THE SOUND OF LOVE
Perfect That's Not Me
...Choose where? ...
...Waiting in loneliness, ...
...Or ...
...Both in uncertainty? ...
...*** ...
Perfect is not me, flattery doesn't satisfy me. Because all they know is my whites only when my blacks continue to overshadow.
Pink never I thought, just think I was stupid but that's the truth. Because me and my heart never knit in despair.
When that color colored my life, I just knew; loving simply was necessary because paying attention to it and making it smile, it was already the most beautiful gift God had given me.
-end
I closed the last sheet of my novel which is about 300 pages. I exhaled an unusual breath and buried my face in the book. Exactly the person who regrets committing a crime.
"What?" I asked when I looked back at my face. I realized now where I was, looking at the anxious faces before me, I exhaled tired breath once more.
"Lo tuh serem Lis, not angry aja jutek. Especially now?" Jihan sneered at me, a protest from her seeing me go crazy. Then he devoured a plate of siomay with graceful movements.
"Is there anything you want to share with us Calista Hartawan? Maybe it can reduce the burden on your heart" said Ivanna while putting her phone on the canteen table with both arms folded also on the table.
I looked in all directions and then I looked at their faces one by one and finally gave up. This is how we have friends. We won't be able to keep anything a secret for much longer. I'm lyric Aldira for a moment..
"Oh, it's not me who should tell the story" he said raising both his hands to answer my glance.
"OK fine. I was stressed, or what fate was playing in my life. It might sound like a Lebay or something. But.." It's not over, Jihan interrupted my explanation.
"Go straight to the point" he said with a mouth filled with siomay. I also turned my eyes. Lazy.
"This morning I argue with my mother, she wants me to separate Agas. That's the first and the second, Frans my ex who I told you at that time asked for a second chance" if you recall it felt like some of my ribs were broken and hit my heart. It hurts.
"This is complicated Lis, your problem is not a common problem but it is rare, it may happen to some people" said Ivanna who propped her chin with both hands.
"really. Moreover, the problem is different beliefs, you must choose to change his girlfriend or his God" added Jihan while gulping her lemon tea.
"In some cases, it is rare for anything to last. About the former, better to be friends, do not repeat the old story Lis, it must have been the same again" said Aldira seemed to think with a frown on his forehead that became a sign.
"Eitherway. I feel like I want to scream; why the hell am I the same Agas born with different beliefs? Why should he be if we are not destined to age together? Why does my heart keep coming back when some people who stop by are vying to steal my heart? Trying to make me comfortable to turn around. It's ridiculous really ridiculous, the universe is playing with my destiny right now. And so many questions 'Why' in my mind that did not succeed in being answered" I complained at length while looking at my temple which is not at all dizzy.
Time does not go on without waiting for us. The changing hours of the course changed, we returned to our classrooms and followed some courses until the end before we helped Ivanna and Jihan arrange their costs after college today.
A few hours passed by and I sat and listened anxiously. Suddenly my gaze collided with Luke's, he threw his face in a slow motion back to the lecturer. There was a curiosity that stung me. I seem to think hard about the events of the past few days more precisely is there something like gossip for example that was missed by me? Uh. I am tired of thinking hard.
"Eh, is there any gossip I've missed these few days?" I asked to the point. We arrived at the parking lot, the lecture was completed a few minutes ago.
"Hmmm I don't think it's there" Jihan replied hesitantly.
"Then anyway? Gossip about someone, for example? Nurse's son" my lure with the best forced smile.
Aldira and Ivanna also narrowed their eyes ready to draw me with their eyes like that.
"OKAY. Let's surprise the lady whose jutek can kill all the men here" Ivanna said sarcastically. And is possessed by Aldira. Does Aldira know? Why not tell? It's so annoying for them.
"So, Luke became the same as the nurse's son and I was horrified that they had been dating for a month" added Ivanna who closed the trunk door of Aldira's car then we also left the campus area to their new boarding house.
