The Heart of Vania
Loving in Solitude

The man whose age is far adrift with me is like two sides of a coin. One side is very annoying while the other side– gives me comfort.

"Alright," he said casually, "Try it again. Maybe just a few times you've been able to."

I smiled happily, "Did he praise me clever?"

"Look at the last few days you've been chatting with my mom a lot" she continued after I started speeding again.

"Yes." Yeah." I nodded, "In company talk that my brother is resting."

"What do you usually talk about?"

"Do you expect us to talk about you?"

"Hem, not really."

I chuckled at her convoluted, without seeing I knew this 'old' man was misbehaving.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Haha ... Are you curious about what we're talking–"

"Move to tooth two!" he looked at the road ahead of us a little uphill.

I spontaneously touched the gears and without any cue his hand was also on top of my hand to move into second gear.

DEG.

Oh my God .. My heart why it beats so hard when our hands touch. I could feel the warmth within his huge palm as it wrapped around my hand.

" ... "

"Are you shocked by my screams?"

I shook my head and quickly pulled my hand. I had to quickly figure out a way before she realized my face had changed color.

"I'm happy to talk to Aunt Lidya. There are many things we can make chat material and grow everywhere."

There is no other way but to divert attention to the thing that made him curious– the topic of my chat with his mother. What does he want to know anyway?

"Oh yeah? Though Mom is very picky and careful in choosing a interlocutor?" ask a little wonder.

I pressed the brake pedal and stopped not far from the back garden area of Kak Litha's birthday. Around it there are a wide variety of animals that are very well kept. Arguably it is a small farm that is useful for relieving fatigue. About a hundred meters in front of the car we were riding there was a large aviary where the collection of expensive birds owned by Brother-in-law.

"I didn't know Auntie was picky and careful." I smiled at the birds flying in the cage, "It turns out we are the same, no wonder our chatter just flowed when we had not known for a long time and our age difference was also far adrift, but it feels like a frequency."

"Am I the topic of your conversation?" the question is also facing forward, the same direction of view as me.

"God! He's been asking about this, just saying you're talking about what we're gossiping about you, Mr. Assistant!"

"One of them."

His head turned to me, an increased interest.

"Many things we talked about. About Region C, City A, the days of Bibi school, my school, my family, Bibi's love of the late Uncle to our respective views on the latest news– and more."

"You didn't call myself the subject of conversation."

"What does Assistant Yan want Auntie to talk about you? Hehehe ...."

"I just want to know how she feels about me?" gamang tanyanya.

"Auntie doesn't say much about her children. Aunty only shared things that were to her pleasant and general nature."

"Am I not fun for him?"

"Hey! Was your communication with Aunt Lidya so bad that you had to ask questions like that?" bathinku.

"I guess yes. Maybe Aunt just doesn't want to remember her grief ... The late Brother Dinda was enough to make Aunt rearrange her heart and mind, plus her only son now feels far away even though the distance is close."

"You mean?" the protest did not accept.

I looked at him, showing a look of displeasure, too. Wasn't she the one who kept asking me to tell her about the conversation between me and her mother, why was she angry now? My emotions got a little hooked.

"Why don't you ask Auntie yourself? If Assistant Yan hesitated to ask her directly meant that what Auntie said was true, it felt far away even if it was close." I put my tone at the end of the sentence.

The man snorted then threw his face against the glass on the side and muttered softly, "Did Mom not respect my desire to still like Vivian?"

Deg.

His baritone voice was slow but I could hear it intact. For some reason my heart became inflamed, without being able to withstand the turmoil in this heart, I blamed it frontally.

"How can you demand that your own mother respect your wishes when you don't even care about her feelings? Did he ever trouble you? The only thing that has always been a burden on his mind is the moment he asks you to serve for the Pradipta Family. I don't know what the past story was until Aunt Lidya sacrificed her own son's life for the Pradipta Family, which obviously she felt very guilty about you. Therefore, in her old age, Bibi just wanted to see her son can be happy so that if God called her Bibi can go quietly."

He looked at me not believing. Yeah, I nagged him. I don't care if this 'old' guy gets mad at me again or not. I was just reacting because her mutter just made my chest tight. Aarrph ....

"What the fu*ck! You're accusing me of lying?" I growled with my eyes, she could have said I was lying.

"Mr Assistant! It should be a slap for you. Why is it that Aunt Lidya feels comfortable pouring out her heart on a child who smells like me than her own child? Until here understand not?– If the Son himself who makes the distance feels far only because of his willingness to like the fiancee of others want to be respected."

His clenched hands held back the anger until the veins on the back of his hands became more clearly visible, but I was clenched no matter, "What Mr. Assistant does not know is that in fact this is a form of a mother's concern on the life of her son, yet her son chooses to let himself fall into a slumped-out love. Why didn't you just take that woman and marry her? If you do not have the guts to do it, there are still many other women–"

"YOU!"

