I Love U! Husband Carried
CHAPTER 39 - The Destiny of Pain

"Eh, back to the topic I thought I was. What do you want to give her a surprise? I'm confused what to give you? because the last time I gave a gift even in the next as "Maho", I swear I was traumatized to give him another gift. It's basic!" Rambo.

"Cania? oi! you're daydreaming."

He shook his palm in front of my face, repeating his sentence and waking my daydream.

"Sister, thank you for your time. I'm really lucky to have been told this."

"Of course, the same." Rambo turned his face away, pretending to be angry. Though I knew, he was actually being spoiled towards me his new friend. "Kania, help me find a mate, please! your old school friends were okay, too. I'm dizzy!"

I laughed wryly in response to her request.

"Let's help me find it! But sorry, maybe it seems less polite. But, I'm saying go home first, brother?!"

"Yes! Okay, no problem. Be careful on the road, huh? or do I want to take you?"

"I'm alone, brother. Thank you, good night."

I took another photo of Sister Anta still plastered on the table. I put it in a small bag again. Then stand up and slightly bow before finally leaving.

"Be careful!" He said he screamed while waving his hand, making him the center of attention for the resto visitors. I smiled and raised my hand.

"Taxi!" I said, waving my hands from the side of the road.

Along the way, in a taxi, my mind floated around, clashing with the chaotic sights of the city full of frenzied vehicles and people passing by. Can I make up my mind after finding out this reality? Can I harbor my feelings for all of life's problems, if it turns out that we are still or perhaps destined to still walk together?

"Liar! Why are you making me sick like this Sister Anta!!"

Whatever happens, I will accept. He made me recover from the trauma and he was part of the pain. But, how's this going? is there anything else that can strengthen my heart to be calm? Most Merciful God, grant me strength and patience and guidance from your love of beings.

"Turn to the left, sir. Get in that street."

The taxi turned slowly and suddenly my heart was pounding violently. What will happen in front of him? I saw a pregnant woman dressed shabbily at the crossroad while thrusting a plastic glass at the riders, her gaze lethargic for mercy, a child passing by her side, his heavy load carried mangcimen and facial tissues, but he remained steadfast around while offering his luggage to street users.

But gosh, as far as I distract myself, I still feel disappointed and miserable. Rambo's words are still ringing in my ears. It filled almost the entire heart and beat along with the flow of my veins. My heart raced fast and violently, as if there were an overflowing war drum inside. This is so surprising even though this is the truth. What other mysteries are hidden between us? and is there something else we're hiding?

"Why am I so disappointed in you, brother!"

Out of the taxi, the night view looks so beautiful and calm, with a slightly clear sky and clean air. For in the distance there, to the west of the sky, a cloud hung, as if threatening me. I went inside the house and immediately went to the living room, heading for the room.

That Anta sister, is a solace that I think she is a cure for the feeling of grief. He came like a hero, and bravely took responsibility for a girl's future. Even though he was not a perfect man, he had a permanent weakness that made me finally understand that no man would willingly marry a foreign woman who bore someone else's child, as everyone else thinks in general. Until I finally found out, that he had other reasons that made more sense, other than what he had said.

She's Anta Reza's sister, a cousin anyway, because Reza is an only child.

With emotional zeal I dragged the blanket to the floor, then I grabbed a pillow and slammed it

"Even this fact hurts me far more than the question of Sister Isma, Brother." I'm hysterical, in a soft bed.

"You married me not out of pity! But, to protect your own sister! Wicked!!" I said, "Wicked!!"

I don't want to cry, but oh God, could this be how you give karma to me? karma because I did indecent acts outside of what you were stopping? But, God, don't make me in a dilemma. This marriage between me and Sister Anta is pure bad karma? or is this good karma? I can only guess, while railing at such a despicable self.

"Why am I the only toy? why am I the only one who's always been lied to?"

I was staring, while hiccupping. Soft foam mattress absorb my tears. And I fell silent.

"Sir Anta why?" I thought, "Why should you?"

"If not for you, you know best how disappointed I am. How desperate I am."

Kania sorry tonight can't call you. I have a night patrol, remember? Don't forget dinner, huh? If you want anything, let me know immediately. Don't stay up, good night...

I looked at the phone screen with a flat face reading a short, rigid but romantic message, from Kak Anta. But I read it, I didn't reply.

"Do you feel like you saved me, after I fell?"

"I love you, but you married me for being forced to save your sister... "

The compulsion I mean, haunts me in the imagination of the shadow of the future. My son and I can't hope for anyone else, I'm a mother, and I have to fight for my son. I was lied to, played with, tossed here and there, like a no-man's ball. I felt so stupid and weak that I could only wait for the responsibility of others. They do, because they think I'm inferior and can't do anything about it.

I will not allow, myself and my son will have the same fate as the woman and child who traded at the crossroads. I can't, and I won't let it.

In my mind, if I continue to cry, then this pain will only become more intense, and this wound will only grow wider. Therefore, this love I will not let make me weak. I will rise from adversity, and fight to be reliable. To let them and their families know that I'm not just an attractive country girl just to enjoy and be stupid.

But I am me. A girl who was raised because of my God-given gift that no one should ever destroy and hurt her, because my father was desperate to take care of me and keep me, even after my mother was gone. That's what Dad always said.

I can't continue to hope from Sister Anta, not to mention after the revelation of all this reality. Therefore I have to take the first steps to prepare and plan for change. First of all I have to work, in order to have an independent income. With a spirit of pain. I take back the phone, and try to call again the only person who can help me;

"Hello, Brother?" I said after my phone call was received.

"Yes, I'm here. What's up?"

"Sorry, call again. Are you home or are you still at the restaurant?"

"I just wanted to go home, I used to smoke while watching football online."

"I'm sorry it seems like I'm going to be a hassle, I actually need your help again... " My answer was nervous almost stammering.

"Don't you think, help for what? I'm glad to help you."

"Can you help me find a job? Any work, for High School graduates. I can do it."

"Why is this all of a sudden? Didn't Anta Reza support you? or is your relationship not good?"

"We're fine, brother."

"Why do you suddenly ask for work? You're pregnant, you can't be too tired. I told my brother, huh?! hayo... "

Because I was pregnant, I had to get up. I have to be independent, raise money for childbirth, buy baby necessities, food. I should be able to not rely on others, be it Sister Anta or maybe Petra. For God's sake, just remembering her name makes me nauseous. Petra is the past that should be buried, as deep as possible.

I don't live to be played, and I wasn't born to be a Parasite of pity.

"I need a job, for the reason later also brother will know. Can you help me?"

"How, huh?" Rambo replied, "Anta Reza knows?"

"Yet. But he'll know."

"The two of you are complicated, it's hard for me to understand. But, okay. I help. I'll let you know as soon as possible."

"Thank you, brother."

My phone's off. And my thoughts go back to Anta. As far as I'm trying to hate everything about Petra, are you also part of their plan? the plan of those who hate my son's presence.

Sister Anta, my position is so difficult. Is it wrong to hate destiny? You are the pain that I love the most and you are the love that hurts the most...