Marry The Heir
Dear dady, dear,

It had been more than 10 minutes Shafira paced back and forth in front of Sigit's room with erratic thoughts and feelings. In his hand he grasped a piece of paper that he planned to show Sigit. But until this moment he is still hesitant to convey it or not.

In his head kept thinking about what words he would convey to Sigit later. Then whether Sigit will understand what he said or he must be prepared to accept disappointment when Sigit does not want to understand what he wants. Arrghh imagining it was already terrifying.

Although later Sigit's attitude changed, but Shafira could not guarantee that Sigit would understand his wishes. He knew exactly which Sigit could not be refuted. He is full of surprises and Shafira must prepare her mentally if it turns out that Sigit's surprise is not pleasant for her.

Trying to stand upright in front of Sigit's workroom, he looked at the door confidently and raised his hand ready to knock. Some time he was silent, trying to regulate his breathing by remembering what Disa had taught him. He said this managed to make Disa's nervousness when he went up to the stage reduced.

Moments later he closed his eyes, his neck and shoulders as relaxed as possible. Then he clenched his lips and took a slow breath through his nose for two counts. His lips curled as if he was about to whistle. Then exhale from the mouth for four counts. Suffice.

Continue by inhaling for five counts and exhaling for five counts as well. This he did for a few minutes and quite made his feelings better.

“Bismillah.” This is the most important mantra Disa taught her.

"Begin all things with bismillah and you will have unexpected help." Shafira strongly believes in this affirmation.

Slowly Shafira opened her eyes, staring boldly at the door that had always frightened her. Whatever happens, he is ready to face it. “Tok-tok-tok.”

“Dady?” he said slowly.

“Hem, come in.” Sigit's voice was like the beginning for Shafira to step boldly.

At the pull of the doorknob that he held tightly and saw Sigit who was at his desk. He wore box-rimmed glasses that made him look like a grandfather figure in the animated film “Up”. Her hair is not entirely white.

“What's fir?” seeing the hesitant Shafira enter his room, Sigit immediately asked.

“Dady any time? There's something I want to talk about.” He stood a considerable distance away with Sigit.

“Hem, come here.” his request that Shafira approach.

Shafira smiled faintly, she immediately approached and sat down on Sigit's tapping chair. Put the sheet of paper that was in his hand.

Sigit's eyes so pay attention to the sheet of paper in front of them.

“You need something?” look at the bottom of the paper like a place to put a signature.

“Hem.” Shafira was sure.

“What?” Sigit extended his hand to Shafira.

Shafira took the sheet and gave it to Sigit, “I need your permission.” He said with certainty.

Sigit scrunched his forehead, looking at Shafira questioningly. Need more explanation apparently.

“So gini,” Shafira tries to sit as comfortably as possible in order to speak clearly. This is his chance to speak directly with his father.

“After yesterday's exam, I tried applying to study at one of the universities in England. I thought that I wanted to go to college there and achieve my goals.”

“I, tried to file some motivation letter to some university, and I got one.” His smile immediately grew, showing that he was very proud of himself.

“I wanna be a singer dad, I love singing. So, I want to ask permission dady to lecture there.” timidly he conveyed his point. His gaze looked expectantly made Sigit turn his gaze to the paper that was now in his hand.

He read the full answer letter from the university and Shafira waited impatiently for an answer from her father.

“You got a music school scholarship?” lirih Sigit later. He stared at the princess's timid eyes asking for her permission but expectantly.

“Yas! I also felt sorry for my needs during my stay there. It’s my dream dad and I promise, I won't trouble dady. I can handle everything. But, I still need your permission.” Shafira brightly with confidence.

Sigit flipped the paper in front of him and looked at his daughter with a feeling that could not be explained. “Why should the scholarship?” his tanyanya, short but enough to make Shafira think.

“Em,” mental Shafira began to be tested to face Sigit. A wrong answer might make him fail to leave.

“I know, dady will ask me to go to school according to the standards in this family. Maybe, learn about business, management or administration related to the company. But I can’t dad."

