Canvas Aksara
THE NIGHTMARE OF THE PAST

CANVAS 13

[THE PAST NIGHTMARES]

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"What are you looking for from Alena, what's the truth?"

Finally, after a long time of resentment and pretending not to care, Siena was able to voice out what had been on her mind all along. His position is now sitting under a Linden tree near an ornamental pond. Next to him Panji sat leaning against the flowering tree with his eyes looking straight at the sports hall across the street.

The building which is usually crowded only when there are hours of sports lessons on this day is being used as a place for one of the studies. Panji initially only plans to skip the hours of insight study so he chooses to be alone in the shade of the Linden tree. But ill-fated, he again had to see the stifling look across there.

The study place of one of the famous athletes is underway is indeed crowded by other students. But, among the crowd, Panji cursed his eyes that should be focused on the figure of Alena. From the beginning the girl silently recorded on her notes and then interacted with several people until she came forward to practice taekwondo techniques that had just been demonstrated by the filler of the study that afternoon.

Usually Panji never blames anything about Alena. But seeing Regan who continued to visit every step of the girl made Panji want to shout loudly in front of the girl. Calls for the words he said some time ago.

"Alena, I'm your boyfriend."

At that time Alena did answer, 'yes'. But clearly Panji met with real emptiness in the meaning of his word. And Alena is that easy to tear apart her whole heart.

At a time like this, Panji should be silent alone. But Siena messed up the sadness that she almost swallowed deeply. I don't know what the reason is that Siena is still in the school area when the other IV level students have been scattered out there. And Siena's question deepens the fall of the Panji in that stifling dark space.

"Nothing.... I didn't find anything," she replied with a glaring look.

"If so, you don't have to go this far. Please stop as soon as possible, Aksa."

Panji turned his head with a pushy look at his brother, "Unfortunately I have indeed gone that far, Yes," he replied softly.

And Siena no longer understood how to deal with a Panji like this. He thought he was close enough to understand his brother well. But Siena is wrong, she only knows the Panji as everyone else knows the child. At least Siena never managed to dive the Panji a little further than everyone else. And Siena did not know how else to go to the point where she could freely understand everything about Panji.

"I told you once, right? If there's no reason why I chose Alena. Just like now, there is also no reason why I should stop like you said."

It felt like Siena was yelling in her sister's ear while pointing across and yelling in frustration, 'THERE's AKSA! THERE ARE! THEY'RE THE REASON SO YOU HAVE TO STOP!'.

But, Siena hated herself who could not do what she thought and just remained silent beside Panji. Watching the boy who had begun to close his eyes enjoyed the gust of wind that hit his face. And he could only endure the regret of realizing the transparent boundary that Panji made between them. Seeing her sister desperately holding back the wound, for the umpteenth time Siena felt like a failure as her sister.

"The same father Mother began to wake up a few months ago in country X. Their jobs take up a lot of time there, so they'll probably stay there for the next." Clearly Siena while observing the expression that Panji was about to show.

Beyond Siena's expectations, Panji stared angrily at her. His dark blue net revealed a sudden turbulent emotion. Siena did not understand, which part made Panji so that way. But one thing he knew, it was the first time for him to see that angry Panji.

Then without leaving any words to his brother's confusion, Panji rose immediately. The news that Siena delivered was completely unacceptable to her. Indirectly Siena said that they had to move to the place she mentioned. What are they considering the banner until something as important as this no one asks his opinion? Why decide so? Is it because the Panji is too willing to say everything that people say until no one feels the need for his approval?

Panji is not in a good state to think clearly. He was scared and felt at the tip of the horn. Complicated relationship with Alena. The last memory comes like a nightmare. Then, suddenly Siena said that lightly. Pennant's upset! No, he's angry at the moment. Why can't anyone understand him? Doesn't anyone understand how he feels?

"Where are you going?"

The banner closed the locker violently making Siena jump in shock, "Go home."

