Canvas Aksara
THOSE WHO ARE ABANDONED

CANVAS 19

[THOSE WHO WERE ABANDONED]

/•

\•/

Cloudy enveloped the city, a drizzle also descended accompanying it. This morning was so sad. The earth was once again left behind by one of its inhabitants.

As a result of the successive accidents that occurred in the downtown area last night, many victims fell. Siena was one of the three victims who died. Worry again, the girl left without a word, she left without saying goodbye. There was no goodbye said, he died before he could get help.

And on the morning when the sun should have been high, the center of the solar was not at all visible until now. It was as if he was hiding, languishing with the tragic fate that befell the human child. The sky sends its wind to accompany the body of Siena that sinks into the earth. Black umbrellas are growing, stoic sentences are thrown, sobs are mutually unpretentious.

However, among all that is most heartbreaking is the roar of a sister who is not willing to be left her brother. Panji roared in Mother's arms, forcing her loose and wanting to prevent people from carrying her brother's body. Mother herself was overwhelmed with the roar of her son. He was only able to endure the pain of watching his only child being lifted to the final resting place. For Mother, although it has been a dozen years passed but the death of Pandu feels still very new. And now without him being given a chance to breathe for a moment, he is again faced with a similar loss. Two of his love leaves so early. No warning, no notice. Traveling without a farewell is equally painful.

"Mother..take Yaya home! Yaya has to go home, can't be here. My brother can't leave me Bundaaa....!"

I don't know how many tears have come out of him. But Panji was still crying. As if sad he would never have to overcome, as if stoic was just a nonsense that he could not do. There is nothing fun about losing. It is impossible to let go with a smile. It is impossible to let go of an unplanned separation.

Panji.... He regretted saying so cruelly to Siena. Talk as if Siena knows nothing, as if Siena is a selfish figure who keeps his back on the pain that Panji suffers. In reality, Siena was the only one who knew him the most. Most know what Panji feels, what Panji needs. And now that Siena is gone, where else is Panji looking for a person who will understand her pain wholeheartedly?

Wounds due to abandoned Pandu have not been treated. Then viciously fate whipped a bruising wound in Panji's heart with a loss again. Crying out? The pennant has been crying too much. Whimpering? The banner has been whimpering too often. Complain? What's the point of him doing? Even he roared to the point of breaking his vocal cords, Siena did not listen. Siena was silent, stiffened with her eyes closed. Then not until Panji digest everything, the body of Siena has disappeared from the sight of his eyes. Only a mound of wet red earth was crushed by drizzle, with a sprinkling of roses and a graven headstone named Siena.

The banner can't take it! It will never be! But no matter how he roared begging Siena to come back to him, no one listened. They just told Panji to be steadfast, they asked Panji to be heartened to accept everything that happened. In the name of destiny, they say that this is the will of the universe. Weepy! It's that easy to talk. In the reality that Panji feels, action is not as easy as verbal. Making his heart let loose is not as easy as forcing his mouth to agree.

"Already, Son.... Do not be like this.." Mother's hand trembled when she hugged and rubbed Panji's back. The same vibration was also heard in his raucous voice. Mother crying. Evidently. She was a mother who was left with her flesh and blood. The child he fought for at the risk of his life was now simply gone from him.

Dad was also there, hugging Panji who still did not accept the loss of his brother. Although like any father tried to toughen up, the cry was still unable to bear. His own hand that bothered the Princess when she was born on earth, and now also her hand that led the child to eternal peace. He's a parent who left his son, it's impossible for Dad to try to keep looking okay.

One by one the mourners began to leave. The crowded cemetery because of the number of people who came slowly back was empty.

Amidst all that, Panji's cries were still heard. And Panca stood stiff as an undead to stare at her parents and sister falling to her knees on the wet ground wailing the same wound.

"Don't wander anywhere, go straight home!"

"Yes, yes, go home, go home!"

A glimpse of his conversation last night with Siena on the phone rang out again. Panca did not expect that it would be the last time she heard her sister's voice. If Panca had known, then he wouldn't have spoken that soon. If Panca had known, he would have said more.

"Say you're coming home, Na.... Why did it end here?"

Panca's sentence was so soft, it also shook because it held in tears. He tries not to look weak. Trying to be strong and letting his family grieve under his auspices. But Panca failed.... Panca failed to hold back her tears. The cry he endured from the beginning came to their house, which he still kept on running like a madman through the hospital hallway looking for Siena's whereabouts, this morning he kept it in check. And it turns out Panca wasn't that strong to hold on for much longer.

Perhaps Panca's figure still seemed to stand upright so firmly. But her crying made her not as loud as she seemed. Burying the Brother's body with his own hands was the most terrible thing Panca had ever done. And among the horrors he felt, the pain of losing it pierced his heart deeper. Panca sobbed and was stunned, muttering an apology that he could not convey, echoing the regret that seemed to kill him slowly. In that cry Panca also began to dream, if he did not let Siena go that time, if he could more quickly calm down from the emotions that smother him, if he continues to pick up Siena last night, if there is one miracle in the world, then Panca is willing to change her life so that Siena is not taken away.