"I'm not as smart as a brother who can cum laude in the flagship campus in America there even though he took a double degree. I'm different from brother, I'm not as perfect as him.”

“I just love singing and I hope with me can get a scholarship, I can make dady a little proud of me and I don't bother dady. Sure, I can take care of myself, so please dady..” Shafira put her hands together in front of her chest, pleading with Sigit while bowing her head.

Sigit gave a small smile, then he grabbed the hand of shafira which he held later.

“Fir, don't begging on me and don’t ever begging to everyone.” He lowered Shafira's hand, making the girl look at her father questioningly.

“Dady is proud of you, no matter what you are. Dady knows, all this time dady never makes you feel proud of yourself. Dady often makes you feel useless for a lot of things, and I’m so sorry.”

“Dady wants to fix everything, so just ask me but don’t begging on me. Dady wants to be your father, not the angel who decides your life. Hem?” the light of Sigit that made Shafira's eyes glaze over with tears.

Sigit realized, all this time he had given a lot of bad examples to his children. He never appreciates anything his children achieve. And the debate with Kean at the hospital, like it has made him realize that what he's been doing all this time is wrong.

He dominates the people around him too much, feeling the best know what is best for those around him without him realizing he has been humbling others a lot. He wants to get out of that condition, he does not want to be the Sigit that used to be, Sigit who robs his children and hurts people around him because of the disappointment he has.

“Are you sure dad?” Shafira still could not believe what she heard.

“Hem.” Sigit was sure.

“Thanks you dad!” Shafira immediately hugged Sigit. Close him tightly. He smiled but his eyes were crying. Honestly, this is what he needed all along. A father, not just a head of a family with a label of a great businessman who meets all the needs of his economy without a penny.

“You know dad, I wrote a song for you.” Lirih Shafira's. He rubbed the tears dripping down his cheek and replaced them with a smile.

“Oh yes?” sigit kissed his daughter's head in love.

Shafira let go of his embrace and then took out a flash that he had long stored as a tool to store the songs he made. Not perfect, there is no music just from the sound of his mouth that makes the melody for the song.

“This makes dady,” immerse the flash in Sigit's hand.

“I wrote 4 songs and one of them was special for dady. Yes, this is not as good as the usual songs dady listen, but when you miss me, please listen this song, hem?” shafiira's voice rang out trembling with the cries she was holding back.

Sigit smiled faintly, he was filled with what his daughter was currently doing.

“Dady wants to hear it directly from your mouth, so please sing for me, hem.” Sigit patted his desk and asked Shafira to sit there.

“My pleasure.” Timpal Shafira nodding in reverence. Like a child he sat at Sigit's table swinging his legs.

“EHM!” he cleared his throat to neutralize the sound in his throat so as not to get too hoarse and Sigit prepared to listen. Shafira clasped his father's hand and when he was ready, he started the song he sang.

“Dear, dady.

Every single day I wish, You smile for me.

Every second I dream, you say that you love me.

Hey you may big hero, I hope one day you will hold my hand

Walk by my side, and hug me tight

Please just say it once, that you love me like I do love you.”

The line of lyrics Shafira sang with a cry. Sometimes he stared at Sigit laman, remembering when he was slumped in his room alone and hoping Sigit came and hugged him so that he did not feel lonely. Although the opportunity never existed but this time he got a better chance. Singing from his heart to his father.

“Dady I love you even though maybe you don't care. You are my first love, and always be.”  Shafira sobbed at the end of the song, then Sigit hugged her tightly.

Sigit never expected, so much hope his daughter for him dear. He did not know that Shafira often sang this song when she was lying on the bed first.

*****

As the air gets colder and the sky gets darker but it is not enough to make Sigit sleep. He still looked at the white ceiling of his room while thinking about many things. Beside him was Arini who was also still awake and was not thinking about what.

“Rin, have you slept?” call Sigit.

“But.” Arini's voice sounded hoarse as usual. He looked at Sigit who was regulating his breathing. Like many burdens he thought of in his head.

