HATE Before LOVE
The missing memory.

"YOU WHAT?!"

No one can answer Gavin's question. Both Ardan and Teddy are trapped.

"Gav, you heard-"

"Of course, berengs*k!" Gavin approached Ardan and immediately pulled the collar of Ardan's shirt very roughly. It was probably the first time Ardan had seen Gavin so badly. "I trust Elif to you, I'm sure you can take care of her, I'm sure I love her sincerely, you're using her instead?! That's outrageous!"

BUGS! Gavin directly smashed Ardan's face with his bogem. Hard enough seems to be because Ardan staggered a bit back. Ardan raised his hand to Teddy as his assistant was trying to help Ardan, to stay quiet.

"Hit me again, Gav, until you're satisfied. Because I deserve it. But after that you have to listen to me."

"Curtain! What kind of a man are you, Ar!" Gavin looked disappointed at his best friend. "You have everything, why would you take advantage of a girl like Elif? Why?!" shout Gavin.

"How can I answer and explain everything to you that your head is still that hot?"

"What do you want to explain? What if you're innocent? Hmh!"

"No! I was wrong and I deserve this blow." Ardan nodded. "I understand you're angry at what you've heard, but you haven't heard everything."

"I don't know you anymore, Ar! The Ardan I've known all along has never taken advantage of anyone else, has never played anyone else's life, even if you look cold, but you always have a heart."

"Gav"

"I don't want to hear your explanation, Ar. For whatever your reasons, you've hurt someone else's heart." Gavin turned around, about to leave Ardan's room with the fury he carried as well.

"I'm in love with Elif!" ardan said very loudly to make Gavin stop his steps. "I love her until it feels like I want to die parting with her."

Gavin turned around, looking at Ardan with a skeptical look. "Give me one reason to make me listen to your explanation."

"If you give me a choice between this company or Elif, I will choose Elif." replied Adan steadily and confidently with the answer.

Gavin knows how Ardan loved his job so much, he spent his youth as a teenager to be able to continue this company and develop it to be bigger as it is now. Finally Gavin gave up, he relented and chose to close the door to Ardan's office and sat down on one of the sofas there.

"Tell me exactly what happened."

Ardan nodded in understanding, he then also chose to sit on the sofa.

"Ted, cancel today's meeting. There's a lot I have to explain and tell my best friend" Ardan said.

***

Elif chose to grow crops on small pots in the small yard of his terrace to calm his mind a little.

Then Zehra came, he confirmed the divorce papers that he had previously given to Yanuar but was rejected by the man for various reasons, making sure Zehra was safe in his bag. He deliberately went to the supermarket first before returning home and buying some groceries he had brought in his tote bag as a camouflage of his departure.

"Where did you end up?" elif asked as soon as he saw Zehra.

"From the self-service. It's some shopping."

"Why is it so long?"

"Oh, I met a friend of Mother's, I haven't seen each other in a long time" Zehra replied, making free.

"Oh so. Didn't you come home, Mom? I called the diner and there was no Dad there. Do you know where Dad is? Are Mom and Dad having a fight?" ask Elif while putting one of the pots that he has finished planting with ornamental plants.

"Elif why are you so worried about her?"

"Mom's question why is it so strange? Of course I'm worried about Dad. Is Mom not? Why is it that you've been weird since last night, what the hell's been going on?"

Zehra closed her eyes for a moment, took a breath then swallowed him violently. "Well, I'll tell you everything inside."

Fifteen minutes later, Zehra and Elif were already inside, sitting at the dinner table with two cups of warm jasmine tea that Zehra had just brewed. Although the two women looked calm, but their hearts were both beating uncharacteristically, their hearts were both feeling anxiety.

"Mom, I've been feeling anxious since last night because of what Mom said, tell me that last night you said it was just because Mom was upset" Elif said, finally opening their conversation. The elif slightly leaned his body to grab his mother's hands. "Tell me that Dad is my father."

Silent moment. A frustrating silence.

"I'm sorry, Elif, but what you're saying is the truth."

"But Mom, that's impossible... Mum..."

"Your biological father didn't want to take responsibility for you, he chose to have mom abort you and he left with no news at all until now."

"But-"

Regretfully, Elif nodded, although heavy, but Mother was right, she had to listen to everything first if she wanted the truth.

"You were very much a baby when the Mothers owed the Yanuars a great debt, we couldn't pay for it, so instead they arranged for Mother to Yanuar who was approved by Yanuar's parents, but not with Yanuar and his brothers. Because Yanuar already had a lover and had to end their relationship." Zehra paused for a moment to sip her jasmine tea nervously, the smell of the jasmine tea was quite soothing to her, then she continued.