Jaw tightens. He was really provoked to the point of cutting my words. "If you've never loved someone, don't be pretentious, the Moon of Misery! You think I'm a guy who likes women easily, huh!"

"Worshift Month? He called me the Moon of Woe! Do you know that name hurt me?"

My eyes are hot, how could he call me that? Compared to hot eyes, my heart is hotter. The Month of Mischief is a proverb that indicates a person has a very pale face, white and lethargic, in the sense that it is very unattractive.

"It's none of my business that you're hard or easy to like women! I just feel sorry for the stupid guy who likes someone else's fiancee and is getting married soon. Does the man intend to wait for his widow?"

Cup.

An unexpected quick gesture hit my lips until it felt something soft was also cold there. Our faces are now no distance apart with eyes wide open and breath held.

DEG.

He realized the tremendous shock from me, perhaps the sound of my heartbeat beating so loud. You insolent old man! Instead of letting go, instead gripping firmly the back of the neck and pressing my lips deeper and more intense until something appeared that I never felt wriggling in the oral cavity.

Goddamnit!

He stole my first kiss, the one I later gave to someone I loved and loved. But now– he had already taken it by force. I pushed his chest so hard that we both bounced on the side glass of the car.

"Excession! You just said that you don't like other women very easily, but why is it so easy to smell a baby like me?" My hot eyes are now watering, "I have no parents who can protect and defend me but that doesn't mean I can be treated at will by you. If you're mad at me you can repay him, but not in this way. The way you retaliated really lowered my pride. Am I indeed worthless trash in your eyes, Mr Assistant?"

From the gestures of his body, I believe he was stunned and also did not expect by his own indecent deeds. Want to be accidentally or out of control still rice that has already become porridge will not be able to become rice again.

Bbbrhmmm ....

"NIA, REM!"

I stepped on the gas pedal with the steering wheel straight ahead. If he's out of control I can get out of control too. Not knowing what would happen later, I just crashed the car into the birdhouse.

BRUAKKH ....

The sound of a loud impact followed by the sound of birds singing shocked the servants and immediately came to our car.

"VANIA! CAN'T YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BRAKES AND GAS? DO YOU WANT TO DIE? IF YOU WANT TO DIE, DIE ALONE!"

I lifted my face that was immersed in the steering airbag, looking at him expressionlessly with warm tears on my cheeks. I've been lazy to talk to him anything, I've been reluctant to come into contact with him and I want to get away from him immediately.

The car door was opened, I was greeted in panic by the servants and called my name. I brushed off all the outstretches that grabbed me to help out. The feeling of disappointment that surrounded me made me immediately run towards the main house after getting out of the car.

.

.

.

HUTRAKK.

I pushed hard the kitchen door of the main house. Aunt Lidya and Pak Is who were talking were shocked. I glanced at those who seemed confused by my attitude.

Yan, Miss Vania why?

From the bedroom door I heard Aunt Lidya ask Assistant Yan. I shut the door, wanting to hear the answer.

He hit a bird cage at the back farm. I said hit the brakes, he stepped on the gas. Ngoceh mulu's work.

Holy hooch! I can't believe he answered her like that. You irresponsible old man! He still acted innocently in front of his mother. I really lost respect for him. I was wrong and regretted all this time to flatter him, even being the chairman of Shortpink Fans Club.

I closed the door of the room, sat in front of the dresser watching closely my face especially the skin that he said was pale like a sick person.

"I also don't want to be born with this skin as white as this," I said monologuously touching the cheek, "It's so evil of him! Already said I grudge, matre, belittling me with the name of a smelly child kencur and lastly insult my skin ... I can still accept that maybe she's upset with me, but– when she kisses me like that makes me so sick."

I looked at my own face in the mirror, another water falling from the right eye, "How can he kiss me when his heart is on another woman? It's ridiculous!"

If only he wasn't a confidant of Brother-in-law and my brother, I would have complained and asked him not to be seen again in front of my eyes.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly several times to calm the storm of turmoil in the heart, "Alright ... I will strengthen myself again. I'll behave like normal– like nothing happened, only I'll never want to be with you even if you offend me. I will not discuss it and avenge your actions ... Now we're even." I said as if the reflection of my own reflection in the mirror was Assistant Yan.

Suddenly I remembered something and chuckled, "Hehehe ... Let's see the power of the Ragnaya women's curse. Is it real or just a myth?"

Turns out– my real identity can be comforting when my heart hurts. Unfortunately if the curse worked, I might no longer have feelings for her even if it was just a form of admiration as I used to because I had decided I did not want to be the same fate as her, loving in solitude.

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