Post-divorce
Part 1's

POSTDIVORAL

"Now there are only two options, which one do you choose, the mother or wife and the blind baby?" ask my mother-in-law when she comes home to see the baby I gave birth to two weeks ago.

However, the doctor confirmed that our baby was exposed to ROP (Retina Of Prematurity) which threatened not being able to see, there is still hope our child can see through some surgery.

But the act could not ensure the vision would be like a child in general, our baby had just been allowed to go home from the hospital after his condition was declared stable.

"Denis please don't give me such a hard choice" Mas Denis replied

I could only remain silent without saying a word, my mother-in-law's words overcame the postpartum pain of the SC I was running, even crushing this heart to pieces, she said, what a condition my son is in today has made sadness envelop his heart.

"Mom won't be ashamed because you have a blind child."

The word "Blind" intended for the new child I was born with immediately made this rebellious heart not accept.

No matter what the circumstances of the child I gave birth to, she was still my flesh and blood, and also the son of my husband and the grandson of my mother-in-law, she once labeled "blind" for my innocent baby.

"Whatever he may be, he is still my son, the flesh and blood of Mas Denis, who is also the mother's grandson, she said!" These tears are no longer contained.

"Well if Denis can't make a decision, I'll give you a choice ...." He squinted his eyes and looked at me.

"Mom, please give us some time." My husband has always been like this, very weak when faced with his mother.

"No Denis, your wife has to choose this time, leave the baby to stay with us or stay with him without us."

This heart melos when hearing the words of my mother-in-law, the heart once threw away the child who had inhabited my womb.

With the struggle to overcome the pain of being able to give birth to her into the world, risking my life and death while the SC process is done in order to bring her among us.

We waited three years for the little baby at our wedding, how shameful was the state of my son for him and his family?

During pregnancy I was exposed to the TORCH virus. However, late detected to cause premature birth and also abnormalities in the baby I gave birth, the virus attacks the organs of vision in the fetus Ikandung, not just impaired vision.

My little baby's heart has an abnormality, there is a hole in the heart that requires him to undergo surgery so that the hole in his heart can close perfectly.

"Even if the whole world does not acknowledge it, discards it and even humiliates it, my baby is still my flesh and blood, the perfect creature that God created, behind its flaws Amanda is sure she will have advantages and can be proud of, not as despicable as Mothers even others think." I raised a face that could only look down.

Seeing the expressions of my husband and mother-in-law over what I said. Denis rounded his eyes, while mother looked at me with a cynical and dismissive look.

"Don't give me any decision Amanda!!!" said Mas Denis.

All this time I kept quiet and accepted all of Mother's treatment for trying to appreciate her.

However, after he insulted even wanting to separate me from my flesh and blood due to the flaws he had, making this respect turn into his deepest pain and disappointment.

My affection for even my respect for her somehow evaporated everywhere.

"Our baby is innocent Mas, even very holy, I will not sacrifice my son just to stay with you and your family who uphold perfection and honor" I said firmly.

Yes ... This is the decision that has been taken, do not need to think long to make a decision, the purpose of my life today is to make my son happy who remains perfect.

There was a sound of crying, I wiped the tears that flowed down my cheeks, I approached the cot that was currently occupied by my little angel who was crying.

Maybe he felt the sadness of his mother at this time, I lifted him from his bed, I rubbed his face and kissed her tender cheek lovingly.

"Relax baby, mama's fine, don't worry mama will continue with you, you're the source of mama's current happiness, we'll fight together whatever we're going to face."

I hugged him in a sling, approached Mom and Mas Denis, who was sitting down at the moment, to continue our conversation.

"Nrank ...." Denis called my name with a trembling voice.

I could only stare at him fixedly looking at the indecipherable expression shown by Mas Denis.

'Oh God what happened to my husband?' my question is in my heart.

I clenched tightly to the little baby in my arms, to give myself strength and encouragement, to face whatever was going to happen next in the tempest of our household.

This little baby will always be in my arms at any time, isn't Mother's love all the time?

