Jandaku's Story
The Part 50
in the afternoon my mother and father came, as did my brother and my nephew. They came to comfort me, to try hard by not showing a sad face in front of me. My father and mother invited me to go home to Makassar, but I just kept quiet and didn't answer.I don't know why it's so hard to have a casual conversation with my family, I don't have a wound on my body, my back was only mildly injured and I was fine, but somehow it felt weak to speak even I was weak..
"auntie..this looks at me a picture of a hehehe" one of my 6-year-old nephews thrust his picture at me. A simple picture of me smiling under a tree complete with clouds and sun. I just smiled at him
"dah yuk came home.biarin ate sleep first" said my brother to his children.
"you go home, you rest, calm patience, this is the best version of God, you must accept" said my brother-in-law, I nodded in understanding
"son. father mom wants to go out for a while well, Vicky's parents want to see you he said. Dinda rest well, later dad here again" said my father, I nodded back
They left me, I looked at the picture of myself smiling "can I smile like this after this fateful incident happened to me,..? Vicky... how do I live without you a. why do you come here just to go, all these years you have appointed me, and when it's like this you're living me..." I cried sobbing, remembering all my memories with Vicky, not being able to accept Vicky's death.
"Miss..." Juna ran towards me, hugging me calmed me down..
"it's been patient.."
"why evil god jun..what was my biggest sin all this time actually, why my life is rich gini, my son left, shayf left, and vickypun left, god wants me to live like jun... I don't understand.." I sniffled
"no. you must be strong, later yes.not all questions have answers now.patient yes nda.."
"why don't I just die anyway jun. Why should Vicky... You see how devastated his parents are about accepting the state of his only son dying??"
"continue... Do you think you are worthless to live? you don't think as sad as your family? your pal? me? you do not think of it. no one can choose death dinda..conscious dinda istighfar, this is the way, vicky death is his destiny, his age was written before he was born in the world.. we all live to wait for death, all have their own time" explained Juna a little high-pitched to me, I understand his attitude towards me only aims for me to realize and accept Vicky's death, Vicky said, but it still feels hard
I was still crying in Juna's arms, shedding all the feelings that I harbored while with my family, now I can't stand it, I cried as much in Juna's arms, Juna who was held tightly to me could only gently stroke my hair and encourage me by saying "patience..."
Long felt I was in Juna's arms, until the crying also subsided, either because I had started to calm down or either because I was tired of crying..
"nda.." Someone told me that I was in Juna's arms
"ah.sorry Juna.." I let go of my arms to Juna and looked towards the sound of my name being called
"Al.. You don't wear hospital clothes?"
"I've done the treatment, I want to move to this room take care of you, Jun. behind the gih, let Dinda cave guard, Lu dah from yesterday here, rest" said Al
"but you're okay..? haven't you just healed?"
"nothing, a little wound doang. gih back, Raka also had been revoked to Jakarta, Jakarta, do not take a break because you do not want to disturb the same family so he just send greetings to you" said Al, I also nodded understand
"okay deh. titip Dinda ya bro. ntar also parents Dinda behind ko" said Juna
"no. they had told me to go home too, kesian abis travel far from makasar, already calm aja why the hell... Dinda's safe with the cave.."
"iya Jun. I'm okay ko, I'm not even good to take care of you guys. go home rest, thanks for everything, thanks also to Raka who takes care of Vicky's funeral"
"iya relax.. cave back yes nda... Al.."
"yes be careful"
"nda... "
"yes Al..."
"patience well.I've lost Hesti. So I know what you're feeling right now, if there's anything you have me here"
"this is all because you know what?"
"meaning?"
"but Anna called you, not me. nda. I also don't know it will be rich because it happened I'm sorry, I was wrong"
"have escaped.I want to sleep"
"eat first. I bribe yah"
"i've recovered Al. I can do it myself.."
"yes yes, I'm ready to flinch"
"Anna where's Al..?"
"at Ririn's house..."
"at Ririn's house? Honestly, what are you doing Anna, I remember Anna asking for help at that time?"
"yet later again well the story, you are again in a state of not okay, I promise if the situation is calm I will tell you"
"but Anna's okay, right?"
"hmm.. yaudah I tell the point aja well, Anna was still related to Dimas and until having sex, I was angry din, I spit mukulin Anna and ngurung Anna in the bathroom all night, in the morning Dimas came to the house and stabbed me with a knife, then I'm here, but calm down, Anna and I just need time to chat next, not the same"
"astaga Al... is that angry until you admit it to Anna..?"
"yes I'm afraid, I insist Anna so that the events of Nesti do not happen again, it's better for Anna to be able to reflect on her mistakes"
"hust...? why her..?"
"it's okay, eating hospital food is more unpleasant if it's cold"
"Al... rumors circulated about the death of Nesti in our IPS High School boy group, they said hesti killed himself, is it true?"
"astaga nda. not ko.. dah later I tell ya. eat-eat nda. seriously I will tell, but not now well. I want you to focus on your health, you know, okay?"
"mmm.. I'm sorry Al"
"apologize for what?"
"i knew Anna was still in touch with Dimas, but Vicky forbade me from talking to you, he said I couldn't interfere with other people's household matters"
"yes, it's okay, but now I know from Anna's own mouth"
"but I didn't know they were having sex"
"yeah yes..had not thought well.cepetan abisin eat it, just chat. Abis was taking medicine to sleep, rarely there was a doctor who nurses patients 24 hours gini" he said by placing his hand on my cheek stroking with his thumb
"Al.." I lowered his hand
"ah.. sorry.." instead of regretting it, he smiled at me instead.
After eating my medicine and getting ready for bed, Al now lies on the couch, covering his face with his arms..
I looked at the ceiling of the treatment room, I don't know what I was thinking, I just kept daydreaming. It seemed like my mind was empty, I couldn't even think. The pain did not come to me.
"I am very familiar with this condition, does my insomnia recur? will my depression come back? no.. I must be strong, Vicky said I was cured, no. No. This is not my initial symptom.I just don't get sleepy, it's true.."