Forced to Share a Bed
Warmth, Grief, and Longing

Daini Hanindiya Princess Sadikin

"Sir Listiii!" call me.

"Hanin, let him go."

He held my hand. Obviously all this because of him. If only he hadn't come and hugged me, it was possible that Misti's sister wouldn't have been this surprised.

"Sister Listi, huuu .. what you see is not what you think it is" I shouted.

I was crying behind the door. No, I don't want to lose my best friend.

"Here you go, baby, maybe I need some time. Once he's ready, I'm sure he'll listen to you." Mr. Zulfikar hugged me again.

"Deliver! It's all because of you! Why don't you come here and just hug?! Huu. You may never know what it's like to lose a friend."

I snapped. I hit his chest. But he's flinching, not fighting. Hugged me even tighter.

"Even if everyone in the world leaves you, I'll stay by your side, Hanin. Don't be sad and angry anymore. Your face is still pale break yuk!" bring him.

"No want! Anyway I'm mad at you! You have to take responsibility!"

I clasped his hand. Then sit on the sofa while pouting and looking away.

"Hahaha, how can an angry woman be as beautiful and as adorable as this?"

He approached me, sat down beside me and laughed. Just incredible! In fact, today's problems I think are very complicated. But strangely he could still laugh and tease me.

"You're a bitch!" my yelling.

"What time?" said. Again he hugged me.

I turned around and hit his chest again. But I know the limits. I didn't hit hard. Just a little venting my frustration.

Then my hand drooped and stopped hitting him when I noticed and noticed there were three reddish marks on his chest.

I'm pretty sure I didn't do it. And I never did that to keep the feelings of the Goddess. Despite the fact, Mr. Zulfikar often asked me to put a love sign on his body. But I always refuse.

I bow my head.

Why is there pain in this chest when you see that sign?

Apparently, to sincerely share the bed is very difficult and feels hurtful. I promised myself not to fall in love. At a minimum, I don't love him excessively.

Although his body was clutching and caressing my ship, although I could hug his body, but the wound in this heart was still gaping. No matter how hard I try to ignore this feeling, still .. when imagining the Goddess mom making love to Mr. Zulfikar, this feeling is still hurt.

And I understand that Dewipun must be sad and hurt when I realize that the husband he loves often sleeps with other women besides himself. Even due to the wrong room, Mr. Zulfikar had intercourse for the first time with me, not with the Goddess mother.

That's one of the reasons why I can't hate Mother Goddess. It's because I feel so guilty. I always hope that one day, Mother Goddess will realize that what is happening right now is not my will. I didn't engineer this incident, let alone use Mr. Zulfikar to love me. Naudzubillah min dzalik.

"Why did he faint? Isn't breakfast, hmm?" tanyakanya.

He's a real con man. He looked at me as if he loved me truly.

"Breakfast," I answered.

After this heart started to calm down, I finally leaned my head against his chest. It's not enough to just lean my head, my hands even touch the reddish mark. I rubbed it slowly with a rippling feeling. I'm sure it's not jealousy.

So, what is this feeling?

"You seen him?" ask Mr. Zulfikar.

How dare he ask that without caring about my feelings. Yes, he would not care because his expression of love for me was just a charade.

"Yes" I replied briefly.

"It hurts, baby. Ye know? I was bitten by De---."

"Sstt," as I. I put an index finger on her lips.

"Never tell anyone about your bed activities" I said.

"Oiya, sorry dear. If it's about the bed we can, right?" goda.

"If there are only two of us," I replied lazily, as the sorrowful look of Misti continued to imprint on my memory.

"I'll talk to Listi. You stay right here. Use your rest time as best you can. Oiya, sorry for the carelessness of the Goddess's attitude. I can't do much. He became the manager to replace Cacapun ma'am without my knowledge. I'm sure he asked for the job from my papa."

"Hanin, the Goddess is very dear to my mom and dad. So, all the things I do for the Goddess really should pay attention to the feelings of my father and mother. I'm sorry I dragged you into this situation. Although I will definitely get hurt from parting with you, I actually want to let you go to free you from this pain."

"But the Goddess threatened me Hanin. He threatened to disturb your family. I don't know why he's like that either. Sorry, baby, for now, I can't take a firm stance on the Goddess. Nor can I let go of the Goddess because she is bound by the pre-marital covenant."

I listened, and I didn't understand what he meant about 'removing Goddess' and 'premarital covenant.' I certainly don't understand what a rich man's life is like.

"W-what? What will the Goddess do to my family? My family's not doing anything wrong, is it?" I was terrified to hear that statement.

"May it be a bluff. No need to worry." While pecking my forehead.

"Sir, why don't you go to the office again? It's work hours." I drove it out subtly.

"Yes, I know. I just want to make sure you're okay. I also brought porridge and here are your medicines left in the clinic." He gave her a plastic filled with medicine. The porridge he held.

"I'm a bribe ya."

"No need sir. I can eat by myself. Thank you very much. I'm going to the office again."

I snatched the plastic with the porridge. I want her to leave quickly because I know that currently Miss Dewi is also in the office.