"I'm finally free from Kamvret's man, Yeeeeiiiii" I said excitedly not playing because of Ivanna's story earlier. They also told me to be quiet.
Upon arriving at their new boarding, we also lowered the items that would be arranged in the house. They no longer live with Fellicia, the story is long and they do not want to be affected by hypertension linger there. I really thought it was difficult at first when we got used to the five, but as time went on we got used to the four and still strengthened each other.
****
Senjapun run towards his shade. A pitch-black canvas enveloped the universe. This time the star refused to show itself glowing like the previous nights.
"Gue wants to say that we can definitely forget each other. Forget everything that happened yesterday and go back to living a normal life. But I guess I can't. Because I also don't know what's normal anymore" as the night wind blows in my face, the cold is outnumbered by someone's voice over there.
"If only from the beginning we could have met in another way, not in this way, Frans" I said in response to his statement. With the phone attached to my ear I try not to waver and melt. It's hard, like lying to yourself.
Maybe I should start getting used to losing something.
"Well, that's right. Maybe we're just stuck in the loop of the past" he said with a breath of tiredness.
"If the world stopped turning, what would you do?" I said throwing a silly question.
"Gue will also stop at the same point. But I don't know what's inside me wants to stop too? Stop loving someone for example?" Cold answer. I was stunned and bit my fingernails.
"But not with a second chance, Frans" a low growl rang out in my ear. Did I hurt her heart? Or offend his ego?
"Gue's brother, perhaps the dumbest you've ever met. But when a man gives up his heart for a woman, he not only becomes a fool, but also a coward." And the connection was cut.
Rain fell gracefully adorning the dense starless sky. Closing a tired day. I also put my finger on the laptop keyboard.
Tonight I ordered a rain scented memories, if you find my figure and then pass by in your room, you should not be surprised. You are not dreaming ! It was me that you secretly kept in your heart.
The clink of my phone tells me that there's an incoming message. Soon I grabbed my phone lying on the bed and read a message from someone. Unwittingly the crystals of clear crystal shed on my cheeks, causing a small sob that clogged my chest.
Just want to remind you that tomorrow may not be the same as today or yesterday. But the days I spent with you were the best days ever in my life. Then or now, for me you stay the same brother and I still love you, although you ask me to wait longer, I happily do. But unfortunately for now I can't steal what belongs to someone else..
You never know about this, the two things I love about time are; he is unable to bring me back to the past, but he is able to heal my wounds because of the past.
My sobs subsided as I stopped thinking about it. More precisely I have spent a lot of energy to bring out all my heart. The word crying is a powerful way when we can no longer express words. I felt the seepage of water on my pillows and rolls. Just because of someone's love, we can become weak instantly.
I wipe with rough wet traces on both of my chubby cheeks. Let me guess my face is so ugly after crying. I hurriedly got up from my bed to the dresser and saw the shadow of a woman with messy hair sticking out indistinctly, a sad face, and, there are dark circles around the eyes like panda eyes and my eyes are still red with wet traces on both cheeks. Scary. If I hadn't noticed my own reflection I might have been screaming hysterically.
Time shows at 11 p.m. It had been an hour since he cut off the phone unilaterally with an unexpected farewell. I took a deep breath and went back to my bed. My eyes glared at the ceiling of the room deep into a memory. Memories about him, about us and the beginning I met him. Francis Frederick, faint twisted. The picture changed with my memory and Agas.
I rubbed my face in frustration. It's more complicated than just a love triangle, a little more if you say it like that. Because my heart belongs entirely to Agas but the comfort brought back by Frans makes me feel like coming back home, even though the house was a long time ago.
"..." sneer a voice across there with a curse that even makes me open.
"Sorry deh. I just want to say I Love youuu" my voice that makes him more upset and makes me more twisted.
"...." threatened him at the peak of his annoyance.
"OK I'm serious. Tomorrow I don't go in, I want to go to the bookstore" I said with a serious face.
