Canvas Aksara
HOMECOMING

CANVAS 18

[RETURN]

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The night was not late at all, but the twilight was not over. But, Panji was already wrapped in a blanket. He left the room lights off. And in that dimness his eyes opened wide, staring out through the glass wall of his room.

"Aksa, Mommy's in, huh?"

Mother's voice sounded from outside after a knock on the door. Then without waiting for an answer from Panji, Mommy has turned the handle and entered with three adopted children Panji on her lap.

First Mother looks for the switch and turns on the lights. The thing that made Panji pull his head to enter in the blanket. Then Mother went to the balcony to contain her son's pet. Not to forget Mommy also closes the curtains after finishing with the Panji cats.

After that, Mother sat on the edge of the bed near the head of the Bungsu. He slowly pulled the blanket of the child until he showed the face of Panji who was being closed. Mother's hand rubs Panji mane with affection.

"Let's eat first, then sleep again."

Panji opened his eyes, then looked up at Mommy. At first he wanted to say, but did not know what to say so in silence. He closed his eyes again enjoying the rubbing of Mother's hand on his head.

"You're still angry with Mother?"

There is no lawfulness. That moment sounded one of Oyen's trio meowing.

"Aksa, try to talk to Mother, Son," Mother's pinta still gently rubbed the black mane Panji.

"Yaya's right," with his eyes closed Panji replied. He was silent after saying that as if waiting for Mother to respond to him.

"About what?"

"I'm broken. Need to be fix, need to be heal."

Mother's hand rubs stopped when Panji grabbed her hand. The boy opened his eyes and looked up at Mommy again.

"She, hug."

The shifting banner gives room for Mother to lie next to her. He immediately entered in the warm embrace of Mother once Mother was beside him. And in this moment you feel like you're going back in time. Where once Pandu always asked to be hugged before going to bed. He remembered those times, every time he embraced Pandu then Panji who would embrace himself from behind. At that time Panji just said good-bye. And now Mother thinks, could it be that time Panji actually asked to be embraced by her too? But because Pandu had asked to be hugged first, Panji relented to his brother and chose to harbour his own wishes.

Thinking about it makes your eyes warm.

"Mother, I don't know how to heal. I also don't know what to fix everything with...."

Mother kissed the top of her child's head many times, "Therefore you have us, Aksa. Mother, Father, Brother Nana, you can depend on us. Or to anyone you want to share that hurt with you. Because in this world of billions of souls, no one can really live alone."

Mother's words are so soothing sniffling in the thick of Panji. The child moves to find the most comfortable position in the arms of Mother when Mother's hand rubs her head slowly again.

"But, Mother, I don't know how to depend on others either."

At that moment Mother tightened her embrace and whispered softly, "You can learn. Slow down, Aksa. The mother will always be there for you."

Pennon silence. His eyes were closed, but Mother knew he was not sleeping. Mother's hand is still wiping her son's mane, occasionally also patting gently on the child's back. And remember the memories that have been, Mother then hummed softly.

Occasionally the cat in the cage sounds meowing. The gurgling of the river also rang out profusely in the ears in this atmosphere of shahdu. Then, one or two drops of rain water collided with the roof. The longer the more but not too much. Slowly the temperature decreases as the rain increases.

"Mother, do we have to move?"

Suddenly Panji opened his eyes and asked Mommy. Mother's smile was cut off as she lowered her head and found the Child staring at her waiting for an answer.

"How do you want it?" the tananya softly while removing the bangs of Si Bungsu that bothers his eyes.

The pennant blinked a few times then cut off eye contact with Mommy. He nodded his head towards Mother and tightened his embrace. For Mother's questions... The pennant did not find the answer.

"We've been stuck in the past for too long. Mommy thinks sad it should be resolved soon. But if you can't do it yet..." Mother patted Panji's back gently again and said very calmly, "it's okay, if in a hurry even hurt you then do it slowly."

Silent again. Although not completely silent because of the rain that sounded out there. But Panji did not obey Mother's words. He just closed his eyes enjoying the warm of Mother's body.

The creaking of the door hinges sounded along with Father who appeared there. The man took a step deeper when he found his son curled up in the arms of the Wife. Father had a brief eye contact with Mother until then she smiled thinly and closed the door again.

Letting the Mother and Child spend time together, Father then went back down to the first floor. At first he wanted to take the two down for dinner, but let them be content hugging first. He also secretly hopes, Panji can be more open to the woman who has given birth to him.

Just as Dad was walking down the ground floor, the front door opened and displayed the figure of the Eldest. His body was half wet from the drizzle he went through all the way home. And from what you see, the clothes of his son are still the same as the ones he wore yesterday when he left the house without saying anything.

Panca stood awkwardly as she looked at the figure of her father walking over. He rubbed his nape clumsily and looked away from Dad. It feels like Panca died facing Dad after he ran away after a fight with his sisters and did not explain anything to his parents.

Panca nodded, still not talking. Then he stepped upstairs to clean himself up. He stopped for a while and stared at the door of Panji's room which was tightly closed. His intention to see the Brother he hummed when he heard the sound of Mother humming softly.

Finally, Panca went into her room to get a towel and a change of clothes and then went down again to take a shower. At the end of the stairs he was millik Father who sat doing nothing in the front room. The man just silently looked ahead with a glaring look. Then no longer lingering Panca immediately went into the bathroom.

