Victimizing Yourself for Love
Part *43

Tora approached the mother. Then, lay his head on the lap of the mother. The most comfortable lap ever. While her mother, directly stroked the soft straight black hair that her son had.

"Tell me mom, Tora. What's the problem?"

"Mama was right about what you said to me back then, Ma. Now, I admit that I've eaten my own words. I like her. I've fallen in love with her. But baby, I can't admit what I'm feeling. Between me and him, it's been too far. We're kind of separated by two oceans that it's impossible for me to swim in, mama."

"There's nothing impossible for you to do, Tora. If you have a strong determination and desire, you will definitely try in any way so that you can get past the obstacles you are facing."

"Son, listen to mama. If you can't get through the ocean by swimming. Then you still have another way. There are still many ways you can go. One of them, by boat. There's no ocean a ship can't get through, is there?"

Tora's speechless. He did not know what the words his mother had just said were. What he had in mind right now was, that Tami did not love him. No matter how he reaches, he will not get any results either. Because the more he tried to reach, then Tami seemed to be getting away.

"Tora, listen to mama! You just need to prove your sincerity to her. Try to open up to each other, son. Say what you feel to her with great sincerity. Mama is sure, if you are being sincere, she will also be devastated. Especially now, among you there is already the fruit of love. You'll find it easier to get close to the fruit of love."

"I'm not sure about all that, Ma. I feel like it might be too late."

"Make it, be honest. Dare to talk honesty to him, then you'll know what results you'll get."

Tora was silent again. He remembered his honesty that yielded nothing. Instead of getting better, he gets caught up in more and more complicated problems when he says honesty.

"What if that honesty makes things worse, Ma?"

"Honestly it's hard, Tora. But, the result will definitely be very good. Maybe you'll find it hard the first time you're honest. However, in the future, you will feel the sweetness of the honesty you do."

"I don't know, Ma. I'm so dizzy now."

"Ma, can I stay here tonight? For tonight."

"Lho, what about Tami who's pregnant, Tora? She you stay home alone, so?"

"He's not alone, Mama. There's a Siah who lives at home with him. After all, he'd be better off without me around him. Because my absence will make his heart calmer."

Mama Tora took a heavy breath.

"As far as you are. Mama can't forbid you to stay here. Because all the decisions are in your hands."

Tora did not answer. The mother's words made her feel a little calm. He then closed his eyes on his mother.

Meanwhile, at home, Tami was sitting at the dining table. He was watching the young mango that had just been peeled off.

"I suddenly don't want her mango anymore, bik. I don't have any taste at all to eat this mango."

"Hm .. Yes if you do not want to eat. Aunt keep it first. If you already have taste, non Tami can get the mango later."

"Yes bik. Oh yeah, did Tora call aunt? Has he told you where he is now? He's been gone long enough, isn't he. Now, it's getting late afternoon. Why isn't he home yet?"

Bi Siah smiled slightly in response to that question. The anxious question of course makes the heart of Siah feel a little happy. How not? Both of his parents were worried about each other. It's just, pretend not to care if they are close to each other.

"Bi Siah's. What was? Why smile at yourself?"

"Eh, ti-nothing, non. Sorry, aunt didn't answer non Tami's questions right away. Afterwards, the aunt suddenly remembered the Korean drama that she had watched this morning. Hence, aunty smiled to herself."

"Oh yes, if for non Tami's questions just now, sorry, den Tora absolutely no contact aunt. His number was also inactive. Aunty tried calling den Tora an hour ago. Oh yeah, why don't non Tami try calling too. How to know Den Tora's raised the same."

"If it is not active, then I call will also be the same bik. It won't be active either." Tami spoke in a tone of annoyance and disappointment.

"Where is he really? Why haven't you come home yet?" Tami spoke softly while biting her fingertips with a facial expression that looked very anxious.

_____

Brak! He hit the table in front of him. He looked at Alif with an extremely frightening look like he wanted to pounce at the man roundly.

"Sir Alif why so stupid huh ha? Brother didn't think anything of it before telling all the big secrets we've done to that guy. Where brother bring my name again in the brother's confession. Really know!"

"I have no other way, Ina. They threatened me. If I don't talk, then my parents who are in the village will they finish. Besides, I can't keep living with the guilt I've been enduring all this time. Since that incident, I can't feel the slightest composure."

"Stupid! That's my business you know. If you feel guilty, you also fear the safety of your parents. Why don't you go to jail on your own, huh? Why even bring my name. That's what I'm worried about."

"They are strong people. Without me saying your name, they'll know. After all, all those things were your fault, Ina. You should have been responsible. You've killed people your way. Then you must be able to reply by taking responsibility for everything."

"Fuck what Alif said. If Brother Alif feels guilty, then Brother Alif must take responsibility himself. Don't ask me to come. Because I don't feel guilty one bit."

"lt's! When are you going to insyaf, huh!"

"Shut up, brother! Don't you ever snap at me again. You want responsibility, so do it. And I, I don't want to."

Finished saying, Ina immediately wanted to leave Alif who was sitting on the narrow bed of his boarding room. However, Ina's steps are held back because Alif holds Ina's hand quickly.