Become Tyrant On My Own Way
Chapter 206 – FORGIVE ME, ALICE
I met Alice the next day in the City of Litrum without prior notice. It seemed that it slightly made the newly raised young Duke Litrum in his current position a hassle in taking care of administrative matters, but it was not a really difficult thing anyway. I just looked at him with a pity face.
Alice seemed to be carrying out the duty I entrusted to her well in this city just in case until the invasion of the Asium Continent happened once again. On the sidelines of his busy life, he still had time to practice at least when he was alone.
-uk, tuk, no, no.
Seeing my footsteps, Alice stopped from training and looked back.
“Ah, Your Highness.”
Sapa Alice lowered her head.
I was a little shocked by Alice's attitude just now. Though as I recall, the last time we met, he still called me Master if no one was around. There was no one around at the moment, so why did he call me ‘Yang Mulia’ instead of ‘Master’?
“Kok His Majesty anyway? Not the Master as usual?”
I immediately felt the urgency that I should question it before my relationship with Alice grew even more tenuous. For some reason, my relationship with Alice, as time went on, instead of improving after my sister Ilene's case, it grew tenuous. Shouldn't time be able to ease the coldness of one's relationship?
“Ah, the. Sorry, Master.”
I can catch the awkwardness behind Alice's stammering speech.
I don't know what Alice is thinking of me right now.
Is it a feeling of sadness mixed with disappointment because of my abandonment of him? Or is it the frustration that I cannot position myself as the leader of this country properly that mixes it with the personal feelings that have made it uncomfortable? Or is it even anger that I have given all the burden of Ilene's death to her and then I act like everything is fine when she has to bear all the sadness?
Because of my abandonment, I made the woman before me sad. In fact, I promised him that I would give him that sweet happiness if he followed me as his master. If it is like this, am I not unlike the Emperor Ethanus and his predecessors who only use Alice to dry up for their own personal interests?
The only difference is that they throw it away after it has dried. But is not my attitude that ignores it until its heart is decorated to the point of withering and rotting in my abandonment even more cruel?
“Sorry, Alice!”
I said, apologizing to Alice.
Frankly, I don't know what words I deserve to say to her anymore other than to apologize. Surely his heart had also been burdened by Ilene's death even after five years had passed. So why do I keep sprinkling salt on the heart of the woman who has been injured for so long?
There were no words that could be thought of in my head right now that could serve as a consolation for Alice. So with no shame, only a simple apology was finally spoken through my mouth.
“Ah, what does Master do? Why did Master suddenly bow like this to me?”
“Sorry, Alice. I've been using Ilene's death as an excuse to put pressure on you when I didn't deserve it at all. You did it all for the sake of this country because of the magnitude of your love for him, but I just ignored it, now giving you all the guilt and then making you feel disappointed alone. I'm sorry.I'm sorry, Alice, for my immaturity all this time.”
The look of a stiff face was shown by Alice for a moment. But then, she let out a gentle smile.
“Master doesn't have to think like that. Since deciding to serve the Master, I have decided to support the Master at all costs in order to realize the Master's dream. That's because I know that even though Master seems strong on the outside, Master's heart is so soft that it will be difficult for Master to face the many situations that allow Master to be tormented by your tenderness.”
“His hunch is correct after seeing the current state of Master. That was how I decided to cover the weak side of that Master with my abilities. I already know that Master is a loving person and I don't want Master's heart to be hurt and remain pure forever. Where can I let Master take the life of Master's own sister.”
“At least, I want to fill that role in place of Master who is my role model. This is not for the benefit of anyone, but for the sake of myself, Master, because I want to see to the end what kind of figure the emperor I support will shine in the future. It's because I believe in the potential of Master. So for that matter, Master need not feel guilty anymore.”
