I Will Be The New Me
CHAPTER 29: FLASHBACK

# WARNING ⁇ ️️️️

Please read this notice in advance so as not to regret it!

This chapter contains scenes that are not suitable for minors because it raises about mental illness!

FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT STRONG WITH HEAVY AND DARK READINGS, YOU CAN SKIP FIRST!

...•...

...•...

...•...

...•...

"THE STAR OF THE KINGDOM HAS BEEN BORN!"

"PROPERITY WILL OVERFLOW ETHEREUM!"

"LIVE KING KAISEN! LIVE QUEEN ODELIA!"

"LIVE THE CROWN PRINCE!"

cheers echoed to the sky from all the people of Helldelune. Not only are the King and Queen happy for the birth of their son, but all over the country also celebrate the happiness of the royal family.

Their happiness multiplies when the baby is born with beautiful bright blue eyes like sapphire diamonds. That said, royal descendants born with blue eyes are bestowed by the god of power to keep the country peaceful. He will be able to see what ordinary people cannot see, including seeing the spirit that is an Ethereum supporter for hundreds of years ago.

"I'll name him Raiden Vill de Sorrentine!" Kaisen lifted his tiny baby whose skin was still reddish into the air so that the people watching below could see his son well.

"Long live Prince Raiden!"

"Live on!"

The festival was held for seven days and seven nights to celebrate the birth of Kaisen and Odelia's first son. All revelers enjoy the great festival which is all provided for free by Kaisen. Quite an exaggeration indeed, but the festival was Kaisen's gratitude for Raiden's long-time birth which he and his wife later on. After two years of marriage, Odelia finally conceives and now both of them can see the fruit of their love that got the gift of a god.

Because the descendants of the King for approximately two hundred years no one was born with crystal clear bright blue eyes, the community was so flattering and glorifying a human figure like Raiden.

Whatever it is, need it or not, without being asked, without needing to say, Raiden always gets everything. No need to be accompanied by effort, everything is immediately available in plain sight.

Even some of the servants in the palace not only loved Raiden but they were plainly asking him to give them protection as if they were praying to God.

Raiden's one smile made everyone so happy as if they were being blessed.

Due to the ease of life, Raiden began to lose his emotions as a human being. Little Raiden who does not understand what a kingdom means so question his own identity.

At the age of five, Raiden asked Odelia when her mother was reading her bedtime story. "Mother, what am I? why do they all worship me? am I some kind of god?" Raiden inherited his father's genes in thinking dexterity. Odelia was made to think harder so that Raiden would not ask any further questions.

"Of course you're mom and dad's son. Honey, they all admire you because you are the son of a King. You know, the King is the leader of this country. He governs all the ethereal life-forms. When you grow up, you'll take over your father's duties as King."

"..." Odelia's answer did not satisfy Raiden's curiosity about everyone's attitude toward her. It feels like the mother's answer does not touch the thirst point in Raiden.

"Raiden has not understood because Raiden has not learned about the history of this kingdom. Someday, Raiden will understand everything. Now go to sleep, it's late."

The next morning, as Raiden was being taken for a walk by Odelia's special lady-in-waiting, he again asked. Hope there will be an answer that makes him satisfied. "Aunt Anne, can I ask you a question?"

The blonde-haired woman smiled as she squatted her height against the little Raiden. "As long as it is still within my knowledge, I will answer it. What do you want to ask?"

"Am I special? why are they all so submissive to me? I don't want the same answer. I'm not talking about my status."

Anne's stunned. A five-year-old can already ask serious questions that seem to make this child depressed. "That's because of the history of the Ethereal Kingdom, Prince."

The special lady-in-waiting then tells about the history of the formation of the Kingdom in accordance with the original. Anne was able to figure it out because the special lady-in-waiting was also considered a royal family. Raiden seemed very focused on hearing every detail of the story conveyed by Anne. "He said, Your blue eyes are a sign that the Spirit God bestowed strength on you who were chosen after hundreds of years to become the strongest King capable of protecting Ethereal from enemy attacks."

Raiden's large round eyes could not be separated from Anne's face, the gaze was very intimidating. "Just because of the eyes? I think they're all too easy to believe a fairy tale that has no proof at all."

Anne stroked the bluish crest of Raiden's head gently, "Your Majesty, have you not felt anything with your vision yet?"

