The Heart of Vania
Self Controlling

As if to teleport before my brother-in-law, but I am not Nobita who can ask for Doraemon's help with the Go Anywhere Door. A few pictures of Sister-in-law hugging a friendly with her ex-boyfriend shown by Riri just made my blood boil. How much Sister-in-law did that when her wife was carrying her flesh and blood. How did Litha feel when she saw the photos? His heart must have been broken.

"Dumb brother-in-law! A fool! Failed to Move on! Insensate! How could he have the heart to do it? Want to hurt Litha again, huh! Did he forget what happened a few months earlier? Ask to get beat up by that guy! Basic breng*sek!"

Meaning after meaning I threw in my heart with my hands clenched and a quick step towards the headmaster's room, asking for permission to use the phone plane in his room.

I dialed Brother-in-law's number and prepared to spray it as soon as the dial tone was connected.

"Ha–" said a voice across the phone.

"Sister-in-law, are those pictures right, huh?"

"Dark, Nia. Be a little chivalrous with your Sister-in-law! Whose number is this?"

"This is my school number. I asked permission to call Brother-in-law to ask the truth of the photo. Is true?"

"Emc ... Yeah." yeah."

"Gee ... Brother-in-law is looking to die apparently, I will permit the homeroom to the Capital to beat up Brother-in-law."

"Huh. You're not gonna be allowed for no apparent reason?" his voice was clearly heard in my ear.

"My brother's sick and he needs me there."

"Heh, don't make it up, Litha's not sick."

"Physically it is not. But the heart is clearly bleeding, and I'm guessing Brother-in-law hasn't bandaged Brother Litha's heart wound, has she?"

"Damn it! Watch what you say, Nia!"

Brother-in-law's voice was high, but I didn't care, of course I'm my sister's defense team here, especially she's the one who was greatly harmed. I will advance on the front lines against anyone who will hurt him to the last drop of blood.

"Brother Sister-in-law should keep up the attitude! Once again Brother Litha left the house of Sister-in-law, I make sure Brother-in-law will never meet again with Brother Litha," my challenge defied the ego of a Young Master.

"Currently, what am I afraid of! Where should I put my fear that we still have the same blood color," my heart hardened.

"YOU!"

"Is the love of Litha less great? Was he not good enough to serve Brother-in-law as a husband? Why did Brother-in-law hurt her heart?"

It was so hard that I could not control my voice that shook even though it had slowed down its intonation.

"Nia, it's not what you think it is. I love your brother with my whole life," Brother-in-law's voice began to soften.

"Why should Sister-in-law hug Sister-in-law's ex-boyfriend?" I held back the tears that fell a little more.

My heart ached and refused to hear Brother-in-law's answer. The former should not have been hugged but thrown in its place. Haishn ... I'm very upset about this situation. Does Brother-in-law still have love for her ex? If so, be prepared to lose your wife and child, Young Master!

"So she can let go of me– so she stops wishing for me, Nia. I did it just so he wouldn't disturb our household."

"Well! Did I not hear wrong? Is Young Master Pradipta who is famous for being very competent in the business world actually a plain boy in the world of romance?"

"Who hugging can release feelings?"

"Ramona asked for it."

"WHAT! Are you serious?– Damn it!"

Pppffhttt ...

"Sister-in-law is stupid!"

I deliberately swore loudly on the phone while holding back the laughter as hard as possible. My tears that were about to fall from heartache are now coming out into silly tears laughing at the behavior of my future nephew's father. Jhsosha ....

"You said I was stupid, huh!?!"

"Yes. Brother-in-law is stupid! Hugging to release, the formula from where is it? There's gonna be harder to get out of there."

I massaged the base of my nose while sighing a few times. "I know Litha very well. She must be crying somewhere, she will not show her sadness in front of the person who made her sad. That's why I want permission to the Capital, get me Brother-in-law!" seruku.

"What! After you say I'm a fool, you tell me to pick you up, you weird little brother! But– is it true that you said?– It looks like Litha is fine, she can still eat a lot earlier."

"I've been in one room with her since I got out of my mom and dad's room. I would often find her crying in her room if she was scolded by Mom or Dad, or something happened at school. He's very good at manipulating his feelings."

Somewhat long silence was created on the phone No sound of Brother-in-law replying to me, I don't know what she's thinking right now. Regretted, right? Certainly. Only fools regret because they cannot account for the consequences of what they did at that time.

"It was already that Brother-in-law would not pick me up. Finish it yourself, persuade and apologize from him, because if Brother Litha gets on the train alone back to City A, I am the one Brother-in-law faced. Byeh."

Tit.

Without excuse I hung up the phone. Let me be considered impolite, is not it as disrespectful as someone who silences his interlocutor when on the phone.

Hahahaha .. I finally exploded also the laughter that I held back from earlier. My anger turned to pity on Sister-in-law because she just wanted to be fooled by the Ex.

"See the consequences now? The brilliant reputation of the hard-won Young Master Pradipta was ravaged overnight. Is it consistent with his confession of 'releasing feelings'? Bullshi*t! If you want to leave, then take it off. Nothing to do with the last hug. Can the woman not control herself? Huh, Basic Ja*lang!" I said cursing as it passed.

If only my late mother's father was still alive, I would have been punished for speaking rudely and cursing, but I was just an ordinary human being with emotions. What Dad and Mom don't know is it's a huge relief to the raging heart, hehehe ... Forgive your son, Father, Mother ....

...***...

In the afternoon after practicing taekwondo, Sabeum Dre gave me a letter that Uncle and Aunt had left through the Headmaster.

"From my Uncle and Aunt?" I asked when the letter was in my grasp.

"Oh. I'll just read it now then" I said, flipping through the letter.

