I Don'T Want To Be Cinderella #1
40. Randi Prasetyo

Randi Prasetyo

I just finished praying when my room door was knocked by Mamah.

“After going to bed?”

“Not yet, Mah, again want to check fear someone is left behind.”

Mama nodded while walking and sat on the bed.

“Consider that alone, Na?” Mamah pointed at the suitcase with her eyes ready in one corner of my room.

“Yes, Kirana only brought clothes and some important necessities. Kirana section is only three months there, Mah.”

Mamah returned.

“Mama is so sad yes, Na, rich want to be left you married continue to move house.”

“Hahaha, Kirana is not getting married, Mah. Kirana just moved house temporarily, later klaau Kirana kangen Mamah, Kirana returned to Jakarta.” I put the makeup equipment I just bought into the bag to use there.

“Don't, let Mamah go to Surabaya all the same streets Oka.”

“Hahaha, just tell Mamah to take a walk to Surabaya.”

“Kan let me know what Surabaya is like, Na, even though your father is Surabaya, but Mamah has never been there.”

I looked at Mamah then smiled as I closed the bag.

“Na.” Mom called me softly making me look at her. “You think it's time you found out about your father.”

I turned my eyes back to the bag then put it near the suitcase so as not to be left behind.

“Kirana don't need to know about dad, Mah. Kirana only had Mamah and Oka.”

“Can't be like that.”

“If he was Kirana's father, why didn't he ever look for Kirana? Even Oka ... from birth until now does not know what his father is like.”

It's not the first time Mamah has wanted to tell her the real problem of what happened in the past, but I've never been ready to hear it. Bad memories of the last day I saw my father still imprinted on my head, even though the shadow had faded. The wait of little Kirana with every day sitting in front of the window was hoping that father and Bi would come back, but it always ended in disappointment because until almost twenty years ago I never saw them again.

“But now like not to like, you have to find out whereabouts about your father.”

“For what, Mah?” I threw my body on the bed next to Mamah, then sat cross-legged while hugging the pillow facing Mamah. “Maybe dad and Bi are already happy and have a family of their own.”

Mamah looked at me for a moment then clasped my hand while saying,

“Your relationship with Caraka, Mamah look is serious. Your age is also fitting to get married, and you need a guardian to marry you, namely your father.”

“There will be Oka who will be the guardian of Kirana.”

“Na, if your father is still alive, your father is the most entitled to be your guardian.” Mom is now sitting facing me. “You are a child born of a valid marriage in the eyes of law and religion, not a child born outside marriage. And your father is your rightful guardian.”

I knew it, it was just .. The father who had been leaving me all this time, suddenly became a guardian on the most important day of my life. It doesn't seem fair to me. Where has he been all this time? Is there no desire to look for me? Even Oka throughout his life never knew what a father's figure was like.

“After all, he's still your father. When you are getting married later you are obliged to ask for her blessing, asking her to be your guardian. If he refuses, ask him to represent him to Oka.”

I silently bowed, my hands twisting the ends of the pillowcase.

“Your father is actually a good man.” Mom returned to telling stories after being silent for a while. “You remember his name?”

I nodded, how could I forget that every time I needed supporting documents, my father's name was clearly stated on my birth certificate.

Pause for a while before Mamah returns to continue the story as if she is remembering memories of the past.

“We used to be one campus, just different majors. Mamah, majoring in Japanese literature, while your father majored in architecture. When we didn't get to know each other, we just knew each other. Your father was quite handsome and became an idol on campus, while Mamah used to only focus on learning in the hope of graduating quickly and getting a job. And finally Mamah's dream was achieved ... graduated Mamah teaching at JIS (Japan International School), and one day got an offer to study in Japan for a year. It was there that Mamah reunited with your father who was resuming S2 in Japan.”

Mamah's eyes looked bright, throwing them to the past.

“Living in the country of people, makes us dependent on each other and eventually fall in love with each other. Mamah's plan changed which should have been extended for a year because Mamah had an offer to teach there, and Mamah did not want to waste the opportunity. Mom, take that chance. But your grandfather was worried, afraid that we would be happy because after all we both lived alone in a country far from parental supervision, for that reason your grandfather asked the two of us to return home first to Indonesia and get married.”

Mom is getting my focus. For the first time I heard the stories of my parents. Mom looked at me and smiled before continuing her story.

“But baby, we didn't get your father's blessing.”

“Why?"

“Mitos.”

I raised a confused eyebrow.

“Mitos?”

“Iya, Myth. Your father comes from a family quite located ... although not as rich as Caraka.” Smiling makes me smile. “Then. Your grandpa. Is the land owner also has a goat farm in Java, which is still very thick holding custom also myth.”

“Mitos what?”

“Mitos that Javanese men should not marry Sundanese women.”

My eyebrows are getting confused. Mamah does have Sundanese blood, but her Sundanese language is not so fluent because it has long lived in Japan and immediately lived in Jakarta when returning to Indonesia, in addition, from a small Mamah already lives in Bekasi where the daily language there uses Indonesian.

“What's the reason?”

“The name is also a myth, Na, we do not know what the exact reason is. But some people still believe in such things, one of which is your grandfather and grandmother.”