Only death can separate us, not because of the Retinopathy of Prematurity he suffered, heart defects or any disease, he said, no matter what the circumstances are for me he is still the perfect child for me created by Him.

"Let the child go to be left in the orphanage, all his needs will still be given. However, he can't be with us in one house, assuming we never have it." A trembling voice accompanied by a slight sobbing my husband sounded.

The words of Mas Denis, managed to break the heart as a mother who has struggled to conceive and give birth.

As it slashed, until his heart my husband did not acknowledge this baby was our son, the son who was waiting for his presence.

The struggle of childbirth, the process of which must be paid for with blood and pain, risks the life and death of a woman.

The closer I got to this baby, hoping that he would not feel as sad as I am today, when he heard his biological father ask to throw it away and considered himself never present among us.

"Your work, Mas. Don't you have a conscience, huh?! Even if we feel sorry for this innocent baby, he's our son!" My voice rose an octave to my husband and mother-in-law accompanied by the roar of tears that could not be contained.

Looking cynically at the two people who were in front of me at this moment with anger, sadness and deep disappointment, already broken in heart after hearing my husband's words, I thought he would defend us.

My hope is that he will protect and love us sincerely whatever the condition of our son, but in fact hope is not in accordance with reality.

"This is for the sake of the integrity of our household Amanda, I love you and want you to stay by my side as a wife" said Mas Denis as an alibi behind his decision.

"By obeying your mother's wishes and sacrificing our flesh and blood, Mas?! Keep making me a wife and a wicked mother by throwing away her own flesh and blood? Is that what you want? Is that what you call love?" my words are full of emphasis.

"Down your voice and calm yourself Amanda!!!" exclaim my Mother-in-law.

"Denis has made a decision, now what is your decision? I want to hear your decision now!" his orders without regard to my feelings.

Didn't they see my son's condition? even now that she was crying in the arms, it seemed that my son understood the sadness I was feeling.

"Enough mommy cries, son. I won't let you cry, I'll always be together, I promise." I whispered softly in the ear of my son who already looks calm while gently stroking his face that still looks red.

"There's no ex-child, ma'am. If you keep pushing, I leave this child only to stay with you, then I'll let you go of my life as my ex-husband and ex-mother-in-law." I said it firmly in one breath.

No need to consider anything, I am very confident that with this choice, my son will accompany me to reach the shade of His heaven in every struggle to guard, educate and take care of it.

My hope is that this child will become a useful child with whatever limitations he will have, because I am sure he will become a great person later, who can make me happy in the world or the hereafter.

"Good if that's your decision, look at Denis this is why you got married instead of the woman you chose, ended up like this, ended up like this, you have a defective child and you're still getting divorced from this woman of your choice."

"ENOUGH! I've had enough of you to utter insults, but I beg you never to call this baby a deformed child, because no matter how perfect he is in my eyes, Mom!"

"As far as you want to talk, tomorrow Denis will leave this house and mother will take care of your divorce papers" he said firmly. "Denis, tomorrow I'll wait at home, I'll excuse you because there's business to be done" he continued.

My mother-in-law also came out of the house we occupied, passed me and my son just like that without turning a head, even touching the baby I gave birth to she did not do.

We were like disgusting trash in his eyes. I thought with the presence of my son would melt my mother-in-law's heart changing her bad attitude all this time to me.

However, on the contrary, he was more free to determine the end of a marriage that I had lived for three years with my husband.

After the death of my mother-in-law, Mas Denis approached, unexpectedly he knelt before me.

"I'm sorry, I can't keep our marriage."

"Look at our son, Mas, isn't there a little bit of affection for him? He's your own flesh and blood."

Mas Denis stroked our son's Danish face gently, stroked the top of his head, and kissed his cheek.

"If our son is perfect, I love him very much." He changed his seat next to me. "but my family demands perfection, I cannot ignore it, and I want a perfect child so as not to be the subject of ridicule, I'm not ready to hear people's insults on us about our son's condition if they find out."

"Honey is accepting whatever condition someone we care about, but what you do is the opposite. You guys have completely died his conscience, the flesh blood itself is not recognized just for being imperfect."

