Canvas Aksara
AFTER YOU GO

CANVAS 20

[AFTER YOU GO]

Batara's residential house in the suburbs is still being visited by various sorrows even though a week has passed. After all, the one week after that crying day is still very new. Of course not as fast as they can forget, not soon they will recover from various injuries due to suffering.

Some relatives still routinely come to call out thousands of stoic sentences of tranquilizers. Acquaintances and close friends also sometimes come to see the situation of family members who are left behind. Not much has happened this week. Except for the crying that is often heard in the middle of the night, or even the appearance of a figure who is often pensive on the front porch looking blankly somewhere.

But, there was an incident that disturbed the family. It happened two days after the funeral. A man in his early 40s came home with a digips hand. He fell prostrate to apologize with sobbing in front of Father and Mother.

The man was a truck driver who was the beginning of the deadly accident. His arrogance makes him dare to drive recklessly, in a state of drunk anyway. However, he found himself living a healthy life and only suffering meaningless injuries, while the innocent people he had dragged to the gates of death had died. He then went to each family member who was made sad for his actions, and then waited to be judged and received the appropriate punishment.

There were many houses he came to with a roar of apology and a cry of regret. There have been many oaths and maki maki he got from each family of victims. Until, in the last house he came to, in the residence of Batara. Her cry was sahuti with a smile, while her regret was reciprocated with a reassuring apology.

The man felt more and more crumpled in his heart. He did not expect to be sorry, because he knew that his actions were inexcusable. However, the family made him bowed deeply with the burden of deep regret. Especially when he knew the victim who had taken his life was the only daughter who was still long journey. He sobbed louder as he looked at the portrait of the late Siena smiling brightly without any burden.... The man knew him....

"He's.... She's the girl who was mentioned as an angel by my p-son. Ma-angel who. saved our family...."

If not held back by Panca, Panji would have already charged at the man and exterminated him from this world. Such a person simply does not deserve the kindness of his Brother! However, no matter how strong Panji roared to take out the swearing from his mouth, then Panca would hug him even tighter. Whispers sickening stoic words in Panji's ears though he himself half-deadly survives to remain in his sanity.

Siena went away from them without a proper farewell, and the main culprit of all that? He was even able to take a breath out of the air freely! Obviously that makes Panji crazy. Moreover, Panca who is constantly trying hard to withstand the turmoil of his emotions. Only Father and Mother who looked still calm, nodded in acceptance of the plea for apology that the man made. Some of the people who had come to say the mourning sentence that day were only able to fall silent watching.

Then the police escorting the man immediately brought him to judgment. The next day a woman and a boy with autism came up with the same cries and regrets. They were the son and wife of the truck driver who had come before.

Panji locked himself in the room and closed his ears strongly when the two men came to his house. He tried not to listen but the humble cries on the lower floor still reached into his ears. Also how the heroic story of Siena flows from the woman makes her throw anything she can achieve. Siena helped the family to live a more decent life, and let the child with autism get the care they should. A story that is cliche and may be found a lot. However, Panji could not accept it! He couldn't accept what happened to Siena after everything she did.

Later that night Panji was rushed to the hospital due to a high fever. He was supposed to be treated for a few days, but he insisted on going home. Inevitably Father and Mother obey their wishes rather than the child doing unwanted things like the first day of Siena's departure. The banner that was shaken by Siena's abandonment, plus trauma due to the return of past memories, was forced to resort to treatment. However, as a result of that Panji almost broke the pulse on his wrist. Luckily Panca was able to stop him in time.

Ah, it turns out that after being discussed again this week that has passed is not as calm as it seems. It seems so sad and sad. A lot of things happened in the early days. Then, the more here the atmosphere becomes calmer. But then again, it's never really as calm as it seems.

This morning, the cloudiness that had swirled almost every day for the past week seemed to be disappearing. The sun was beginning to shine again. As if voicing on every grieving person, all must be immediately ended.

The routine at the Batara residence this morning is not so crowded. In fact, you could say there was no movement of anything from the family.

