New Hope Together Dusk That Is No Longer the Same
Self Muhasabah

“Sorry Sha wasn't you I chose, sorry because I love her more than I love you.”

Aisha woke up with a sweat that had flooded her entire body, her hands shaking tightly around the bed linen, her breathing breaking from the sobbing.

Many times his fingers patted his chest with his lips that did not forget to say Istighfar hoping the tightness soon disappeared.

“Why does the sentence that Azka throws up sound like real? Why is it so sick Ya Alloh?” muttered Aisha in her sobbing.

“What exactly am I that has not been able to reconcile with his departure?

Aisha sobbed alone remembering the words of Azka who stopped in her dream, also imagined the guilty face of Diana who continued to say that she was the woman who seized happiness.

He decides to complain to God the Great Lord of life, on the prayer mat in the silence of the night, Aisha sobbing lamenting her fate, her feelings, and her memories.

“Ya Alloh Ya muqolibal quulub, tsabbits qalbii alaa diinika,” Aisha moans in her long prostration.

***

Aisha stepped gontai towards the entrance of the Hospital.

Today is his last day of internships as a young doctor, which means that after his internship is complete, he can already open his own practice because he has become a real doctor.

But somehow his heart was just restless, last night's dream, and Diana's shadow continued to ring.

His head throbbed, he almost fell if his arm did not support the pole.

His consciousness returned when the phone in his hand shook, the name Faris on the call screen.

“Assalamualaikum Sha.”

“Waalaikumsalam,” replied Aisha made as usual as possible. But not Faris if you can't understand what Aisha is really feeling.

“You why Sha? You're all right?” faris asked frantically hearing Aisha's slightly different voice.

“I'm fine, what's up with tumben calling?”

“Are you really all right?”

“Iya really,” Aisha replied reassuringly. There was a curve created at the corner of her lips hearing Faris who was worried about her.

“Oh yes I want to tell you if I was sent by the Hospital with other volunteers to the location of disaster victims outside the city, sorry well I did not surprise you directly, you were in a big hurry,” said Faris explained.

“It's okay. You be careful well there,” replied Aisha who unknowingly also created a curve in the corner of Faris' lips heard Aisha who was worried about her.

“Iya. You are well at home, if there is anything directly contact me.”

“Iya, you too.”

“Ya I have continued my work first well, Assalamualaikum.”

“Waalaikumsalam,” Aisha replied and then hung up.

***

Returning from Aisha Hospital visit North Quay. This time he was alone, not with Azka, nor Faris.

That place had been witness to the journey of his life, in that place he could always find his tranquility.

The smell of the ocean that became a mind conditioner was also a ship that seemed busy with its purpose a little divert Aisha from the fatigue of life that she was experiencing now.

Aisha chose to go up to the third floor to fill her stomach while watching the beautiful sea from the roof top.

Unknowingly there was a trench formed from the corner of his eye when looking at the twilight. There is a longing for all the memories in it.

His mind dissolved in daydreams a few years ago with a name that was still deeply imprinted in the depths of his heart.

"Aisha!" Call someone who instantly regains consciousness.

Aisha turned her head towards the source of the voice, as if afraid if it was just her illusion, she blinked a few times her neutrality. Turns out it was real. He immediately wiped away the remaining tears.

"You alone?" ask her again before Aisha could answer her greeting.

"Ah yes, myself," Aisha replied sounding raucous.

"Can I sit here?" ask someone who turns out to be Azka.

Then Azka sat down on the chair next to Aisha after getting Aisha's nod, joining Aisha in enjoying the twilight.

Now they are enjoying the twilight together, as they used to be when they were together. But now the situation is different.

“You still come here often Sha?” tanya Azka opened the conversation.

“Not often, sometimes if there is a time just the same Faris,” replied Aisha made as usual as possible.

“You guys are that close?”

“What's it like?” ask Aisha who pretends not to understand Azka's direction.

Deg, Aisha's heart was tight to hear Azka say that sentence.

“How can I be with him, while in my heart it is still you who reign.”

“Me and Faris are close, maybe even very close. But we are only friends. I know Faris likes me, but he never demands anything from me. Faris is sincere, she loves me unconditionally.”

Unknowingly, this kind of atmosphere again reminded Aisha of their memories. Again there is a tightness created in the chest.

"Ah looks like I have to go home," said Aisha as she moved.

Linger with Azka there, Aisha can not guarantee if her heart will remain fine. He preferred to leave rather than his defense so far faltered in front of Azka.

"Alright, be careful Sha," Azka replied.

"You really have changed. But the name in my heart still remains the same."

***

"Misha ...." Maya scatters towards her daughter and hugs her.

Maya who originally went into Aisha's room to invite her to dinner actually found her daughter was sitting on the edge of the bed sobbing alone.

"Aisha, why are you, baby?" ask Maya to worry.

Aisha's cry becomes more and more in Maya's arms.

As if all the turmoil in his heart he spilled in the arms of his beloved mother.

Both of his hands clutching tightly to the increasingly lascivious body, his tongue stiff to just express his heart.

Only the sobbing sounded more and more bitter in every caress of his mother's hand.

"What exactly are you, baby?" lirih Maya asked again.

Again Aisha was unable to answer her mother's questions.

Maya who understands Aisha's condition allows her to shed first all the turmoil in her arms.

"Aisha wants to go ma'am" said Aisha as her sobs began to subside.

"Go how do you mean?" maya asked in surprise at her daughter's statement.

"Aisha wants to go to a place where no one knows Aisha, Aisha wants to improve. There's been too much going on here. Aisha wants a flame in pesantren ma'am."

"What makes you want to go?"

"Mas Azka and all our memories are here" Aisha replied back in bed.

"You can't catch it yet?"

"During this time Aisha has been trying to ma'am, in fact Aisha's heart is not too strong."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Wherever, as long as no one knows Aisha there."

"What if in Yogyakarta, where the mother goes first?"

Aisha simply answered him with a nod.

"How long was your plan there?"

"Until Aisha's heart is strong face this bitterness ma'am."

“Then how is your practice the same? You have completed the internship.”

“Aisha has thought carefully mom, it is hard to leave everything here. Aisha must leave her mother, Faris, as well as Aisha's dreams as a doctor. It is not easy whose name is self-reliance, but if the direction can be picked up, why wait? Aisha believes God's promise is sure,” Aisha assured Maya.

“God is proud of you, after the twists and turns you face it even makes you self-conscious. Mother will support your good intentions son,” Maya replied back hugging her daughter, now it's her turn to shed tears.

“Call Aisha ya bu,” said Aisha replied tightly to her mother's embrace.

"Did Faris already know about this plan?"

"Faris is being sent by the hospital to the disaster victim's location outside the city, ma'am, but please don't tell him ma'am. Don't tell anyone this, enough of us, ma'am, "pinta Aisha begged.

"Aisha doesn't want anyone to know where Aisha is improving" she continued.

"Well I won't tell anyone, including Faris."

***

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