The Heart of Vania
Broken Hearts Second Time

Ever since I passed the selection of Pradipta Asa Foundation scholarship recipients, I don't know why the Headmaster has been so kind to me. Yes, it is possible that he received a donation from the scholarship organizer's foundation. Whatever it is, I don't care how important it is that I end my education in the final year of this school at my best.

My dream right now is that my name is referred to as the highest scorer witnessed by Mother and Sister Litha. This is how I thank those who have worked hard to always support me. But reality wasn't as good as expected, Uncle came back to pick me up in the afternoon after I was practicing taekwondo. This time alone without Auntie, her haste and panic indicate something serious.

Your mother's in a coma. Hurry home. The doctor said there was not much time.

Uncle's words like a sledgehammer hit my consciousness until I staggered to find something that could be held as my pedestal stood. It was already the worst thing on my mind. Two weeks before Mother seemed to improve and toward healing, it turns out God only wanted to give a sign that His power could not be predicted man.

Along the way I tried to gain control of the raging heart, though my gut feeling told me I was going to lose Mom, but my heart rejected it.

"Uncle, has Brother Litha been told?" I break the silence.

"Your aunt will contact him. I hope Litha can come home soon."

"Certainly, Brother Litha just ask to be delivered by Brother-in-law's private plane right now," I said confidently, "What happened to Mother?"

"No idea, this morning your mother suddenly fainted while she was having breakfast. Uncle and Aunt immediately took your mother to the hospital and the doctor declared a coma after examining her."

"Suddenly? It's not like Mom's been getting better these last two weeks, even when I got home Mom's face looked fresher than usual."

"Yes, that's true but last week after a video call with your sister, her health condition slowly declined. As she thought, many times your aunt asked what was going on, your mother always answered not knowing. I don't know why she felt so sad for Litha. Your mother was worried because Litha was far away in the Capital, worried that your sister was thinking foolishly again."

"I mean Uncle?" I said in shock, my heart beating faster.

"Wcnmpfhhh. Don't tell anyone that Uncle told you that."

"Yes, why?" I'm just impatient.

"From a few months ago your mother felt something was happening to Litha, but was always diverted with positive thinking. But as soon as you saw your sister during a video call last week, your mother was sure Litha was in trouble. The distant existence of Litha at this moment made her even more worried."

"Sister Litha is very strong, you should not worry too much about her and feel sad. As long as I was with him in the Capital, although it was difficult he must have tried to do everything well," I argued annoyed that in the end Mother's health was at stake.

"Light be worried because your mother once found Litha almost drinking the second floor cleaning liquid the day after your father was buried."

Zinghkg.

The world seemed to be at a standstill with breath stuck in my throat. Hearing Uncle's words that were the reason Mom was worried about Kak Litha made me stare still not moving.

"Sorry, Nia. Uncle shouldn't have told you. You yourself know how great your brother is to wear a mask in front of others, even if you don't realize it. Litha is not as firm as you think, she is just trying to look strong and trying to treat herself as fragile," said Uncle smiling bitterly.

I can't speak any more. My heart felt sliced open with invisible, sore and very painful pain.

"Do you know why he visited Tisha so diligently at Dharma Yasa? In addition to visiting Tisha, she also wants to meet dr. Siska for consultation. The doctor once told Uncle that if one step of his mind could not be controlled, his fate would be the same as Tisha."

DUG.

My heart rebelled to get out of the chest cavity because of the harshness of the blood being pumped.

"Litha's luck still has the remaining hope that lies with her mother and sister to dispel her despair. So he tried to self-medicate by self-consulting dr. Siska without charge– because dr. Siska knows Litha doesn't have enough money to go to a psychiatrist."

"But– but Brother Litha–"

My tears were pouring out, my dear sister Litha, who was always cheerful and optimistic in front of me was no more heartbreaking than me. I thought he was the saneest in our family all along, it turns out he was the same as me– playing the role. His role was played so well that I didn't realize it.

