To The Man Who Broke My Heart
44. A Jealous Not Ex - Boyfriend

At 6:15 PM, Roadside Chicken Pecel Warung.

Here we are two days later. I offered to treat Alex after the dress she gave me, and Alex forced him to eat this chicken pecel as a treat. Since when?

“You can ask for another treat, Lex. It doesn't have to be like this. If I feel sorry to know, no?” I said it while we were waiting for our order. This time we ate at a new place that had a table. Fortunately, the place was not too crowded when we arrived. So Alex doesn't have to worry about our sitting position anymore.

Alex who was now sitting in front of me immediately looked up after hearing that statement. “Don’t feel that way, please. That's not what I meant. I got a recommendation from my assistant, he said this place is the most delicious in Jakarta. That's why I'm so curious to try it with you. I want to know what you think. So now we eat here.” He said all these things while looking straight at my eyes, probably because he wanted to convey the honesty that was there.

I'm squinting. Despite hearing Alex's explanation, I still doubt the reason.

“Please, Kay.” Alex begged again.

I finally took a long breath. “OK if that's the case. I'm also sure I won't be able to handle your true taste, Lex. Thanks for being so understanding with me.” I smiled directly into his eyes, but this time Alex did not smile back. There's something in those eyes that I don't know what it means, the glint is different now. Is that a wound?

After the onehow conversation stopped but left behind that awward trail, Alex was more silent. He simply consumed the ordered menu without much comment. It was totally opposite to what he said. There was no response to what he ate.

Done, he was waiting for me in the car when I paid for our food. “Why are you, Lex? Did I have a wrong word? How did you stay silent?” I asked her after sitting next to the driver of the luxury sedan, unable to bear the unpleasant aura that spread between us.

“Nothing.” Alex shakes. He went back to silence before continuing. “I was thinking about something that made us break even, Kay.” He then started the car engine.

“You mean?” I'm getting more confused.

“You should buy me something international too." He stepped on the gas pedal and the car split the street that night.

7.35 PM Starbucks.

Alex took a sip of his Iced Americano and I waited for my hot caramel macchiato a little cooler by checking social media. “Thanks for the International Drink, Kay.” I groaned and shifted my gaze from the phone screen. Alex raised his cup of coffee like he was about to toast. “Now we break even.” He showed off a triumphant smile.

I put the phone on the table and crossed my arms around my chest. “Whatever.”

Amidst Alex's laughter, I heard a twang from my phone. I saw a notification of a new email coming in on the screen. The sender's name choked me.

"What's that?" Alex was immediately near me with a face full of anxiety. "Why you?"

I glanced at Alex and my phone screen took turns. "Hm. There ... there's an email coming in from Che."

Alex's jaw twitched. I saw a fleeting tension running across that face. Just a glance and Alex could already control himself again. He cleared his throat before saying, "What do you want to do? What do you want?"

“I .. I don't know. I don't know what to do" I replied candidly and honestly. How can I know that I’m ready or that I’m not?

Alex's expression softened again. “Hey. I'm here with you now, right? I'll be here to accompany and support you, whatever you want to do with that email. You have to remember that I want us to go through this together. I have told you many times that I am serious. You must start learning to trust me. Okay?”

After hearing the motivation from inside me, I could nod my head at Alex. “We will go through this together.”

Alex touched my hair with a smile. A smile that shone down to those blue eyes. “Yes. Yes. You're right.”

After a deep breath, I touched the notification on the screen that instantly delivered me to the email inbox, the place where Daei Che's email was waiting to be opened.

To: budithesmokers@gmail.com

To : salimnumber3@gmail.com

Subject: no subject

I then touched the phone screen and the email was opened. It's not much, it's just an appendix and a few sentences.

However, who would have thought that the number of sentences is not how much it can give a big?

Who is this, Kay? He doesn't deserve you. He deletin you just to play around.

I didn't understand what Che was talking about and chose to open the attachment. A photograph. Alex and I were in it. Judging from the background and what was around, this photo must have been taken while we were eating at my favorite restaurant that afternoon.

What the heck?

I immediately handed the phone to Alex. He looked at our photo and then .. smiled? “We look good together.”

Pfft. I laugh. I doubt he would be able to say that if he had read the message there. “Read the message first then.”

Alex then touches the back panel. The screen now displays the contents of the email. He's getting even more broken.

“It’s just a comment from a jealous ex boyfriend who clearly stuck with you and don’t want to see you with a man that way, way better than him," he said casually. He still had time to tease me by moving his eyebrows up and down several times. I scrunched my nose intending to avenge his temptation. “And he’s not even your ex.”

I want to not laugh. It turns out that once you learn to face reality, then you learn to laugh at yourself and your past. Laughing at the stupidity you've made, the mistakes you've made, the suffering you've felt. You laugh at everything until it leaves no sense of what it once was. Shame for your stupidity, regret for your mistakes, pain for suffering. You laugh at him until all that's left of it is just cuteness. And, when you look back at the pages of your past, all you'll find is something funny, some funny time.

So there's no point closing yourself in after you've been heartbroken or your heart broken by someone you trust. That's why you should look more at the outside world, at the things that will give you a new reason to stay. Open yourself up to those who will teach you laughter.

The earth will not stop spinning to wait for you to rise again; it will keep moving, no matter what happens. So, my advice, you better get up soon, with the earth moving. There is no point in lamenting. Because you have a God who knows. If you've done the best you can and someone's still gone, that means he's not meant to be here. God has something better in place.

To be continued ....