Forced to Share a Bed
Regrets and Doubts

Zulfikar Saga Antasena

Thank God, I am grateful that my condition after being moved from the HCU room is getting better. Only, my right ear is often ringing. Though, that ruptured the left eardrum. But it's okay, I have to be patient, it's a test. I'm sincere, as long as Haninku and my twins survive.

After I passed the incident Dewi strangled Hanin and the incident of brother Gendis versus mami Silfa, I immediately asked for the help of Mr. Sabil and the Brotherhood to follow up on this incident. Dear thousand dear, the CCTV even damaged. In fact, just one step away I can prove if the psychological Goddess is likely to experience interference.

"If untoward things happen due to the father divorcing mother Goddess, then the person who feels the most guilty is me. I want to break up and leave a good impression. My hope is to break the chain of problems that are going on between us. Not even adding new problems with the family of the Goddess mom. Please reconsider that decision."

I recalled all the things Hanin said.

"For the medical record problem, even if you have evidence, the mother Dewi must have many ways to avoid it. One thing for sure is .. They may be accused if your lawsuit is based on my presence by your side. You were alibi using the medical record of Miss Dewi because you wanted to divorce her."

The words that came out of her beautiful lips really made me fragile. Then, I became more self-conscious about my selfishness. Just because I felt like if Haninpun loved me, I kept hoping and believing I could have it. I'm too confident in something that turns out to be pseudo. In fact, my love is clapping one hand. It hurts, but it bleeds.

"I don't want my presence to make your life difficult. I just want you and I to be able to live a quiet life by choosing each other's way of life."

This sentence made my heart hurt. I assumed that Hanin's life would no longer be quiet after being by my side. In contrast to me, I felt calm when I was around him. This world was just mine as I went through all sorts of fun things with Hanin.

"You have to adapt in order to live happily with the Goddess and make her happy. If it is true that Miss Dewi has medical problems, as a husband, do not you have to help her to heal? Not just leave it."

My chest feels stuffy. Hanin did not support my decision to sue Dewi. Hanin doesn't understand my feelings. True, he may not love me, but he should.

You have to love .... You hurt my feelings.

I turned into a weak man when dealing with Hanin. I even felt that I was strong and tough in front of Hanin only when I was being at her mercy. How humiliating!

When night fell, my mind became confused and confused. Because, Mr. Reza or Ms. Juju did not come to the hospital to accompany me and Hanin. I'm worried about Hanin's health. Coupled with an unpleasant feeling that just appeared. What's up, huh? I'm confused to describe it. Everyone at home ignored me. Did they intentionally bring me closer to Hanin?

"What's wrong? What did the Brotherhood say?" my many.

Hanin just spoke to the Brotherhood sir using my phone. I looked at his face that looked pale. Maybe I saw it wrong.

"The Brotherhood said in the house of Mr. Aksa many guests, everyone is busy. So, I was assigned to look after you," he replied. She looked down while playing the tip of her hijab.

"really? But you're pregnant, baby. You can't be tired."

"There's a nurse, sir. The nurse can help me." This time, he answered my question while daydreaming.

"Darling, why daydream?"

"It's okay, sir."

Then I told Hanin that I didn't feel calm. I also called my mom and dad. But their numbers are off.

"Yes already, I just rest. I'll pray and read the Qur'an near you."

"Okay" I replied with a sigh.

As Hanin prayed, I kept turning to look at him. On the side, her nose was getting prettier, her eyelashes were plump. But there is something else that disturbs my heart. For some reason, from the beginning of prayer, it was like holding back tears. In the second rakaat, it is clear if the tears continue to break. In the third rakaat, I saw her eyes reddened and puffy.

Why you, honey? It must be because of me.

Imagine, he who just graduated from college and got accepted to work, suddenly had to accept the fact that he lost his honor in an unusual way, forced to marry siri to me, she said, and resigned from a bona fide company because of pregnancy. Then had to face various problems in the form of slander, accused of being an actor, physically and verbally hurt by the Goddess, and received unfair treatment from my parents.

Although the soul and body already love him, but in the end, I also lost it. With compulsion, my logic says, it's only natural that Hanin wants to break up with me.

