Before Divorce
Chapter 5 - PoV Willy

Alex walked up to my desk and looked at me sharply. Yeah, I know if he wants to talk to me a lot, but he respects our friendship, so he just keeps quiet and clenches his hands.

At night when I came home, I found my house pitch dark. I opened the door of the house that was still locked.

"She, why aren't the lights on?"

My reflexes were stunned because there was no one in my house.

This house feels quiet. There's no touching a woman's hand here.

I cleaned myself and cooked dinner myself. Yes, I have to get used to living without Shiena.

Next week our divorce hearing will be held. After returning from my father-in-law's house, I got the lawsuit letter already signed by Shiena.

I've been living alone for a week. Yeah, it's been a week since Shiena left my life.

I am living alone as before. No family or friends will accompany you. Alex started avoiding me. He's still pissed at me.

That morning I got a call from the hospital where my mother was being treated. Ever since my father left us, my mother's condition has been unstable. He had to stay in a mental hospital.

I visit with Shiena every once in a while. But today I visited my mother alone.

"Where's Shiena?"

Mother's condition improved after meeting Shiena. My mother recognized me as her son. Not like I used to think that I was a father.

"Where is Shiena, Willy?"

Mother asked back. My tongue. I can't possibly hurt Mom.

My God, why don't I remember if there's a mother who needs Shiena? Why am I selfish thinking about myself?

"Willy, where's Shiena?"

Mom started screaming. The situation is starting to become unstable. Only Shiena can calm Mother down.

I who could not see the condition of mother chose to go from there.

"Mother Esti's condition improves if there's Shiena here. Why didn't Mr Willy come with Shiena today?" ask the nurse.

I just lowered my head. "I'm sorry, Sister. It's best from now on that you can overcome mother without Shiena's help. Excuse me!"

I'm sure Sister Ira was stunned to hear my words. How can I let my mother's condition get worse? I'm not a good boy, I'm sorry, Mom...

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That morning I woke up to feel next to my bed to look for Shiena.

"She, are you awake? She?"

I blinked my eyes. I looked at the empty room beside me. There's no one there.

"She... Are you really not coming back?"

I stared at the pillow shiena used to use. Still smelled of his left behind.

This room, be a silent witness if we spend time here. Tell each other, complain, and give each other solutions.

Now there's no more of us. There is only me. I am the one alone...

My phone is ringing quite loud. I grabbed it on the nightstand. Call from the hospital.

I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. Sister Ira said my mother was raging again. He's looking for Shiena.

My God, why should I look for Shiena at this time? Is it possible that a mother's premonition is never wrong? Mom must have felt that I wasn't doing well with Shiena.

I saw the appalling condition of my mother. Mom screamed and thrashed. A couple of nurses came to help Sister Ira.

While I can only stand by watching my mother again being given drugs. I shook weakly. I'm no longer strong enough to see Mom's suffering.

I ran to the hospital parking lot and drove my car at a fairly high speed.

"I want us back to what we used to be, She! I want to go back... I want you to come back to me, She..."

My thoughts continued to be on Shiena.

"Please come back to me, She. I promise I'll fix everything. I-i promise. If I can repeat time, then I will do better for our relationship. I promise..."

Suddenly a white light came from the front of the car. The light was so blinding to my eyes that I had to shut up and cover my face with one hand.

"Shyena.... I'm sorry..."

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The sound of a ceramic cutting machine sounds earthy. I hate this mood. An unpleasant atmosphere while I was still struggling to survive.

The dug dug dug dug

The sound of the door knocking forced me to wake up from my bed.

I looked for a wall clock that wasn't in my room.

It's strange!

Since when was there no wall clock in my room? Wasn't Shiena the one who arranged the interior of our room?

HUH UH?!

Where'sme? What is this place? I have come to my full consciousness and know that this is not my room and Shiena's.

The dug dug dug dug

The door is getting louder.

"Mas Willy! This is Siti, Yem's son. Please open the door, Mum!"

I saw my appearance that looked chaotic after waking up. I came out of my room and...

No way! This is my old room!

How can I be here?

"Mas Willy!"

The voice called me louder. Exceeding the rigors of ceramic cutting machines that are still unpretentious.

I adjusted my appearance before opening the door.

"Well! Finally, Willy opened the door. Huh!"

The young girl in front of me handed me a plastic bag that I could guess was a vegetable pouch.

"Hehe, sorry for so long. Thanks to Siti."

"Yes alike. Pay later all Mas Willy go to the office."

I went back inside the house. The little house that bears a silent witness to my journey.

Waitaminute! But how am I supposed to be here? Wasn't that...

I stared at the vegetable barn that was still in the plastic bag. Mbok Yem Warung was my regular shop when I was in college and worked at Shiena's father's company.

I ran into the bathroom and looked at myself in the sink mirror.

"No way! Did I go back to a time when I hadn't met Shiena?"

I ran back to find a phone or calendar that I could use to wake me up.

"In 2012?" I shook my head strongly. I looked at my calendar and my phone.

"Is this real?" I slapped my own face.

"Aw, sick!" I rubbed my cheek. I'm not dreaming!

I really came back to fix things. Shiena, I'm repeating the time to fix everything.

I smiled broadly. I even laughed out loud in the face of this seemingly impossible reality.

Cellphone's ringing. A message came in from Shandy.

"Shandy? So, I'm back in time where Shandy was alive."

I went back to comment on the smile because it was ordered that Shandy invited me to the company's birthday party. The event where I first ventured to meet Shiena in person.

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That night I searched for Shiena's whereabouts at the party. I went around and remembered exactly where I met Shiena.

"Surprisingly, why isn't he anywhere?"

"If our meeting only leaves a farewell, then we should not have to meet! I will pray to the universe that I will never be reunited with you!"

I remember the sentence Shiena said that night. Could it be that Shiena also repeated the time like I experienced and she changed destiny by avoiding meeting with me?

I looked up at the night sky and cursed everything. Can't I change our destiny, Shie?

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(Willy Pramudya, 22 years old)

(Shiena Larasati, 19)