"Alright, don't get sick anymore. If you are sick, my soul and body feel unsettled. I'm serious" he added as my lips smiled cynically.

Than he talks a lot. I immediately grabbed his hand to shake. I kissed the back of his hand respectfully.

"Yeah, Hanin. The goddess approved of my wish not to stay one roof. But I suspect that his decision to become manager was in return for my refusal."

"Alhamdulillaahafemore. May the Goddess not change her mind. Honestly, I'm not ready to live together."

"Sama Hanin's. I'm not ready either. Not even ready." Closer to embrace me back.

"Patience to Hanin .. and don't even think about getting away from my side. Staywith me. I will fight until my father and mother can accept you. I will also fight to get love from you. I know you still have doubts" he said.

Then he lifted my head. We looked at each other, and I was confused as to what to say to answer his statement. I don't know why, this time I felt overwhelmed by her words.

"Hanin .. I'm the kind of person who has a hard time falling in love. But after truly falling in love, I will love that person so much that I myself cannot express how much I love. And you're the first woman who can make me fall in love so soon."

To my surprise, his words implied that he really loved me. But I quickly dismissed that assumption.

"A-are you also the type of man who easily falls in love with many women?" my many.

"No Hanin. I'm not that kind of man" she denied.

"Leprosy," I added.

"Do I need to split my chest to show that my heart has your name?"

"To indicate there is the name of the Goddess ma'am as well?" timpal.

And he just smiled. Not saying, not denying it.

"Can you kiss your lips?" Even diverting the conversation.

"If I don't want to?" as if.

"I want to force it" he answered.

His head started to fall. The naughty lips are getting closer. But when I was about to land, I blocked him with my finger.

"Hmm .. Yeah, I said, baby. Assalamu'alaikuum," his gaze was like a disappointment. He grabbed his suit and bag while sighing.

"Wa'alaikumussalaam" I replied.

She was shocked by the desire to hug her back as she stared at the doorway. But the intention was meurungkan so that this feeling does not increase more and more bitter.

...🍒🍒🍒...

In the afternoon, feeling refreshed and healthy, I decided to visit a maternity clinic a short distance away from this area.

I want to confirm my pregnancy. I also brought the Pill from the online shop to check its authenticity. I wear a veil so no one will recognize me.

I went there by taxi. I chose this clinic because all of its obstetricians are women.

.

.

Once there, the grief hit again. It turns out that those who queue here on average come with their partners. My striking appearance returned to being the center of attention.

The queue here uses an online system. Qodarullah, I got the number five queue.

Really, my heart was pounding even more when the number four was called. I looked down while pretending to play the phone. No visitors greeted me. We sat side by side.

The treatment just happened to me. Because of the fact that they still greet each other even though they first met.

"Often control over here, brother?" ask a young woman beside me to the woman in front of me.

"Yes, this is the second time."

"Parents?"

"Yes dong. Tuh, the other is a toddler girl, this is our second child. First child huh?"

"Yes, hehehe. I also came with my husband. Go to the toilet first. What boy is the baby girl, sister?"

"Alhamdulillah, if in accordance with this USG men."

"Well, congratulations, brother. A pair of dong, huh?"

"If you are, what?"

"The doctor said it was a man. In accordance with the expectations of me and my husband, the first child wants a boy."

"Happy, the spirit yes, Ma'am."

"Normal siblings?"

"Alhamdulillah, the first is normal. Almost an operation but not so. Hopefully the second one will be normal again."

I looked at that conversation. My lips smile, I am happy for their happiness and togetherness.

"Sign number five."

Number called. I stood up and bowed as I passed another visitor. My mind is starting to calm down.

.

.

Thankfully, the officers were friendly. I was weighed and weighed by the midwife. Then entered the USG room.

"Assalamu'alaikuum," said his doctor.

"Wa'alaikumussalaam" I replied.

"Please sit down, do you want USG or consultation?" he asked while paying attention to my identity on the computer screen.

"Both, Doc."

I'm still down. Feeling a little embarrassed because at the ID card that I uploaded for online registration, my status was clearly unmarried.

"Well, oiya low mother tension, what is often low tension?"

"N-no, Doc. Just this time."

I ventured to meet the doctor. He smiles. I feel more calm.

"So, is there anything to ask? Go ahead," he bargained while returning a smile.

"So, sorry, I wanted to check this medicine. Is this medicine fake?" I handed over the KB pills I bought at the online shop.

The doctor links the eyebrows while checking the packaging carefully.

"This is real medicine, why is it, Mom?"

"W-what? But my test line two, Doc. I took the Pill. So I thought the medicine was fake."

"Okay, I'll explain. If you take it at the right dose, the Pill is actually effective in preventing pregnancy as much as 99 %. If you have used the pill but still pregnant, usually due to the pill dose is not taken correctly, or it could be because the pill itself does not work in the body of the mother."

"In addition, the Pill is also effective if its use is timely and disciplined. Failure of the average Pill occurs due to taking it unscheduled or as you like"

"Do you take medicines or regularly drink herbs? Or have you ever forgotten not to take the pills?"