Raiden. He could see a clear aura from someone, Raiden knew which one had a clean aura and which one did not. Most Knights had a darker and more concentrated aura, even the occasional Raiden could smell the bitter scent of blood from their clean bodies as they had killed a lot during the battlefield. Such sensitivity makes Raiden sure he is not a normal human being.

"Auntie, I don't want to play. I want to learn." The boy ran out of the hallway to Kaisen's room.

"Your Majesty, where are you going? Your Majesty, wait for me!"

When Raiden reaches the throne room, he sees Kaisen serving a prison sentence for two servants caught trying to poison the royal family. The two of them were then herded by the Knights of the palace towards the dungeon.

The two male servants looked towards Raiden, they smiled grievously as they fused the palms together. "Please forgive us our sins, Your Majesty." Wept over those who were dragged away.

Seeing the power displayed by Kaisen makes something in Raiden provoked. Giving orders without anyone denying, punishing without anyone expressing objection, and governing without anyone daring to rebel. The King's words are absolute.

"Dad, can I also prosecute someone like you did just now?"

Kaisen held his son's light body. "There is an important condition that you must not let go in holding the status of King."

"What's that?"

"Great power must always be accompanied by responsibility. You can't just talk without a wise decision. You can't just manage without thinking about the risks to the government and its people. You also can't just punish if someone isn't proven guilty."

"In that case, I'll learn from now on."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Raiden. You're too small to learn all that stuff"

Raiden showed no hesitation at all as he interrupted Kaisen's words. "No. They all worship me as they do you. It means I have power like Dad. I just want to learn."

"Son... What are you talking about?"

"I will exceed your expectations. I promise to be the strongest King in history, I won't let you down."

Raiden ran again towards the library in the basement, where all the important and sacred objects were stored. The basement also contains photographs of the previous King, Queen, and Prince. Little Raiden was looking for his own answers to what he had been questioning all along.

Neither Kaisen nor Odelia, neither of Raiden's parents ever forced Raiden to study too much. Raiden never complained at all, he shut himself up in the basement and read two books as thick as the encyclopedia within half a day. Not infrequently he went to nosebleed due to fatigue.

Odelia could not see it, her heart ached knowing her only son looked tormented by the many things she learned from the history of the palace to the details of each lesson a King had to have. The little boy who should still know to play alone chose a more extreme path for a child as small as himself.

"Mommy's blocking me! I have to find out all the answers to my questions!" raiden snapped in frustration over a full day in bed. Odelia had forbidden him from coming to the basement for the next few days.

"Darling, you don't have to study first. Rest up. You're making your mom and dad worry." Odelia looked at her son worriedly. Which mother does not worry about seeing her son easily nosebleed while studying.

"Mom knows nothing. I need a big goal to survive."

Raiden's strenuous habit continued until he was seven. Kaisen could do nothing more as Odelia kept asking him to persuade their son not to work too hard.

At the age of seven, Raiden showed his maturity. He was already able to deal with the problems and grievances of the small people who consulted him as he walked around the city. But no one is aware, that the emptiness is also gaping bigger in him.

Questions like 'what is my purpose in surviving?' which is easy he did not find the answer.

The more Raiden demonstrates his intelligence and contribution in helping society, the more flattered he is. Wherever Raiden goes, there are always people who adore him and give him a lot of praise.

The special treatment that continues to rain down on him has ignited the forerunner of betrayal in Raiden's heart as a descendant of the King to his past promise with the Spirit God. Being King is a certainty because he is the son of the Kaisen Vill de Sorrentine, but who would have thought that the God-endowed man would be one of them? that's all Raiden said was challenging to make.

"If they think of me as a god, then I just need to grant it. I will be the God who controls all living things in Ethereal. I'll throw away anyone who's useless."

'Being a God' has become the life goal of a Crown Prince of the Ethereal Kingdom. He studied many books related to magic and such to find a way how he could reach the great power.

The goal was increasingly patent when he saw Odelia was gathering with four friends at a small tea party. The one person who drew in her eyes was Sirena de Alger Shuvillian. The bright light emanating from her was filled with an incredible purity that she had never seen anyone else before. "That's.." they seemed to be chatting happily like they were talking about something happy.

Seeing Sirena made hope dwell in him. That means his ambition to become a God is not impossible to achieve. It was a pity that Raiden back then rushed into sword training with the Ethereal high Knights.

The next day, just when Raiden has no training or study schedule, Odelia invites her son to enjoy morning tea together in the Queen's favorite rose garden.