Mother is still in the room, reluctant to clean up and let her body wrapped in sleeping pajamas that she wore last night. All he did was sit on the edge of the bed with both hands clasping the sides of the bed. Mother's eyes clearly looked at the wall in front of her. Where their family's large portrait is displayed there. And the figure of Siena there again seized the attention of the Mother completely. It was only a split second until her tears were shed. Biting her lips hard, Mother let the cry she swallowed deeply.

Dad was brewing water to make tea. However, he was instead pensive in front of the stove letting the boiling water boil and slowly evaporate into the air. The cup that had been filled with sugar and tea was finally just lying around. Dad turned off the stove so aware the water he was boiling had dried up. Instead of enjoying the morning tea while sitting reading the newspaper in the front room, Dad ended up sitting alone in the barn. The man unwittingly tried to scavenge again the memories that should have been forgotten.

Different from his parents, Panji did not sleep at all from last night. I don't know how long he's been sitting on the floor staring out through the transparent walls of his room. He put his cheek on the cold glass, allowing his breath to form dew on the surface of the glass.

The state of Panji is clearly not okay. His cheeks looked more slender than before. Severe eye bags, hair that began to extend past the ears, as well as the most terrible reddish marks that he hid behind his sleeves.

"Sister...."

Simultaneously, Panji released a tear that was trapped in his eyelids. He chuckled to himself realizing it was the first time his mouth called Siena that name. Panji remembers when Siena was a child often angry because Panji liked to call her careless. I don't know how many times the girl pleaded listlessly to ask Panji to call her brother. Siena did not want to lose to Panca who was called Brother by her sisters.

Sisters?

"Well.haha...."

Panji laughed to himself considering how Pandu always imitated the calls that Panji gave to Siena. Making Siena even more desperate and scowling at them.

"Haha.... H-huh...."

Rows of neat white teeth Panji until it looks so wide he laughed. However, the pain in both eyes was unable to beautify the laughter. What appears from the Panji is just an empty look with no meaning. Until the laughter turned into sobs and cries that made it seem so pitiful.

And again, for the umpteenth time Panji curled up crying over someone who could not possibly be present hugging him back.

Meanwhile, away from his family Panca pulled away alone. He sat under a Linden tree on the riverbank behind their house. I don't know what he did this early in the morning there.

The wind blows slowly bringing cool under the heat that began to be felt due to the rising sun. A brownish leaf from the Linden tree fell right onto the surface of the rippling river. Of course the leaves were immediately washed away by the current. Besides that, there are also hordes of freshwater fish swimming against the current.

"Many people pretend to oppose the flow, when in fact they live in the flow created by destiny."

Panca seemed to see Siena squatting on the river bank touching the tips of her fingers on the surface of clear water. The girl smiled towards him so brightly that her two eyes formed a straight line. Panca smiled back. He had just moved to approach, but Siena had just disappeared from his sight. Panca stunned. Sipping his saliva, he smiled bitterly at the foolishness of expecting his sister's presence here.

"Lo's right, our lives are flowing with the flow" he said blankly. "That which has passed will never be repeated. What people call fate is cruel, indeed," his voice grew increasingly shrill as he carried his body to the riverbank looking down at his reflection on the surface of the choppy water.

Panca was there long enough. He went home as the sun rose. From the swamp in his eyes clearly proved, there was a cry that he left behind in the river flow that continued to walk.

When he reached the front yard of his house, Panca was not surprised again with several parked vehicles. I don't know when it's going to come, but every day there's always someone coming after Siena's funeral last week. Panca hopes that tomorrow no one will come again. He is not comfortable with people who continue to say sad sentences without knowing that it deepens the wounds in his family. Plus after the arrival of the truck driver who apologized a few days ago. It is thought how many times Panca still did not accept the fact that the man was still alive until now, while his sister had been stretched stiff in the ground.

"Today's the last school, tomorrow's the semester break,"

Panca who had just entered through the front door attracted the attention of the people in the living room. Unlike when there was a rattan chair and a small table, now there is only a carpet. Intentionally made like that to make it more spacious.