"That's the fact Amanda will or won't you have to accept everything, I can't be by your side if you keep this child, trust me to let you go and end our household heavy on me not just you."

"I won't change my decision, Mas, whatever the reason, but for the last time I'm asking you to be a real father to our son for a day, accompany and take care of our children both like other parents today until the morning, at least Danish has felt the affection of his parents intact even if only a day, at least Danish, after that I'll let you go to leave us." I'm asking for Denis.

I was really begging for his affection for Danish, not his affection but his pity because if he loved his son there was no way he would leave us.

My request is not without reason, tomorrow according to Danish plans will perform laser surgery on his eye to repair retinal nerve over ROP stage two that he suffered, he said, I want my husband to accompany Danish's fight against the pain of surgery for her recovery.

"Well I will fulfill your request, here Danish let me carry, you cook for our lunch, I will take care of our child," he said.

I delivered the little baby in the arms with the trembling hand of Mas Denis's lap, for this was the first and last time my son had the warm touch of a father.

'Forgive me, son. This is all Mama can do for you.' My monologue inwardly while wiping away the tears that had begun to drip, fragile was the word that described my current feelings.

The next morning, I prepared the necessary items that would be brought to the hospital to perform Danish eye laser surgery.

My husband really carried out the role of parents as I asked, strengthening my heart, trying to look happy to reduce the sadness I felt.

Mas Denis bathed with me Danish, the smile on his lips looked at me slowly cleaning part by part Danish body, he helped to wear clothes and hold Danish after everything was neat, he said, even Danish fell asleep in her papa's arms.

"Looks like my good looks are down on you, son. Look when sleep is so adorable and handsome, papa is not willing if you sleep, let's wake up papa."

I could only smile faintly seeing Mas Denis talking to the baby who was sleeping soundly at the moment.

"Nrank ...." I just kept quiet without answering his call.

"I don't know if it's possible without you and our child after this, a day with Danish feels warm and pleasant in the deepest corner of my heart but a compelling situation, Mother becomes the reason for this attitude, like this, I don't want to see you always get sharp sayings even insults from my mother if we stay together with our son. Would we be happy without each other?" ask with doubt.

I remained silent without answering while cleaning up the room that looked messy.

"The marriage we had was full of struggles, and now it's over" Denis said.

He put Danish on the bed and then came closer to me, he hugged this body tightly and kissed my whole face.

Just the silence I did without returning a hug or smiling when he kissed this face, it felt bland and even painful in my heart to get such treatment from a man who was still legitimately my husband.

Danish was crying loudly, I stepped back, away from him because at the moment our position is very close.

I approached and held my son until he fell silent from his cries and was calm in my arms.

Denis came closer to us, he took his phone and took a picture of the three of us like a whole and harmonious family, I put on a smile while still holding Danish, my husband embracing his shoulders and bringing his body closer with a smile.

The sound of camera shots was heard, the photo was successfully immortalized.

"Remember Amanda, we were once happy together, we were in a loving household, even though the end of our marriage was divorce."

I just nodded my head, this tongue felt funny to say. Denis turned this body until we faced while still holding my baby, then he put his hand on the top of the head, I felt Mas Denis' hand tremble, his gaze was sad.

"Today I turn to you and give up the status of your wife, this marriage is over, there is no attachment to each other, no longer, now and then you are freed from all attachments of marriage."

Dropping furiously through the tears soaked these cheeks, until these tears hit my son's face, I tightly hugged the baby I was carrying, then kissed his forehead and wiped away the teardrops.

'Mama will be able to lose anything as long as not to lose you dear, today you are also a witness to the separation of your parents, although you do not understand but you hear the talak spoken by your father at this time.' my words are held in my heart.

My son is a source of strength to live a life without a husband, even this moment I became a single parent for my son.

Although it was heavy, I could definitely get through it. God will not give tests beyond the limits of His servant's ability, I am sure of that.

My son loves my poor son, not the poor of your life, but the poor of someone who wastes you, that man is your father and his family.

~Connected

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