I Love U! Husband Carried
CHAPTER 36 - We Should Split!

We began to be able to behave more calmly, not drifting in each other's feelings. I also feel a little more relieved because I have expressed all the burdens of feeling in this heart.

I looked at him, Brother Anta who was standing in front of me. His eyes glazed as the dew on the leaf cracker, set against his firm and firm face, he looked at me with flaming eyes, expecting an answer from me.

"I have to how is Brother Anta? how do you want me?"

"I chose you." He replied softly, "Please give me a chance, until this baby is born."

The wind cycle in the room accompanied me looking for a late decision. I was silent, just silent. Dissolved into endless confusion. How could I accept his will? it really takes time not to understand and believe his sincerity also to enter into his feelings.

"Eight months is not a short time, I cannot guarantee that this feeling will not be greater and deeper. I was worried for eight months not that your love was growing, but my feelings for you were deeper. I can't imagine how much pain I'd accept later if we were to finally part---"

"We'll never be apart!" Sergey Kak Anta.

"We must separate! if you can't let go of the past. We better get divorced." I said.

"Can! I can leave the shadow of Isma, so give me time to cultivate feelings of love for you."

How should I decide?

I was silent for a long time, thinking about how hard it was to row between two corals. So heavy that I had to think about this problem along with the dark night as well as the cold air surrounding the room.

"I give you time" I replied in a low tone, "But only time for you to think and reflect, is it really your choice to choose me and release Sister Isma forever. Or we'd better be apart from now."

Then hearing that answer, I found my body back in her arms. He drowned me in the silence in his chest.

"Thank you Kania."

When he finished whispering, I was still silent, amazed by the beauty of the stars and the intonation of his voice that whispered softly but deeply, subtly and began to weigh. He rubbed my back, while the illusion kept roaring my head. I jerked my hand, and I pushed her body from my side.

"I'll leave this house until you're done thinking. While let us part to reflect on each other, are we capable of each other's lives? or maybe we are used to living together? is your brother able to leave Mbak Isma and want to learn to accept me? or vice versa."

"Shall we leave this house, Kania? You want to leave me?"

"I can't fight Sister Isma for you" I replied, "But I can't fight your love, brother's concern for her."

Kak Anta advanced his body position, with a stylish hand like someone who is presenting, and body language that can be read to his will. He said:

"We'll be able to solve this together, not go for the solution."

"Again why do we live in one house, but brother's heart is divided into two."

"I swear, I can be a good father to that boy and I love him so much."

"I won't hesitate for that, brother. Brother is a good father-to-be. But my heart is so selfish, I cannot share you with anyone else, with another woman. Maybe someone else can, but I can't. If that's my lack in big brother's eyes, I'm sorry."

In every language of his body he always does not miss the shadow of his smile and his sloppiness every time he mocks me, the shadow of all his kindness to me, the shadow as he helps little things in my affairs; lifting clothes, drying clothes, making milk. On the sidelines of his busy life, he still thinks about me. Behind all that, I believe and dare to swear that he looks at me as a woman and has a sense. Only, his heart still hesitated and closed its eyes because of past love. There is a song I love so much, which I think represents a natural but difficult-to-guess and understand feeling between us ;

How should you make you fall for me? I've written a million poems convincing you to return my love

Should I die because of you? buried in sadness all the time. Should I give up my life? Only for the love that might kill me

Stop the pulse of my heart without you knowing how holy my heart is to have you

Does sincerity in the trough of your soul knock me? teach you the language of feeling until your heart is no longer frozen.

"Let us part ways for a while, I'll find a temporary residence in this city. I'll wait for brother. Give me proof, if we can be together again." I said,

"But if you change your mind, tell me and give me back to you. We end it all right."

"If that's what you want, I understand. But I won't let you out of this house. You stay here, let me find a temporary place."

There was nothing I could do but obey his will, for it was not easy for me to go against his orders. I also understand, in this situation there is still care about Kak Anta to me. But I can't understand what he's thinking and feeling right now.

He was the best man I've ever met, a simple and intelligent cop, his pure love and a great feeling of sympathy towards the surroundings. However, because of its advantages, we became like this. I love him with all the advantages and disadvantages attached to him, and he who has love so pure that he cannot open his eyes to someone in front.

He came closer to me, standing before me with a sharp look, his hands locked onto my shoulders. One star was shining, its flickering glare from the top of the dim horizon in the distance.

"I promise to return to you as soon as possible, I will prove that I can escape the shackles of the past and open my heart to you."

Whether we have to live apart or we are used to living together.

...****************...

In broad daylight, when daydreaming alone on the porch while looking at my aloof clothesline, without Kak Anta's clothes beside him. Someone came knocking on the front door.

"Sir Isma? not leaving?" I said after opening the door.

"Where's Mas Reza?"

"Sir Anta is not here, Ma'am."

Suddenly with an unexpected movement, like a horse that got out of control, Mbak Isma shrieked while extending his neck to look at the figure of Kak Anta who he thought was inside.

"Mass? Mas Reza, I'm here. I'm not leaving until you meet me."

"Mbak?!-----"

"Sir Isma?!" I said in a slightly raised tone, awakening Mbak Isma from the madness that thrashed her.

"What's going on? What are you talking to Mas Reza?" ask me with glaring eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Mas Reza blocked all my social media, he won't pick up my phone, even just now my phone number was blocked. Even at dinner yesterday, I felt like I didn't do anything wrong to her. All this time we were fine."

The sweltering atmosphere of the day suddenly became silent. He looked at me and I looked back at him. In my mind, is this one of the proofs of Sister Anta?

"You right? you told Mas Reza to stay away from me?"

I looked at him, he started to sob.

"At that time I could only ask for help with Mas Reza, me and he already knew from a small what was wrong if we helped each other? I told you that I gave up Kania! why is it that even for us to be close as friends you don't allow it?"

He paused for a moment to wipe away the tears, then continued.

"Why? You're afraid Mas Reza will love me again and leave you, knowing we're back close?"

"I'm also difficult, my---- condition" I said. However, before I finished the remark, he directly cut off.

"Pregnant out of wedlock? huh uh?" He commented on my humiliating and humiliating situation,

"I'm backing off, you know. I relented. I knew him for decades, we were engaged, he promised to marry me after I finished my education. But when I got home, what news did I get? he's married to someone else."

We continue to pass the time. We talked to each other through our eyes, while our mouths were locked. A gentle breeze blew in the hot sun.

"I know you guys don't love each other, right? I know Mas Reza, he's not that easy to turn his heart around! as she looked at me, I realized there was still love in her heart for me."

"Enough Ma'am! Go home. Sister Anta is not here." I pointed my index finger slightly out of Isma's body.

"You still want to be a hindrance? Because it's okay now, right? The gift! this time I won't leave Mas Reza. I will fight for our love that withered because of you. I'm not going to back off."

I just kept quiet, accepting every word he said. Because I don't have the slightest room to respond to Ms. Isma. My heart is full of feelings and problems with Kak Anta.

I looked at him, he was still sobbing.

"You remember, didn't you, Mas Reza said to me first? he said; Don't expect much from me, I'm just a human being.I'm sorry, maybe we haven't betrothed Isma."

"I dare to swear Kania, those words will definitely turn to you! he will definitely say it in front of you too!"

He cursed me, for a mistake that was not my fault at all. I should have been the one who deserved to be angry, not him.

That's how Ms. Isma. He is a person who likes to rely on intuition and allow himself to drown in the shadows of the past. Always I think the whisper of his heart, which he thinks is absolute to follow.

Is this what is called pure love, or is this what is called obsession?