After Two Decades
The Impossible Desire

As soon as my motorcycle reached the yard. I entered a voice command to open the garage door. The garage door was open.

Motorcycle I put in the garage. Once the motorcycle is neatly parked, the garage door closes by itself.

I'm heading to the middle room. Stepping empty without spirit. Bringing home the annoyance and the disappointment. When I set foot inside the room, there was an automatic sensor system that knew of my presence.

"Welcome back, Mr. Renato. How was your day?"

I didn't answer that greeting. I don't give a shit. I continued to my room across the room. This house is completely quiet and quiet. But this is exactly what I need.

There are a lot of automated systems at my house. One of them was a room door that opened automatically as I stood in front of him. I stepped slowly. Then the door closed again as soon as I entered.

There was nothing excited to do, so I threw myself on the bed. Lying down with a broken feeling. A painful memory two decades ago. Drifting in sadness. I buried my face on the pillow. My body was lying there like it was helpless. Long time. With a work suit I refuse to change.

I got up for a while, looking blankly at the window that brought in the sunlight. I moved to close it tightly. My room went dark, before it finally became bright again when the lights turned on automatically. Although not for long, because the lamp was then I turned off. So that my room really went dark. The remaining SOD-32 screen that lit up on the wall, became the only light that existed.

"Dhen, activate the high-security system in every part of the house!"

"Security systems upgraded!"

"Close all the driveways. Reject all guest requests!"

"Execute command!"

"Turn off all room lights, turn off all non-essential devices. Enable power saving mode!"

"Execute command!"

"Block all incoming phone calls from anyone, without exception!"

"Block!"

"Replace the status of all social media networks to offline!"

"Substitute!"

"Turn off data streams connected to the Korp headquarters. Masadepan!"

"Consideration, turning off the flow of data will result in the breaking of information, recent updates, and the agenda of the office. Confirmation?"

"Confirmation!"

"Confirmed!"

I'm stopping. Re-enlosing my body tired of grief. Closing my eyes, hoping all this will pass. However, I still could not resist the heart, this disappointment flowed deeply.

"Consideration, the house has been totally locked and cut off from access from the outside world. It is recommended to set an exception for certain people!"

I stared lazily at the screen.

"There are no exceptions! Reject all calls, leave a voicemail for everyone who rings the bell that I don't want to be disturbed."

"Prepare!"

The room has been dark since. I put my face back in the pillow. Immersing minds. Trying to forget everything during a period of time I did not specify. This is my habit from childhood that has never changed until now. When I am sad, even more so, I will lock myself in a room for a long time. Don't want to be disturbed by anyone. No one needs to entertain. I just need to be alone. With all the orders I gave Dhen, then no one can contact or visit me here. All phone calls will be automatically blocked. The fence and door are locked. Everyone comes and rings the bell, the system will automatically sound a voicemail that I can't accept guests, anyone. So, perfectly I'll be alone here. Until my sadness is gone.

***

I locked myself away for a long time. Long time no doing anything. Not going to the office, forgetting all my work agenda. Not doing anything at home. Not showered. Not changing clothes. Not even eating. Do not leave the house, not even out of the room. It lasted for days.

On what morning, I woke up with a very weak body. Weak and helpless. Just getting out of bed I can't seem to. Very tired, I don't know how many days I don't eat. My hair is tangled, my face is too. My body is really not powered. I was still wearing my work suit yesterday.

After much effort, I finally got up. The room is still dark. After getting up I did not immediately walk. I stood up for a long time to gather energy. I am still weak and weak. I took off my suit and threw it away. Then let go of my shirt. Leave the sweatshirt inside.

"Observations, home lockdown and cut-off are taking too long, automated systems have restored access as before and all closures are reopened for security reasons."

After that the lights turned on and the whole room became brightly lit. I just remembered, locking down all the systems I've been doing can't be too long. The system is programmed to go back to the initial settings if it has been beyond the time long enough. However, I don't care. I didn't get to think about that. I staggered towards the bathroom.

I looked at my own face in the mirror. So tangled. Then I washed my face. After that it was again glued in front of the mirror staring at its own face. This time it looks fresher than before. I rubbed my hair and then stepped out. Get out of the room, then head to the middle room. Stepping carefully because the body is still weak. Stepping empty without purpose and spirit.

"Report, someone was in front of the fence, ringing the bell several times. Waiting for permission to open the fence!"

I thought for a long time. The windows and doors are all still closed. I can't look out, don't know who's out there.

I forced myself to walk to the door and opened it wide. The bright light belonging to the sun barged in blinding the eyes. Illuminate the living room. A few meters ahead, the fence is still closed. However, from those metal crevices I could see the figure of a girl standing waiting. Hadni, my secretary's in the office. That girl, what did she want to come here?

I was stunned for a long time in front of the door. Think and think what to do. I was lazy to have to deal with him, but there was no way I could have kicked him out.