After 15 minutes, Panca finally sat face to face with the Father. He looked at Father's face and found a faint frown in some parts. I'm getting older without Panca knowing it. So too with Dad. He observed the figure of the eldest son who inherited his face perfectly. It feels like just yesterday he welcomed the birth of this child into the world, now he does not feel he has grown up.

"Abang, I'm sorry, son."

Panca looked at her dad late, "Sorry for what, Dad?" tanyakanya.

Dad commented a wry smile, "Everything. I'm sorry for everything."

Panca was still staring at her father trying to digest well the words of the Father.

"Dad's not a good father. I'm just trying to do my best. So too with you. As your oldest child is the focus of your younger siblings, and you've tried your best to do it."

Hearing Dad's words, Panca lowered her head. He plays the finger. In the heart feel stifled. Panca felt she was not trying to do anything to be a good sister for her sisters all this time. He was just busy running away, as Siena said. He is nothing more than a coward.

Knowing the conflict within his son, Father then spoke again, "Don't feel inferior about yourself. For Father you have been a good child, and in the eyes of Father you have also tried to be good for your brothers. But, you seem to have forgotten one thing, huh?"

Panca looked up when Dad asked at the end of the sentence. He did not make a sound but the look in his eyes clearly questioned the meaning of Dad's question.

"You forget to be kind to yourself."

All Panca did after hearing that was freeze.

I took a breath, "Son, whatever it is try to start with yourself first. Don't just think about making others happy and ignore your own happiness. Don't try to comfort others and let yourself drown in sadness. Never move to treat someone else's wound when your own wound has rotted for too long to be ignored. You also need to be happy, need to be entertained, need to be treated. You need to be cared for by yourself too."

Panca bit her lips deep. Father's words pierced deeply into his recess making his heartbeat sound as if questioning it. 'Where have you been all this time?'

Dad got up from his seat and stood to Panca's side. He damaged his son's auburn hair as he often did in the past to appreciate every achievement the child had. And for Dad, Panca's greatest achievement is to be the best child for him and his wife.

"What if we're stuck in the rain. The sunlight will dry it out. It's okay if we're at the end of a dark night. The morning will come again. We've come this far, and we should be able to go even further. Be happy first, son. After that, just ask us to laugh with you."

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Ah, I don't know how long it's been but it feels like it's been a long time since they regrouped like this. Mother who arranged food at the dining table. The father sitting in the front room was busy writing something on paper - what he wrote but looked very serious. Then the Panji who finally came out of hiding sat near the Father playing a rubik in his hand.

"Don't wander anywhere, go straight home!"

Panca came in from the front door with a cell phone in her ear. He also carries a crackle containing Mother's ordered materials. The man had just returned from a supermarket a short distance away from home. His intention was all he wanted to pick up Siena to go home but considering the child was carrying his own vehicle so he decided to call him.

After getting the authorization from Siena, Panca then handed over the goods to Mother. Then he joined the front room with Dad and Panji. At that time Panji finished equalizing the color on the rubikya. He shuffled it again and began to turn it back.

"Lack of work, father's son," said Panca raised his chin towards Panji.

Father fixed his glasses that slightly sagged, still writing he glanced a little at the Bungsu. Inwardly also confirmed Panca's speech. Because from then on Panji kept twirling his rubies without stopping, not even a little talk or move from his place.

"Any one who's not Dad's son."

Unexpectedly Panji said calmly without turning his eyes away from the ruby. It made me laugh spontaneously and stop writing. He then damaged his son's head as if appreciating his words just now. Panca wanted to be upset, but he stopped seeing his sister was better than before.

Mother who had finished in the kitchen then approached the men and joined the sit there. The plan is they want to have dinner together, repeat the mandatory routine when they gather like this. But, because Siena has not come so the activity was postponed first.

"Dek" called Panca to look at her sister. He observed his sister's face that looked indifferent. That child who was so full of calm, all this time had been harboring so many wounds. Panji performed so well that Panca was swept away with the role he played.

As an older brother, Panca wanted to occasionally apologize to the sisters he had failed to guard. If you can, Panca wants to mumble that apology every second, more often than not he sighed. He wanted to apologize for everything, anything. Like Dad apologizing to her, Panca also wanted to say that to her sisters. He said that he was not a good brother, that he was a bad brother, a foolish brother, a weak brother, a cowardly brother, who was full of flaws. But, he would always try to be a brother worthy of them. She will try to make herself a comfortable place for her sisters to complain. Panca wants to be a strong shield that will protect her family from the various blows that will befall them.

Yes, Panca would love to. However, he just wanted to be a wish. Instantly the great determination he made shattered. And for the umpteenth time, Panca again felt a failure of her own.

It began when the knock on the door that should be the return of Siena, replaced by the presence of two police officers who brought news of the successive accidents that had just occurred some time ago. A truck that lost control dragged several other vehicles to the death gate with him. Including one in it...

...a child who awaited his return. She is not only a child for her parents, but also a sister for her brother and she is also a sister for the sister she loves the most.

Her....

Siena Arcaya Yusra's. Drizzle as if conveying to the people closest to him. That the boy, really came home as he had told them.

Go home, return to the Creator's lap.