But, what can be done about a loss other than crying and regret? Sustained grief, prolonged injury, loss is indeed about all the painful things.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Siena's funeral was attended by many people. Be it relatives, or people who just know the girl. ZHS students also come a lot, whether it is from level IV or the level below. The staff, faculty and even the important people of ZHS until the Headmaster gathered under the condensing drizzle led Siena to the path of immortality.

One secret that we only know on this sad day, that ZHS is under the auspices of the great name Batara. The current headmaster was one of the distant relatives of Panji's father. And from that man also Panji knew that Class Zero, his class, was formed at Siena's request.

"He said he wanted best friends for his sister" said the Headmaster who stood looking fondly at the mound of earth in which Siena lay. After patting Panji's shoulder twice, he then turned around. Stepping away left Panji's roar that sounded heartbreaking.

Siena is a new student at ZHS. But that doesn't make people disrespect their existence. The girl has a meaning in everyone. He always had a way of making himself seem so radiant even in the terrible darkness. She may not be known as the Beautiful Goddess of the Heart, but at least everyone knows her as Siena. She's Siena, a freshman in the IV level of Science's flagship class.

And Alena is one of the many people who know Siena accidentally. Alena just drove him around the school when he first arrived. They just pass by how many times. Just talking a few words. But strangely, Alena was crying for him. Alena cried when the news reached her. Alena cries as her nether eyes look directly at Siena's lifeless stiff body. Alena cried as the girl's figure was no longer visible in her view, changing into a simple headstone containing a row of Siena's names.

They are strangers who do not know each other. Only people who happen to be present in each other's lives. Only two people live their own lives. Butwhy? Why should Alena be sad for him? Why would Alena tear up her eyes? Wh why?

Alena is still standing not far from where Siena is buried. He did not dare to approach. They are just strangers. Alena did not want this troublesome feeling to continue terrorizing her. Alena did not want to feel her pain, did not want to be hurt for things that were not at all important in her life. Yet....

When Alena finally managed to stop from crying, she still did not feel relieved. His chest was still tight, the pain there was still so clearly felt. And the new wounds seemed to come down on the old wounds, when Alena clearly saw the pitiful Panji figure there. In front of Siena's headstone... Panji and the figure he knew as Achroma....

Good Lord! Alena immediately fell down on the green grass that covered the ground. His lips trembled, his hands fumbled looking for a grip on a large tree nearby. What the fuck? Guilt just crept away swallowing him in the blink of an eye.

"Sorry...."

Alena even had trouble regulating her breathing. He's still digesting everything. Connecting various events until finally regretted it he got.

"I'm sorry.... Pardon me! Pardon me! Sorry!"

He seemed so devastated by what he had just known. He struggled with the apologetic words. Sorry that he murmured in the guilt that squeezed his chest. Sorry for the regret that strangled her so much. Sorry for being thrown at someone who is gone...

"Who?"

Siena smiled brightly, "Nobody."

"But why the Panji?"

"Because he needs it."

And now Alena realized it. The banner needs Siena. It is very necessary, like a human who needs to keep breathing to maintain his life. Panji needs Siena's figure to repair her damage.

How foolish it is to be ignorant of Alena who does not know the fact that Siena loves Panji half dead, more than anything in the world. Siena... Siena is an older sister who tries to do anything for a smile on her lips. And Alena felt so foolish not to realize that the man who was so lucky to be Siena's sister was the Panji.

... I'm sorry for destroying the one you love so much.

<<<<<<<<<<

Unbelievable. After a dozen years passed, Regan is now shown again at the destruction of the family. The unexpected loss that again befell the Batara family so cruelly. What he could no longer believe was the news that reached his ears this morning.

Waveguides.

Regan finally found out about that fact. About how Panji felt so familiar to him. Obviously it happened! The man is Pandu's twin brother, a figure that Pandu always tells with a twinkle full of happiness. The figure that became the inspiration in sheet by sheet of songs that Pandu wrote. The piano is a live Pandu, and the Pandu lives for the Panji! The figure that became the source of inspiration for every tone Pandu strung so beautiful. With hope for the hope that he tucked in every song.

"I want to see him grow up and paint a lot of things. Although I can't grow up with him, but I just want to see him is enough."

Regan didn't even procrastinate to let tears run down her cheeks. The haru taste gnawed at his chest. The fact that Panji grew up as Pandu hoped made the burden that squeezed his chest so far lifted in an instant. Regan felt claustrophobic, realizing the figure that was the reason she lived all this time was so close to him.