"Rin! Are you there?" Hadni called me over and over again.

I remain stunned. My body is limp, not powered, added confusion.

"Sorry, Mr Renato! It is recommended to let him in!"

"But, Dhen, he's that ...."

"Hadni Runisti's name." cut Dhen suddenly. "Secretary of the Anti-Conflict Timsus in the Corps. Masadepan. Living in the housing complex Melati Indah. Data shows there's no criminal record, he's a good guy. Verified is not a threat. Confirmation to get more detailed information?"

"I know that, Dhen! I know him!" tukasku. This artificial intelligence system is man-made, but it won't be exactly human-like. There is always a shortage. What I was trying to say was that she was a woman and I was not happy dealing with her. Artificial intelligence remains artificial intelligence, it only runs programs created by its creators.

"But she's a young girl, sir! I don't have a partner yet, just like you! Isn't that a good thing? Sure you understand what I mean?"

Jesus, what the fuck? Why did Dhen follow along to become like the people. I was stunned while scratching my head. I know this artificial intelligence system is also programmed to be a personal assistant with full features and can be invited to chat like a friend. However, I didn't know it turned out that Dhen was programmed until that.

"Mrs ... Ren! You hear me?" Hadni was still standing in front of me and calling me.

Finally inevitably with a heavy heart I stepped towards the front fence. I walk slowly like a drunk.

"Hopefully succeed, sir!" Dhen's voice came from inside the house. It stopped me from my steps. Stare back with surprise and surprise. What the fuck does that mean?

"Don't interfere in human affairs, Dhen!" chirp me nonchalantly and then move on. The fence shifted and opened automatically as soon as I arrived. Hadni smiled broadly to welcome me. While I put on a folded face.

"More?" said Hadni in surprise. He looked concerned to see my face. "Why you?"

"Please!" my spoken. Indifferently I headed back to the living room. Hadni walked behind me. With that limp body, walking from the front of the fence to the living room felt far away. I immediately relaxed my body onto the sofa as soon as it arrived. Hadni sat down in front of me after putting a plastic bag on the table.

"You look so pale, Ren? What's going on?" ask Hadni. He moved near me. I shifted a little away.

"How many days have I not been in the office?" my many. Ignoring question.

Hadni frowned. Then he said, "Three days, Ren! It's been three days that you didn't enter the office, couldn't be contacted, couldn't be called. Your social media is dead too. I've come here to see you, but this house is locked by a security system. Luckily this morning it seemed to have opened, so I was waiting for you outside. I'm so worried, what's really going on?"

"That means I haven't eaten in three days" I replied, leaning back against the sofa. Sighs.

"Geez, Ren! You can get sick, deserve your face to be so pale. Here, I bring it for you, eat it!" The girl placed the plastic bag she had placed on the table. It turned out to be the food he brought me.

"Ren, please, eat! You'll get sick later, don't be like that!"

I don't like to see faces pleading like that. Especially she's a woman. I hate to admit it, but she looks charming. I don't want to obey his will either. I started to grab the plastic bag. Then I got out of position with the intention of taking the dishes to the kitchen, but the girl immediately held me back.

"Say what you need, let me get you!" said it. He gently held my arm and led me back to my seat. I'm not happy in a situation like this, but my weak body helplessly leaves me with nothing. Not to mention I replied, the girl has already rushed towards the kitchen.

"Let me get you a plate, you just wait there! You have to eat, Ren!" said it.

What the fuck? My home. Why did he arrange? I frowned with a slumber. However, I have to admit, he really helped me this weak one.

Shortly after, the girl returned from the kitchen with a plate, spoon and a glass of water. I don't want to talk much. Immediately I ate the food he brought. And for some reason, Hadni patiently waited for me to finish eating. He looks very happy.

As soon as I finish eating. Then he came back to talk to me.

"So, Ren? What exactly is going on? Mr. Roy says you're sad so shut up and don't want to be disturbed!"

"Yes," I replied in an indifferent-sounding tone. "I'm sad, there's sadness from the past."

"How are you doing now? I mean, your state of heart?"

I looked at him in wonder. Then he said, "It's better than yesterday!"

"Will you tell me?" ask him carefully. It seems so scared to offend me.

"My father died two decades ago" I replied with a quivering tone. I spoke without looking at my opponent. I just stared at the ceiling blankly.

"Sorry, Ren!"

"All I know is that my father died in a car accident. However, it turns out, a few days ago I just found out that my father was murdered, and the killer was unknown until now." I told him as much as I could. Actually I was reluctant to tell a story, especially to a woman. However, how else, I was already caught in this situation.

"It's grieving, Ren. May you be strong!" hadni. He rubbed my shoulders, trying to comfort me. However, looking at my uncomfortable face, he pulled back his hand.

"Maybe it'll be noon I'll start working again!"

