Prison of Love
Letter from Nisa

70

In accordance with what Abah and I want, I helped Mother at the Foundation as her personal assistant. The work that piled up a little made me able to divert the feeling of longing that almost made me lose my mind.

The contrasting situation between the past that almost every day always met and saw Hengky's smile and now sending him a message alone can not, boro-boro can see or hear his voice. That's what makes me almost go away from home.

Sounds so childish, right? But love can sometimes turn off logic. I've finished putting some clothes in the bag to wait until the person at home is off guard. When the opportunity arrived, I suddenly realized, this way will only make our relationship more messy.

I screamed with all my might behind my pillow, crying for most of the day until I fell asleep from exhaustion. Every day I go through is like the hell of the world. No phone, no friends, no life.

Can it be called life if every detail I do is like a puppet driven by the words of Abah and Mother?

“Naya, go to Study at two in the afternoon. You must be present let your mind open.”

“Naya, do a copy of the document Abah put on your mattress.”

“Naya, wear this shirt tomorrow. Remember, it should be this robe and hijab.”

And more commands that have no choice but to follow. All the clothes and pashmina that I used to wear at the kosan had been burned by Mother in front of my eyes. Seeing some of the clothes that Hengky bought burned again made my face wet with tears.

Tiring to hear my story? Three months full of tears.

At the Foundation, the number of teachers from Kindergarten to High School and the foundation staff of nearly two hundred people did not make me feel like I had friends. They only greeted me for pleasantries, most even bowing their heads. It was so obvious from their gesture that they were so disinclined by me.

In fact, I want them to reprimand me just as they reprimand the staff or the other teacher council. I want to have friends, I want someone who can always hear my story, just like Hengky used to. But slowly I realized, I will not be able to get a friend who can make me the Naya Khairunnisa I want here.

With Abah's and Mother's near-perfect reputation, I couldn't possibly ruin their good name by showing the real me.

Three months passed. Every second I pass is like walking on a road full of broken glass. Must be good at sorting, good at observing things because otherwise, it will end up full of wounds.

Until suddenly this afternoon, when I was about to walk towards the parking lot, a woman yelled out my name. The voice I was making outside my head.

I turned my head and exclaimed in shock mixed happily, “Nisaa??!”

Nisa laughed wide, she immediately hugged me tightly, “What kabaarrr, Nayaa??”

I let go of Nisa's embrace, “Good, Thank God. Oh my goodness, can you be here??”

“You are still beautiful wearing a gini kayak shirt, Naya..” Nisa's eyes looked at me who was wearing a wide abaya of navy and black french khimar with a gaze full of admiration.

“Ih, you mah, asked what, answered what..” grumbled I'm ashamed.

He laughed loudly but immediately his face suddenly looked serious, “Naya, We can talk for a while, can’ we?”

“Now? Duh... I guess can not, Mom's coming home soon and I'm not getting anywhere.”

Nisa sighed disappointedly, she took out a folded paper from behind her bag, ”Put it in your bag!”

‘Eh, what is this?”

“Open this paper in the room, yes. Don’t forget to lock your door!”

Although I did not understand what Nisa meant, I nodded quickly. Several times I was busy looking towards the gate of the Foundation Office for fear that Mom would see me here with Nisa.

“I said yes, Naya. I know that the longer I am here is not good for you,” Nisa pulled my body back into her arms.

I don't know why I suddenly started crying. I miss my old life. I miss my friends, I miss my friends and I miss Hengky a lot.

I nodded slowly. Nisa's words were not so I heard because I was busy holding back my tears from flowing more.

“I said yes, Naya Beautiful..” Nisa hugged me fast. He hurriedly let go of his embrace when he saw some of the foundation staff coming out of the gate.

When I observed Nisa getting into the car, it felt like I wanted to run after the car. Hengky, I saw Hengky was behind the wheel.

Oh my... Oh my....

I desperately held back the rush of tears that were jostling to get out. I ran towards my motorbike, my hand shaking to start the engine and then in a hurry to turn the accelerator, trying to catch up with the speed of the car but immediately I pulled the brake lever.

What the hell am I doing? Do I want things to get more messed up?

I hurriedly wiped away the tears and took a deep breath.

Take a deep breath, then exhale slowly.

I repeat until I feel my chest is not too tight anymore. When Mom suddenly stood behind me, at that moment my lips immediately let out a smile, a smile that was only engraved on the lips.

“Mother is going home?”

-------------------------

After I got home, I half ran into the room and locked the door. Shaking my hand grabbed the fold of paper that Nisa had given just now.

When I opened the letter, my tears foolishly came out. I saw a handwriting that I memorized.

Hi, Sweetheart.

It feels like we're back in time like our mothers were? No gadgets, no internet, just a letter.

But does not this way make the atmosphere more romantic?

I deliberately invited Nisa and Alfian to go deliver this letter directly to you.

I miss you very much, darling. I want to get out of the car and run to hug you.

But I know, I can't possibly be stupid by just following my will.

Sorry I can only see you from afar, sorry I can't hold you when you need me.

If I hadn't thought about Abah and Mom's feelings, I would have wanted to come to your place and kidnap you out of there!

But, what's in it for us?

The love we keep desperately will only end and be labeled as a form of rebellion.

No, I'm not gonna do something that's just gonna torment you.

I want you to know, I'm building my own business. I told you before that I wanted to set up my own restaurant, right?

I want to start from zero. I do not want to be under the control of papi and mami who will only give a gap for them to manage our lives.

Wait for me, baby. Please patience.

I'll definitely be home. I made sure you were where I came home.