After decades of marriage and a dozen years of long-distance relationships, sleeping together again becomes a new thing for them. Usually Sigit will sleep in his own room which is fused with the workspace and Arini in a separate room. They slept in the same room and bed for a month. This is unusual for couples who have been married for a long time.

“There are you thinking?” Arini looked at Sigit's face beside her. His jaw still looks sturdy though unlike decades ago when they were first married. Sigit is handsome, charismatic makes many women fall in love with him including Arini. Towards the age of twilight, his charm is still the same, thrilling for Arini.

“Hem, I want to talk about something.” He turned back Arini made the two look at each other.

“Say.” Faithfully Arini waited for Sigit to tell him. Although late, there is no harm in learning to talk about something before going to bed, he said pillow talk can make her feel better when she wakes up tomorrow.

Sigit moved from its place, choosing to sit leaning on the headboard. It seemed like what he was going to talk about was something serious then Arini chose to do the same thing, sitting leaning beside Sigit.

"I won't blame you for hating me after this but I hope that before I die I can confess this before you.” Sigit stared at Arini with the page making Arini more curious. Her husband had never spoken this openly before.

“I was so angry with you, until I wished I never had a heart or a brain in my head.”

“You should know, you are very lucky in my appeal because when I hate you, then you will continue to be in my head and when I love you, you continue to be in my heart.”

“Which you will say now, is it worse than both?”

“Maybe.” Short legal Sigit. He has not been able to penetrate Arini's heart.

“You should know, when I say that I asked you to seek treatment in America is to let go of you slowly, I tell you the truth. I'm too bad for you to hate let alone for you to love until I think that if you go and find another man, it might be better for you."

"But, you are too stubborn rin,” Sigit hangs his sentence. He looked at Arini with regret.

“I once loved a woman, a woman who made me feel heartbroken because I was rejected when I had not expressed my feelings. He always thinks, if enough with him beside me then we will be fine.”

“He lied, because we were never okay. He tortured me by forcing me to suppress my feelings and proving that I didn't need him and that he could go as far as he wanted. And he tortured himself by pretending to be used to being around me without feeling anything.”

“I think it's our biggest scam in life, which is self-deception.”

“But when I saw you coming home I felt like I had found something that was lost and left. I'm used to seeing him around me and not feeling anything but when I see you around me, I feel better. It's just that my ego and guilt keep me from getting closer to the woman I should have let go of to make her happy.”

“If I say this is regret, am I late?” lirih Sigit with a frown, asked over his own feelings.

Arini smiled thinly, then he looked ahead there, the wall decorated with photos he and Sigit Kean first.

“I know what you're thinking even though I don't know exactly how you feel. But at least I realized, that woman is kinar.” Arini called out the name Kinar without hesitation, making Sigit look at him in disbelief. Does his feeling seem obvious?

“You know, a woman is equipped with strong feelings. I can feel that the man I love loves loves another woman who is near us. But unfortunately, I can't ask you to stop loving that woman because I myself don't know which is stronger, the woman's feelings or my feelings towards you.”

“But with the shinar trying to look fine in front of us, I felt even more jealous because I knew, he realized you loved him.”

“If you still feel the same this time, marry her."

"I don't have a problem. I've made peace with my anger, I've made peace with my jealousy and my mind is so used to imagining you as two people who love each other.”

“But at least, don't divorce me. I still want to hold the honor of being the wife of the man I love even though you never loved me mas.” Arini said with hope.

Sigit smiled faintly hearing Arini's speech. It's true that Arini is stubborn. They like to survive for no reason. “Love, I don't even know what I feel it's really love or just ambition. Because if I love her, shouldn't I respect her decision?"

"But for many years I was like never willing until I myself never knew where the end and the base of my own feelings were.”

“One thing I know, the existence of kinar has no effect whatsoever on my feelings. I no longer expected her to dream that she was next to me. I don't know since when, maybe it's been a long time just that I just realized it now.”

Sigit and Arini both fell silent. They are in dialogue with their own hearts. One thing is certain, Sigit is now eager to hold Arini's hand tightly and hopes this woman will always be his wife at any time.

Not too late, right?

*****