My husband no longer touched me
Depressions

The burden is too heavy that the mother shouldered. Every day the debcolecktor comes to collect the debts that accumulate. I had to borrow money to pay for my late father's treatment.

"Haha! Mom, when are you coming home?" ask mom to look at the portrait of her only father.

"Huhu ... Mas, I'm coming with you. Get me, Mas."

****

One day ....

My stomach feels hungry Mother doesn't make me food.

I approached my mother in the room, she was hugging my picture.

"Mom, I'm hungry. You're not cooking?" tanyaku carefully.

Mom looked at me with glaring eyes. Then cry again.

Skinny body, disheveled hair, dull skin and smell. Mother's condition is very concerning.

"Mom, I'm hungry" I whine. I held my stomach which was starting to hurt.

"Eat it yourself!" snapped it.

I took one step back in fear.

"Huhuhuhu ...."

Geck! Geck! Geck!

"Assalamualaikum ...," Bude Mira's voice from outside.

I immediately ran to him. Bude's holding my sister Lisa. Every day Bude babysits my sister.

"Why, Nduk?" ask Bude. He dropped Lisa from the sling.

"Hunger, Bude," I said.

"You haven't eaten yet? Bude cuisine yes, make Larasati same Mas Farhan."

He hugged me with pity.

****

"Mas Budi, when do you come home?" ask mother. Mom is sitting on the porch. Waiting for me, like I used to. If you haven't gone home from work.

Bude Mira just sighed heavily. He felt devastated to see his sister depressed. Bude was afraid my mom would go crazy.

"Conscious, Halimah! You have children who need your love. Rise up from the depths, pity them." Bude stroking mom's hair.

"Huhuhuhu ...." Crying is the answer.

"If you keep this up, I'll take Lastri away!" bude Mira threatened.

"Bring it! I can't take care of them alone. I want Mas Budi to come home!"

She grabbed her hair with both hands.

"Mas Budi ...," mother groaned.

"Mas Budi ...," mother groaned.

"Don't let Barasati be brought, ma'am. Kasian was separated from his brother and sister. We take them all, Halimah too. Let's forget the deceased. You are afraid that Halimah is getting worse" said Pakde Tiar, Bude's husband.

"Yes, Sir. We're negotiating how to get out." Bude looked at his sister.

Bude Mira's husband suggested that they would move in with her and her sister and children. Hoping this way my mother forgot the memories of her late father.

I was worried about my mother going crazy. Before we moved, Bude and Pakde helped pay off the debts of their late father and mother. Assisted with another brother.

****

We moved to the city of Palangkaraya, starting a new life without a father.

A few months together, my mother had a change. No more crying and screaming.

My mother has started to forget about her late father. And married to the choice of her heart.

Mom didn't take me with her new family. Me? Sad indeed.

Until ....

"Nduk, you're Bude pesantren, right, yeah. School there, and there too. If kangen can go home. Kan, Bude's house is close to her boarding school" Bude said.

I'm getting sad, why am I being dumped? Do they not love me?

I need mom ....

"But, Bude ...," I said hanging.

"There were many of his friends, Nduk. If you miss or have a holiday, you can go home. Just take an angkot one time, or Bude and mom who look there," Bude persuaded while stroking my hair.

After I thought about Bude's words, I nodded in agreement.

*****

At the age of six, I went to the boarding school in my town.

In this place I get affection from friends who have the same fate. Ustadzah and Ustadz loved and loved me.

Every holiday or chance I go home to see mom and Bude. I usually do it when I go home from school, because it's one way to the boarding school.

I don't feel like time is so fast. I am sixteen years old now. Entering first class High School.

My whole life is in the pesantren. There's a boredom enveloping my soul.

I want to be with my little family.

Gradually I did not feel at home in the pesantren, many rules and prohibitions that should not be violated.

Did I just run away, huh?