Now turn to the guests in school uniforms who sit with Father and Mother. There were also some items that seemed like the guest's luggage was placed in the middle. They are Panji's classmates. Panca knew them on Siena's funeral day. Of course it was not Panji who introduced, the child was too busy lamenting Siena so it would not care about others. And, yes, again Siena is the link here. They, Zero class students know Siena so well. You said, right, if the 00 language class is a form of Siena?

While delivering Siena's departure, all Zero class students were present. Their striking uniforms made them appear to have a group of their own among other ZHS pupils. Their presence that day was also just present according to Panca. No one comes near the Panji. Even after that day, none of them came to the condolence house like some of the other ZHS students that Panca found had come. Panca thought it was because their presence was just a formality as Panji's classmates. Panca had already thought that her sister had no one to call a friend. However, in fact today all his thoughts were proven to be completely wrong. That he knew after he settled down to join them in the living room.

"The annual festival was finished yesterday," who spoke was a student named Rainy. He took a medium plastic jar between the items located in the middle.

The class leader named Zaka took over the talk when Rainy pushed the clear jar to Mother, "When our class Festival sells kuaci but does not sell, so divided by one jar per person. It's for the pennant."

Both Father, Mother and Panca gawked at hearing it. Selling kuaci he said? Are they that dumb? Didn't get an idea and then make the kuaci a way out? I don't know if it's creative or stupid.

Not finished there, another disciple named Cakra pulled a rubik out of his backpack. He put it down without saying anything until Zaka spoke again.

"Kata Cakra, Panji likes rubik mainin when fused. So he gave me, who knows what to do."

Panca nods a little to agree with stuttering because the rubik was proffered at him. He recalled that when Panji threw him with the cube, Panca hid the item in a closet afraid of being pelted by her sister again.

"Well, here." this time the one who spoke orange. He patted the crackle with a minimarket logo that was loosened in the middle, ". eggs to make omelets. The pennant likes omelets."

Now Panca can no longer judge whether they came because of Siena or because of Panji. No one talks about Siena's departure. There are no grieving faces like the one Panca saw at the funeral a week ago. They act as if they are visiting a classmate who is sick. But, to Panca's confusion, is there anyone who visits the sick with a quaci, rubik, egg, then what is it?! Panca felt like fainting when she saw the packaging located near the egg.

"It's.... Adelio's notch, he said to Panji's foster child, "who spoke hesitantly it was Alya. He blinked for a while as if he was reassuring himself and handed over a pack of cat food to Panca.

This was actually their purpose here, what was it?!

"At first the class wants to come," Zaka spoke while scratching his nape while not itching. "But some-eh three-quarters of us stayed because we were violent. So the only ones that came were the five of us"

"Sixth," cut off the orange glanced at another member of theirs who was sitting at the very back and just silent from earlier.

Zaka glanced back and then grinned, "Oh, yes the six. There's Gani apparently."

Gani only glanced at the class leader and then focused forward again. I don't know what he saw.

Mother smiled, inwardly confirming the words of the Headmaster of ZHS a week ago about the best friends Siena chose for Panji. Glancing at Father, it turned out that the man was also thinking the same thing. Father and Mother exchanged glances communicating through eye signals. Undeniably, there was relief on their faces. Relief at knowing that Panji wasn't really alone all this time.

"Okay, if that's the case, Om, Auntie, Banji's brother, we'll go home now."

Zaka smiled as he clapped his hands once.

"Don't see Panji yet?" Gani finally made a sound, he asked with a glance at the class leader in astonishment. And so with his other friends.

Zaka shook his hand, "Alah, next semester will also meet. If you meet now afraid his son crab, Adelio buyin cheap food for the adopted child Panji."

They're mangosteen. Either discuss like that in a state of awareness of the existence of the host or not. Fathers are obviously speechless to find their behavior truly unique according to his cousin who is the headmaster of ZHS school. Mother smiled understandably. And Panca, she's dead style. Usually the most absurd human being in the house is him. But seeing Panji's classmates, he becomes insecure.

In the end they actually went home without meeting Panji. Mommy had offered to have lunch together because it was already in lunch time. But, unlike most people who resisted in reticence, they instead asked for an apple that began to redden in the front yard in exchange for lunch.

