The Untold Story
Who, Like What, and How?

*Sternenlicht, Geneva waters: 2003*

All night until morning almost picked up at that time, I could not close my eyes again. A lot of things go through my mind. About last night's dream, about the opera maestro's story, about what's going to happen tomorrow, all of them were dipper together trying to influence my mind, until I lost the ability to fall asleep.

My mind wandered, with my eyes still awake, staring at a man who was sleeping while holding me tightly. His hand held my whole body perfectly until we were so attached. The roar of his breath, his heartbeat was even so clearly heard in my ears.

In the meantime, I deliberately set my eyes free for every inch of every inch of every inch of every inch, corner after corner, even side by side that was on his face. The face that has been with me for a while now. The face that slowly filled my day filled my night dreams, and at some point was able to fly my daydreams into the clouds like now.

At the same time, a big question came up on the sidelines of the daydream... Can I go through my days without his presence? Can I separate from him? His touch, his embrace, was I able to let all of that evaporate from my side?

Is.... Is the existence of Indra able to replace all these memories? Is Indra's love worth more than what Aditya and I have shared?

"The heart of man is as big as the ocean, B! I just don't want you to get lost in your own feelings" the memory of Aditya's words in the dream re-crossed my consciousness.

Although the words are not real, the dream seemed to warn me. And for some reason, even though I realized that all this was just a flower from my sleep, it seemed that my heart received it like a real gesture.

Adityas... It is still clearly illustrated in this memory what his face and voice looked like when saying that sentence in a dream. His voice was deep and soft, the eyes were sad and full of pain. The expression I often find when he secretly steals my views and mentions 'my lover'. An expression that implied that he was so tormented.

Maybe his mind was so selfish, wanting to have me for himself. However, his heart... He could not deceive his heart when he realized that the woman who had become his wife still shared his feelings with others and then got lost in his own love game.

Yes, many people lose their way when going down the path of love. Many people do not understand what their heart really wants. That's why he brought me to this land so that I could define with certainty what my heart really wanted.

Although some of the time I spent with Aditya seemed to be able to make me forget about Indra, but is something I understand as 'forgetful' eternal? Or did it just last a while?

And at this time... In the vast ocean of my heart, do I still keep the name Indra there? Or did Aditya conquer the ocean?

If only a sign had been given to me to answer all these questions. Suppose that...

I kept staring at the face of the man who was still my husband and I found that handsome face looks restless now. Several times he even frowned.

Is Aditya having a nightmare? Or does he feel what I feel? Is he as restless as I am that even though he sleeps in his quarrels, the turmoil continues to follow him?

I ventured to touch her forehead hoping she wouldn't be disturbed. With tenderness, I rubbed Aditya's forehead until gradually the man's expression turned normal again.

My heart warmed as soon as I realized something. How big was my role, until the nightmare died down because of my touch?Gradually the question is getting longer and more developed into a lot and disturbing. I was getting tired of thinking I finally tried to close my eyes.

That night, on a yacht called sternenlicht, a yacht was floating on the cold surface of Geneva, under the glare of the full moonlight that seemed reluctant to leave the horizon of a land rich in milk and honey, I finally gave up on continuing to dissolve in my mind.

In the end, I could only hang my heart together with the questions that came with it. I left them hoping that tomorrow would provide answers and luck for my love story.

And before the sunlight returns to pick up the day, through these remaining pieces of time, allow me to enjoy what is now before me and embrace me with compassion and tenderness... Let me drown in the arms of a Prajadiwangsa Aditya Banyu Wardhana, the man who loves me in his silence...

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*Hotel De La Paix, Geneve: 2003, the next day.*

"Are you ready, B?" Aditya asked me, as he had just entered our room. The man had gone outside to give the car keys to the vallet officer, because he did not want to make me wait in the lobby too long later.

I did not reply to his words directly. I just stared at a face that implied a sad feeling and was disguised by a little makeup from behind the mirror reflection. And unfortunately... It was my own face.

The minimal sleep apparently made my aura a little gloomy. Ah, No! That's not the real cause. The feeling of anxiety and worry that has been raining since yesterday is what makes me not glow today. Fortunately, the makeup polish, neatly tied hair, and white dress I wear can slightly disguise everything.

Unlike me, the man even looks tens of times more handsome and handsome in his expensive suit. His physique was so perfect, and I was more and more convinced that his heart was just as perfect.

Now, I also understand the meaning of a phrase that says that the best makeup that can be pinned on a human face is sincerity. Yes, Aditya's love and sincerity makes him perfect.

"You look so pretty. As always," said the man back though never got a reply from me. He is now standing behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. Our eyes then looked at the reflection of the mirror in front of us.

"You'll see him in a minute. Are you ready?" Aditya asked once again gently and sincerely.

I'm still silent. I was honestly confused to answer that question. I was even thinking, has this man standing behind me really given me up, so he is so strong? I was so influenced by this thought that I returned the question to her.

"Is this what you want, Aditya?" I asked him once again. I just wanted to see if he was really ready to let me go if my heart changed course when I found Indra there.

The man smiled back. He then rubbed my cheek gently.

"I just want you to be happy, B. With the.... Or without me," he said slowly as my eyes unceasingly stared at the look in his eyes. A hint of sadness was seen there as he said the word 'without me', but the sincerity closed everything again.

I don't know why my heart ached when I heard her words. What about his happiness?

"After all I am quite handsome. I'm sure there'll be a lot of women in line if you pick that guy. At least I can be a hot widower like those sneaky stories that circulate on the internet." Aditya was trying to make a joke that felt bland in my ear. And it seemed like he realized it when I could only lower my head. Anyone should feel lucky to be in my current position, but I felt even more burdened when I saw him trying to be okay for my sake.

"Not funny?" The man held his nape while smiling shyly. He even felt a little guilty because he saw my increasingly sad gaze due to his words. Not long after, Aditya took a deep breath and exhaled violently.

"Hey, B! Listen to..." He turned my body and now we are standing face to face with my head bowed to avoid his gaze. The man then touched my chin and pointed parallel to his face, so that our eyes met directly.

"It is time for you to find happiness. You have given up a lot in this life. Don't sacrifice anymore! I will support whatever your decision is." Aditya then hugged me tightly. A hug that gives strength.

I'm getting moved. My tears just came out in his arms.

"I.. I really don't know, how to thank you," I replied while replying.

The man then loosened his arms. Now he's taking a little distance, maybe so he can look at me more clearly.

"Blessed! That's the only way," he said again with gentleness.

This time I did not answer. Silence enveloped the two of us for a while after his words. In the time lag that exists, we then choose to look at each other, dissolving in the bias of a deep look in the eye.

The two of us still looked at each other with feelings until the ringing of Aditya's mobile phone sounded. The ring signaled that a message was coming in.

"It looks like our car is ready. You and I better hurry, hmm?" Aditya said as if he understood the contents of the message in the phone without the need to read the message.

"We can go... Now," I said, turning my face away. To be honest, there was a sense of doubt that was getting more and more bothering me to continue all this. However, I knew that I had to keep going in order to get an answer to the will of my heart and complete this heart game.

In the end, we both walked to the lobby. As Aditya said, a car that would take us was waiting there. Yes, soon Aditya will spur the car to travel which will either be the beginning or the end of our togetherness. The journey that might feel very long and heavy for me to go through, because after all there will be a heart that is hurt because of my decision later. And unfortunately, until this second, I did not know for sure who, what and how.

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Happy reading!