Nyctophile
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...Arescas...

The pale face, the hijab is messy, the infusion hose injures her hand which turns out to be so flickering and smooth, Zayana when did you come to your senses?

Two hours after Zayana was awake, the doctor gave her first diagnosis an hour after the examination.

Is this always the case during menstruation? are you just tired?

Stupidly I who never pay attention to Zayana, Eight months married to her but not a bit I know how she is, Zayana who tends to be closed and reluctant to be touched it, makes me know, the limits she wants, the limits she wants, but how could it not be, right?

Slowly his eyes opened, pulled his hand that I was holding, sholawat that came out of my mouth was stopped, my eyes were fixed staring at his movements.

"Where is Za?" said it.

"How do you feel? we're in the hospital room." I replied, staring at the pale face.

"What's it doing here? who's sick?" tanyakanya.

"So weird is he sick, he asks who is sick? though the infusion was lodged in the back of his hand." My monologue in heart.

"You've been unconscious for two hours now, unaware that there's an infusion tube on the back of your right hand?" I replied casually, Zayana just kept quiet.

"Zayana can I ask you a question? a little sensitive, but it's for your sake." his eyes drew my bead, as if giving a flash of threat.

"For my sake? what's that supposed?"

"Why are you asking me about my personal problems?" he answered while staring at a corner on the side of the room, to turn his eyes to look at me.

"Jawab, honestly I don't want to ask you this, it's privacy for you, I know that, but this is what I should ask after the doctor's diagnosis after the examination."

"Doctors diagnose what? cervical cancer? miom's? an inflammation? or what? um? Tell me that?" he said that did not stop voicing his guess.

"Temporary guess is there is an infection in the fallopian tube of the left, it's resulting in pain and delay of your menstruation, Za doctors recommend surgery, or a second way of routine treatment with intensive care, Za doctors recommend, if with surgery there is only a 50% chance of getting pregnant, because there is only one channel on the right, if with drugs, the danger is ectopic pregnancy, or the bacteria will contaminate the fetus, if with drugs, the danger is ectopic pregnancy, or the bacteria will contaminate the fetus, and it will hurt even more, Za dream of a woman is to marry and have her own child, get pregnant and give birth, if I am an obstacle to your dream, then divorce me and continue your dream, he said, look for a device that you think is right." I said in a plea tone, because that's all that came into my brain.

"I want an operation, maybe 50% of it doesn't matter to me, the divorce offer shouldn't need you to make, because with whoever I am, I'll stay like this, Areska Bagaskara, sorry if indeed all my decisions always involve and torment your feelings, every time I try to make peace, my head is increasingly voicing to refuse, divorce is not the best way, I want to ask one thing, I want to ask you, if I really can't get pregnant 100%, do I still want to be with me? answer me."

I just fell silent, who is the man who doesn't want to have the child of the person he loves the most? the answer must be no, I want to build my own little family, but in the end this answer and my ego that I have to throw away, only for Zayana, he said, the woman of that day will be my responsibility and will be my only possession.

"Marriage is not just to have children, who does not want to have children? everyone wants to, but there are times when something we want doesn't always go by the will, Zayana, look at me, have I ever forced you to camp after marriage? have I ever asked you to follow all my will?"

"Earlier, that night after I met Aditya, you forced me to sleep in the room with you, you asked me to stay away from all the men who were close to me at the time, you also said, I should give you your rights, isn't that a compulsion of will? "

"Zayana, all that I do is because I'm jealous, but do I really do? no, I love you with everything about you, though unrequited, I'm sorry you haven't, if you ask me if 100% you can't get pregnant, am I going to be like this? the answer is yes, I will continue like this nothing has changed, I will continue to apologize from you for all the mistakes I regret so much, maybe this is the punishment I deserve."

"Ares, actually I've forgiven you, long before the wedding, what I said the other day, was a lie, I didn't really throw away that awe, she said, I'm Zayana Muzza just confused, why is everything happening like me? I'm just sorry to have thought so evilly that Aisyah divorced you, I'm selfish, even now my words the other day are proven."

The first time I saw Zayana weeping with all her heart, but I was glad that at least an opportunity was slowly opening up, the answer to the prayers I offered was right on target, although not in line with my will.