Odelia looked at Raiden's face that looked radiant compared to a normal day. "You look happy, son. What's good news? tell my mother. I'm curious to know your days."

Raiden developed a bright smile, "I'm just happy that I've found my purpose in life" he said, wiping the corners of his lips.

"really? I'm happy for you." Odelia chuckled at her son's happiness, "You're like being a different person."

Raiden stared at her mother's graceful face, the warm smile emitting a brighter aura. "Mom, any fun news? since yesterday, I've always been smiling."

Odelia's face flushed in embarrassment, "Is it so noticeable?"

"Yes. What's the good news?"

"Actually, I haven't had time to tell you and your father that you're pregnant."

Raiden's body froze. His brain felt like it had stopped working for a moment. Pregnant said? "A real mom pregnant?"

"Yes, you will have a sister. Aren't you happy?" odelia's bright smile made Raiden feel that the woman in front of him was looking forward to the presence of new family members. "When are you going to tell Dad about this happy news? it's not good to keep your own pleasure."

"Mom's planning on telling her tomorrow right on our wedding anniversary. You want to help mom make a surprise? the three of us can have dinner together."

"I agree. That's a very good idea, Mother."

"Mom can't wait to surprise her."

Raiden recalls the tea party Odelia had with her friends yesterday. "Oh yeah, I want to ask you something."

"Hm? what is it, baby?"

"Those long black-haired mother's friend, I've only seen her for the first time. She looks so admiring of mom." Odelia immediately found out who her son was asking, she gave a small nod, "That is the wife of Count Savero. In other words, he was the daughter-in-law of Grand Duke Bastien. Her name is Sirena. You seem interested in him. Oh, or have you not heard that Sirena has a daughter who is as beautiful as you?" Odelia thinks Raiden is interested in Sirena's daughter, but Raiden doesn't know about her.

"I like him because he's the most sincere friend of mother." he said.

Raiden becomes curious about Sirena's daughter Odelia mentions. But for now he was still busy with the affairs within the palace. Plus, Odelia wanted to design a family dinner as an added surprise. "I'll help mom prepare her dinner."

"Thank you, Raiden ku~"

"Hehe, I just need to prepare myself to tell my father the truth."

"But, Your Highness.Let me do it, you don't have to dirty your hands by doing this work."

"It's a special day for mom and dad. I want to contribute to preparing dinner for them."

"Alright if that's what you want."

Raiden eagerly delivers food using a trolley to the dining room. The long table over there was already filled. The smell of food spread throughout the room. "It'll help."

At that time Odelia was passing through the dining room. He stopped as soon as he saw Raiden himself filling the glass with orange juice poured from the teapot. The woman couldn't help but smile, "Raiden, it turns out that you worked hard to prepare this."

"Mother? come in, I've prepared all of it. We're just gonna wait for Dad to finish his job."

In short, half an hour later Kaisen came to the dining room as soon as he finished the meeting with his ministers. "Sorry, I'm a little late. You must be tired of waiting for me." said Kaisen feeling guilty.

Kaisen's beloved wife shook her head in understanding, "No. You don't have to talk like that. Let's have dinner first."

Kaisen sat on the main seat while staring at Odelia. "You said you wanted to say something."

"Later, let's eat first."

Ten minutes passed and they had finished the food on their plates. A quiet atmosphere came over. Odelia was unable to regulate her heartbeat, she was nervous and impatient to see what kind of reaction the husband would give after hearing the news of his second pregnancy.

Kaisen, who was aware of his wife's anxiety, asked, "You've been why since? I'm getting curious about what you want to say."

Raiden drinks orange juice in his glass while watching the interaction between his father and mother.

"A-anu, look.I want to tell you something very important."

"Whatis that? hurry up, you're making me die of curiosity."

"Actually I'm ham— urgh! the argh! it hurts!" odelia screamed in pain as she squeezed her stomach. Kaisen swiftly supported his wife's body. Her face paled, "Odelia? Odeia! What's going on?!" Odelia could no longer answer. Even to move, he cannot. Odelia was like a worm that kept wriggling with the intense pain in her stomach. "Raiden, call the palace doctor!"

Raiden nodded then left the room as quickly as possible to call the doctor. The entire palace attendant seemed anxious and frightened when Odelia was still in the examination. The unbearable Anne finally brought Raiden to her room so that she would not be sad to see her mother's condition.