My defense collapsed when I saw him prostrate and be stuck for a long time while crying at the end of his prayer. His heart looks so deep. My heart broke into pieces upon hearing the stuffing. Apparently, it was like this to see the mooring of hearts grieving and hurt.

Since my love was sincere, I thought of wiping away the tears and reducing the wounds in her heart by granting her request as soon as possible. It's a tough decision in my life. But .. I had to do it.

I held back the cries as Hanin greeted me. He kissed my old hand.

"Sir, I'm sorry," he said.

"You have nothing wrong, no need to apologize."

I rubbed the back of his hand as this chest started to rumble and churn. Am I willing to take it off? Is this the right time?

"Huuu ...."

Hanin was crying again. His cries made my logic conclude that .. speeding up the plan was the right solution. Falling is my defense. My tears just melt when these lips say ....

"Hanin .. I so often see you cry and grieve. You were really unhappy when you were by my side. If by farewell your tears will cease, then .. with a heavy heart .. I will grant it. .. ma-tonight also."

"Sir--." He looked at me for a moment and then lowered his head. His fingers crumpled at each other.

Then ... With the noble intention to treat the wound and reduce the burden of his life, I also ventured to utter a sentence that I really did not want to say. This sentence is halal but most hated by Allah. Sentence ... divorce. Divorce is not forbidden, but God hates it.

"Da-Daini Hanindiya Princess Sadikin --."

With a trembling voice I said his name. A beautiful name that has been engraved in the recesses of my heart and heart.

"Yes, sir," he said slowly. Almost unheard.

"I-I'm your mental, talak one," I said.

Seriously, my whole body swirled when I said it. I could hardly believe what I was saying.

Hanin gawked, he held his chest while holding the periphery of the patient bed. He was clingy, as if he couldn't believe the words I said. A torrent of grief was engraved clearly on her beautiful face. He bit his lips hard. I can't see his face.

Why are you sad, dear? Don't you really want this divorce?

I wanted to say that, but I tried hard to look firm in front of him. Unable to see the woman I love grieving, I turned my face and confirmed my words.

"You are from now on you are no longer my wife."

Tirmataku. Soon I wiped and hoped that Hanin would not notice my crying. Ears buzzing. Sakiiit. I accidentally drew lightning into my own body. I don't know in what way or when this wound will heal. I can only surrender to Him.

"Mr ...."

As I glanced at him, Hanin had been squatting on the floor. Still wearing mukena.

"Why?" tanyakanya.

"Didn't you really want to get divorced from me?" I pretend to be strict.

"After this, I-I hope you won't be sad anymore. I-I'm sorry if all this time has made your soul hurt, depressed and tormented. Thank you for all the wonderful and fun things you have given me. I won't forget you, forever" I said.

"Pak Zulfikar .. I---."

"Why? You want to thank me?" as if.

"Huuu .. sorry ... was .. a-I still hope to be with you. At least until the puerperium is over," he murmured.

"Hanin, I can't bear to see your cry and sorrow. I didn't let my heart torture your feelings any longer. I can't let you cry and be sad all the time. I'll be happy if you're happy too."

"Sir .. I cried because---."

"Because what?" as if. But he was silent.

"Oiya, all the needs of you and our baby will be my responsibility to an indefinite extent. I mean, forever will remain my responsibility."

"Huuu .. i-this is too sudden, sir. Should ... You told me first. At least ... If I knew tonight you'd divorce me, I could linger holding your hand in our final moments together."

"I-you mean?"

Why does the sentence imply as if he does not want to separate?

"absolutely ... You gave me a chance to take care of you and take care of you during your recovery or while you were in the hospital" he added.

"Sa-honey ...."

These lips spontaneously say 'honey.' Honestly, I myself still doubt whether my talaq sentence is valid or not. Because, in the depths of my heart, I don't want to divorce her.

Meanwhile, according to the jumhur ulama, there is no talaq against people who are forced, because people who are forced do not intend to drop talaq. Like me, I was also forced to drop the talaq on Hanin.

However, I deliberately did it for Hanin's good. That is, to prevent the inner pressure, the inner, physical, and verbal abuse perpetrated by the Goddess and the pressure from the public and my family from happening again to Hanin.

