LUCEM
LV Chapter

"Mars.." a touch that felt cold on my shoulder. I looked over and found Mary standing behind me.

"Oh, you're here. Thank goodness" I said with relief.

Maria pulled me closer and entered my arms suddenly. He said that he was grateful for his warmth, for the steadiness of my arms that encircled him.

I took a deep breath, trembled and let go of everything, my breath blowing towards him. I inhaled the rich and intoxicating scent of his skin, the faint scent of gardenia that he had somehow brought along. Seconds passed in perfect silence and we listened to each other's breath. Slowly, my heartbeat stabilized.

For a while it was just me and Maria, touched by the faint mist of darkness.

"I want you, Mars" whispered Maria.

"I love you" he said.

Loving Maria? But this love is new, green, its depth uncharted, untested. In that short, glittering window where the gaping hole in my memory felt completely accounted for, did the thing between us change? Even now, even with the noise in my head, I feel it.

I felt he suddenly stiffened and I retreated, worried. I could not see much of Mary in the slowly perfect darkness. Maria touched my hand gently, feeling the fine hairs along my arm.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I was just thinking about you" she replied.

"Me?"

Mary closed the distance between us again. Nodding in my chest.

My eyes widened, understanding dispelled worry. He didn't say anything, but I could hear his heartbeat, racing in silence, and I finally heard him exhale. It was a heavy and uneven voice, like he might hold his breath for too long. I wish I could see his face. No matter how much time we spent together, I still forgot how much she could feel my emotions, especially at times like these, when our bodies were docked with no distance.

Gently, Maria ran her hand to my back. "I'm thinking about how much I love you" he said.

Maria then fell silent, but only for a moment. And then he touched my hair, his fingers slowly combing the strands.

“Do you feel it?” he asks.

I didn't answer, I backed off to make a little distance between us. I blinked against the black until I could see the glint of his eyes, the shadow of his mouth.

“Mars?”

"Yes" I replied.

"Yes, you feel it?" he sounded a little breathless.

"Yes" I replied again.

“What does it feel like?” ask Mary again. He's sighing.

Mary gently kissed my arm and moved round towards my back. He stayed a little while there so, for a while, I wasn't sure what he wanted to do. His breath was warm there. "Tell me, Mars what it's like, '" Maria repeated.

“Difficult to explain. It's a pleasure so close to pain that sometimes I can't tell the difference between the two" I replied between feelings that were hard to understand.

“It sounds terrible.” Maria said accompanied by a small laugh from her mouth.

"No," I said. “It's very beautiful.”

"I love you, Mars" he said.

I took a sharp breath. In this darkness, in Mary's arms I felt tension up to my jaw, I clasped Mary's hand, looking up at the ceiling.

"Mars.." another voice called me slowly, like a whisper.

A great tremor hit my skin and my spine stiffened, my bones were held back by an invisible pin, my mouth froze and tried to catch my breath.

The heat filled my sight. I then heard nothing but a static rhythm, the wind. I felt nothing for a moment. Blank.

My eyelids flickered, flames burst into me, exploding...

Mars!

Martian...

Mars!

Two voices from different owners.

A sharp pain assaulted my body to the knees. My sister's shadow filled my mind, bones and skin melted, fingers webbed, mouth wet, eyesless. His body was hanging underwater, long brown hair like a swarm of eels. His strange, disembodied voice penetrated me.

I screamed without speaking. "Marbi!"

What the hell's going on? I asked.

I saw Jiso, panicked and angry, demanding that Marbella gather her rat troop, talk about money, talk about the island. I saw a tearful Moonflower, her two wings broken, a human body with large wings drooping, her face very wet. I went back to see Marbella... He now stood straight, walking firmly towards me.

"Back, Mars. We can't not win!" Marbella.

I gasp.

I inhaled the air with a powerful pull that filled my lungs. Moving my chest.

"Marbi!"

I clasped Marbella's hand tightly with both hands shaking. Sweat running down my eyebrows, pain, entering my eyes.

"Moon, James." said Marbella.

I turned my head following Moonflower's hasty movements. Oh, James was lying on the wet, deep red floor. His chest moved, he was still breathing. A little relief approached me.

Moonflower turned her back on us, not letting me see what she was doing and got back up in an instant. James is no longer there.

"Where's James?" manya panic.

"Correctly," he told me.

"I still hope he will recover soon" Moonflower said with her head bowed.

"Marya?" I asked when memories grabbed me.

"He's not here, anymore" said Marbella coldly.

"Part of the rat troop has been taken away, we have to get out of here immediately" he said.

"Where did they go?" I ask in my lost mind.

"I—I failed to protect those who died and those who lived," Marbella's voice trembled.

I was paralyzed by confusion, then fear, then distrust.

"No Marbi, I'm late protecting you" I said.

"You've done your part well, brother," said Marbella with a bitter smile on her lips.

No. gabe.

Instead, I was here, dying of frostbite and horror, watching our world shake around me. Everything is real, and inevitably I wonder, what kind of hell brings us to this moment.

Before I thought I was the one having a weird night, until I saw Marbella's helpless face. I saw it, I actively watched it—and still I couldn't believe it. Some of us disappeared tonight. Mary disappeared with what she left in my mind.

I was slow, slower than before, like running underwater. Something deliberately held me back, physically pushed me away from Marbella—and suddenly, everything made sense. My confusion was late before. There is no Mary here.

James is real. Marbella suffering is real. The broken Moonflower wings are real. And Mary is not real. My feelings, our feelings, are not real.