"Yanuar never considered Mother what else you are, for her you and Mother are a burden to him. He never cared even if you were sick and had to ignore it, he didn't care. Until he gives the mother a covenant, if you can give her a son, then you can get a confession from him, but only limited documents, such as birth certificates, family cards. The rest, you know for yourself how he's been acting on you all along." Tears had been dripping down Zehra's face, she had drawn tissue from the table and rubbed her face and nose.

"That's.. That's why you hate me so much? Because I'm... 'cause I'm not his son?"

Zehra nodded.

Elif did not know what to do with the reality that came out of his mother's mouth directly. Her heart ached, even so Elif still wanted to hear directly from Yanuar, had the man really not had any feelings of affection for her as a child? Is that as bad as he is in Yanuar's eyes?

"Why is Mom just explaining to me now? Why not since long ago? Do you know the pain and sadness I have over all my father's attitude towards me? Didn't you feel how much I expected his affection? Why did you just shut up and watch everything!"

"Mom thinks as time goes by he will change, he will be able to love you, it turns out that I was wrong. And I'm getting it wrong to let you believe that he's your father. I'm sorry, Elif..."

"Where....where are you.. Dad now, Mom?" It was difficult for Elif not to call Yanuar a father even though he knew that Yanuar was not his father. "I'm sure Mom won't lie, therefore, I just want to hear it from dad too."

"He's in jail now."

"Jail?" Elif frowned. "Why? What's going on?"

"There's actually one thing you forgot, Elif."

"I forgot?"

"Do you remember why you were hospitalized?"

"Because my leg got a shard, didn't it?"

Zehra nodded weakly.

Seeing how Zehra shook her head weakly made Elif feel anxious and scared. He really doesn't remember anything that happened before he went to the hospital and how he got treated as well. He was afraid that the reality that his mother would tell him would open up new truths that Elif did not know.

"Was...is that what led to my father's imprisonment?"

Zehra nodded back.

"What's going on, Mom?"

"Mothers... I'm afraid to explain, I'm afraid you're gonna get hurt by it." Zehra's voice was so trembling.

"Mother please tell me the truth, nothing else is covered. After all, I've been hurt long before today, haven't I? So I guess I can take it." replied Elif despite sounding hesitant at her own statement as her heart was pounding fast.

"Alright, so that morning I went to see Ardan because Mom and Adit heard that Yanuar was going to match you with his friend, so I wanted to ask Ardan to help you get away from Yanuar. But it turned out that the departure of Mother that morning even became a disaster, Yanuar precisely..." Zehra's voice choked, he could not say. But Elif actually grabbed Zehra's hand, grasped it, trying to strengthen his mother to say what happened.

"He was trying to rape you..."

"What-what?!" Elif was struck by lightning.

"Not only that, he also turned out to be planning to sell you instead of matching you."

It was like being struck by lightning twice. Elif rose up with great fury, he stepped back, shaking his head trying not to believe Zehra's words. But what he saw in the middle-aged woman was a tragic honesty.

"Lying is impossible... Mother.." said Elif weakly. "He's been my father all along even though he hates me so much, it's impossible! It can't be!" Shouting Elif.

"Elif, honey, I'm sorry. It's all Mom's fault, it's Mom's fault..."

"Yes right! It's all Mom's fault!" Elif shouted again, tears had flooded his face. "Why Mother? Why am I always the one who gets hurt? What wrong? Why Dad... no... he's not even my father..he.... has he raped me? My body?" The voice of Elif was really trembling.

"No dear, no. He didn't touch you, you were able to protect yourself by hitting him on the head with a vase." Zehra explained.

"Vas flowers..." Suddenly a memory flashed, a clear picture as Elif walked out of the room in great fear, he grabbed a vase and threw it right at Yanuar's head. The man staggered, his head instantly bleeding, he tried to re-attack Elif, but Elif made it out of the house, he felt his feet stomp on the shards of the vase but did not reduce his speed. He recalled how Yanuar was shouting mischievously, threatening everyone in front of the house not to help him.

Elif smothering his own mouth, he continued to step back until his back touched the wall, his body slumped, his wet eyes staring blankly, yet pieces of lost memory kept popping up.

"You called Ardan at the time of the incident, Ardan recorded all the words of Yanuar and right then and there, Ardan, Gavin and Mother headed straight home. But by the time we got there, you weren't home. We don't know where you are, son, but then Nak.Ardan found you already in his apartment, hiding in his kitchen with a knife."

"Kisses..." Again, a memory reminded him of an incident he had forgotten, he injured Ardan's hand with the knife, he remembered how fresh blood seeped on the man's shirt sleeve, he said, he remembered how Ardan's face endured his pain. "Cand..."

Then Elif got up to his feet, with a slight stagger he tried to balance his body to stand.