"Paman–" call me slowly.

"Yes." Yeah."

"Did Uncle see how Litha was doing during the video call with Mom?"

"Nothing is strange, just plain. It's just that he's a little thin and his face is a little haggard, like a person who sleeps less at night."

I smiled wryly and confirmed to Mother who said that Brother Litha was having problems, only that she kept it herself without ever wanting to share. I wanted to ask Brother-in-law if they were fighting or if there was a misunderstanding between them, unfortunately I did not keep the number.

...***...

At midnight in this ICU room, I accompanied my increasingly critical mother. The doctor said Mom won't last long, or else I'll have to be ready to deal with it if you have to leave us all.

I gently caressed her cheeks, there sprung an age line, but not once covered her beauty. Then I grabbed Mom's hand, I stuck it on my cheek, kissed her and inhaled her scent.

"Mother, if you leave what should I do? Brother Litha is married, there is only Uncle Tino and Aunt Rima. Aunty was very chatty and Uncle was too afraid of Auntie. Who will I be?"

For the umpteenth time, I shed tears as if endless.

"Mother, I've been treated badly at school, but I was able to get through the last year to see you clap your hands proudly when my graduation day arrives."

I wiped my tears with her pretty face, "Did Dad come to pick you up? Did you love you so much that she couldn't stand being there alone? Tell him, just take us all with you so as not to leave the pain of abandonment," I choked.

One hand held my chest withstanding the deep pain, sobbing in a soundless cry. Unintentionally, I saw the corner of Mom's slightly wet eyes. As soon as I realized, my words had hurt Mom. If it's destiny God should call Mother back to Him, what can I do? What is clear is that I do not want you to regret the departure that she did not want. There is no other way, no matter what happens I must keep smiling and mengikhlaskan what has been outlined by the Owner of Life.

I open the blue album

Full of dust and wear

I looked at all the pictures

Small clean yet tarnished

I also thought I was floating

Formerly loving

Remembering all the stories of people

About my history

"Sister Litha is on his way here, ma'am. I know you're more worried about Litha than I am, because you once said I was Aryasena's Xena. Take it easy, even though she is married, I will take care of her until the last remaining of my breath. No one will be able to hurt her, neither will Sister Tisha. I don't need to worry, now I can welcome the hand of Father who has picked you up. I won't feel any pain anymore. I represent my two sisters let Mom go if I have to–"

They said I was always spoiled

They said I was always being cheered on

I can no longer continue my words –just call him in my heart as strong as possible– then collect broken pieces of heart scattered.

Beautiful tones

Always off her

A naughty cry from my lips

It won't be his pain

Smooth and holy hands

Has raised this body

Body and whole life

Let him give

Mother's fingers moved to make me publish a little hope, but fell back into a deeper abyss once the signs of life on the electrocardiogram sounded long and the monitor showed a straight line endlessly.

They said I was always spoiled

They said I was always being cheered on

Oh, mom is there and there is none

You are always in my heart

My cry sank into Mother's hands that I held tightly. In fact, the sincere words spoken earlier are very difficult, even I actually can not do it ... My heart is not as strong as I thought.

I also thought I was floating

Formerly loving

Remembering all the stories of people

About my history

A flash of memory flashed through my head like a video playing. Ever since I was a kid and started to remember the last time I had a chat with Mom two weeks ago. My feelings crumbled when Mom whispered in my ear.

'Nia, Mother's most formidable child. Whatever problems you face, I believe you can handle them well. You cannot conquer the whole world, but in your own world you are the one who has the power to make your choice. You don't have to learn to be brave, because you already have it. Learn to be wise.'

Really, I was heartbroken for the second time, left by Dad and then left by Mom. As this lifeless body wanders the world, it goes on without a protector. Heat, wet rain, storms are also hit even though the soul is torn apart.

They said I was always spoiled

They said I was always being cheered on

Oh, mom is there and there is none

You are always in my heart

Song: Mother by Melly Goeslaw

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