Siena hastily hindered Panji's steps, but what she did not expect....

"Surge, Siena!"

Panji never called him Big Brother even though he was three years older. He never blamed it and let Panji call him with different calls since childhood. But, all her life, Siena had never heard Panji mention her first name. Especially with a high tone and reddened eyes holding back tears, Panji had never been this way before.

"Aksa—"

The banner ignored Siena who was about to speak. So the girl had to hold her arm with her hands shaking and said with a glass.

"Okay, okay, you can go home. But it has to be the same for me. Yes, Aksa?"

Siena swallowed her hard-earned saliva after saying so. Without waiting for Panji's answer, he then pulled his sister's hand to dribble towards the parking lot. In front of the teacher room he forced Panji to sit in a long chair that was in the corridor. To get through the gates of Siena need a strong alibi to escape the tight guard.

"Wait here, and don't try to go first. Okay well? The aksa? You heard me, right?"

Panji just kept quiet, then with misgivings Siena began to enter the teacher's room to immediately finish his business. Without him knowing, when he left, the other students began to pass by in this hour of rest while waiting for the next study. Among those who go back and forth before the Panji, among them the gossip is alive again. Warm talk about how compatible their Student Council Chairman is with the Deputy.

As usual Panji did, he just kept quiet. Even when Alena passed in front of him with Regan, he had absolutely no courage to speak. Silence banner. Until Siena pulled him back, he remained silent. Until other rumors about her about Siena began to appear, she was still silent. When he saw news of Regan's success in keeping his post, he also chose silence.

Quiescent. Mum. The banner carries itself drowning in darkness in the silence it creates. Unknowingly making the cracks in his heart spread even more widely. And in an instant the cracked eye shattered it into insignificant fragments as the Mother confirmed what Siena had said to her.

"I never said agree or disapprove" he said with a trembling voice standing before the Mother. While Siena was looking behind her sending a sense of regret through an eye gesture to her Mother because of this.

Father and Panca who had just returned home after fishing in the river behind their house were astonished by this unusual tense atmosphere. Panca initially intended to melt the atmosphere by embracing her sister's shoulder.

"Soiled, truant, are you home at this hour?"

But Panji's reply made him finally understand. This situation he could no longer fix with a little joke and comforting words.

Panji brushed Panca's hand off her shoulder without even a single glance at her eldest brother. His gaze was just straight looking at Mother. Then after gulping with difficulty he said to me, "You can go, I'll stay here."

"Son...."

Even Panji no longer cared about the voice that called out to him. He just left, climbed the stairs to the second floor and rushed in slamming the door violently and locking it.

Father looked at the direction of the departure of his youngest son and then turned to Mother, "Someone is willing to talk about this?"

Siena squeezed out her hands that were soaked with sweat. With his head down he spoke almost whispering, "Sorry Dad. Nana's wrong."

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Tonight was quieter in that little wooden house on the outskirts of town. No, the atmosphere only returned to how it was when Panji was always alone in the nights before the return of his parents and brothers. The difference if he was really alone in the house, then now there are other humans who are on the same roof as him. It's just that Panca's guyonan is not heard, Siena's booming protest does not thunder, the father who broke up or Mother who nagged is not heard at all tonight. Completely silent filled their homes after noon Panji came home with an angry grate that he could not cover.

And until now, Panji is still stuck at his doorstep. Sitting hugging knees with head sinking between the folds of his arms. From the beginning of entering his room this afternoon, Panji did not move from that position. He ignored his sultry body because he had not yet bathed, he did not care about the sensation of twisting from his stomach that asked for food supply. All Panji did was hold tightly to himself in silence. Again, for the umpteenth time, Panji chose to let his wounds rot with that inertia.

"Acts...."

That's Mother's voice. I don't know how many times the woman repeatedly knocked on the door of Panji's room earlier. Just to call his name and not say anything more until the clattering of his steps sounded away in Panji's ear.