Mother who was compiling the items brought to Panji, could only shake her head to see her eldest son. Secretly also felt grateful to the Zero class disciple. Thanks to their arrival, the overcasts in this house are slightly blistered.

While Dad was still looking for a jar containing kuaci. In the heart is still not finished thinking, could-can the children think to sell kuaci?

"Bang, love Aksa, deh."

Panca turned to her father and sat down. He took over my jar in Dad's hand, "Deed, love me, right? The rubies too? Let me get thrown again like that."

"If you're thrown good, you're good" Dad replied guiltlessly.

Panca glared but did not mind the move also brought setoples kuaci and a rubik. Actually, Dad's words aren't wrong. If Panca's thrown by Panji means good, the boy's fine.

"All this time, the cat food. Later you help love them too, I think Aksa forgets them."

Panca received a pack of cat food from Mommy. Then he stepped onto the second floor. The trip to Panji's room was not far, but it felt so long for Panca. I don't know why in these stifling moments time always goes slowly.

"Sir," called Panca knocking on the door a few times. He turned the handle because there was no authorization. And the scene he met was the Panji sitting on the edge of the bed behind him.

"So your friend came here, they brought this."

First of all Panca put a jar of kuaci on the nightstand. Then he handed the rubik directly into the hands of Panji, but was not responded by the child until the rubik fell to the floor. The thing that made Panca smile, because it was as if to reaffirm that her sister was not okay.

Panca let the rubik lay on the floor. He walked over to the Panji cats meowing in the cage. The cage door was opened so that the three adopted children ran over him. He closed his eyes for a moment as the three ate so voraciously as he poured food for them.

"Your classmates said I sold kuaci during the festival but did not sell. So the weather was divided," explained Panca as she found Panji staring at the jar she had placed on the nightstand.

Panca had intended to approach her sister, but she was stopped when her feet accidentally tripped over the palette lying on the floor. He just realized that Panji's room is very messy. Sketchbooks, brushes, pencils, or canvases are scattered on the floor.

Sighing softly, Panca took the initiative to clean up the mess. Only then did he crouch down to touch a brush, Panji's cold voice brought him to a standstill.

"Don't touch."

When looking up, what Panca found was the sharp gaze of her sister. Panji didn't seem to allow Panca to touch his things. So Panca immediately put her hand away and stood up again. Although bitter, but still he forced to smile.

"If you need anything, tell your brother," that's all he can say after being silent for a long time and gulping down his hard-earned saliva. Then he went to the door. Before he closed the door from the outside, Panca raised her head again. Although Panji still turned his back but he still spoke by maintaining a smile on his face.

"So your friend also brought eggs, because he said you like omelets. Mother again make omelets, do not forget to come down for lunch."

And the door closed leaving Panji alone. After Panca died, the boy looked up at his palm. He got injured there because he was too tightly holding the brush until the brush stalk was broken. Some wood chips from the brushstrokes even entered his skin. Still he left there, not yet issued when it has been an hour passed.

Panji wants to paint. He wanted to paint everything he remembered about Siena. He was afraid that he would forget Siena as well as he forgot Pandu. So, however, he had to paint as much as possible. About Siena. About Pandu. Panji wants to enshrine them in his canvas. So they don't disappear anymore. So that Panji can be a little dream that they are still with him. However, every time he tried to do that, dark memories in the past were awakened. Panji was ambushed and he glanced first before he could do anything. And the end result, the canvas was still empty after he repeatedly tried to incise a little color.

The smell of omelets poured out into the whole house. It turns out that Panca did not lie about Mommy cooking omelets for Panji. But what a pity, a plate of omelets is unable to move the Panji at this time. Even his three favorite cats were ignored. Panji really doesn't want to care about anything, not even his own body.

For the time being... The pennant refuses to care.... Whatever it is, he doesn't want to care.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Don't you want me to?"