Pandu was a very sincere first friend to Regan. Pandu is his best friend. Such a precious figure, who taught him beautiful notations. The guide that made Regan know the piano, Pandu made Regan find the purpose of her life. And when Pandu leaves without a proper settlement, Regan promises to make sure everything is done for the Friend. For a dozen years he carried with him the hope that Pandu always threw, as if he needed Regan to fulfill it for him. The hope that Pandu keeps, especially for his sister, Panji.

No matter if Regan is considered a savage human who feels relieved in the middle of this disaster. He does not want to deny his feelings. That he felt relieved, he felt relieved for Pandu. Hope that Pandu can see this. The younger brother Pandu loved, growing up as he expected.

'You see, right?'

The drizzle started to come down. Regan looked up at the sky as she felt the drops of condensing water touching her face. The wind that carried the rain fluttered in the air stroking Regan's face. It is as if Regan feels Pandu answering his question. That Pandu said he saw it.

At that moment Regan closed her eyes, although it did not prevent her tears from flowing down. There Regan prayed wholeheartedly. For Pandu. For Panji. And for Siena who has paved the way for her. Damnit damnit! Regan felt stupid when only now realized it. Siena should know.... He deserves to know everything....

"With two monster brothers like that, it could be that his sister is trapped in hiding in the forgotten old building, ck, ck."

"Exander is different...."

Siena. Regan thought the girl was just a side character who just passed by in her life. But apparently, with just a few words he made Regan find a bright path amid the fog that blocked him. Siena's words encouraged her to finally love herself. Regan's been aware of it lately.

"Exander is different...." Siena repeated the word she said a moment ago. He thought Regan would remain idle standing on the last rung of stairs like that. However, who would have thought that the man who was looking blankly at the long corridor in front of him was carving a smile at the corner of his lips. And the word that Regan said made Siena laugh and believe more...

"Yes, it's different."

... it turned out completely different.

Regan looked at the girl, "There's no harm in being different?"

Unexpectedly Siena came forward and landed her hand on the top of Regan's head. Then she patted Regan on the head as if Regan had just done something proud.

"Don't do it because someone else is an excuse for you. Do it just because you really want it."

The day was clear, Siena told Regan not to get glued to Pandu. For Regan to stop living for Pandu. For Regan to love herself more than anything in the world. Because in fact, Regan had always made Pandu an excuse to oppose his mother, playing the piano. However, he later realized that his cowardly behavior was embarrassing. And now, Regan learns from that, that she will live for herself, to do what her heart wants. Not someone else, but himself.

"Every loss is like that, full of tears."

Regan turned to Aeera by her side, and saw her mother beside Aeera staring blankly at the grieving family. Regan did come with them and also Aaron who had left a while ago.

Aeera held an umbrella in her hand, but not for herself. He fully leans the black umbrella to shade Regan. Then he looked up at Regan who was much taller than him.

"The last time I saw you cry was when Papa left us. And if today you're crying because of the same pain, that's okay. We've come this far, limped a little it doesn't matter."

Regan realized it now. The smile that Aeera had been showing all this time was not a fake! Just by just being made short of breath, in an instant the cry he endured turned into painful sedu-sedan. He cried like a child complaining to his mother. He sobbed strongly letting his tears fall inundated. And for the first time Regan can tell someone how she feels.

"I'm sick...."

And what happened next he cried sobbing in Aeera's arms. In the warmth she had first felt, Regan unhesitatingly spilled out all her fretfulness without a care. Although when he saw his mother looking straight ahead regardless of her cries, he wondered in his heart. Did that woman ever care about what Regan felt? Was there not the slightest bit of regret he had for Regan?

'I'm sick, Ma....'

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"You need to do it first, then. So the kind-hearted pretty sister is curling up the weeping shit."

That was the last sentence Jordan heard from Siena. The girl told him to go home. But not yet Jordan closed his eyes preparing for tomorrow, the news came to him.

"He was crying, Na. Adek beloved lo was crying from earlier but why-hahh..." Jordan sighed for a moment to throw away the tightness that tried to corner him, ".... But why don't you hug him?!" jolt with a stifled voice. He bites his lips, turning his face away as Siena's body is ushered into his final stopover.

Jordan stood in the line of his class students. He was at the very front, with Moreo who was unable to speak to hear him rummaging alone.

Jordan clenched his jaws tightly. He closed his eyes, and that was when a single tear finally fell from between his eyelids. He took a few breaths and exhaled slowly. Trying to stay calm. Trying to stay okay.

"Not knowing anymore, huh. I'm sorry you're the same age, no one knows, ye right?"

"Udah is a will, Na,"

Jordan did not think that their conversation last night was a farewell. Siena told me to finish everything, all about them. Siena asks him to surrender, he asks Jordan to step down as soon as possible.

'But, Na, even though you've gone before my eyes though, I still can't give up. There is no thought of retreating. Crazy one!'

Jordan snorted when he found Siena's name engraved on the gravestone in front of him. The corner of his lips lifted. He smiled so brightly. To the extent that no one knew his heart was crazed, crying with excruciating pain.