"...." he replied sarcastically still with a curse that made me chuckle without a sound. Then the connection was severed unilaterally.
My heart is indeed tapped by the comfort you give, but my feelings refuse to break someone's heart. I don't want to hurt him or hurt you. I'm aware of my feelings. But I couldn't let myself share my heart and then I hurt my heart.
Long after that, I felt my eyes heavy once a minute and then the drowsiness attacked violently. This time I did not refuse, letting all the burdens be lived on forget for a moment, hoping to evaporate in the air alternated with the visible peace of my slumbering face.
****
The sun has been perched in the sky for the past few hours. I felt my whole body stiff. I moved my body to the right and to the left before getting out of my bed heard some bones crackling shift, coming from my body. I also complained of pain.
Today I decided not to go to college because Agas wanted me to accompany him to the bookstore. There was a book he had been waiting for a long time. It's been about a month. As for my permission, I told Aldira that I didn't come in today. I'm sure Aldira must have been swearing at me all day. I also laughed at the thought of last night. Where I woke him up in the middle of the night.
After feeling my light body I got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom to clean myself up. After a few minutes I came out of the bathroom with a kimono towel wrapped around my body. Walk towards the dresser to style my hair and apply a little make up on my face. Lucky I finished before Agas called.
After dealing with feminine matters I hurriedly grabbed my bag and stepped out of the room down some stairs. The ringing of the cell phone made me stop the step on the last rung of the ladder. Seeing a name on the screen without thinking, my thumb immediately touched and shifted the arrow on the phone screen to answer it.
"...." - ".I heard a heavy but sexy baritone voice in my ears.
"Yes Gas, I'm ready. Just pick me up at home, will you?" Answer me without babibu.
A rough and heavy roar of vehicle sounds entered my yard. With his motorbike Agas stopped right at me. He also opened his helmet.
"Ayuuuk" he said while turning his head towards the seat behind his body. I also obey and wear the helmet he gave me on the bike. Then Agas drove him out of my yard.
The engine is now roaring on the streets of the capital. I also just remained silent without a sound by tightly hugging his waist in case he was not sane by increasing the speed of his spidometer.
"Tumben's on a motor?" I asked in a rather loud voice beside the left of his head. The creaking of the open helmet glass turned towards me revealing her sweet face. The face that these few years have accompanied my days.
"My car's been irritated again, baby" she said in a soft tone. That's Agas. Temporarily, jutek, chatty, angry unclear. A momentary smile-anxious look at my behavior, can be suddenly romantic as well.
"Oh." That's all I can say. My focus now is to hold on to her.
It did not take long, we also arrived at one of the shopping centers. People say the books are very complete. After parking the motorbike, Agas and I stepped towards the basement entrance then walked towards the escalator and started exploring looking for a bookstore.
We finally found it, and soon we entered the store. Agas and I were both looking on the shelves of novels, I opened my eyes one by one a neat row of novels. My gaze stopped on a book whose title was very touching. I turned over the book cover to find the synopsis. Then turn it back.
...Confront you, I Can. ...
...Falling in Love is Ready ...
...Losing you at any time. ...
...Joseph Hamdhani - ...
But unfortunately I had to refrain from buying it. Because I want to surprise the 7th Anniversary and hopefully Agas will like it. Realizing I was only here alone, I decided to look for Agas. Go through every bookshelf but I don't find anyone I'm looking for. I went back to where I didn't find him.
Ck. If I am busy, I am forgotten.
In spite of my frustration I again swept my gaze at the ranks of the books I had seen earlier. Suddenly my vision slowly blurred and turned dark. I felt someone's breath behind my ear.
"Searching?" The smell of honey clad in mint lurked in my sense of smell. The thickened hand that covers both of my eyes tightly.
"Age. Dark tau, pelein!!!" Susultku. He almost made me want to run out of this bookstore.
"Well, get caught. No fun" he said again, releasing both hands from my eyes. I found him chuckling to see me upset with him.