"Emm, I don't think Doc, but I'm not sure" I hesitated.

"Well, I asked that because some types of drugs can change the levels of the Pill that the body absorbs and can actually make users vulnerable to pregnancy."

"Specific antibiotics, herbal remedies, anti-eplepsy drugs and certain anti-viral drugs. Nausea and vomiting can derail the effectiveness of the drug."

"For example, after taking the pill you suddenly vomit or diarrhea, then have intercourse and do not take the pill anymore" explained the doctor, at length.

I looked and nodded. It turns out that there are many things that can cause the failure of the Pill.

"Hows it? Any more questions?"

"No, Doc. I already understand. Thank you," I said.

"You want USG?"

"Yes, Doc."

With slow steps, I climbed the check bed next to which was an ultrasound machine. Then reveal my robe with a hand that starts to sweat.

Oh my God .. am I really pregnant?

My eyes glazed over as I felt the USG jelly rub into my stomach. The doctor started doing the ultrasound. I turned my face to hide the tears that had already dripped and I could not hold back.

I sobbed in my silence. All the sweet things I did with him.

"Are you ready for the result?" ask doctor.

The doctor seems to understand my feelings right now. He didn't ask much. Didn't ask my husband, didn't ask me when I last had my period, and the doctor didn't tell me to look at the USG screen either.

I still turned my face away when the doctor printed the results and the midwife cleaned my stomach with a wet tissue.

Then go back to my chair and prepare to listen to the results.

Ummi .. abah .. pak Zulfikar ....

These unconscious minds call out their names. Then as wild as I imagined my mother and father-in-law whose faces often wara-wiri on television. I could only look at that familiar face and instantly become self-conscious if I and them were like heaven and earth.

"Mom?" The doctor broke my daydream.

"Yes, Doc."

"Congratulations, you're pregnant" with a smile.

"W-what? H-really?"

I am confused to express myself. Must be sad or sad. Can only sculpt. And this hand trembled as it grabbed the paper that the doctor had given it. This paper contains USG photos.

"God willing, 99.9% of you are pregnant, and from the number of bags, God willing you will be pregnant with twins."

"W-what?! The twins?"

This heart again shook and squeezed. Spontaneously I saw a photo of the USG results. Yes, obviously if in my womb there are two pregnancy sacs in which there is a small black dot.

"Huuu huu."

Break up this cry. I can't hold my cry anymore. My head was bowed to the table in front of me. I don't care about doctors and midwives staring at each other in astonishment.

As I recall, no one in my family has twins. It must have been passed down from Zulfikar's genes.

"Mom," the doctor patted me finely on the shoulder.

"Yes, Doc ...."

"Jaga is fine. Pregnancy is both a blessing and a field of worship. And the baby-to-be is a gift from God that is entrusted to both parents."

"Once again congratulations, Ma'am, because with you pregnant, then automatically you will be a privileged woman. For the prayers and worship of pregnant women are more important than those of non-pregnant women."

"Rasulullah once said that the two prayer rakaatnya pregnant women, much better than the 80 rakaatnya women who are not pregnant," continued the doctor while continuing to wipe my shoulders.

I am so grateful to have met a doctor like this.

"I'm sure you understand better than I do. But we will be encouraged to remind each other in terms of kindness," he said.

"Yes, Doc. Th-thank you."

I wiped my tears and forced myself to smile even though I knew the doctor couldn't see my smile because I was wearing a veil.

"There's a cure. It contains multivitamins and folic acid. Drink it routinely. Multivitamins after breakfast. Folic acid is taken before going to bed," he explained.

"Yes Doc" I said.

I then left after agreeing on a re-control schedule for the next month's inspection.

...🍒🍒🍒...

Tonight feels so cold and lonely. I stared at the ceiling of the room as I placed the USG paper on my chest. I stared at him repeatedly. I slowly rubbed my stomach, then kissed the paper with a smile.

For some reason, even though this night was cold and lonely, even though I was alone and lonely, but my heart suddenly felt warm when I realized that I was no longer living alone.

"Pak Zulfikar .. I am pregnant with twins," I muttered as drowsiness began to strike.

I then closed my eyes while hugging the USG photo paper and hugging the used pajamas owned by Mr. Zulfikar.

The pyjama I deliberately did not wash so that the aroma of his body can still be enjoyed even though the body is not on my side because it is with other bodies.

I started to fall in tears at the corner of my eye.

May all the sadness and grief of this day be replaced by a beautiful dream tonight. Then all of a sudden I was hoping to meet and make out with her in dreamland.

Do I miss his presence? No, I can't miss him.

Tests, the tears that had calmed it now dripped along with the yearning that was increasingly calling, whereas. I hugged his pajamas tight. I sniffed the remnants of his scent to treat this ill-fated taste.

This feeling tormented me, as if constantly stabbing my heart. And right now I realize I can't go and avoid it. For in my body are the seeds of his love.

Love's seed? No, not the seed of love. This ... her orgasm seed.

"Huuu ...."

In the night, I cried. Bringing all this heartache .. to dreamland.

...~Tbc~...

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