While the Hanafis punish still fall talisman people who are forced. Because, the person who is forced intends to drop talaq even though he is not willing to with the impact that will occur.

The difference in opinion made me doubt. I have to ask Ihsan or the Brotherhood for an opinion.

"Don't call me baby again" she said. He smoothed the prayer mat with trembling hands. Then cover the back of his hand with a prayer mat.

"Hanin, I doubt my talaq."

"You don't play with the word talaq. There are three serious things that are taken seriously, and the joke is still taken seriously. The three things are marriage, talaq, and reconciliation" he said.

He stood up, hugged the prayer mat and turned his face away.

"In my heart there is no intention to divorce you, dear. Wallahi, I did it because I had to." Again, I can't shut myself off from the fact that I love her so much.

"Pak Zulfikar, the scholars differ regarding the fall of talaq due to coercion. According to scholars among the Syafi’iyah, there is no talaq because of coercion. While according to scholars in the Hanafiyah, his talisman remains valid because it is analogous to the actions that his jokes are considered," he explained while walking staggered.

"Dear, I'm sorry, let's talk again. Except for you, no witnesses have heard that I divorced you." I panicked, trying to give the best excuse I could.

"Although without witnesses, if the husband suddenly says 'you want to divorce one, ' then the law has fallen into divorce or talak one, '" he said. Hanin's steps slowed down. The tears are still falling.

"Sa-honey, I-I beg you, you are pregnant dear, I have a dependant and dependents on your pregnancy. That talaak doesn't seem legitimate, baby. Please, come here, forgive me, Hanindiya ...." Regrets are on my chest. I could have made a decision this stupid.

"Pak Zulfikar, the rule of law in our country allows a husband to claim divorce his wife even though his wife is pregnant. In addition, the Prophet once said, 'Please talak your wife, in a holy condition or while pregnant.' So, you have divorced me in the way that sharia permits, the talaq that corresponds to the sunnah."

"Wife must be in a state of holiness and not in a condition that has been meddled, or it may also be ingested during pregnancy. Thus, the conclusion remains the same, divorced while pregnant the law is permissible. You've legally divorced me. So between us there is no relationship anymore, sir," he said. Then he staggered back while holding his stomach. I spontaneously screamed and pressed the bell as Hanin's body drooped to the floor.

"Darling! Hanin!" my yelling.

Unaware, I tried to wake up. But it did not work because my feet were attached to a buffer that the outside was tied to the end of the bed.

"Astaghfiullah!"

The nurse who came in panicked for a moment. He must have been surprised that one of my intravenous fluid lines had come off. Fresh blood flowed from my veins.

"Hurry and help my wife!" my yelling. My hand brushed off as the nurse held my hand.

"What is this?!"

Thankfully, another nurse, a male nurse, and a doctor came back to this room. They were quick to split the task without command. Someone checked on me, and someone checked on Hanin.

"My wife is pregnant. Just handle him, Doc!" I screamed back as Hanin's body was carried towards the sofa.

"His blood pressure is low, his pulse is weak, Doc," reported the nurse who examined Hanin.

"What?! Hurry and help my wife, Doc! If necessary, get treatment immediately! But, I want to get a special service that allows me and my wife to be treated in one room" I asked. My eyes did not turn away from looking at him.

"Hanin, I'm sorry baby" I muttered. My body was sweating because I was too worried.

"Sir, you calm down. Your wife will be taken to the obstetrics room for further examination. The problem of care joined, later can be conditioned according to the request of the patient or patient's family," explained the doctor.

Then some of them took Hanin.

"Ha-Hanindiya ...." My hands just stretched out. I want to touch it.

"I'm sorry Hanin ...."

I lost my shame and shame. I sobbed quietly in front of the doctor and nurse.

"You take a breath, exhale slowly," the nurse persuaded. They tried to calm me down.

"Sir, please call my family again."

"This is what we've called, sir. But, the two numbers recommended as your person in charge, are off" he explained.

"Please call my wife's friend. Name's Listia. The contact is on my phone." I handed my phone to the doctor after unlocking it.

Sorry baby, I'm sorry, and I doubt my decision.

...~Tbc~...