I Don'T Want To Be Cinderella #1
11. Miss You So Bad

Miss you so bad

These few days I have completely avoided the Boss. Every time I meet at the office as much as I can avoid it, I turn my phone off. I told Mamah and Oka that my phone was in service, except of course Siska who knew my plan.

Not without reason I do that, but I really need to do it to believe my heart.

My age is now on the number 25, which means I have started to have to be serious in finding a partner, not just in a relationship to get ‘dating’ status like a teenager. But I am really looking for a person who will be a companion for life, a person who will be my priest, who will be responsible for my world and the hereafter.

“Why are you, Na? Lately Mamah often sees you daydreaming.”

Right now Mama and I are on the terrace enjoying an afternoon on my day off while watering the plants.

“Nothing, Mah.” I took a heavy breath while continuing to water the supplir and keladi trees.

I think Mamah glanced at me before returning to watering the red betel tree that was creeping in a pot attached to the wall of the house along with some other vines.

“Can you decide where you want to go with Caraka?” I looked at the surprised Mamah who was now looking back at me with a smile. “Mamah accidentally listened to you and Siska a few days ago.”

I took a deep breath and sat down on the plastic chair on the porch.

“Kirana ... Fear, Mah.” Mom is sitting next to me. “If Kirana is determined to be in a relationship with Caraka, Kirana is afraid that this relationship will fail, and ....” must fail.

“Hush! can not precede destiny,” said Mamah while looking at me. “Nothing is certain .. we don't know what will happen in the future. Who knows soul mate with death is only God, we follow fate brings us where.”

“Kirana knows, Mah, it's just .. Kirana is scared. Kirana's age is now 25 if this relationship fails, Kirana is afraid if Kirana can still rise and return to trust love?”

“The fool has already arranged, Na, we do not know whether you are indeed a match for him or not. We don't know that, Na, but definitely don't be sorry.” I looked at Mamah who was still looking at me softly as usual. “Are you afraid that your relationship fails like Mamah?”

Being a witness to the destruction of my parents' household, I have a little share in my current situation that is always full of fear when wanting to establish a relationship with a man.

“Mamah's house did fail, but Mamah has no regrets. At least Mamah has struggled to maintain the love of Mamah.” Mom smiled with eyes before she looked at me. “And because of that short wedding Mamah has you, Bi, also Oka, so .. can't you Mamah have to regret?”

I smiled while holding Mom's hand.

“Remember, Na, the soul mate has already arranged .. if you are a match even though his family or even the whole world is against you, but if he is a match you will not be able to prevent him. And vice versa no matter how hard you try to maintain your relationship, but it turns out not match until the end, then there is nothing you can do but accept the decree.”

Mamah was now looking ahead looking laughable as she said again,

“Like Mom and your father .. we have both tried, but our soul mate turned out not to be the end, then there is nothing we can do. At least we've tried our hardest to keep him, so there's never any regrets.”

Mom looked back at me and smiled.

“So Mamah also does not want you to regret .. at least you have to fight first do not immediately give up, with that there will be no regrets in the future. Even if you split up all you have to remember is that it happened by the will of God and believe that it is best for you, so you can get back up.”

Hearing Mama's words made my mind a little calm. What Mamah said was true, all was arranged. But …

“It's not that easy, Mah, because .. Caraka already has a potential fiancee. She's been betrothed by her parents.”

Mamah seemed surprised to hear one of the main reasons why I hesitated to get into a relationship with Caraka.

“If she were really alone, maybe Kirana would be a little desperate to get into a relationship with her even though she would definitely get a hurdle from her family. But she has already been betrothed and may be getting engaged soon, so it feels like it would be a waste if Kirana still decides to have a relationship with her.”

Mama was silent for a while before she finally said,

“Mamah doesn't want to tell you to give up, but this time it looks like Mamah has to do that.” I looked at Mamah who was seriously looking at me making me nod understand, “Being the third person in a relationship, whatever the reason is still it is wrong.”

“Kirana knows, Mah ... Kirana has been trying to keep Kirana's relationship with Caraka only limited to superiors and subordinates, or. But Kirana also realizes that our feelings cross the friendship line, which is why Kirana avoids them so that we can both rethink our feelings.”

Mamah looked at me with a smile then said, “Sayang even though she is the ideal daughter-in-law.”

I laughed at Mamah's words.

“Just relax, Mah, Kirana will be looking for an Arab Prince to be Mamah's daughter-in-law.”

“Ah, don't be that rich .. cringe.”

“Hahaha, yes yes.”

“Prince Brunei alone is enough.”

“Hahaha, ready!”

Mamahku was amazing even though he failed in the household at a young age, but Mamah managed to raise two children and it was not easy. I don't know the reason why Mamah never wanted to get married again, maybe because Mamah still can't forget Dad.

“Na.” I looked at Mamah who was smiling again as she said, “You better not avoid Caraka, according to Mamah you better talk to both of you. You are both adults, and already know what is best for both of you .. so you should contact Caraka, and talk about this issue.”

What Mamah was talking about was true, it was time for us to talk, but it was not that easy. It had been more than an hour that I stared at my phone before I finally took a deep breath, gathering all the courage to turn on the phone that immediately sounded the notification of hundreds of messages and missed calls coming in the ocean, he said, and almost all of the Boss.

Boss: You avoiding me?

Boss Sir: Ko, is his HP inactive?

Boss Sir: You really avoid me?

Boss Sir: Na .. You need time to think things through?

Boss Sir: Okay, I'll give you some time but don't take it long.

Boss : Na ... Didn't think?

Mr. Boss: Na .. aktifin hp nya dong.

Mr. Boss: Na .. don't be long dong, I miss.

Boss Sir: Na ... do we eat meatballs yuk?

Mr. Boss: Na .. said he wants to eat timbel rice, we eat timbel rice in Ragunan yuk?

Boss Sir: Na .. kangen …

Boss Sir: Na .. Kirana Az Zahra, I miss…

I didn't finish reading all the messages, my phone rang, and it was from the boss. I re-adjusted my breath before raising the call.

“Wa’alaikumsalam, finally, active as well,” he said as soon as I said hello, “hmmm .. had thought?”

“Already.”

“So?”

“We have to talk.”

“OK, I'm already in front of the house.”

“What?” I immediately stepped forward and sure enough the Boss' car was parked sweetly there. I saw the Boss walking over with an expanding smile, his eyes looking at me who was still staring at him in disbelief.

“Hai, Kiki .. Miss you so bad,” she said right in front of me with our phone still connected, her eyes looking at me gently and I could see the longing there.

Heard her saying that with a soft look of eyes looking at me, making me re-stricken with doubt .. should I again draw the line with our relationship, or .. should I give up and prepare for heartbreak?

*****