Home 7 Descendants
93. This feeling

How does a woman feel when she is suddenly frowned upon by her partner? Is happy? Is angry? Or feeling overwhelmed by a romantic relationship? When I was tired and fell asleep I suddenly felt something stuck to my lips and then I woke up and found Toby was kissing my lips, but when he let go my response drew him closer to not only the kiss I was doing but also to feeling it like sucking candy and biting it. I subconsciously felt that and it was as if my world had stopped because I could feel her soft lips and how she responded to my kisses and bites.

It was a shame but also a pounding heart because I never felt this feeling, I love this feeling, can really make me go crazy because it restrains all the emotions I feel, he said, how can I act like a chameleon who is good at camouflage when in fact my feelings are not that calm, my feelings are chaotic and make me want to scream and convey all the feelings I feel, he said, but I can't be that open, even with my father or with my best friend Ana from Junior High and Roy from High School, I can't be as open as they are with the feelings they feel can be clearly shouted out, maybe I can if my position is very angry that is unbearable, but the longer I learn how to manage or manage emotions, the longer I get smarter and the more I get crowned as a mysterious girl.

Whether the feeling with Toby is quite strange, on the one hand I still can not decide exactly whether my feelings are really love or this is just a form of weakness of the heart because of getting love that deep. I don't want to feel guilty about Toby because I lied to him, I tried to convince myself. Yes, I convinced him with a kiss, whether the end result I felt disgusted or uncomfortable or amused or something that made me uncomfortable, but the end result was the opposite, I was comfortable with him, he said, I didn't feel uncomfortable or disgusted to kiss her or be around her.

But from that day on he shunned me, whatever was on his mind, whether he was ashamed or he didn't like to see me dominant in kissing, or he didn't think I could be that wild, what Toby had in mind, I wasn't a shaman I didn't know what was in his brain. It felt sad that he chose to stay away from me because of this, he should be ordinary or our relationship deepened and warm, unfortunately he turned cold. I wanted to ask him this, unfortunately I was too embarrassed and looked shameless if I asked him first.

Finally I prefer to wait, whether I have to wait for something I can move to ask, I am not that typical, but I am not that typical. But I have to care because he's a future husband, how misunderstandings will be complicated if left alone and not discussed.

My oldest friend was just Ana, she never betrayed and we understood each other, with Ana being easily possessed, what scares me about being friends with him long ago becomes ordinary and I can accept it, just as he accepts my shortcomings. Then there was Roy, a friend who was a long time with me, a cool friend and there was only a joke, because he was very comedic that made this friendship so cool, we were all never friends who made a gang, because I was never like that, my friendship scope from anywhere and never joined a gang as well.

The beginning of how Roy and I thought about creating a basecamp that could be made to work that made money, recruiting people who are good with their own passion and finally formed a company name that is Monday Morning Art, I spent months working on logos and all sorts of things to build relationships and branding, he said, how the visuals work, the vision and the mission, we think together, it also goes the same as recruiting other smart people and finally the people who live in this MMA are all people with a passion that starts with an unclear salary, until I can pay for what they do, I should be proud how hard this basecamp was built just from a box of space can be turned into an office with more and more relationships.

I also don't want to destroy this hard-earned build just because we picked the basecamp wrong and went into the trap of darkness, my feelings mixed up because I felt responsible and worried about everything. I was just trying my best to keep the business running smoothly and this mentally and emotionally draining matter was also over. Moreover, I must also be able to overcome my own madness, because actually I can not overcome it all alone. I'm used to being alone, doing everything myself, but I'm quite sad and lonely, but ever since Toby was around, my colorless life has become colorful because Toby is the colors.

I'm grateful and grateful that she liked me first, because I probably wouldn't have lived with anyone if Toby hadn't warmed my day. Just like our business name, Monday Morning is a day where everyone will feel lazy and upset why Sunday is passed quickly, I wanted to make that day not a shitty day but an impressive good day as well. I feel like I don't care about my feelings but I can't because I'm just a human being full of strange thoughts and suffocating feelings, it seems like I have to talk to Toby first, maybe he wants me to be more courageous to express all the feelings, maybe he thinks he's waiting for me to talk first, and I'm waiting for him, too, we wait for each other like this until when ?.