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Cooperative Parenting
“Ma, why is Papa coming home tonight anyway Ma?” evan suddenly asked Sara.
Maybe according to Evan's observations now, a few days have passed and his father always comes home at night. Even since returning from Singapore, according to Evan, his father often came home more nights. In the past, his father used to go home when it was still afternoon. So that Evan can play around with his Papa in the afternoon.
Trying to understand Evan's feelings, Sara intends to invite her son to chat and discuss together. 4-year-olds can be invited to discuss of course with simple language according to the ability to think 4-year-olds.
“Papa's work in the office is a lot, Son .. his Papa Evan after the holidays is the same Evan. To Bintan continues to run out of it to Singapore to meet with Oma and Opa. Papa who has been off too long, must be a lot of work. Therefore, Papa has to overtime and do everything,” Sara replied.
From Sara's answer, it looks like Sara wants to invite Evan to find out why her Papa came home last night. It happened because his father was after a long holiday. People who have long holidays and do not work will make their work much. How do I finish that job? You have to be overtime and do everything. There is a cause and effect that Sara is trying to convey to Evan this time. Of course all delivered Sara with simple language and can be understood Evan.
“Papa used to never overtime Ma,” reply Evan this time.
Evan is comparing that his father never used to be overtime. While now Papa is a hobby of coming home at night.
“Cause, Papa used to go to the office every day and not vacation. Evan kangen Papa yah?” ask Sara.
Sara only hopes that through her question, Evan can express his heart to her. Afterwards, Sara was able to accommodate Evan's feelings.
“Iya Ma .. Evan misses Papa. I would love to play with Papa in the afternoon. Play ball, play lego, play Uno, and also swim with Papa,” replied Belva.
Apparently there are many exciting activities that Evan misses to be done together with his Papa. However, in these few days all that could not be done because his Papa is so busy.
“Later Mama try to talk to Papa well .. Besides Papa tomorrow try to go home in the afternoon. So, take the time to be able to play Papa well,” reply Sara.
It was Evan who responded by nodding his head. Evan looked speechless and then hugged Sara.
“Makasih Ma .. Mama has nurtured and accompanied Evan to play,” Evan said this time. “Dulu ... sometimes Evan plays alone loh Ma. If the game is exhausted, Evan sleeps alone. However, now Evan has Mama who accompanies Evan every day,” Evan's story this time to Sara.
Hearing how Evan used to play alone and even tiredness to fall asleep honestly made Sara so sad. Sara could feel how sad and lonely Evan had to live in a house this big.
“Iya Mama .. thanks a lot Mama,” says Evan.
Even from the story and daily dialogue between Evan and Sara, Sara is actually trying to implement cooperative parenting with Evan. Cooperative parenting is a parenting pattern in which the parent is supportive and responsive to the child. However, there are still restrictions that are given by parents. On the one hand parents give affection, but on the other hand to encourage children to be independent.
From the conversation with Evan this time, Sara tried to listen to Evan's point of view. Listen to Evan's story and give advice that can control the child's behavior by implementing mutually agreed rules, discussing, and also using reason. A 4-year-old like Evan is in a phase where his brain is developing very well, so Sara tries to use reason and causal relationships to talk to Evan. By using reason, the reasons given by parents can be more easily accepted by children.
Sara hugged Evan tightly. Sara knows a lot of things that Evan went through without the affection of a mother. Including the last two years. It felt like Sara's heart became so painful to imagine that a child as small as Evan had to play alone, had to follow Belva out of town, had to be entrusted to Aunt Amara, even the confession of Evan who was tired of falling asleep on his own. It feels like Sara's heart right now.
“Mama believes Evan will grow up to be a good child .. learn to obey ya son. Disappointment is okay. Just like this time Evan was disappointed, right because Papa couldn't go home in the afternoon? It's okay to be disappointed, the important thing is that the disappointment is well vented, he said,. If Evan feels disappointed in his heart, Evan can run to Mama and talk to Mama. Mama will always be there for Evan and listen to all Evan's stories,” Sara's advice to Evan this time.
If parents are afraid they don't even want their children to experience feelings of disappointment. Unlike Sara who does not mind if Evan experiences feelings of disappointment. Because, children who know and feel various emotions in their hearts will learn to recognize various emotions and also try to solve them. Disappointed children do not matter, but disappointment must be addressed in a good and right way.
Looks Evan nodded his head, “Iya Ma .. yes, disappointed and miss Papa. However, it's okay Ma, Papa is busy working also for Evan,” I Evan in the end.
Well, from here Evan finally admitted that even though he was disappointed and upset with his Papa. However, Evan knows that Papa is busy working for him too. To protect his family.
“Nah, that Evan knows .. after all, now Evan has a Mama. We can do many fun things together,” Sara replied.
While Belva is busy at work, Sara will try to fill the void and accompany Evan. After all, even with her, but Sara and Evan can also do many exciting activities together.
“Iya Ma ... Evan wants,” says Evan.
By talking to each other and discussing together, Sara was finally able to accommodate Evan's feelings this time. The child who initially felt disappointed and missed his Papa finally realized that his Papa was busy working for him as well. With cooperative parenting patterns, parents can approach the child. Using reason to digest something and letting the child get to know the emotions they are currently feeling.
It felt like Sara was now relieved that a smile had re-emerged on Evan's face. Taking care of a child is not just about feeding and drinking. However, it is also present and involved in every phase that a child faces in his or her growth and development. Indeed Sara is still a lot to learn, but Sara believes as time goes by, Sara will be able to take care of Evan better. Being a mother and a friend to her son.