However, for a few minutes later there was no sound of any movement from Mother. The woman just stayed in front of the door of Panji's room without doing anything, not saying another two words. Maybe he felt deadlocked facing the attitude of Panji that he had just met this time.

There were no long footsteps approaching. Two people out there whispered to each other and then Panji heard one of them step away. And then Panji knew who had just come through his voice.

"Acts...."

That's Dad.

"What if you don't want to go out. I'm talking from here."

There was a pause for a while before Dad finally made a sound again.

"Dad's sorry if our decision hurt you. But, son, you should know that every parent only wants the best for their child."

I heard Dad's breath full of fatigue. The banner raised its face slightly only to encounter the darkness in its room.

"For so long I thought that we could be completely out of the shadow of the past. But it's a nightmare we didn't expect to see haunting you every night. You say fine too often until we forget about how fragile you are. We're too busy on so many things that we forget a little bit of hurt that invites a lot of pain on you."

The pennant felt his eyes warm with heavy petals. He heard Dad coughing slowly and then sighed softly.

"Panner, if you are sick do not be detained, if you are sad, say, if you are angry overflow. Don't be damned all alone. I feel like I failed so know that you who are awake every night cry for the same wound, when during the day you smile and say fine. Pennant..."

"... I'm sorry, son."

Just like that, the tightness that Panji was holding overflowed out with his sobs. He buried his face deep in the arms with a cry that he could no longer bear. The pained cries of Panji running through their house made none of them dare to move even a little. Even to take a breath of air, it felt so full of weight.

In his tears Panji was stunned, with a stingy breath he kept repeating that one name.

"Exec...."

And they should have realized earlier, that none of them had really escaped the black memories that left a bluish bruise in the corner of their hearts.

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Pandu Areksa Wardana's.

Judging from any aspect, there is absolutely no gap for anyone to be able to distinguish it from the figure of Panji. Pandu, who is none other than Panji's twin brother, is exactly the same as Panji in some ways. What distinguishes them is that when Panji is busy scraping on paper, Pandu actually dissolves in the melody of the piano keys he pressed.

Ah, yes, one more thing that sets this twin apart. That is the Panji who is free to do what he wants, while the Pandu who is bound to drugs and various life support tools.

Pandu was born with misfortune in his destiny. When his twin brother was born healthy with complete organs, he actually got a weak body without a pancreas. Supported by an impossible heart condition, and Pandu made to let his life confined in endless treatment.

At first everything was fine. The guide can survive with some help. Their little family was so peaceful living in the suburban housing of Vyen. Then Pandu's condition worsened, the drugs did not help so he had to get intensive care in the hospital.

Then the job offer came to Dad. A top official who is also a friend of Dad invited Dad to join the project he developed.

Father's friend, Argus De Fornax, who was serving as military minister at the time, planned a technology to save the inmates. Maybe the idea was crazy, he wanted a tool that could tear apart someone's mind. Argus wants a tool that can run someone to act based on the rules applied. He wants the humans who are languishing behind bars to serve the country, while he has to make sure everything stays under control. And Argus needs this project to make his plan happen.

By fondling one thing and another, Father who had long retreated from his profession, finally returned again to be a genius scientist who sought the world. But this time he went back secretly. Their project is a closely guarded state secret of security and secrecy.

And that's how the beginning of Panji began to follow his parents traveling in various places for some business. Pandu was also transferred to the lab where Dad conducted his research, he was also treated directly by the country's best doctor thanks to a connection from Argus.

When Dad began his research with Mother who always accompanied, Siena found a big purpose in the land of birth of her mother who was none other than where Dad did research. Panca was following Siena. The two oldest siblings of Panji chose to live with one of the relatives of Mother there. While Panji, who was still three years old, could not be separated from his parents.

The first year all went well. The guide is also getting better. Panca and Siena are busy with the new world they are exploring out there. Panji as usual follow Father and Mother in various places to complete the research material. And Mother began to be intrigued to write back with their family story as material of his work.