"Don't, Ren! You are still weak, you still need to rest. Better not work first!" said Hadni with a serious face.

"Why did you manage my life?" I asked with ketus. This time I really looked at him, but with a slumber.

"It's not so, Ren!" answer Hadni. "But you still look weak, still pale. I don't want anything to happen to you!"

I'm speechless. Looked at the girl's face sharply. While he was just a little surprised to see the expression on my face. I stared at him for a long time with that angry face. However, he instead smiled innocently in response.

"What's wrong with you, Hadni?" my many.

"meaning?"

"Is it worrying me, paying attention to me, including your duties as a secretary?" my many.

Hadni fell down to hear that. I can't see his face, but I'm sure his countenance has changed. For a long time he was silent, thinking, like forcing himself to be brave. Then he spoke again.

"Sorry, Ren! Maybe I should've told you a long time ago,"

I frowned.

"Please don't be mad at me, actually I .. I like you, Ren!" Hadni said so while looking back at me. His face showed sincerity. While I was dumbfounded.

We looked at each other like that for a long time. Hadni with a face of anxious hope. I am with a face of wonder and disbelief.

"Hadni" I said at last. "You shouldn't like me or love me! I'm just gonna hurt you, Hadni. I can't promise you anything, please don't expect more! I'm different from the men out there."

Hadni's face looks dimmed. He said, "We can't control our feelings, Ren! You know that, isn't that feeling that it won't go away and can't be eliminated unless it's the one that's lost by itself? Similarly, it cannot be brought forth and brought unless it comes alone."

I'm speechless. He was right, and I understand. This situation is really difficult.

"But all this time I never appreciated you, I was always indifferent, no matter what. Even I'm rude!"

"It is impossible for a man to be unhappy close to a woman, for no reason, unless he is already in a pair. However, I know very well, Ren, you don't have a partner. There is no woman in your life. So even though you are always indifferent and indifferent, even avoiding me, I always forgive your actions. I never put it in my heart. I'm always aware, because I'm sure you have a good reason to be like that."

I'm silent again. Sometimes I think, what is this girl's heart made of? He was really patient with me.

"But Hadni" I said again. "I can't guarantee you'll be happy with my nature."

"I just need to know that you're fine, his physique and his heart, then I'll be happy simply."

"But ...."

"Ren, I understand you don't want a relationship. I'm not asking you to accept me, nor am I asking you to be in a relationship. I was just expressing my feelings so that my heart would calm down. That'sallthatis. So whatever you feel, forget it."

"Alright, thank you for understanding."

After that we both just stayed for a long time. Confused about what to talk about. Trapped in an awkward situation. Until finally, Hadni who opened the conversation again.

"Ren, don't you have any plans to find out who killed your father?"

"Hmm" I muttered. "I'd really like to do it, but I don't have any data."

"I can help you find information, whatever you need."

"No, no need" I replied. "I just want to go to the past, when our Time Machine is done later."

"Ren," he said in a concerned tone. "Do you want to go to the past, to prevent your father from being killed?"

This woman can read my mind. I replied in a quivering voice, "Yes, I want to change that past."

"Can't, Ren! You can't do it. I'm sorry, I don't mean to ruin your expectations, but you never forget that time machines don't work that way!"

I'm sober. Feeling disappointed in yourself and thinking short. I leaned back onto the sofa while sighing. How could I possibly want to change the past. Though I know, the time machine that will soon be created is not possible to do that. I also know a lot about the concept of time and life. I don't know why I suddenly became like a desperate person who didn't accept the reality. My desire was very unfounded, only triggered solely because of emotional, because I was carried away by an atmosphere of sadness and disappointment. But it's obviously impossible.

Then I bowed sedu. Covering the face with the hands. Hadni shifted closer, she rubbed my shoulder. This time I let it go.

"Don't think about changing the past, Ren!" said Hadni softly. "Let the past pass. God will not give sorrow without a good purpose. And no matter how sophisticated we can innovate, we will never be able to resist God's destiny. So remember, don't think about changing the past, but we have to change. Change for the better and stronger than the lessons and experiences that have passed."

I'm still silent. The girl's words were in one sense, and rightly touched my sad heart.

Hadni eventually moved from her position.

"I have to say goodbye, Ren! Sorry, I can't stay with you for long. Hope you're okay, and don't be sad again, yeah!" The girl rubbed my shoulder again before then stepped away. I lifted my face and looked at his back which kept away.

"Hadni," call me. The girl paused for a moment before completely exiting the room, she turned her head.

"Thank you!" I finally smiled at him. Things I never felt like I'd done.

The girl was shocked for some reason. However, after that he looks excited instead of playing. He smiled back innocently. His smile looked different this time, looking happier than before. I don't understand, but from that smile I feel peace. It's like seeing someone's face, but I don't know who. The girl waved her hand and then passed.