"Well, looking for the book? Did you get it?" I said to divert the conversation. He picked up a book and showed it to me.
"Jaudah cepet pay. I'm a laper" Cibirku was still upset, then walked ahead of him to the cashier. Samar I heard him still chuckling, I just rolled my eyes. Lazy.
After we finished walking out of the bookstore and then ventured back to find a place to eat. Agas still sucks like at the bookstore. Act silly so I can forgive her. I could only shake my head and laugh at his behavior.
We decided to eat at one of the restaurants. After finding a comfortable seat, we ordered our own food. Without the food we ordered the same. Fried rice seafood. We laughed when we said our orders to one of the waiters and the waiters smiled shyly at our behavior. Then I ordered a greentea latte as the drink and Agas ice chocolate as the drink.
After the departure of the waiters Agas still asked me if I was still upset with him. Seeing my expression earlier Agas was confident that he had been forgiven.
"So I'm not sorry yet?" The test was on me who saw my facial expression as before. Piqued.
"Hmmm how is it?" I said I pretended to be still upset and a few seconds later the brawakupun finally exploded. Then our order came with laughter that had died down from me. After the departure of the waiters I raised both my eyebrows staring at Agas was was was.
"Reviews huh? Wait for my vengeance" he whispered as he leaned his body against my face not forgetting the grin imprinted on his lips.
Oh. GOD. Damn it!!!
I took a sip of my hard-earned saliva and hurriedly sucked my greentea latte from the sucker because suddenly my throat felt dry. He also chuckled at my expression.
"I'm kidding" he said, laughing. Sucks.
Somewhere else..
"Temenin I'm looking for shoes, hunt" said a man trying to wake someone.
"Gue is again lazy" replied someone who was still lying with a blanket that he pulled over covering his face.
"Ck. I told you she was still dating that guy. But if I think durable too huh? Even though they have different beliefs" said Thomas Frederick sidelined leaning on the door while thinking.
"But why did you and Olivia break up and really end up?" He asked her with a blanket covering his face.
"Every person is different in his mind and ego. So I'm the same he was not too mature in terms of commitment" he explained to his beloved sister.
After finishing arguing and certainly won by the brother, finally Frans was forced to accompany his brother looking for shoes.
"Why is he still hanging on with the wrong guy? I already know the different beliefs, still a delay to break up" Frans grumbled annoyed with the reality.
"Didn't everyone have a choice? Don't blame someone for what he chose, he must have his own reasons. And you have to respect that" he explained to his sister, with eyes focused on the streets. Yeah, they were in the car an hour ago and were on their way to the shopping mall.
Frans swore at the radio channel played by Thomas, his older brother. How not the lyrics seemed to explain his current state and heart.
You revealed it to me
There will be a time later
You are mine one..
I waited in worry
Is it really me
The love you want.
He also got more and more dissolved in the lyrics of the song. Exhaling tired breaths and leaning his head against the window his eyes looked up at the sky, lumps as smooth as cotton reminded him of a memory.
Let me go
If not for sure
Was it all this time
I love myself..
Arriving at one of the shopping centers they also look for a parking space after that get out of the car and walk towards the basement door and then ride the escalator. Her silent eyes shimmered in all directions, nothing of interest to her.
Arriving in front of the sports shoe outlet his eyes accidentally caught the figure of a woman who always made him cringe since he returned to Indonesia. His gaze met a few seconds with him for just a few seconds. That made his vision become a nano.
Good luck.. Calistas.
His whisper was raucous in empty air. Thomas who saw his brother could not hide his mother's taste. He could not do anything because he felt he did not need to interfere in this matter. He wanted his brother to be a grown man in any case.
Let me pull over
Not tired of waiting
But what does it mean
Love in the shadow..
Frans turned to look at her brother, trying to smile before stepping into the shoe store followed by Thomas behind her.
Grievous.. I feel
In reality
Love does not have to
Have each other.
Happy Reading guys 😄