Beautiful Monster
Why do you think?

"Thank you for the walk today, Rajendra. You don't want to go in for a second? We can split the cake inside." I don't know how many times Ignacia wanted her lover to come in and share the cake they made earlier. It just so happened that both of Ignacia's parents were out to buy the pot before the store closed.

As hard as Ignacia pleads, Rajendra still does not want to share the cake. "It's your birthday cake, so just for you. Eat with your family. Think of it as a gift from me." Rajendra's overly soft words rattled Ignacia. A code for her to stop forcing her man.

"Thank you for everything you did for me today, Rajendra. I like it so much." A gift was given to Ignacia through a brief kiss on Rajendra's cold cheek, "Call me when you get home. Be careful on the road."

Rajendra nodded obediently. Still with his position on a motorcycle, the tall man waltzed away from his lover's house. Disappeared in the corner until the sound of the engine motor is no longer heard.

While Ignacia was still faithfully standing in place earlier talking to Rajendra, staring at the nanar Rajendra's departure which felt a bit stifling. The two had just separated, but the pain had already come to Ignacia alone. His heart is wounded knowing Rajendra will not leave him.

"What's wrong with me?" gusar the girl. He moved towards the fence and entered the house that seemed empty. Athira and his two sisters must be busy with their respective activities in the other room. No one welcomed Ignacia with a birthday cake in her hand.

In silence, Ignacia stepped into the kitchen, intent on putting the cake to eat tomorrow with the rest of the family. On his way out of the kitchen, something pierced Ignacia's chest making it difficult to breathe. What other madness is coming to Ignacia tonight? Isn't that childish enough?

Ignacia tries to catch her breath. Pulling and expelling air through the nose and mouth for better breathing. Tears suddenly descended profusely past the girl's smooth cheeks. Her legs were sagging, Ignacia sitting on the cold kitchen floor. His empty gaze he lay on the floor before him was still with tears that continued to blur his gaze.

The girl's body trembled, her hands were not even able to maintain a fist. "What's wrong with me?" Clear details descending from both of Ignacia's eyelids wet the floor below. The more Ignacia tried to hold back, the more they fell uncontrollably.

With a remnant of energy, Ignacia tried to gently wipe her tears. Hoping for her senses to stop before her father and mother return. He also had to go to the room immediately to clean himself up. Don't let his three sisters see himself so pitiful here.

"Ignacia, you're all grown up, you shouldn't want to be the center of Rajendra's attention. You should be able to find your own pleasure. Isn't there enough of a shelf full of books to make you forget the facts? You're an adult, Ignacia. You shouldn't be disappointed when you're left out for activities. You've been-"

Ignacia was unable to continue her sentence. "If I'm an adult, why shouldn't I be disappointed when I know I'll be left behind for a long time? His world isn't just about me, why does he make me lonely? Why does it seem to leave when we're not together?"

The sound of hasty footsteps was heard by Ignacia. Existence is discovered by someone, followed by other small footsteps. Ignacia felt very miserable for performing badly in front of them. "Why do you think, Athira? People who always want to get a companion figure in their lives do not deserve to feel disappointed when abandoned?"

Ignacia's eldest sister panicked when she met her brother's eyes. Her sister's pretty face turned wet, the water of her excited face this morning vanished without a trace. All sorts of questions Athira asked because Ignacia did not answer at all. Ignacia's tongue is clouded, her mind is flying. Rafka and Arvin are confused. Don't know what to do.

Athira asked her sisters to open the door to her sister's room and get a glass of water to take there. After the departure of the two, there was only Athira and Ignacia in a long silence.

Ignacia was down, her tears had stopped without being asked. His heart felt calmer. His bad feelings disappeared in an instant like magic. Along with that his trembling body felt tired. Athira noticed the change in her brother's shoulder and immediately carried her brother into her arms. Athira patted her brother's back softly soothing intent while whispering a sedative sentence.

"What's going on? Why are you sitting on the floor? You can tell me everything."

"I feel guilty for Rajendra. Pity him for not being able to finish his own world because of feeling guilty. He said he regretted making me fall behind. I can't be a good woman."

Athira shook her head, "Sister is the greatest woman. Every fight, brother never asked for a break up from Kak Rajendra and continued to fight together. Rajendra didn't mean to make my sister feel bad. Rajendra's brother must be just apologizing to brother."

There was no intention in Ignacia to return his sister's embrace. He was busy trying to understand what Athira was trying to convey. "You think I'm still immature, Athira? I can't even control my emotions and be disappointed like a child."

Athira was unable to answer. His sister would not have heard him if he said something that was the opposite of what he said. The important thing now was to restore her brother's consciousness and assume none of this had ever happened.

"Rajendra said something to me" Ignacia said on the sidelines of her sister's paper. "He said that we would rarely communicate after this. He said his education would be solid. And if he gets a full-time job anytime soon, Rajendra's worried about not being able to see me often."

The younger brother who memapah the older brother tried to digest everything that had just happened. If what his brother said earlier is in accordance with the sentence of Kak Rajendra, it means that his brother's hatred about being left alone must arise because of it. Rajendra had unknowingly ignited his brother's patience axis until it exploded.

...*****...

"How was the date?" Rajendra's mother was waiting by the door. Folding his hands in front of his chest and seeing his kasmaran son park his motorcycle. "Why does it look so sad? Did something happen to Ignacia? You guys are okay, right?" Rajendra looked at his mother for a few seconds without speaking. I don't know if he should tell me or not.

