To The Man Who Broke My Heart
6. I Follow Your Desire

Ah, ah, ah. Please, big boy, don’t feed me lies. You know I’m not eating that kind of bullshxt.

Funny, very funny. Harris, don't you remember how many times you've said things like this to me? You apologize and then make the same mistake afterwards? Go, Ris. Don't pretend to regret if you don't regret a little of what you did. It's enough for me two years of my life wasted because you lied. It's enough that the days go by without your appreciation.

I can only rage in my heart. Take a deep breath and then let it out slowly, Kayra Salim. Take a deep breath. Calm yourself. You don't want to add to the problem by making a fuss here, do you?

Harris took advantage of the silence by expressing his reasons. “I know I was wrong with you, I know that. Now I want to fix things. You can't stop me from trying to get you again, you hear?”

Yeah. Right. Finally the real Harris came along too. Who always wants to win by themselves. Which always attach importance to his own will. “Harris, in this world we can't always get what we want. God loves us the things we need.”

“And I need you!” furious Harris. His voice is rising.

Honestly, I'm not surprised anymore because it's been almost my daily meal for the past few months. And by the way, really? You need me? Huh! “Already, Ris. I don't think we need to fuss over things like this anymore. If you want to try, please. But, I told you from the beginning that I can't promise anything. You can say I changed, because that's how things are. And I'm sure you yourself know why.”

“Do not talk about what has passed!" rebut with jaws locked. "Obviously, I will try to get you back to me again. Catch that!” He's in Kalakian standing up violently. His movement made the seat that was occupied shifted backwards to hit the window glass.

I nailed my eyes to the window that fortunately was not broken.

That is, whenever his wish was not fulfilled, all he used to do was to become angry. Letting emotions control their actions. However, what is different is that now I have chosen to stop caring. I don't want to sacrifice my feelings anymore just to please him.

Uh. Never mind.

****

The hour hand showed at four in the morning and I was still awake. All these portraits of the events of the past few months revolve around my brain. All the feelings I felt in that moment again enveloped the heart as each piece reunited and formed a scene.

They stand facing. Harris showed a furious look. I don't know what I've done or said so I deserve this kind of treatment. Nonetheless, the reality was that I had managed to make my own lover furious.

Bizarrely. I just arrived at his rented house. What have I done and are likely to make him this angry?

“Why do you have to come here all, anyway? Now I'm not playing with those girls anymore like you want. I just want to play with my friends again. My life is not just about you, yes! I still have a lot to take care of. I have a lot more to do than take care of you! That's why you don't bother me now, understand? I have a lot of thoughts now, so I want to take a break. I'm gonna find some fun. Okay?!”

I haven't opened my mouth yet, my man has first spoken in a high tone. The impact was no more painful than what he said. Surprised it's so underrated, never-before-taken was I treated like that by anyone. Even by people who have been cuddling with my behavior and nature since I was a baby.

After all the best effort I have put into being loyal to just one man, this is the reward I get from the man I trusted to hold my heart.

I tried to calm down for a moment, I took a deep breath. I looked at the man gently. I admit that I love the man in front of me, but that was a long time ago. Not anymore, not a second ago.

I finally found the courage I really needed at a time like this. I found my voice. “Before-before this you also gather with your friends, right? I never forbid you to meet and befriend anyone. And in fact you still have a lot of time for me, for us. You also had a lot of business, right? Lots of thoughts, lots of tasks, lots of activities. And ... what? We can still be together, we can still face all the problems that exist together. But, now what's the matter, Ris? Why is everything like this? Now I have to beg for your attention.

"Okay, Harris. If that's what you want, okay. I will follow your wishes. If you can find happiness outside our circle, if you want to find a source of happiness other than me, if our togetherness has not made you happy again, please. Please look for things that can make you happy as much as you want out there. I will not interfere in your life again. I'm not going to expect anything from you anymore. After all, if you can be happy without me, who says I can't find my own happiness without your existence? I can too, right? I definitely can.

"Thank you for making things clearer, yeah, Ris. Thank you for making everything so bright for me who was blind before as I felt. Now I'm sure, one hundred percent sure, just what I should do. I'm leaving, Harris. I'm really going to go. From now on, there will be no me begging for your attention anymore. From now on, there's no one I'm going to interrupt your time when you're playing and having fun with your friends. Nothing will ever add to the burden of your mind again. There will be no me who just troubles you. Okay. My job is done. I'm pampering. Take good care of yourself, yes. Sorry for all the mistakes I've made to you. Whatever it is, believe me. I never intentionally intended to hurt you.”

I turned around and passed, again. I didn't hear any sound from behind my back. It's a shame to admit this, but there's still a point in this corner of the heart that wants Harris to do something, say something. However, the man who had been my ex for the past few seconds had done nothing. He wasn't trying to prevent me from leaving.

To be continued ....