Oh My Cecunguk
Episode 77's

"Come, sit here" said Alan, opening his legs wide. He asked me to sit in front of him, between his thighs.

I paused for a moment, watching him. Sitting alone in such a position, does she want to take another bath?

"Narrow," I said later. I stepped back, heading to the other end of the sofa.

"Truly dissident," Alan murmured as I passed by. His eyes kept watching me.

I smiled, feeling familiar with the name. I'm used to hearing it, so I don't feel upset or angry at all. Other than dissidents, other mentions I often hear are stone or stubborn women.

I dropped myself on the couch. Fold one leg and put it on the other.

"Are you sorry? Have a dissident boyfriend like me?" I said looking back at him. "It's not too late to break up."

I gasped as Alan darted towards me and pushed me backwards. He leaned over, grabbed my lips and ended with a hard bite at the end.

"It's a punishment because you dare to say break up again" he said, pulling his body back. He sat back up straight.

I looked at him with annoyance. After that, I turned my face away and felt the corner of my swollen mouth. Aw, it hurts so much...

"Look... You are mine and will forever remain mine. So don't ever say break up again and don't ever expect to run away from me because I'll never let you go, do you understand!"

I was still upset, so purposely ignored it. However, that made Alan even more upset.

"Do you hear me, Alea!" shouted again.

I rubbed my ringing left ear. "Stop yelling, my ears hurt" I said, looking back at him, looking at his face again.

"You didn't listen to me" he replied in a normal voice. It was much lower than before as he shouted earlier.

"I hear you" I argue. I may not have heard it with such a loud voice. My ears are still working very well. I could hear the footsteps of ants, let alone Alan's voice, which was sometimes like that thunderbolt.

"What did you hear?" tanyakanya. His look could not be separated from my face.

"I am yours and forever will be yours. You told me not to say break up again and don't expect to get away from you because you'll never let me go." I repeated the sentence he said before perfectly, without missing a single word.

Both corners of his mouth were raised high, showing off his neatly arranged rows of teeth. Seemed satisfied with my answer. "Good," he said, nodding his head.

"Come here." he said, pulling me into his arms.

I'm not resisting. Very comfortable in his arms. It was as if all the danger or trouble would get out of the way if I was embraced like that. I leaned my head against his chest.

For a moment we both fell silent. I noticed the small fish swimming nimbly in the aquarium which became the boundary between the living room and the dining room. While Alan was back watching television when it aired a film about psychopaths. Although his eyes focused on watching the movie, but his hands continued to move. Stroked my hair and rolled up the ends with my index finger.

I took my eyes off the colorful fish and looked back at Alan. "I...."

"Hm" he said without taking his eyes off the square-shaped screen.

"There's something I want to ask you" I said, again.

"What's that about?" This time he said while looking at me. But only for a moment, after that it looked straight ahead.

I looked down, looking at my fingers pulling fine hairs on her arms that were coiled around my stomach. "You said you liked me and loved me too."

"That's right." Alan admitted it without hesitation.

"I'm curious..." I paused for a moment. Raised his head to look at his face again. "Since when have you had such feelings and what has made you fall in love with me?"

I was silent, waiting for an answer. However, until a few seconds passed Alan did not open his mouth. Her fingers that had been stroking my hair had stopped moving, but her eyes were still focused on the television screen.

Could it be that Alan didn't hear me? But it's not possible. Our distance was very close and I said it out loud, he must have heard it.

"I...." I called him again.

This time he looked up and answered briefly. "Yes." Yeah."

"I'm asking you, don't you hear me?"

"Listen, dear," he said, caressing my cheek gently.

"If you hear me, why shut up? Why not answer?"

I looked at him confused as well. "What do you mean by not knowing?"

"I didn't realize when I started liking you" she explained.

"Maybe you liked me from the beginning? When we first met? Yeah, maybe you fell in love with me at first sight" I guess.

"That's ridiculous" he said with a laugh. His shoulders shook.

"Why is that ridiculous? That's not ridiculous at all" I protested, disagreeing.

"Falling at first sight is not there, dear. People who say that are actually mistaken for their feelings. They think it's love, when in fact it's lust."

I didn't experience it, so couldn't judge whether Alan's words were right or wrong. But I think his words have a point too. It doesn't make sense that someone could fall in love immediately when they first meet, if amazed maybe yes. I believe more in the Javanese proverb that I have ever read. The proverb reads 'witing tresno jalaran soko kulino' which means love comes because of frequent meetings or the onset of love because it is accustomed. I don't know which is the more precise meaning of the saying, is it the first sentence or the second? but it means less like that.

"What about the second question? What made you fall in love with me?" ask again.

Alan shook his head. "That's not me knowing either."

I took off his embrace. Sit up straight and turn your body facing him. "Everyone doesn't know, are you sure that you really love me?"

"Of course."

I'm still staring at him. Keep an eye on every movement and look in his eyes. Hope to find something. But his reaction hasn't changed. He remained calm, not avoiding eye contact with me at all. Even his voice sounded stable. It indicates that he is not lying, he means what he says. Even so I still can't believe it.

"What makes you so sure? and you have no reason" I asked.

"Does love need a reason?" Alan asked back.

I was silent, not knowing what to say. I don't think of any reason to love someone. I just know I like it.

"There's no reason to like you, Alea. I just follow my heart saying that I love you and want you."

"But I need a reason to make sure what you're feeling for me. Whether you really love me or not."

"So..did you doubt my love?" ask Alan. His eyes were sending disappointment.

I looked away, avoiding the glare of his sharp eyes.

"Is this why you didn't immediately accept my proposal? You think I'm just messing with you?" ask again. This time I sound angry.

I looked down, not daring to look at him. For a moment, the atmosphere became silent. We both fell silent.

Alan grabbed both of my drooping palms. Grasping and rubbing his back with his thumb. "Trust me, Alea. I'm serious about everything I've ever told you."

"I'm scared, Al..," I said, still down. Staring at the palms of our hands that were clinging to each other.

His grip slipped off, he moved his hand to his chin and raised it, forcing me to turn back who was looking at him. At that moment he looked at me with a stern look. "What are you afraid of? There's nothing to be afraid of, Alea."

"I'm afraid you're wrong with how you feel, Al. What if you don't really love me? I'm afraid you'll leave after realizing your true feelings."

"I'm not leaving" he said, shaking his head. "I'm so sure of how I feel about you, it's not wrong. I really like you, I want you, Alea."

I was silent, not knowing what to say. The betrayals and false promises I once received made it hard to trust the words of others again. I'm afraid Alan's as disappointing as Kevin's. When I loved her, she suddenly left.

"It's okay even though right now you still doubt my love. Even if you don't have any feelings for me yet, it doesn't matter."

I was struck by his last sentence. That's not true. I think I'm starting to like it, a little bit. I kept quiet and kept listening.

"There's still plenty of time to make you fall in love with me. I'll prove how serious I am to you. So, just wait, Alea. I'll call everything you got. Your soul, body and heart. It will all be mine someday. No, not someday, but soon.

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