Even inside the house, Rajendra still refused to talk. The mother followed her youngest child to her room. Rajendra still doesn't want to say anything. His mother gave up, maybe he should not know the problem between Rajendra and the daughter who had captured his son's heart. Or maybe Rajendra isn't ready to say it.

Rajendra's mother turned to the kitchen. Continue the activity of peeling onions to make food that can be warmed as breakfast tomorrow. It was only when the woman got up from her seat and was about to remove the onion skin trash, that Rajendra appeared with a serious face.

His mother who heard the unclear question also stopped from his activities. He looked at the child's face, asking the meaning of the question. From the look in Rajendra's eyes, this woman felt that something was wrong with her son.

"Sit down, let's talk about it" the mother asked calmly.

...*****...

Athira accidentally meets her father and mother when she comes out of her brother's room. Closed the door of the sister's room before answering her mother's question. "Yes, my sister is now resting. Better not to see her tonight. Brother's not okay." Her mother was confused by what her son had just said.

Seeing her mother need more information, Athira also invited her mother to sit on the front page. His father who was moving the new pot to the back did not need to listen. Before speaking, Athira made sure that her father would not accidentally hear.

"Sir Ignacia is sad because she said Rajendra will be difficult to send news or meet him. I don't know what Rajendra's been doing all this time, but I think Rajendra's made you feel lonely again, Ma." The mother frowned, trying to translate Athira's speech into a language that was easier to understand.

"I saw my sister sitting on the kitchen floor crying for fear that Rajendra would be busy and not have time for her. I'm afraid I won't be seen again." Darisana, her mother is starting to understand. Her daughter is worried that the person she cares about should go out into the world alone and leave her behind.

Ignacia's mother's memory returns when their first child cries when her parents are returning home from work. Ignacia was five years old. Both her parents had to work while Ignacia stayed home with a neighbor to look after.

Little Ignacia ran towards her parents crying, saying that she was scared because her mother and father were not home for her. His parents said nothing to Ignacia other than when he woke up and was going to sleep at night. Her parents' time was too little that Ignacia feared her parents would not return.

The cry of little Ignacia made her father's mother sad. They had no choice but to work and chase overtime for extra money. Unstable economic conditions make both of them have to continue to repeat the day by leaving early in the morning and returning home at night.

Ignacia's age grew by a year. Little Ignacia was still crying because her parents went to work. Little Athira was already able to accompany Ignacia who was guarded by their neighbors. But what Ignacia wanted was not the existence of a sister. Every time I went home from school, Ignacia would wait for the presence of their parents at the door.

Soon Ignacia had given up waiting for her parents to return. Little Ignacia no longer cried when her parents could not go home before she went to sleep. The presence of Athira, Rafka, as well as Arvin did not bring any influence to Ignacia. He still feels alone.

Then when Arvin had an accident to break a bone, then the mother saw the change of her daughter. Ignacia who had difficulty expressing feelings towards those around her began to soften. Coupled with the presence of Rajendra, her daughter felt more loved.

Athira let out a long breath, ending the flashback of the mama's memory. "Why do you think you feel so sad when you're left behind? I sent a message with Nesya a few times. Sister Nesya said if there is one good friend to big brother. Even this friend is always there for sister even if it is not needed too much."

"Why do you think only Rajendra can make you feel unloved when there are still good people next to him?" Athira didn't really say it. It was just that she felt useless again for letting her brother be unhappy.

"At home there is me, in the dormitory there is a friend, then why is it that you are still sad if Rajendra does not have enough time to pay attention? I mean you could've been looking for an escape other than all the novels she'd read."

His mother tried to reach the second child's shoulder, as if channeling strength. "You know how your brother likes Rajendra so much? He is a good man and also attentive. They may have different likes, but those differences are what keep your brother with him. Rajendra loves your brother in his own way."

"Sister Rajendra must be the one your brother wanted. So he always wanted Rajendra to be next to him. Your brother will feel lost when the person he wants there cannot attend. Already, don't think negatively about your brother."

Amidst the chatter, there was a newcomer who happened to join uninvited. All the man found was a long silence between his wife and his second child. After finding that there was nothing she needed to know, Ignacia's father walked out of the door frame.

Ignacia's father had to pass through her first child's room to be able to go to her own room. There was no sound from the room that said the owner had gone home. The father's heart felt heavy to go. Interrupting her son who just came home from playing with her friend is also not a good idea.

Before going to the room, there was cold water that he wanted to take from the refrigerator. And one thing that caught his attention was a medium-sized cake that had a dominant color of black and white. The feeling of this cake did not exist before he left with his wife looking for the pot earlier.

"Ignacia brought this?" muttered Ignacia's father. Now he wonders what activities his daughter does all day with someone. Why can there be a cake with a garnish on it?

Athira and her mother found their father standing in front of a refrigerator whose door was open without doing anything. Just staring at something inside. Without making a sound, the two walked closer to the refrigerator. Netra both immediately caught the existence of the cake that Ignacia was most likely to bring.

Athira was curious how her sister could get this cake, whether from her lover or not. While her mother thought if maybe Ignacia deliberately bought a cake with her own money because her birthday yesterday was not celebrated by eating together.

"What are you doing?" Arvin who happened to pass by so curious about the activities of his family in front of the refrigerator. Immediately he called Rafka after seeing that there was a cake in the refrigerator.