That's Alice. He often said that sometimes I was gentle, but more than anyone, Alice was more tender-hearted. Alice was so good that she was used by Emperor Ethanus and his predecessors to suck her dry under the pretext of state duty. Honestly, with his good attitude, this feeling of guilt grew even greater.
I really... What have I done to this innocent-hearted girl? Why did I put such a heavy burden of guilt on her?
“Alice! I... About Ilene's death. It's not your fault! Sorry.I'm sorry for ignoring you all this time. All this I did because I was too naive. It is not your fault, but my fault that I do not want to feel the pain of my heart hurt because it is fragile, then make you as a source of impingement of mistakes so that the feeling in my heart feels better. I'm a complete hypocrite! I don't deserve the kindness of your heart at all!”
Unknowingly, I lost my composure. I myself was confused why I could not control my emotions at that time which is usually always calm. Maybe it was, instead of the abuse I expected, that Alice's soft words were what I accepted. Although, it was previously thought that the kind-hearted Alice would prefer that. That's as good as Alice. She's a really good girl.
Those words were unconsciously spoken in my mouth. My head's empty. The shadow of Ilene's death continued to fill my head subconsciously as I looked at Alice's face making my mind even more chaotic. Alice was clearly innocent. I really hate myself being too fragile to blame Alice for bearing that burden on me.
“Masters. I'm doing fine. You don't need to get hurt anymore.”
Either it looks as fragile as what I was then in his eyes that finally makes Alice who actually came to hug me when I should have given him a sentence of comfort.
“Sorry, Alice.”
Instantly I turned into an idiot who only knew the vocabulary of ‘maaf’. But somehow Alice's embrace felt so warm to my heart.
Thas right. Alice is not really the source of the problem here, but me. I underestimated Alice's position. She is a strong woman. Realizing my weakness, Alice stood there to cover up my weakness.
What has been the source of trouble all this time is myself. Because of my cowardice that did not dare to accept Ilene's death directly. This was all because I thought that by blaming others in my heart, all of his problems became easier for my common sense to accept.
I'm 26 years old, but I'm like a whining kid. It's time I became an adult and got up and faced this problem head on.
A clear fact that I did not dare to think directly in my head because every time I thought about a small part of it, it seemed to make my brain explode.
Thas right. Ilene has long since died from being exposed to the vampire virus due to my carelessness that failed to detect the enemy. I failed to detect from the beginning the evil intentions of Rahib Vyndicta Eros to me so that in the end I let Ilene fall into his hands. Ilene who has been in the enemy headquarters was finally the victim of the enemy's revenge on me.
Vampire virus when it has infected someone, then it will immediately take over the consciousness of the infected body while maintaining its memory to be used to deceive people who are close to the body of the host.
In other words, Ilene was long dead, replaced by a vampire who only used Ilene's memories for her purposes. That means that what Alice killed was actually not Ilene, but a vampire disguised as Ilene.
As such, there was no reason for me anymore to take revenge on Alice. The one Alice killed was a vampire, not Ilene. Ilene was actually killed by a vampire virus so I should be grateful to Alice who has eliminated the vampire virus that has killed Ilene forever from the world.
I really have to implant this thought well into my subconscious.
“Sorry, Alice.”
“No, Master. None of us is wrong. So please Master don't feel burdened anymore.”
‘Nothing between the two of us is wrong’. For some reason, after hearing the words spoken through Alice, my heart was relieved.
Apparently so. There were two things that caused me to feel this pain in my heart. First, I feel guilty for hating Alice for something she shouldn't. But there is something else besides that. I just don't want to be hated by Alice for hating her in my heart.
Thas right. ‘Nothing between the two of us is wrong’. Neither me nor Alice was wrong. From the beginning nothing between the two of us was wrong.
A moment of warm feeling flooded my heart. Ah, this is what is called a feeling of relief after being released from guilt? But then, the nape of Alice's neck shone and Alkasa's shield finally appeared on Alice.
The fifth person in the hero party was none other than Alice Garcia Fallenstone.