"Alright, but the Headmaster told me to help him check the design of the new schoolgirl's uniform after training, because you still want to be here, don't forget to tidy up the Dojang and close the door when you're done, okay?"

"Ready, Sabeum!"

As Sabeum Dre stepped out of Dojang, I went to the corner of the room to read the letter from Uncle and Aunt.

"Tumben once Uncle and Aunt want to convey something through writing, is this very special? Aih ... My uncle and aunt were so moved that you were romantically like this to me, hehehe ..." I muttered unfolded the paper.

Our dear nia ...

Sorry we have to convey it through writing because we are not able to convey it directly, especially with your smart brain it will give us a variety of questions that can not be answered now.

Uncle and Aunt wanted to say goodbye to going somewhere. The place we have not been able to tell and also how long the time is, just wait for news from us yes, Nia.

Oh yeah, one last thing we asked of you, help me answer with the best answer if your sister asks about us, whatever's important doesn't make her think weird.

Once again we apologize, Nia, for having to involve you in such an unpleasant position. You know why? Because right now you're the one with the strongest heart to protect your two brothers. Even before we didn't believe you went through your own injustice in school for a long time. You are very strong, my dear ....

Uncle and Aunt apologize if later we can not accompany your graduation day, also apologize to your brother if we can not come to see our first grandchild. Not that we didn't want to, but we had to. Don't ask why, Nia, because it's a compulsion for us that we can't tell.

You must be angry and confused. Uncle and Aunt are also very sad when writing this, just look at the ink that shimmered in Aunt's tears. If you want to be angry, be angry with us, don't be angry with the situation. This situation already has His decree, we should not reject it even with a little complaint.

Believe me, Uncle and Aunt always mention your names before our own in the prayers we offer God.

We love you, we love you very much. May you all live happily and with good luck ...

My eyes were staring at the trembling hands clutching the letter paper. My jaw tightened to hold back the emotions that were stirring. I don't know what emotion this is? Angry, disappointed and sad melted into one rushing water from my eyes. This feeling shattered formless. Kuremas tightly packed the letter paper, then threw it on the floor.

How could I lose my parents a second time? How can I be an orphan for the second time? Even they were more evil– for deliberately leaving me at the end of the struggle in school which gave me more suffering.

"WHY! Why did Uncle and Aunt leave me?"

My cry exploded, again without sound– was just tears flowing so hard I could breathe. I actually fell into a vacuum, drifting without foundation and purpose.

"ARE YOU HIDING BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN KINGDOM, HAAA! BANG*SAT KINGDOM!!! LAK*NAT KINGDOM!!! AARRRGGGHHHH ...."

I got up and targeted Sansak. All this because our destiny is tied to the kingdom, where my mother came from. Uncle and Aunt must have distanced themselves from us - my Lord Crown Princess's children - to save our lives from Mom's greedy half-brother.

DUGH'S. DUGH'S. DUGH'S. DUGH'S.

I punched and kicked many times with all my energy, venting my burning anger. Pain is no longer felt, only hatred is entrenched in the heart, hatred of self. Why half my blood comes from a kingdom in the middle of nowhere with senseless curses. Aarrggghhhhc ....

DUGH'S. DUGH'S. DUGH'S.

With tears breaking, my feet and hands were unceasingly targeting the sports equipment. No matter how much it hurts, obviously my heart hurts more. I'll stop once this heartache disappears.

DUGH'S. DUGH'S. DUGH'S.

"VANIA! STOP IT!"

Spontaneously my body responded to stop hearing Sabeum Dre's screams. I turned to her, letting my muddled face be seen by her.

A gaze not out of my sight, he walked over, "Stop torturing yourself, Vania. Whatever the case, control yourself."

After I put up a perfect standing attitude, I felt pain all over my body, right said Sabeum Dre, I tortured myself. Without being asked my tears would come back.

"I came back here because I saw the door open. I'm sorry if you need your own space, Vania."

I shook my head, looking at her eyes showing me compassion, "As long as I teach eight years at this school, you're the most powerful student I've ever met. I believe this time you can also get through it."

My tears began to subside, "I don't want to be strong, I don't want to have problems– I'm tired, I want to rest in peace," I said slowly.

"Huh? You want to rest in peace. Wanna die? Rest In Peace, rest in peace ...."

Tik tok– tik tok– tik tok–

Hahahahahahahah ....

We simultaneously chuckled loudly after realizing the meaning of my own sentence. Oh my God .. I'm so ashamed.

"Your idol in martial arts is still Bruce Lee, right?" he asked after our laughter subsided, I replied with a nod.

"He said, don't let negative thoughts enter your mind because it's a weed that chokes confidence. One way is to control yourself– and to control yourself, you must first accept yourself by following and not going against your nature."

I paused for a moment to digest his words, is this related to my current state? Huffttt .. I don't know, but at least I'm not as sad as before. I have to learn to accept without blaming anyone, including myself. It's hard but that doesn't mean it can't.

When I wrote Uncle and Auntie's clenched letter, I reopened it by unraveling the tangle of the former fist. After all, this letter is their last relic for me and will be a longing cure if you want to meet them, a fierce Aunt and a cute Uncle.

"Hold Uncle and Aunt, stay alive until we meet again. I will always say your name in my prayers before I speak my own name. I love you guys so much."

My tears trickled back but I quickly erased, "Thank you Sabeum," I said, bowing respectfully, "I beg you today's story only resonates in this Dojang, Sabeum."

"of course. Your story will never come out that door" point it at the door of the room.

Sabeum Dre is one of the teachers I respect after my homeroom teacher - Bu Burne-. They were both living witnesses to how I developed during my three years at this school and helped shape my present, strong and resilient self.

- Connect -