SHE'S YOUR MOTHER, NOT MY WIFE.
THE RESTRAINED SCREAM

"What's my son's fault? He's not a dissident child, he's never hurt my heart. Then why did she have to suffer such a fate, this!." Mama Sarina's crying voice was clearly in my ear. His words of regret pierced my heart.

"Why would God give this kind of life to my son, Reza."

'Mama, I'm sorry. I'd love to hold you.' With all my remaining energy I try to move my hand, but instead of moving. Not even shifting.

"A happy marriage is destroyed instantly because of this woman before me, on the grounds of loving each other I respect their relationship. But why, now it has to be like this? I'm sincere about their relationship, isn't the parents' blessing the most important." sobbing.

"What is this sin of sin that we have to face because it has hurt such a good woman, even hurt my own granddaughter. In a way that all our sins may be forgiven. Omah's call, I can't hear from my grandson Edward's mouth. Even to wish I was afraid, ashamed of my past actions. Now, he's the hope at the end of my age. Can you let her be born with me, Lord?." Gently stroked my stomach. Tears through my clothes.

Though there were no words to blame me, but I knew Mama regretted blessing our relationship. 'Ma. I promise, I will try to give you a grandchild in lieu of a grandchild whom I willfully separate from you. I will try as hard and hard as I can to keep the rest of my life. I'm sorry, Ma. Making your heart hurt, I have failed to be a good daughter-in-law to you. Thank you for accepting me as your daughter-in-law.'

"Clara, can you hold on? To have my grandson born healthy and safe. I promise to take good care of her. But I also hope you are healthy and safe soon. Don't make Reza feel lost again, you have to promise me, Clara." Mama kissed my forehead.

Mama left the room, today I'm in the middle of the room taking turns. This morning there was Mikola and Freddy, after Mama Sarina. Where is Mas Reza? He had not heard his voice all day, was he busy at the office? Yes naturally, all this time he was busy with my situation.

CREK ...

Who's coming in now? Reza Mas?

"How are you, Clara?."

"Is it not enough for you to ruin my son's life, Clara? Now you're lying here messing things up. Mind-blowing, Reza. Crush her heart, keep everyone busy with you. You separated Reza from her son, my grandson. You also lied to us about Mikola. Now you keep busy everyone who's been busy with his life."

I don't deserve to be hurt, because Abraham's words are true. But I can't accept that all the mistakes are being done to me. Why am I the only one wrong ? Why only women are considered household destroyers ? Instead of cheating partners are men and women, why should women be blamed. If the man does not want to, then it does not happen.

'Om, I know my mistake, but don't just blame me.'

"If you want to die, just die. Don't bother everyone. You are shameless and do not know yourself. Look at Bella, the woman you destroyed. He's the one who helped you a few times, if it was me. Let alone helping, seeing is no longer acceptable. Women have no self-respect, do not deserve to be my son-in-law. From the very beginning you approached my son, I knew your foul wits. I don't need a grandchild from you, Clara. I don't want any of my descendants to become rioters like their mothers. If it is not strong, go. Don't make new trouble in my life, I'm too tired to see this drama."

'true, Om. I'm shameless, I don't know myself. I don't have a face, I don't deserve to be a mother. Isn't that right, Om?. Hate that's what Om is to me. I'm not the third person in your relationship, Om. But Bella who arrived became his wife. I've been dating for five years, Om. I know first, Reza.' my screams in my heart. I want to make a loud and loud voice. But damn it I can't do.

From the beginning Abraham did not like me. Even when we were dating, Abraham always ignored me. He never looked at me or was friendly to me. His cold and cold attitude I take as normal, but it turns out that his dislike for me is deep. I am not from a distinguished family like him and it was true that my goal was to get Reza for his property. But as time went on, I really loved Reza, especially after I found out Reza was married to a woman with no clear family. Why is she blessed when I am not!!! Before I knew it, it turned out that Bella was the daughter of a wealthy businessman. It burns my heart, it justifies all means to destroy them. But I didn't think it was that easy. So don't blame me, Om. Blame their not-so-powerful relationship, blame their uniting love.'

'Um, could you give me one chance in my eyes to be a good human being. I want to give birth to this child, Om. Let me try with all my might to keep the rest of my life for my son. If Om doesn't want it, I'll find someone willing to take care of him. I don't deserve to be a mother, I'm not this good. But I promise you, my son will be a good boy. He will be taken care of by people who really love him sincerely.'

Your words are painful for a dying patient. Not only did it hurt my heart, but it also broke my spirit. He also cursed my unborn child. What is the difference between Om and myself?

I'm the helpless one, I can only cry without a sound. Dear God, please let me make a sound when someone comes. I have something to tell him. Give me a chance to apologize to him and end this. It's late, but I hope it's still there. I kept screaming in my heart, hoping for a sound to come out of my throat.