help me solve everything, I can't with that man, I don't want to disappoint my mother, I don't want to leave this city anymore.

Tok...

"Za, are you inside? I want to talk." I knocked on my door, which I locked.

I went to the door, I knew you were still there after a few seconds of not getting my word.

"What do you want?" answer me.

"Speak a moment Za, you want to say something." replied the father in a soft voice that I used to hear when I was just a child in elementary school.

I opened the door, and still looked tired but he smiled at me, a smile I've barely seen since I left, for more than a year I did not see this, my sincere and warm smile, my father's calm gaze and father's voice that did not snap.

"Father come in, yes." he said, I can only let you sit in my little bed, a bed that only fit for me alone, he said, even though it only fits itself maybe even I can buy a bigger one, but I think for what anyway I do think to always be this way, alone.

"Za" gently stroked the top of my head, I sat on the floor so my knees were parallel to my head.

"Yes sir?"

"Why not talk at the time? why did you choose to leave and stay away from us? you know it's hard for you, but why don't you talk? you are the only daughter of the father, the daughter who you keep like your favorite rose, the tree that no one can touch except the father, the tree whose flowers are allowed to bloom and wither, even your own mother who likes it, can not pluck it, you deliberately want to enjoy the beauty."

.

Withholding tears I tried to answer.

"Sir, if I open my voice at that time, someone will believe me? Ares will marry Aisyah 2 days after the incident, Za can not be a destroyer, Za thinks about the feelings of many people, Za thinks about how Za sir's self-esteem, pardon Za disappointing father, Za, Za leaves not to run from trouble, but Za goes to save herself, from her shame, humiliation, and anger towards Ares."

"Za, Ares divorced his wife because of her guilt towards you, Ares could not without your forgiveness, even Ares was frightened when the ruler asked her to touch Aisha's hand, we all witnessed the incident, she said, where Ares apologized for no apparent reason, Ares cried."

"The logic sir, Ares shouldn't have hurt Ayes, Ares should have thought long before he got drunk that day." My gaze was staring at him.

"Ares tau hammer is haram, Ares tau touching that is not mahramnya is haram, but why he still touches everything, the reason for stress because of matchmaking, that is not the reason, all that is the choice sir."

"That's the importance of hanging out with Za, Ares was a mistake."

"Alright, there's no justification in that, sir."

"Za, ask your little heart, just a little bit, have you ever had a sense of admiration for that child?"

I look deep into my heart, there used to be, I want to have a man whose eyes are shaded full of love like him, I once admired his figure, he said, but it's not like this is the story line I want.

"Ever, sir, never, but it's all gone like the wind when it's all happening."

"That's how Ares felt about Ayes when you were present, that's what Ares felt the first time you slapped him."

"No way sir, it's just a feeling that's scapegoated by lust, sir if you keep forcing, and if Za does have to marry Ares, give her one reason why it should be Ares."

It seems that you are thinking hard for that reason.

"Father wants Ares to be your priest, I don't know, I don't know, but it feels like you're leaving him with the right person, the one who so dares to admit wrong, though you're silent and don't want it all uncovered, but Ares can't be like that."

"Sir, do what you think is right, Za does not matter if you have to endure this pain and pain for life, Za willing the origin of the father and mother calm down, as long as everything goes as you both will, Za will try to sincerely accept everything, if it is Ares who has been chosen by God, no matter how strong Za refused, it must still be Ares right?"

"Are you serious?"

"Za has resigned, maybe this is all Za can do to make up for all Za's mistakes in father and mother, even though Za hates him so much, Za's hell will live if all that makes you calm."

"The father does not want the son of the father to hell, the father only believes one thing, Ares will make amends for all his mistakes, and he will try to fix everything, disappointed you and broken you son."

"Za trusts father, Za is sure, but to recover it takes a pack of time, pray for all the best sir."

I hugged my father for the first time in 11 years after my father's last hug when I was 13 when I got my period the first time, when everything I did was my responsibility.