To The Man Who Broke My Heart
11. Not Completely

"Tumben you're confident of meeting. Kangen, yes?” Bang Che shifted the chair next to me and sat down. A big smile that is always on display to everyone and that is the lips of most of their band fans glued on his face.

However, no. It won't have any effect on me. Even more so at a time like this. I've been too immune to things that smell with men, especially men who like to behave arbitrarily. “There's something I want to ask you.” I answered flatly. And on my face there's no smiley agenda like he does.

“You ask what, anyway, Kay? Just ask, do not use a serious show. Uh, be te we, you're so funny if you're serious gini knows.” Bang Che's hand moved up, I thought he was about to pinch my cheek, but I managed to pull him over first.

Seeing the reaction from me, Bang Che looked rather surprised.

“You why the hell, Kay?” ask her with a frown that begins to wrinkle.

Well, he finally responded to my seriousness as well. Anyway, what was he thinking? Did he think he could just touch me like he was about to do and assume that I would not fight? Who the hell does he think he is? Not anything has behaved so casually. This thought made my apoliticale rise. “Bang, why do you say we are already the same Bang Riko? Why can people think we're made, Bang?”

At first I thought Bang Che would be wrong to be caught off guard like this, but it was unexpected, the wavy-haired guy with the shaggy cut responded by laughing out loud. “So you told me to come here just because you wanted to ask me about that?" He continued his laughter.

I could not understand which part of my words contained humor and deserved to be laughed at this loud. I think I lost the memo somewhere in the middle of the road to this cafe.

"What do you want to explain again, Kay? Everything is clear. You know what we've been doing all this time. What we've discussed, what we've done, where we've gone. I give you time. I give my full attention to you. I think I made my point very clear. I want to have you.”

What in the ever loving fxck? I'm gawking. Totally gawked. Complete with an open face that forms the letter O and eyes that open wide. As far as Bang Che's mind goes? Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I can't let him have such thoughts. I won't let him draw his own conclusions like this. “Sorry, Bang, but I don't think we're doing anything. We are just regular chat, that is if reply to mentions on social media and commenting on status can be categorized as chatting. We walk it also with other friends of Abang, along with Kak Raya who is also my friend. And I also never asked for special attention from Abang.”

I defended myself. I sincerely hope this defense is enough to make Bang Che aware, or at least understand what I feel. All this time there was indeed no spark whatsoever that I felt for Bang Che. For me he is someone whose existence I need to tolerate for the sake of the benefit of my friendship with Kak Raya. After all, how could I feel something for this guy beside me? My heart is still bleeding. I will not take a too rash stance and hand over the sick thing to anyone easily.

It will never be again.

I really have to thank God because on some occasions when I had a serious conversation with someone, there was no one around. As it happens now. Good thing we were in the cafe, so I didn't have to go back to fearing it would be someone else's spectacle. Become a laughing stock and glare at others again.

Honestly, I can't say anything. I was at a loss for words to respond to Bang Che's sentence. Oh God. What have I done? Why would Bang Che's wish for me to be this big?

Where's the harm? Where is my fault? After a while, I finally found the courage to reveal what was inside my head. “I don't know why it could be like this, Bang.”

Hearing the sentence that just came out of my lips, Bang Che instantly lost control. “Not understand? Don't you understand what you said? Try to explain to me which part do you understand, Kayra?! I've given everything to you. I give you attention. I give you time. I give you my best effort. Do you not remember. I made you forget your heartbreak. I've made you forget the same ex-you who bxjak, who does not have the heart!

"You who used to be depressed every day were cut off, looked very sad, and now you can laugh again because of who, ha? Me! Me! That's all my struggle for you! Without me, you can't do anything. Without me, you wouldn't be able to sift now. You realize it's not, Kayra Salim?!”

Oh. My. God. This time I actually saw the meaning of the saying don’t judge a book by its cover with my own eyes and head. Where is Bang Che who always looks cool, who is always considered friendly to everyone, who said the dream of many girls college groupie? Where is the vocalist of the band The Folklore which he said loved a lot of women?

These. This is the same Bang Che, but with a different attitude and personality. Like the two sides of a coin eye, this was the deepest side of a Bang Che. The part of her that she kept deep in the folds of her days. Behind his sweet attitude to everyone, the smile that is always on display, the cimage cool by the band, hidden Bang Che who easily ignited emotions.

Another lesson I learned today.

However, I cannot get rid of what Bang Che said in my mind. Is what he said true? Is it really all because of him? My smile in the past month, the ability to move on from Harris which in fact still can to tear my heart and day, is it all because of Bang Che? What possible? Isn't that my struggle too? Is it all because of my abilities?

Yes, this is my fight. This is all true is part of my struggle. Although I still have to admit that I did do all that with their help; friends. And perhaps Bang Che also falls into that category. However, not completely. He had no right to claim and say that it was the result of his full effort.

To be continued ....