I was silent for that reason.

“Because of that, dad left us? Because myth?”

“No, your father is a desperate. He continued to marry Mamah, and who was a witness on your father's side at that time was his brother, Mas Bayu. Pakdemu. He was very kind, even after getting married when your grandfather stopped all materil support to your father, Mas Bayu secretly always sent us money for your father's unfinished tuition fees, he said, as for daily life it is enough from the monthly salary Mamah.”

“All went well, your father graduated from S2 college and immediately got a job in Japan, no significant difficulties. Our married life was more complete when you were born, and two years later Bi was born. But problems began to arise when your father was exposed to mass PHK at this time, our situation is really difficult just rely on my salary alone, while Mas Bayu can no longer send us money because it has been known their parents.”

“Until one day your father was already feeling really desperate. Ordinary life sufficed from small, but now have to live by depending on the income of the wife to make his ego disturbed, his pride as a man hurt, and his, he feels worthless as a husband and also a father when Mamah has no problem with it, because Mamah thinks that his family name is about supporting each other and trusting each other.”

Mamah sighed heavily as if remembering her quarrels with father.

“In the end your father gave up especially after he found out Mamah would be transferred to Yokohama. Your father was very angry and did not allow us to move to Yokohama, while Mamah was under contract and had to accept the assignment otherwise we would have to pay no small compensation for being considered a breach of the contract, not to mention the risk of getting fired. Your father returned to Indonesia with Bi in a state of anger leaving us.”

I saw Mamah breathing deeply before she said again,

“Mamah still hopes your father will contact Mamah upon his arrival in Indonesia, but during what Mamah waited there was no news from your father, he said, even until we moved to Yokohama and Oka was born, your father never once contacted Mamah. Mom doesn't know where to contact your father first. Communication was not as easy as it is now, it used to rely only on letters or landlines, and Mamah did not know your father's address in Java let alone his home phone number. Every month that Mamah finds is just a transfer that Mamah believes is from your father.”

Mamah fell silent again with a look of laughter, then continued her story in a soft voice.

“Mamah is more waiting for news from your father than a number in the savings book that increases every month.” Mamah sighed with her head bowed before resuming her words, “One day when Oka was exactly a year old Mamah got a call from Indonesia, but not from your father but from your grandfather who told you that your father had filed for divorce.”

My heart really hurt to hear it, I saw Mamah smiling but her eyes still shone with immense pain.

“Do you know that Mom was pregnant when she left?”

“No, even Mamah herself only found out after we moved to Yokohama. Mamah thought it was just a hormone factor due to stress or too tired, until Mamah realized there was a change in the shape of Mamah's body, and it turns out Oka was already in Mamah's stomach.”

Mamah now really smiled sincerely when talking about Oka.

“When Oka was born of course Mamah was happy, because your father was always expecting a boy. I can't wait for Mamah to introduce Oka to your father, hoping that Oka will be the reason for our relationship to be good again. But God has other plans.”

I held the hand of Mama who was smiling at me.

“Your father is actually a good man, and responsible, only his pride as a man is too high. About him divorcing Mamah, maybe it's the best considering we've been separated without news for 2 years. Mamah could understand his decision, because it was not only your father's fault but also Mamah's. We were both stubborn at the time, but at least we had a couple of years of a very nice wedding. Lots of laughter created by your father for Mama, and you .. Your father loves you very much, he always prides you by saying that you are exactly like him.”

I smiled with my throat choked at Mamah's words. Mamah's hand now clasped my hand back and then patted it gently.

“Mamah is very sure, if all this time your father must have missed you very much.”

“If dad misses us, why doesn't he look for us?” Mama looks at me. “Finding us isn't as hard as looking for it. Dad can come to Bekasi ask Grandpa where our address is now, but not right, Mah?”

Mom still remained silent, then nodded.

“Maybe she has another reason, we don't know what happened to her all this time. And don't forget Bi .. Mamah misses him so much, Na. Mamah wants to meet with Bi, at least once before Mamah dies.”

“What are you talking about! Mamah will live a long life until Mamah will see the grandchildren of Mamah from Kirana, Bi, and Oka.”

“Aamiin.” Mom smiled as she held my hand. “So, would you like to find your father and Bi before it gets too late?

I stared silently at Mamah, where her eyes now look expectantly at me. Not wanting to disappoint her I finally nodded, making Mamah's smile rise instantly.

Mamah let go of our hands, she took something from her flower negligee pocket. A picture that has turned yellow.

“You must have forgotten how your father's face.”

I stared at the photo where Mamah was sitting holding a baby, next to her sat a man holding a little girl. I'm.

“That's your father .. Randi Prasetyo.”

Father ... My heart ripples to look at my father's face in an old portrait. Like Mom said, I'm pretty handsome. Now I know from where Oka inherited her good looks, her sharp nose and her sharp eyes have been confirmed to be inherited from her father. I thought I'd recognize him right away when I met him even on the street.

But ... will you recognize me? The daughter he left behind almost twenty years ago?

*****

Note:

Myths about Javanese men who should not marry Sundanese women, it is said to be based on the story of the Bubat war.