Mahesha or commonly called Esha, peeking at the door of the room thrusting the many remaining kuaci setoples. At first he forced his two younger siblings to help spend, but not half of them had already escaped. Then, he pestered his first brother, but was instead scolded because his brother was in a virtual meeting. She ended up in her second sister's room. Usually, holidays like this are only the number two child who is busy playing games in the room, indeed he is the most burdened human being in this house.

But, Esha was barely made a hanger when she saw her brother's room which was usually a mess now neat. Not to mention, the owner of the room who is usually still sitting in front of the computer playing games, now it has been snaking after bathing-ya even though still hanging out in front of the computer as well.

"Lo's the one who eats."

Esha no longer cared about her brother's answer. He had already run to the second floor shouting at his first brother.

"SISTER ALE, BANG JO TRANCE!!"

Fortunately Alesha had finished the meeting, if not sure he would have boasted his sister's mouth. Although a woman but Alesha is completely no feminine side, you could say she is a tomboy.

"Russy, you know. Play where the cake is, my eyes squirm your face," Alesha's circus while chewing the gum.

Esha who was already immune with her brother's mouth was obviously not concerned which was more important now was-

"Gue berub-"

"SATAN!"

Because of the shock of his brother came suddenly Esha reflex to hit the lekaki face. Alesha Kontan chuckled at her sister's current expression. But, when he realized something he immediately stood up from his chair.

"L-lo Jordan?! Seriously?? Jordan Effendy??!"

Esha ran to the back of her eldest brother seeking refuge, "Kaaann, what did I say? Bang Jo is possessed!"

"God! I'm gibeng lo here!"

Jordan ride pitam. He had already planned to snatch his sister but was blocked by Alesha. Jordan remembered his goal today. The reformation! The change! It's just that he calmed down again.

"Other times it's polite, yes, deck," he said with a steadfast smile. Anyway from today Jordan wants to be happy, he does not want to be angry, does not want emotions. It should be calm and calm.

"Ciii.... Gooseflesh. Brother please!" Esha tugged at Alesha's t-shirt. He had a bad feeling about Jordan suddenly calling him 'deck'. The last time Jordan was so, Esha made a fever a whole week.

"Bad, bad, bad. It's ten o'clock now, and you've had a nice clean shower. Trus did not go to Esha," Alesha seemed to be analyzing something.

"The room is also neat, brother. Very rapiii," added Esha still hiding behind Alesha by hugging the kuaci jar.

Alesha of course glared at the info, "Who are you?!" he accused Jordan with his index finger.

"Not to be very sadenin you guys," said Jordan lazily then melengos go.

"He's the least useful, right?"

Esha's rhetorical question almost made Jordan run towards her to throw a death kick. But, Jordan put up with it and returned to his room. Don't forget he locked the door afraid someone would interfere.

Jordan was already sitting in front of his computer, playing the game as usual. Not much has changed from him except for the neat room and his morning shower on the day off. The rest of Jordan is still the same, he's just a lot of patience. In addition, he often smiles until his teeth dry.

"Huuff...."

Jordan is not the same as usual. Much changed. And that's according to his wishes. To get better, to get through the days well too. Jordan wanted to stay fine and show someone up there who had left him just like that. Jordan wants wherever Siena is at the moment, he hopes the girl sees how well Jordan lives after he leaves. Jordan wants Siena to have regrets for leaving him without clarity. And now, Jordan feels he can really get through his days better going forward. Because she was sure Siena saw it. As long as it happens, he will be fine.

"Bang Jo is still in shock at Kak Nana."

"Nana who? Her girl?"

"Ituloh, Achroma's son. Who died last week. Brother came too, right after the funeral?"

"OMJ! She's dating Siena?"

"You could say kayak ate kuaci, anyway. Capek pedekate doang, so not."

Okay. It's only the first day and Jordan has given up. Just because two humans were whispering in front of his bedroom door he was tired of being human. Especially being a good human being? Jordan raised his hand today. How's tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Next up?

Chuckling to himself Jordan muttered softly staring at the display on his computer screen, "I don't think I can be all right without lo, Na."

Jordan saw it again. A photo of a brightly smiling Siena waving towards the camera. And no matter when, Jordan's eyes had gotten wet for the umpteenth time due to the same cause.