Nyctophile
I'm the Wrong one

That time may have passed but for me my mistakes will never pass.

The woman with the casual hijab, her cold demeanor and like she could not be touched by anything, the woman who became a friend and student of a woman who I would marry for five months, I completely shifted my focus.

Zayana Muzza, for me, is not just a name, she is the main character in my prayer, the name I always say, Aisyah will indeed marry me, is it wrong to love someone else? of course it's wrong, I'm wrong, it shouldn't be like this.

Married to Aisyah was my parents' second choice, I couldn't resist, because I couldn't bring the woman I love before my parents, if I could refuse, because I couldn't bring the woman I love before my parents, maybe there will be no Zaya in my life, maybe Aisyah will not be hurt so deeply either.

Areska Bagaskara, they used to call me Ares, I was the first child of Yuli and Arta, they were both parents who loved me very much, my age is now on the head 3, he said, my first match was because they wanted me to have a family, to have a wife so as not to be abandoned.

My life was not taken care of, but the maid was always there to take care of my needs, but the problems of eating, sleeping hours and so on that had to be taken care of personally even messy, mama liked Aisyah, she said, Aisyah was the son of Ustazah who taught mama to teach, mama immediately fell in love with Aisyah when she first met, then they agreed to introduce me to Aisyah.

Two months we knew each other, my feelings were the same, flat, nothing special I felt. At that time I knew Aisyah was interested in me, I felt sorry if I should refuse, so I accepted and went through it all, until my mother asked.

"Reska, try to consider everything, Aisyah less what? okey? aye, gorgeous? yes, mama likes her character, mama sure she can educate your granddaughter later."

"ma, in fact Ares' feelings are not like that, pity Aisha mah if Ares continues to pretend."

"It's just a matter of Ares' time."

"Res, if you really want to refuse, talk everything to Aisyah, your feelings and everything, find a middle ground so you don't get hurt."

A month passed, this was the first time I knew a woman named Zayana, the first time I saw her there was a subtle vibration, but I considered it all just an illusion.

Trying to forget Zaya is impossible, imagining her smile has made my world collapse, eager to express her feelings, but my family and Aisyah's family still want the marriage to take place, he said, and we ended up getting married.

A short time, two days before getting married to Aisyah I asked Zaya to come to the house, to take my wedding dress with Aisyah, that time impromptu my friends came without telling me, they had a bachelor party for me, they brought drinks, which I swore to God I had only once drunk by my friend's coercion while in college in Germany, and I was drunk.

That night I finished a glass of hammer that I knew was haram, I drank it, I got drunk, and I didn't see my phone if there was a message from Zaya, I just realized Zaya's last message, if she's at the gate of my house, and I reply.

Zaya I let in, my head was so heavy, all my friends were home at half-nine in the night, Zaya was too brave, she said, or maybe he doesn't know if I just live there by myself.

I pulled Zaya's hand, her face was so pretty and I started hallucinating, thinking Zaya was the woman I had to touch that night and thank God I didn't take anything fatal, zaya's slap made me realize, that's not true.

Zaya ran after kicking and slapping me, giving scorn, her tears streaming down, her shabby clothes because of me and her messy hijab she ignored, she ran and I collapsed, she ran away, because my head is throbbing pain.

My guilt gnawed to this second the second that Zaya had become my wife but I could not touch her at all.