After Two Decades
Go as Far as You Can

I walked out of Mr. Roy's room. While the old man leaned back limp without being able to say anything more. As soon as I arrived at the door, Jan and Hadni immediately grabbed. They were busy asking a lot of questions. I didn't care, I just walked right past them. They call me repeatedly.

"Ren, where are you going? Don't go!"

"Ren, wait a minute. I know you're angry and disappointed, calm yourself down!"

"Mir ...."

"Renato!"

None of their calls I gubris. I kept my mouth shut and just kept going without caring about them chasing and holding my body. I came to the elevator door full of indifference. Hadni held onto my arm, but I jerked off. Jan also tried to arrest me. But free, they will not be able to do anything to calm me down. They won't be able to hold my steps. Their calls, their questions, their words, all pass in my ears. Not one of them I listened to. Hadni may have been half crying, but I had a hard heart for pity. Jan had caught my body, so I had to make a violent revolt and made my best friend fall slammed onto the floor. Hadni glared in disbelief. I immediately went into the elevator. They can't come after me. Jan might be able to, but he understands that free forces me.

Arriving on the ground floor, I hurriedly crossed the lobby room. Out of the office building, greeted by my motorcycle which since I came has been parked there.

I had the motor on when Jan and Hadni came out of the elevator door. When they ran after me, I was already speeding out of the building complex. Riding into the streets, my motorcycle roared. That's when I dashed like a racer on the race track. No matter what else. I'll go all the way. All reality is too painful. Now I understand what Koh Shung feels. Now I know why he wanted to die alone, instead of living by bearing all the burden of reality that kept piercing the heart like a barrage of endless needles. I understand once, if the world works in this way, it is only natural that many people who die end their own lives. I may be worse than them, because I don't want to live and I don't want to die. My life is full of surprises. It is topped by painful surprises that come from the past. After two decades, everything was finally revealed. The striped ones are emblazoned, the ones that are bad to burst. I loudly spoke in front of thousands of people that the Gate of the Past will reveal the lost cases in history. Who would have thought I was the first to experience it. Accepting the painful reality that turns emotions upside down is like the brunt of a storm. Destroying all the logic I've been expecting. Gave me a mental shock from the twisting of the gruesome storyline. I don't know what God meant to make my life like this. I longed to scream loudly, but my voice was over with sadness. I can't do anything anymore. Disappointment has drowned me. Now I'm losing my spirit. Lost the direction I should be running. Who am I running for?

My bike is crazy all along the road. However, I don't know where I should go. What am I supposed to do now? Is life really like this?

***

Then by late afternoon, I arrived at the city's international airport. Crowded atmosphere. I bought a flight ticket. Passing the usual procedure. I have a close colleague who works at the airline, I asked him to help me keep my flight a secret. Hiding my name from the flight manifest or any way to get no one to know where I'm going. Of course it's easy, my friend's accepting it. Finally, he sat in the passenger seat of the aircraft cabin. Then, on a predetermined schedule, the plane took off. Leaving towards the sky. Flying as high as possible. Take me away. At first glance I could see the view of the city, complete with a sad impression that I felt as soon as I looked at it. What to say, I went missing.

***

Late at night, I arrived at my destination. A foreign island thousands of kilometers from my homeland, a small, newly formed town. Although there are no relatives here, but this place is my only choice to leave my hometown. I wish here I could forget all the wounds, and heal all the sorrows. Wishing here I could find tranquility, after many years of searching for the meaning of tranquility which ironically at its peak the calmness is even more lost replaced by the murk of the river of reality. Bitterer.

So to this small town I landed. A place where I found the other side of life. Whereabouts? Where else if not Sawu Island. Sabu Raijua Regency, East Nusa Tenggara. The plane I was on landed at Tardamu Airport. The same airport I used to carry out Prof's rescue mission. Ram. A city I never visited before, but now it's my last option to stay away from all the old-fashioned things. From the airport, I drove to the city center by taking a taxi I ordered online. Getting off the taxi, I continued walking through the city atmosphere that night. I drove around the city alone without a single person I knew. See how the city looks so peaceful. Not as crowded and crowded as my hometown. Approaching midnight, I decided to return to the inn that I had booked before. I forced myself to sleep, although there were still many shadows that cherished the mind. I wish I could sleep like I did in the past. Forgetting everything that hurts. I hope tomorrow morning the sun will build me up with rays of light that bring good news. I don't know if I can still get my hopes up, or if all my hopes are just hopes. I don't know, at least I let me sleep tonight. Now that I've been thousands of kilometers away from home, there's no longing to return. I started thinking about staying here. Start life from zero again. Repeating everything from the beginning. Rebuild everything. Maybe, but I can consider tomorrow. I must first gather the spirit of life that falls scattered. Take all the asa again. Life will begin again. Although life remains alive, there is a few percent chance of coming back for a similar reality. Because no one guarantees that peace will last. I-i understand. However, ... Ah, nevermind. Sleep better.

***

In the early hours of the morning I woke up. I didn't sleep well. This morning I was getting ready to go somewhere. Which is the main purpose I came to this city. The reason why this city I'm making it the last resort for escape.

I ordered a taxi like before. So that morning, I set out from the inn to the east coast of the city. Areas close to the port and coast. The journey was long enough. And finally I arrived also after passing through the natural scenery typical of the island.

"Are you here?" the taxi driver asked puzzledly as I asked him to leave the taxi. Stop in front of a small alley between two tall buildings.

"Yes," I replied politely. I got out of the car and paid for the taxi. For a moment I stood at the base of the alley. Looking far along his path. Then I stepped along it. Towards the other side of life.