To The Man Who Broke My Heart
38. Take-Off Scare and Past Trauma

Unfortunately I was unable to avoid Alex on the plane due to our adjoining seats.

"Why, Kay?"

"What's the reason?" sahutku. I still pretended not to understand what was the subject.

"Why don't you answer my question?"

"Because I don't want to."

Silent. Silence enveloped us again, until the pilot heard the sound on the aircraft's intercom speaker. "Good afternoon, dear passengers. Welcome to flight QG-959 to Jakarta. Flights to Jakarta will be taken in approximately one hour and forty-five minutes, with estimated arrival at Halim Perdanakusuma International Airport at seventeen zero zero West Indonesia Time. We need to say that the QG-959 flight is a non-smoking flight. Before take-off we invite you to hold the seat back, close and lock the small tables that are still open in front of you, tighten the seat belt, and open the window cover. On behalf of the captain and the entire crew on duty congratulate you on this flight. And thank you for your choice to fly with Citilink. Good afternoon."

Please, please, please. The announcement is not finished. Please, Captain Sir. By the way, dong. Come on, say it again. Just keep going until the end of the flight so I have a reason to avoid Alex's questions. Please, please, please.

However, there is no hope of its name if it is always in line with reality. Announcement complete. Silence again surrounded me and the young man. I never liked the atmosphere when the plane was about to take-off. Especially now that I have to face this inconvenience with an observation from him.

The situation is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

I didn't realize that my hands were clutching the back of the chair so tightly that Alex's hands were trying to get my fingers off of it. Then he slipped his fingers between my fingers. Still mired in a strange feeling, I could only gape at the fingers of our linked ones. My hand looks so small in the grip of his much larger, masculine hand.

After the seat belt light went out, I was able to breathe more airy. Take a deep breath while pulling my hand back from Alex's grip. Immediately I clenched my hands against each other on my lap and focused my gaze on the whitened books.

"Are you afraid of flying?"

I cleared my throat and shook awkwardly. "No. I'm not afraid to get on a plane. Just nervous about take-off." I was beating again.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"What makes you nervous about taking off?" Alex asked again.

"Oh, that. Hm. I'm .. I just don't like it. I don't know why" I answered. Come to think of it, I don't really like the feeling that comes with a plane speeding up and then nosediving a little to start flying. "I ... I think I'm just .. gamang," I added afterwards.

"Ah .. yes." Alex nodded. "If you think about it again, it is. But, now it's nothing else, isn't it, you?"

"Eh? Notwithstanding. No, kok. It's all right. By the way .... Eng ... thanks, Lex. And, sorry. Eh."

"It's okay." Alex cleared his throat. "It's okay."

The mood was quiet again. The atmosphere became uncomfortable again.

I .... I don't like this kind of atmosphere with the man sitting next to me. It seems, the familiarity that I have felt for about ten days has been erased just because of Alex's question and my reluctance to answer. I ... I'm not willing if that happens.

Hm.

I don't know why, obviously I don't want my friendship with Andrew to be strained just because. After all, my brothers have said that not all men are the same. They're for instance. I don't want to let those two assholes mess up my view of other men either.

I have to open my eyes wide. I really have to be careful. However, being careful does not mean limiting yourself, does it? I can still be friends with anyone.

Yes, friend. Surely Alex just wants to be friends with his co-workers. Plus now he can be said to be one of the best friends of one of my brothers.

For this reason, I finally want to answer the question that the young man has been asking. "I .. I've had bad experiences with men before. So .. yeah, that's it, deh."

I could hear a surprised tone in Alex's voice. Sure enough, because suddenly I pointed this answer at him. I was silent when asked, now even making a sound again when he might have given up on getting an answer.

"yeah. Not something I want to discuss in detail. The point is, maybe you can guess for yourself. He made a lot of promises to me, making me believe in him. But in the end, those promises became a dagger that hurt my own heart. Because of the promise of a stay of promise, she left with another girl." I flicked my shoulders, trying to look less influenced by my own story. But who do I want to lie to? In the upper part of my heart there is still a bad taste despite staying a little.

After exhaling, I just ventured to raise my head. When my eyes met Alex's eyes, I was shocked by what was on her face. His forehead frowned, his mouth closed with a locked jaw. Eyes that were clear, bright, were now filled with shadows. Darkened.

His expression drew a question mark from within me. "What's wrong?"

Her nostrils were flabby as she let out a loud breath. It took two to five seconds after that for him to open his voice. "Son of a *****." A blurry blur from between his tightly clenched teeth.

I can't hold back the rut. "Wee, just relax. No emotions at all."

His nose is still puffing and deflating. "How can I not?" said again. His growling deepened and sounding even more dangerous now.

Alex's response confused me again. "Why are you, Lex? All of a sudden, how could it be sangar gini?"

He then took a deep breath and released it slowly. The fragrance of peppermint from her favorite candy greeted my nose. Alex did it again. "Cowok cheating is just as sissy!" snarl. "Now I understand what you talked about that night."

Wait, what? What did he just say? "What do you mean, Lex?"

Alex spent a few moments just staring into my eyes silent greetings. It was like he was trying to dive into my head and see how my mood was going through my brown beads. Or he's guessing about my reaction. Or .... I don't know. Clearly, he seemed to be considering something.

"Lex!" Not Kayra Salim her name if she is resistant just wrapped with curiosity. Fortunately we took a business class flight, so the distance between seats was not too close. The risk of our conversations being stolen heard by other passengers becomes smaller. Anyway, it seems like the other passengers who are mostly the fathers don't care about us.

"Okay, okay. I'll clear it up." Alex finally replied.

"Clearly what?"

His cheeks ballooned before he exhaled a long breath. "That night, I heard your conversation with Rian. I–"

"You nagging?" I cut.

"No!" quickly objected. "I want to see you because I don't see you in the house. The others have already entered the room, so I nyariin you let there is a friend. But, right up to the park, I saw you with Rian."

Oh, ****.

"I originally wanted to join because you guys seemed really cool in the sky. But, just as it was a bit close, I could only hear the vibrations in your voice. My brain says that I have to turn right and let you guys talk about what's obviously private. But, yeah, that's it. My feet suddenly stiffened there. Behind the pot of banyan ornamental your mother who gedenya pardon. So, yeah."

Oh, ****. Oh, ****. Oh, ****.

I want to be angry because you could say Alex has stolen my private conversation. Seriously. I wanted to punch him, punch him in the body, yell at him for listening to my stupid confession. However, on second thought, it felt tired to be angry continuously. It feels too tired to keep the taste itself. I repeated everything Bang Rian said.

Ignore the pain or you will never be happy.

I want to be happy. I want to be happy.

So I decided to let go of all that pain, or share it with Alex, and started trying to enjoy today without having to run away from the taste that was once there. I accept all the pain that's ever been created.

"I'm so sorry, Kay. I understand that you are angry with me. But, you know what? I'm glad I did it. I'm glad to know how you really feel about it. What you've experienced. So .. so I can learn and not be stupid like them either. Uh, I mean, so I can understand how you are. After you explain the reason you doubt my promise, which has something to do with your story before, I get it all." Alex took both of my hands to hold it again. "Kay, I like you."

To be continued ....