The second year is the same. Father and Mother are still in the routine of moving their places. Pandu who is always moody in living in the lab is now more cheerful because he got friends. His name is Regan, Argus' youngest son. Panji only often saw him from afar because he did not like the presence of new people between him and his twin brother.

Year three. The project under the auspices of Argus runs 37% and Mother's latest novel is completed with a beautiful ending. Panji still follow Daddy and Mommy here and there, occasionally returning to their small house in Batara Housing Area. Sometimes Panji also visited his two brothers who increasingly brilliantly followed in the footsteps of Father and Mother.

Until then, when it was just entering the fourth year, the chaos occurred. The banner was still too small to understand the conditions of that time. Clearly, a lot of trouble happened. Until the terrible incident Panji was natural.

It was midnight, Panji accompanied Pandu who he said could not sleep. They talk a lot of things, precisely just a frenetic Panji tells anything he experienced out there. While Pandu is a good listener, occasionally laughing is amused by his twin stories.

The two children slept next to each other on Pandu's bed. The lights are turned off to make them freely see the view of small lights on the ceiling of the room which is arranged in such a way as to resemble a cluster of stars.

Until the romantic atmosphere of the brothers turned tense when the fire alarm sounded. Simultaneously the smoke began to enter the Pandu's nursery room making the two brothers in it bewildered. Dad and Mommy left for whatever business, Panji was left in the lab with Pandu. And the little Panji remembered, Father and Mother advised him not to be naughty and stay with Pandu until they return.

However, Pandu is different from Panji. Although people find it difficult to distinguish between the two of them, Panji is far more critical than Panji. Even in that condition he was already on standby by running to lock the door when he heard gunshots from outside.

Pandu dragged Panji hiding in his wardrobe. He even still had time to calm Panji when he himself felt tremendous anxiety.

"Eksa! The exca!"

Not Mom or Dad. But Pandu knew the owner of that hoarse voice. So, he ran towards the door and peeked at the gap in the door. He saw Doctor Edward, the old man who handled his self-medication, peeking in the gap from the outside.

"Eksa, look, whatever happens don't ever open the door. And hide in the safest place. Understood?"

Pandu just nodded, there was a lot he wanted to ask but he was too afraid to talk.

"Smart action. Everything's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay."

Again Pandu nodded obediently.

"Hurry, hide quickly. Remember that! Never go out! Whatever happens!" Outside Doctor Edward is like holding back tears, considering that poor little children like Pandu had to be involved in this terrible incident.

Explosions on some sides of the lab were heard. The footsteps of a crowd of people approached. Doctor Edward hurries to throw himself as bait to save the little patient who has taken his place in his heart's chambers. Withstanding the cry Pandu ran limped towards his sister who was curled up in the closet. He saw Panji as scared.

"Eksa—"

Panji's words were interrupted when a loud bang was heard at the door. Someone tried to break it from the outside. Then, whether you get courage from nowhere, Pandu took off his father's necklace and put it on the Brother. After that he locked his sister in the closet along with the door that was released from his hinge and showed a group of armed men entering the room.

It only took a split second without Panji having time to digest what happened when gunshots rang out and from the crack of the closet, he found Pandu's small body drenched in blood lying helplessly on the floor.

"DARK!!!"

Mysterious gunmen were rummaging through the room as Panji was screaming hysterically. One of them forcefully broke the closet door from the outside making Panji trapped inside injured because of the hard hit was also a piece of wood that penetrated his skin. He was pulled out mercilessly and then at the stake with a firearm.

The pennant is still crying. Especially when he saw Pandu who died near him, he was getting hysterical. He did not care about the danger that threatened his life. With trembling hands he grabbed the Scout that was drenched in blood. Chilly. Cold Guide body. The pennant cried even harder.

But the boy was not given a chance to grieve any longer as his body was forcibly withdrawn. He was dragged and thrown in front of someone who seemed to be the leader of the group. The man crouched down in front of Panji. His hand grabbed the black crescent moon pendulum on the necklace that Pandu gave to Panji.

