Canvas Aksara
STILL THE SAME

Section 22

[Still the Same]

A month had passed since that sad day. The sad aura in the wooden house on the outskirts of the city was still the same even though day after day had passed. The residents of the house are still loyal there, still choosing to stay together because of the horror of the loss that befell them so many times.

From the outside everything seems to be going as usual. Like the workers who are busy in the back garden or harvesting apples in the front yard. Fathers who monitor the workers or just take care of a patch of their vineyard. Mother who takes care of her ornamental plants and mingles with female workers. Panca who often went back and forth to the river behind the house carrying a fishing hook but never brought home the fish results he kept the fishing line all day. And Panji who keeps silent in his room day by day.

Even so, everything that seemed insufficient proved that they had returned to be fine. Of course, there is no 'good' word in a strange loss. The longing for the existence of someone who can no longer be found is excruciating. The figure of Siena who took on too many roles during her life made the contrasting void felt. Until then they could only expect time to treat the gaping wounds.

"Is there anything you want to do?"

The one who spoke just now was a half-century-old woman with shoulder-length hair who was almost completely whitened. He sat on a chair that was provided in a room with a one-way mirror that allowed him to look out freely. In front of the woman, a teen sat on a single sofa with one hand propping up his chin and a directed look outward.

"Today the weather was bright. The sky looks beautiful, huh Panji?"

The banner is silent. That unidirectional chat has been going on since half an hour ago. Every day in these hours, the old woman would sit there talking to Panji. Although Panji never acknowledged, but the routine was never stopped.

The old lady in a typical white suit glanced at her watch, "Sesi today is done apparently. Let's end it here first, yeah."

Although Panji did not tell the woman still showed her genuine smile. Then her wrinkled fragile hand stretched out rubbing the top of Panji's head. And the boy had already memorized what the woman would say next.

"Blessed today, son."

His voice is very smooth and clear. Exactly the voice of Mother. The dark gray netra is the same as Mother. Because indeed everything that is in Mother is inherited from this woman. She is Panji's maternal grandmother who also doubles as a psychiatrist who handles Panji.

When Siena died, the woman who was often called Grandma by her grandchildren at that time was trapped because of the war that occurred in the country in the southern continent. Countries in the south are still caught in a protracted war from generation to generation. They are still fighting over the mineral-rich southern regions.

As a result, many people suffer, especially the caste system is still enforced there. Not the same as the countries in the north that tend to be mutually cooperative and peaceful. And even though they still share a monarchical form of government, the caste system does not apply here. Ordinary people as well as descendants of nobles are equally. Therefore many immigrants from southern countries spread to northern countries in search of new life.

One of those immigrants was Nanny. When he was young, he was sent by his parents to the Xe continent to avoid an increasingly crazed war in his country. Until then he grew up to have a family and aged like now. Her only child has grown up and even has a small family of her own. He has no more worries when he returns to his hometown. Even if he had to be trapped and die because of the political turmoil there, he would have no regrets and would close his eyes calmly in his homeland.

At first he thought so. Until the news came. And he knows his biggest mistake is to assume a grown child will be fine by itself. A child will still be a child to his parents. As far as he could see his son had grown, when the child returned to his arms with sobbing he knew that the child would not escape from him. In the end, however, he is no longer stuck in the yearning for his blood-shed homeland. Now he's thinking of getting through the rest of his life here. With a small, fragile family living in the suburbs of Vyen.

"What if I'm not happy?"

Nanny was still reminiscing about the past by looking at Panji when the boy suddenly asked her. After a dozen days he spent in this house, talking to the silent Panji, finally this time he could hear the voice. A voice that sounds hoarse and also means empty.

"Then Grandma will ask the same thing again tomorrow."

The banner is still in the same position. Support the chin with a directional view on the landscape out there. Although his auburn hair was trimmed neatly, but was unable to cover how messy the child was. His dark blue netra looked cloudy with a severe black circumference on his lower petals. The pennant cheeks also looked more tapered than before with small scratch scars around the jaw and temples. It was enough to prove that the past month has not been well passed by him at all.

"The banner...."

"You love the sky, don't you?"

"Yes." Yeah."

Nanny commented a wry smile as Panji quickly replied.

"Why is that?"

This time Panji seemed to think. Long enough until he answered doubtfully.

"Because.... I don't know."

"Do not know?"

Nanny had moved to stand by the Panji to look at the cloudless blue sky. Waiting for a while he got no answer. When he looked at Panji, he saw the boy who had played rubik with his head down. That means, Panji wants to be alone.

"Ma, Mama's driver has arrived."

Mother appeared from the balcony carrying a small container of freshly picked wine. He stepped in after removing his sandals and told Grandma to immediately meet his private driver who was waiting below.

"Panji, for the next week Grandma can not accompany you here. Take care of yourself, yes," Grandma said as she slightly bent over her forehead and then both of Panji's cheeks. Although the child was only busy with rubik and did not give a meaningful response.

Mother put the container containing the wine she had brought, on the nightstand. He escorted Grandma down the balcony. When returning again to the top of the steps Mother had stopped to see an empty cat cage in the corner of the balcony. The three tiny cats were being evacuated and cared for by Panca's friends. One of them is sick, while at home no one is good at taking care of cats. Panca asks for help from her friend who is a cat lover.

When entering the Panji room again, Mother found the child was already lying in her bed. Only his head seemed to puff out while the rest of his body was covered in a thick blanket. The weather is hot outside. Fortunately, the Panji room has been installed by AC. Dad took the initiative to do it when he saw the Panji nap habit that always wrapped itself in a thick blanket, no matter the sunny weather or rain. Instead at night the boy did not want to be covered with a thread. Yasudah, it's up to Panji.

"Mother forgot to give this..." Mother took out a small brush from the pocket of the negligee she was wearing, "your class leader came again. This time he gave a brush, he said of Gani."

Mother placed the Zaka thing between various objects arranged on a small table near the single sofa. Everything on the table was the seat of Zero class students who were delivered daily by Zaka as class leader. Since the new semester began, Zaka has never been absent from coming home just to deliver his friend's belongings. He did not question at all why Panji did not come to school even though the holiday was over. He also did not ask to meet with Panji. His arrival was really just giving away his friends.

"If you need anything, Mother is below."

That was the last sentence of Mother before she left the kiss at the top of Panji's head and left from there.

Shortly after, Panji moved slowly pulling the blanket until it covered half of his face. His eyes were wide open staring at the wine on the nightstand.

"I need Eksa and Yaya, can you give me?"

And that question absolutely has a 'NO' answer'. Panji knows that. He realized. That the crying that has been spilled, impossible to swallow back.