"Prince, let's wait for the Queen's news here. You don't worry, the Queen will definitely be fine." Anne saw that Raiden was unexpectedly remaining calm without being asked. "Auntie, what happened to Mom? is he going to die?"

Anne's two eyes glazed over, she immediately hugged Raiden's cold body. "No, nothing bad will happen to your mother, Prince. You don't worry." he said calmly.

"May be so."

"Prince, you wait here. I'll look at the Queen's circumstances to make sure she's okay. I'll be right back."

"Yes." Yeah."

As soon as Anne came out, news immediately spread from the whispers of the palace servants who were about to return to their respective places. "What a pity, Her Majesty the Queen. She had just been pregnant for a month, but she had a sudden miscarriage. The doctor said he had taken a poison that eventually killed the fetus in the womb."

They as fellow workers became frightened because the King looked very angry and would severely punish anyone who had dared to poison his wife to kill a baby in the womb Odelia.

That night there was also a considerable riot. The king who was usually always wise and calm in dealing with every problem now looks like a lion roaring in anger.

Raiden who heard from behind the door of his room smiled. The seven-year-old boy approached the fireplace where the fire was burning quite large. His hand reached into a small bottle and threw it into the fireplace. "Nobody would have thought that the one who put poison in my mother's glass was me."

He sat on the edge of the bed while reading the forbidden magic book he found in the basement closet. "I don't need a sister. Although I will definitely become the Crown Prince, the presence of a younger brother will be very disturbing."

Yeah, here's the truth. Raiden is the killer of his own brother. He considered the presence of another successor unnecessary because he would be the only one in the kingdom who inherited the throne as well as the first King who would become a God.

No, Raiden doesn't have a single speck of guilt and regret. Not crying either. No matter what others feel, Raiden enjoys his success getting rid of the roadblock to his dreams.

Cclek

Raiden immediately returned the book in his lap to his desk drawer again. Anne returned with tears. The woman felt the pain of Odelia. Seeing Odelia being so devastated made Anne feel guilty because she was not there to check the food the Queen was going to eat.

"Auntie, why are you crying?"

"Prince, you must not be sad. Let's think about how to comfort Her Majesty Odelia."

"..."

•

•

For a week Odelia kept herself locked up in the room, not interested in going out. To just open the window curtain he was reluctant. She was so heartbroken to hear the doctor's explanation that her uterus had been damaged and she would no longer be able to conceive. The dinner that should have been filled with happiness ended with a roaring cry of Odelia. "I let Kaisen down. He wants a friend for Raiden, but I won't be able to make it happen."

Odelia drowned her face in her knees. "Kaisen, I'm sorry. I don't becus as a wife." sobs of despair roared in the dark room with no light able to get into it.

Tok tok tok tok

Odelia muffled her voice when she heard a knock on the door of her room. "Mother, this is Raiden. Can I come in?" Raiden appears behind the door carrying a tray of porridge that has been mixed with spices to restore Odelia's health condition.

"Darling, come here."

Odelia immediately hugged Raiden as tightly as possible, venting out all the feelings that were stirring in her heart. Sadness could not be contained when he saw the face of his son. "I'm sorry, I've let you both down" said Odelia faltering in her sobs.

"Mother, there's no need to apologize for something that you're not intentional about. It's all happened, we can't keep crying over it." Raiden put the wet hair of Odelia in tears behind her earlobes. "Mothers will get sick worse if mother continues to refuse to eat."

"But, how can you eat if you just killed my own flesh and blood? what kind of mother am I."

"Mommy still has me, right? don't be sad like that. I'll be the one who can realize my mother's wishes. Everyone also knows that I am endowed by a God."

Odelia smiled even if forced, her hand moving slowly stroking the top of her only son's head. "You're right, mom still has you. Sorry, I seem to have forgotten you."

"No problem. I know you're just sad to think about my sister-to-be who's gone. But it wasn't your fault. None of us blame you."

"I feel like I failed as a mother. Just take care of my baby I can't."

"Mom needs fresh air to think clearly. I helped open the window."

Raiden opened all the curtains and windows so that sunlight could enter to change the atmosphere of the very gloomy room. He patiently continues to provide motivation and mental support to Odelia who is experiencing severe stress.

An hour later, Odelia started smiling again even though the pain was not gone. At least Odelia was amused by Raiden's presence there.

Until finally Odelia remembered their brief discussion in the park at that time. "Mom haven't asked, but what is the purpose of your life?"