"Where is this pair of necklaces?" the question is subtle yet intimidating.

The pennant did not answer. Just crying nonstop. The six-year-old boy was in such a terrible condition, where could he answer that person's question. The only thing Panji thought about was simply brusquely brushed aside the large hand that wanted to snatch his necklace.

"Don't touch!" His shouting.

"You should have been more obedient, boy," the man growled. Then without mercy his hands floated slapping the Panji until the boy fell to the floor. He wants to speed things up and immediately wants to take the necklace around the Panji neck which is the key to achieving his goal. But the boy with trembling hands was still trying to protect the necklace given by his twin brother.

"J-don't touch.... It's got Eksa," he said in a weak voice making the man grow furious.

The man took over the gun in the hands of his men who were guarding around earlier. Prepare to pull the trigger of the gun he pointed at the head of Panji who was cowering in pain on the floor.

Panji who is still trying to crawl grabbed the body of Pandu who is no longer alive, at all he does not care about his own life which is in danger. With a roaring cry he shook the body of the elder Brother a few minutes away from him.

"Hiks, Eksaa...."

Good luck siding with the poor boy. Another bullet preceded the patch that was aimed at his head so that the shot directed at him missed. Instead, the person who had originally aimed his gun at the Panji groaned in pain as the hot lead lodged in his forearm.

Shooting and hitting took place. A dozen people's unequal fights against one man who is none other than Argus. Argus' ability as a military minister is evident here. He easily uprooted a dozen of his opponents then immediately drove past the roaring Panji near the lifeless body of Pandu.

Argus seemed to be forced to swallow a bitter pill when his hand never found a pulse in Pandu's pulse. No breath was blowing in and out of the boy's nose. He felt his world collapse when that conclusion came to him. Pandu is gone. For a moment Argus gas gasped without knowing what to do.

The sound of another explosion made Argus wake up. Unfortunately it was too late when dozens of heavily armed men came in droves to charge their weapons without warning. Argus did not have time to think, his body moved based on instinct. He spontaneously grabbed the Panji tightly as bullets came raining down on them.

Panji was too tired and suffered many injuries, he was unconscious when Argus grabbed his body. Only in tears did he hear the sound of gunfire, screams of pain in the air, flames that devoured each part slowly. Then, amidst the noise, Panji heard his father's panicked screams. And after that he no longer knew what was happening.

Reinforcements came to arrest the perpetrator and evacuate the victims. Hundreds of people who worked in the lab died including Dr. Edward, Pandu, and Argus. The mastermind of this attack is the group****** that has long been a scourge for the country. Hearing the news of the research conducted by Argus with his Friend who was a young scientist who had been worldwide before, the group intended to take over the research. However, in the incident this time their group was successfully annihilated.

However, the big event was kept secret from the public. The government engineered Argus' death. The military minister was pronounced dead in an accident on his service trip. Research was discontinued and all cases closed with the execution of all involved with the group ******** who were behind the attack.

Due to this incident, Panji lost some of his memory due to the trauma he experienced. And then slowly he withdrew from everyone and settled in their little house in the suburbs of Vyen. Since then Panca has often traveled here and there, going anywhere to remove the painful traces left behind after Pandu's departure. While Siena prefers to stay there, still scavenging memory room about the sister who left so suddenly.

Dad's research was stopped. Mother also did not publish the book she wrote throughout the study. Initially they returned to the suburbs of Vyen, to the area they had built at the birth of their first child. The area was named Batara Housing Area, because it is the Batara family owner.

But, as time goes by Father and Mother leave behind dark memories that have befallen their families. Back to the traveling activity. Research on the project with Argus was indeed dismissed. But, Dad decided to stay in the world of science with his own laboratory that he built himself.

And Panji for years he was trapped in an excruciating empty space without anyone noticing.