Raiden did not immediately answer, he was thinking about what kind of answer he would listen to his sick mother. "I want to be the King in control of everything. I want to be the Crown Prince's only candidate. Oh, did you know? I have the grace of a God, but no one has ever imagined how I could become one of the Gods, right? I want to realize what's beyond everyone's expectations."

Odelia's smile faded, "Eh? what do you mean, son?" his heart was again uncomfortable.

"I'll become a spirit god. That way there won't be anyone comparable to me."

Plaque!

A hard slap managed to land smoothly on Raiden's white cheek. Raiden's left cheek was flushed to the full brim with Odelia's hand stamp. Honestly, Odelia herself was shocked by his actions. "Raiden, tell mom that it's all just your joke."

Even though the corner of Raiden's lips was bleeding, Raiden had no expression at all. He dared to look at Odelia's face, "No. Why make the purpose of life as a joke? I said it because mom asked."

"Are you crazy?! So Gods? that's impossible! Raiden, have you forgotten how this kingdom came into being? you'll only wreak havoc on Ethereum!" pekik Odelia's angry.

"How can that be impossible? I've found a way. I just sit there and watch me make it happen."

Odelia shook her head in disbelief with her own son. "You're not sane. Raiden, why did you make that your life goal? how far have you gone?"

"Kill my own brother I can. You didn't think I was the culprit, did you? same with my life purpose. I'll make it real even if mom says a thousand times that it's impossible."

Deg

Odelia's face instantly turned deathly pale. He can't move his limbs except his eyelids. Her gaze is twitching. Her chest is very sick. His breathing became irregular.

Killing said? kill baby? Raiden, my son has made me miscarry with his own hands?

Odelia fell. He whose condition is still very weak, especially mentally who is adrift is not strong to hear the words of his own son. His heart was not functioning right away. "If you're going to stop me, I don't hesitate to get rid of you. I will get rid of anyone who is useless and will only get in my way."

Raiden still did not care even though he saw his mother's breath had faltered. "R-rb... Raiden, I'm sorry." The tears melted back down her cheeks.

"Mother, rest in peace. I will fight in my own way."

Raiden leaves the room without calling a doctor to check on Odelia. Before leaving, Raiden first broke the bowl of spice porridge and made it look as if Odelia herself had dropped it.

That very afternoon, the Ethereal palace mourned. Odelia had died of a heart attack and no one had been able to help her.

Kaisen was devastated by the sudden departure of his only wife whom he loved so much. The whole city is filled with white flowers to show how the people lost the Queen who was known to be very kind and affectionate.

All the people closest to Odelia cried while at her funeral. The white flower had already stretched like the tapestry of the world surrounding his tomb. Only Raiden stared blankly at the tombstone bearing his mother's name.

Not a few parties who pity the fate of Raiden 'malang'. She had not long lost a sister-to-be and was now overtaken by her mother. Anne, a special lady-in-waiting to the Queen, was deeply saddened, but she remained in charge of caring for Raiden until she was fifteen.

In order to comfort Raiden who looked bored and lonely (according to Anne), the meek woman gave a small cat to accompany Raiden in his spare time. "Thank you, aunt. You're the only one who still cares about me."

Anne hugged Raiden to provide warmth. "Prince, right now His Majesty is also in a difficult time. You don't feel like you've been dumped and ignored by him anymore, yeah."

One month passed, the palace was still filled with mourning. Sepi struck despite dozens of servants filling the palace hallway. To get rid of boredom, Raiden decided to paint in Odelia's favorite garden, a garden filled with red roses.

"Oh, you're tailing here again. I told you how many times I wasn't your mother" she said, lifting up Anne's white cat.

The cat was very cute, he was also very spoiled to Raiden. Kaisen's only son felt a little comforted. He also did not feel bothered even though the white cat continued to stick to his feet. "Yes, I let you stay here with me."

Raiden enjoys his leisure time in the park, painting the Queen's garden which now feels more beautiful to him.

A few minutes later Raiden stops his activities when he realizes that his paint has run out. "The red paint is over. How do I color the roses? ah, you're here."

Raiden's blue eyes focused on locking the small, white-haired object encircling his left leg. As you might have guessed, Raiden unhesitatingly took out a dagger and obliterated the innocent cat to get the red color he wanted.

How could he possibly be called normal if he did not tremble at all when he saw blood filling his hands. "Well, this is more than enough." Raiden dipped his brush into a pool of blood on the lawn of the park. His hand moved again with a small humming coming out of Raiden's mouth.